why does my dad hate me so much · 9:08pm Sep 3rd, 2014
i didn't do anything to him he just abused me without any reason my hole life and that is the reason im in the hospital. he was suposed to just visit and leave but aparently not we talk for awhile and got into an argument like always and he hit me and just bet me and he brought one of his jackass friends with him and the first thing that came into my mind was ok maby this wont be so bad but it was wors
THEY BOTH FUCKING RAPED ME IM JUST SO ANGRY RIGHT KNOW.
Why is god keeping me alive why doesn't he just let me die why dont i just die you know in fact i came close to death today my heart stopped for about 2 in a half minutes and the worst part about that is Jessie was right there its a good thing the doctors revived me but if i wanted to die it wouldn't be in front of Jessie no way in HELL would i let my self die in front of her the look on her face when i was revived just brought so many tears to my eyes.
But just why....why am i being kept alive they should just turn off my life support and let me die i dont want to live any more i dont want to live unless im just going to go through hell for the rest of my life.
And Dad or other family members im sorry i couldn't be perfect, im sorry i could like guys, im sorry im just your problem.........
im sorry i couldn't be that perfect little girl you wanted me to be...... I'm sorry.
What the heck? They... that's just sick.
Ok... this has gone far enough I think. You guys really need to get away from wherever it is you are.
You don't deserve this! I know that's only wishful thinking... but you can't just take this, did the police at least get the perpetrators?
I'm just sorry... I really wish I knew why these things were happening to you
You really don't deserve any of this... I hope you get better, and I hope you and Jessie can eventually find solace from all the hurt... 
No! You can't die!! Think of everything you'd leave behind... think of Jessie!! And it might be hell, but you'll always have Jessie... isn't it worth it... for her, if nothing else. Just like Dolly and I. She's the one that I'm still living for, just like with you and Jessie. She needs you, Angel. I'm really sorry about what happened with your father, if you even call him that. Have you reported it to the police?
And remember, keep holding on. As long as you have someone that loves you, life is worth living.
Ever heard of police?
I'm sickend. My brain seriously can't process this ... I ... I'm so sorry. I agree with Kes. You guys need to get out and away. As far away as you can get. Tell me you called the cops.
My prayers are with you. I can never say that I understand what you are going through, and it hurts me to know someone is going through this much pain. I can't say things will get better but I can't just not read your words, hear your story and not say something. If there is one thing I have learned through my own hardships, and attempts at suicide, is that feeling alone only compounded the problem and thinking about why people can be so cruel only causes those feelings to fester inside. I ask that you first let go, let go of the anger, the fear and the sad even for a moment and let yourself see things clearer. And then reach out. Find someone, a doctor, a nurse, a friend, someone on here just connect with someone so you know you aren't alone and the world would be a worse place with you, not better. As I said I can't understand what your feeling now, just as you probably couldn't understand how I did. I wanted you know that your not alone in this world. We are all hurt, scarred and scared, but we don't have to be alone we can band together do what we can for each other. My prayers are with for your recovery and that your life turns in some way. I'm not very religious but I remember this verse, I used to say it was bullshit and a lie, but I'd rather believe this lie and than accept the alternative, it helped me, maybe it can help you.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it."
You need to leave and run.
You don't deserve to die Rainbow......
You didn't deserve any of it.
Tell the police... Live with someone else......
You don't deserve it. You are an very kind person.....
I'm so sorry.....
We all wish we could just.... Come over there and help you.
Please..... You got to leave.
I am so sorry to hear this
Kestrel and PlayBitz are right you need to get far away from this
Did you call the police?
