The story of Karn'Aaziim from The Koprulu Sector, and how he and his daughter Rain Sight arrive on Korhal, and how they are recruited into Dominion Inteligence.
Permision for the making of this story granted by its autor Unholyheaven.
Shoutout to Rameslack for the awesome cover. Check him out on deviantart.
Page generated in 0.626 seconds
Total duration
928 users online
257,275 hits today, 2,970,782 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Sorry for getting a bit nit picky, but the "Was the reply" seems like an odd saying. That seems to be only used if the object speaking is unknown. So it seems weird that who we believe is speaking is unconfirmed and all we get is "Was the reply."
Maybe even leaving it without a "said" is better.
2923542 Yeah, I thought I overused "said" so I tried to use something else.
Hey, love the story, a suggestion is to try and put the actions and voice in the same paragraphs. I have the same issue, try to not make it so script like, it's harder for some people to follow. I can read it, me being a role player oline, but others would find it difficult. say....... here's an example.
instead of this....
The order was heard through the entire facility...even in a certain elevator.
"Seal me in, huh?" Karn questioned, as he pulled out a small golden device with a red button.
He dropped it on the ground and pushed the button, while saying.
"Seal this!"
Do this...
The order was heard through the entire facility...even in a certain elevator. "Seal me in, huh?" Karn questioned, as he pulled out a small golden device with a red button. He dropped it on the ground and pushed the button, while saying. "Seal this!"
Hope this helps.
2946420 I will take your suggestion into consideration. Thank you for the feedback.
But I think I might continue in my way, because I tried to write as you suggested, but I got a complaint that it was hard to understand who was doing what. The current way I am using has saved me from such complaints, and people seem to be quilified enough to understand it.
Still thanks again for getting out of your way to inform me of this.
2949490
Why would it have been out of my way? Just helping someone with a problem i had to solve alone.
AMAZING JOB!!! I give many circle of applause to this one.
2951054 Glad you enjoyed.
25.media.tumblr.com/6eadfec79dd9fe336d1e063b4cf94313/tumblr_mfn665rYfg1rqt353o1_500.gif
Um, It's actually spelled Meinhoff. Just for you to know.
http://starcraft.wikia.com/wiki/Meinhoff
2953204 Thanks. Will fix that right away.
lost vikings? ha! Love that game! Nice way to work another blizzard classic in there.
great story man, works great with the main story
also, poor karn. just as things looked up for him, he ended up losing everything, even his life.
it also makes me feel that maybe rain sight is more diserving of sovereign than sweetie belle.
3119705 Wow...really? (what you said about Rain Sight) Thanks...there's just....nothing else I can say about that.
Have you shared this oppinion of yours with a comment on the main story?
3122152
not yet, but maybe i should. this story really adds a lot of depth to both karn and rain sight. before, i didnt care for her that much and she seemed kinda selfish, but now, i feel for her and she seems like she would care for sovi more than sweetie belle. (shes crazy, and im concerned for their future)
3125129 In any way, your oppinion is highly appretiated.