Don't talk like that, you have your girlfriend and you have friends here too
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WHY DO YOU THINK I MOVED AWAY FROM FLORIDA THAT'S WHERE I USED TO LIVE
2425199
pleas dont be so rude about it at lest say it where i think your saying it nicely but yes i called the police but knowing my dad he always finds a way out of things and i just dont fell comfortable with Jessie all by herself at home
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i would say this is the worst thing to happen to me ever
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Jessie is strong and independent woman she deserves so much better than me
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I'm sorry... but if trouble is following you, you need to break all ties if possible... I don't mean to say to forget your family, but if they're hurting you, it may be for the best...
Sorry for suggesting something that didn't work...
2425251
no kestrel im sorry i dont know why i ws being mean iv been ackting like this for the hole day i even yealled at one of the nurses and i dont even know why, but whatever it's just wherever i go i always get jinxed i dont know why
No. Never wish for your own death. Even in a life that is hell you must hold on to the things that make you happy. Most importantly, think of Jessie. Don't let the bad things in life hold you down. Your father doesn't appreciate you for who you are. The way he treats you is sickening and despicable and it pains me that people like him exist.
Live so you can be better than him. Live so you can be better than all the people who shun you when they should love you.
I truly hope you find a way to get away from all the terrible things that seem to follow you around. You and Jessie deserve better than this. The cruelest things in life always seem to happen to the nicest people...
We are all thinking of you Angel. We can't physically extend our hands to you and pull you out of your troubles... but know that you have friends in all of us who would look out for you if we could.
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but thanks for saying something that tells me you care 
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iv tried running but that oveusly didn't work
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What are you going to do now tho?
2425273
Sweetie, given the circumstances, your being defensive. You were literally just killed. You have every right to be. I'm so ... so so sorry that youve gone through this.
there are many things I wish I could do to help, things I could say but I can't.
*hugs and holds*
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thanks but its gonna be hard to convince me this time calm i love that you care about me its just i dont see what you all see i dont see why i should live if all im gonna do is suffer i can reach the life support system i could un plug it if i wanted to but i dont want Jessie in the hospital when i do
2425249 No, she deserves you. And even if she didn't, she chose you. It just shows how much she loves you. You both deserve to be together.
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I'm sorry for being mean though but like i told calm winds its gonna be hard to get me to stop im sorry
2425302 Don't do this. Please. We understand you don't want Jessie to see you this way but please, if our words mean anything to you then don't make us go through the same. We want to help and we would do anything we can to help so please don't throw your life way.
2425304
you may think so but i don't im just........... sorry
2425320 You have nothing to be sorry for. I don't think so. I know so. Did you listen to the song?
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No..... You can't.
We love you Rainbow!
Don't unplug it.
2425302
im just so so so so sorry every one
2425320 Please we want to help. Think about Jessie, she'd never let you do this. If she is as strong as you say she is she would want to be with you and fight with you to the bitter end. And everyone here with fight for your life too. SO please don't unplug yourself!
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no no no no no. dont be sorry. you have nothing.. Absolutely nothing to be sorry for.
2425337 The world owes you the apologies. We owe you apologies. You are don't deserve this. I'm sorry.
2425302
...
No Angel... you are right. Convincing you isn't going to be easy because after what you've been through all this time... i can understand why pulling the plug would look like a release.
We can say "i'm so sorry" we can say "i hope thing get better" and we can say "keep your chin up" all we want, but it's not going to change your life. We can only offer you the comfort that SOMEONE out there cares, we can't offer you direct comfort.
That is precisely why i said you have to live for whats in front of you. We can't hold your hand, but Jessie can. We can't give you hugs, but Jessie can. We can't show you love... but Jessie can.
Jessie is only one person, but she can do more for you than all of us put together ever could. You said the look on her face when you were revived was devastating? Can you imagine what would happen if you died?
Death is an irreversible easy way out. You'll be free of what ailed you... but it will destroy those who loved you... it will cause them more pain than could ever have inflicted on you. Think of those who truely care and can show you love angel, even if it is only Jessie. THINK OF HER. Please...
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i just need to think my head realy hurts iv been crying all day
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i did its a very beautiful song but a song doesn't help emotion it helps just a smige though im happy you care
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Get some rest. Recover. Don't think about anything.
Relax. Sleep if you can. Feel as comfortable as you can where you are.
clearing your mind and feeling refreshed will help you think later. And when you do i hope you find a way to think of the positive parts of your life. It pains me that they are hard to come by for you, but they are still there, and i hope they make you smile.
We all hope you smile.
2425393 We all do.
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okay i will rest andi will deside later
2425432 I agree with Calm
What the heck are YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THAT'S JUST WRONG *hugs* what the hell am really really really really really sorry
Do you have a cell phone or other recording device maybe you can get some evidence on those worse then scum guys and take that to the police
Please don't end your life.
My cousin... On May 12th, 2010, she killed herself.
She had gotten into the wrong group of people. She was exposed to horrible, things; drugs, violence, police, rape, gangs. To honor her privacy I'll call her Cousin.
Anyway, Cousin had made friends with a girl full of hatred for the world, for humanity, anything she could get her hands on. It was terrible.
As Cousin and her friend grew closer, her friend had introduced her to more misanthropes. They had corrupted Cousin.
Cousin soon started questioning everything people would say. Cousin was even wary of her mother; she trusted no one, even me, despite the fact that we had grown up together.
Trying to help Cousin only made it worse. It eliminated her trust in her family. She would disappear for days at a time, only coming back to grab clothes, and only coming back when her mother wasn't in the house.
It turns out Cousin's friend had forced her to join a gang, the Bloods to be exact. How do you get into a gang? You either get beaten by all of the gang members at once, or you get gang raped. Cousin didn't have a choice; Cousin's friend told her that she had to get gang raped.
And so Cousin did; one by one she was raped by fourteen men and even three women. Cousin was a virgin. After that night, she wasn't anymore.
Now a part of the Bloods, Cousin got to do what most gang members did; rob people, mug others, trade drugs, etc.
One day, Cousin had taken part in a robbery with a few other gang members, including the first girl Cousin made friends with. When the man was about to be killed, Cousin's friend did something different; she gave the gun to Cousin, and told her to kill the man.
Although by now Cousin had done some pretty bad things, one thing she did not do was kill. Cousin had told me she looked straight into the man's eyes, and pulled the trigger.
Apparently, the police were a ways away, must've heard the gunshot, and came barreling down unto the scene. Cousin's "friends" abandoned her...
She was sentenced to three years in prison, and two years of parole afterwards. The only reason she got off so light, was simple: she was only sixteen years old.
Five years later, she got out, looking to confront her so-called friend. After her friend apologized, Cousin forgave her, and was let back into the Bloods.
After getting back into the Bloods, Cousin decided to take up drug dealing. Hundreds of deals she had made. Thousands of dollars she had gotten. And Cousin, having never completed school, didn't know how to handle money.
Six months and it was gone.
Of course, being a dealer, Cousin was tempted to try some of the stuff she was selling, and got addicted to meth within three hours. Cousin's gang leader did not take too kindly to that. Beating her and leaving her for death with only what was left of her meth stash, Cousin was left in an alley.
Just thirty minutes after her gang leader had left, Cousin was discovered by someone. An ambulance had found her and taken to a hospital where they inevitably found the meth on her.
After healing for a month, she was sentenced to life on account of murder, possession of illegal drugs, gang affiliation and a few other charges. She confessed to all of them.
By this time, Cousin's family had given up on her. We hadn't heard from her in months, and assumed she was done for. However, I had seen her face in an online news article while doing a Current Event project for my senior year in high school. As soon as I could, I set up an appointment at the prison she was in to speak to her. On May 11, 2010, I had an eight hour conversation with her, where she told me everything I told you. Cousin told me she was thinking of killing herself, that it was only right for all of the crimes she committed. I, not knowing what to say, just hugged her.
I knew Cousin would kill herself. There was no trying to talk her out of it. Even though Cousin said she only was thinking about it, her decision was final.
May 16, 2010, when the next newspaper came, I read in it that Cousin had stolen a gun from a cop and shot herself in the ear. The worst part about it?
She was only 22.
Imagine my sadness and loss from reading about that. I can guarantee you Jessie will feel the same way, and worse, considering the intimate bond you two share.
She will never get the wedding you two planned.
She will never get to decide with you the kid you might've adopted.
But, most of all, she won't believe in happy endings, and she'll think your death is her fault.
Want to know how I know that last part? Because that's how I feel right now.
The prison wouldn't even give Cousin the grave she deserved.
So on May 12, every year, I go to the burial of her dead dog, River, and I pray with him.
Not only that, but I go over the things I could have done to prevent her death. Jessie will do the same thing.
If you can't stay alive for yourself, stay alive for her. It took me an hour to write this out, and I'm crying write now just thinking of my cousin, and she died 4 years ago.
Imagine what Jessie would do. Imagine how long it will take for her to not break into tears every time she hears your name if you die.
It's taking me four years and counting.
So please, don't do this. I've never told anyone what my cousin told me until now. I can only pray this will help you stay alive.
I give you my condolences.
-Chloe.
2425241 Don't sorry your dar is not go for the president. Every sem guise horror stories where the victim kill him/herself because of abusive parent? They all could be saved if they called the police or tried to get help from somebody. I'm sure that there are millions of people who would help you :)
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. Please you need to think this through you can't end your life. From what you've told me you sounded like a very nice person. I've lost some people to suicide, people that werent necessarily the best people in life but they had good intention when they were alive. I can't lose another friend please dont do this.
. Think about all the people you love think about your fiance think about how heart broken she'll be.
. If I were you I'd call the cops on that useless Son of Bitch you call a father if he willingly did that to you along with his friend(who's just as useless and contributes less to society than even your dad does 
.). You're a very dear friend to me even if we haven't known each other for that long
I'm begging you don't do it.
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I agree suicide is never the answer I lost my dad to suicide because he was so fucked up and he refused to get help and he killed himself when I was only 8. I also lost a friend last school year a friend I knew pretty well.
2425998 I agree with you too; suicide isn't the answer. It not only affects you, but also those around you. My cousin wasn't a bad person at first. She always had the best intentions at heart before her corruption, as I refer to it.
Whenever I think of her, I think back to the times when I was 9, and she was 13. Before she met her corruptor. For what it's worth, I'm sorry about your father. If it helps, I didn't really grow up with a father, either.
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ther doctors are doing so more tests on me so 
i do have some good friends on here that are helping me just wait for moment or 2 hours
2426069 Thank you I went without a dad for about 2 to 2 1/2 years until my mom met my step dad. But now my step dad is slowly dying because he needs a heart transplant and my mom, both of my little bros( from my real dad) and I have been waiting 2 years and still nothing.
I've lost too many good people ( and animals to but thats neither here nor there) I can't lose anymore
.
2426095 Don't think of death as a bad thing. In fact, think of it as merely a doorway to heaven or hell. If your stepfather gets a donor, then your rejoicing will be that much greater. If he doesn't, then try your best to make each moment with him that much more special.
2426095 I should probably get to bed now though. I hoped I helped you feel better.
2426145 Thing is he has a heart condition and he's gone into cardiac arrest 2 times and died both of those times but they did manage to revive him and he's already had a few open heart surgeries to get a pacemaker/defibrillator over the past 10-15 years or so.
2426164 Ok and good night I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.
I'd say your dad hates you for the same reason mine hated me when he was alive. They just don't get the purpose of being a parent.
But, you need to survive and carry on. If you don't, you won't get a chance to live happily, and you'll set a bad example for other young girls in tough situations. In reality, no circumstance is so bad that you need to die to avoid it.
Just remember, life sucks a lot, but it can be good just as much if you give it a chance.