The Wonder Years
Chapter 1: O Captain My Captain
Wonderbolt Academy, Cloudsdale
Captain’s Office
She cradled the small piece of tin in her hoof. Funny, really. It was nothing more than a few pieces of metal and paint—it had probably cost five and a quarter bits to manufacture. But packed into the little pin was everything Rainbow Dash desired—everything she’d ever dreamt of.
Captain of the Wonderbolts.
When she had so brazenly barged into Spitfire’s office to complain about Lightning Dust’s recklessness all those years ago, Dash never figured she’d be sitting on the other side of the desk—well, not so soon, at least, and definitely not under these circumstances.
Captain of the Wonderbolts.
A lightning bolt set between open wings, brushed in gold. The insignia marked the dividing line between Wonderbolt First Class Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in Equestria, and a new title that was rapidly turning into a lead weight.
Captain of the Wonderbolts.
No one had seen Spitfire’s sudden resignation coming, least of all Rainbow Dash. It wasn’t how she’d imagined earning her promotion. It left a bad taste in her mouth.
Even so, that first day she’d fastened the last button of her new uniform, it had felt like a lover’s first caress. Thrilling. Sexy. But always lurking in the back of her mind, undermining, neighsaying, always bringing her down, was a little voice.
Fraud. You didn’t really earn this.
It was the same voice.
Her self-doubt.
The Best Young Flyer’s competition? It was there. Those first days at the academy? It was there. No matter what heights she achieved, she’d never truly left it behind.
She pinned the badge back onto its proper place: the right-breast pocket of her suit jacket. The crisp navy-blue uniform fit perfectly across her trim body; cut with all the precision of a perfect V-formation. The ponyester fabric flowed around the wing openings and up around her neck, with none of itchiness, none of the feeling of constriction she’d expected—a testament to Rarity’s excellent tailoring.
What a difference a week made, however. Now, the cuffs had begun to feel more like manacles, and her tie, a ten-ton yoke weighing down her neck.
Ha! Even the spacious office she’d inherited with its spectacular view overlooking the training field below now felt like a prison cell. The window didn’t need bars to make it so.
If it was any consolation, it did come with a beautiful new oak desk, finished to a glossy shine. Each time she ran a hoof over its smooth varnish, it felt to her like as sensuous as a dawnlit flight through Ponyville skies. On the flipside was the stacks and stacks of paperwork—about ten times that of even her worst days as Ponyville's Lead Weather Manager, by Rainbow's estimate—so large that any regular desk may well have snapped under the burden.
Rainbow Dash wondered, and not for the first time, if fate was playing a cruel joke on her. The term, “Be careful what you wish for,” echoed in her mind.
Just as they slipped, she slid her Hayviators back up her snout. The smoked glass obscured her eyes as they flicked over the newspaper clippings scattered haphazardly over the surface of her desk. They told the tale of her predicament quite succinctly.
‘Wonder-bolting! Budget Cut Has Famous Flyers Scrambling For An Exit’ screamed one headline, gargantuan block letters taking up half of the frontpage. Others followed in a similar vein, chronicling the departure of members of the Wonderbolt senior staff.
A three-point shot, and another ball of crumpled paper joined the mishmash of budget reports, editorials, and hatemail penned by fans of the former captain. All gathered into a pile at the bottom of the wastebasket parked several feet away in the furthest corner from her desk. Rainbow prefered a challenge.
The chair’s casters let out an irritable squeak as Rainbow slumped in her high backed executive’s chair. “Great. Just great.”
One week trying to stem the outflow of fellow officers and here she was: calling every Wonderbolt from across Equestria for a single meeting.
It left her drained. The faux-leather cradling her form was a comfort. Like most every other piece of furniture, it was brand new, an ancient tradition meant to give each leader a fresh start, free from any bad omens left by their predecessor.
Her gaze fell onto the cloud-couch parked by the door, and its current occupant, the first of her officers to show up. She appeared to be in middle of shifting a few out-of-place feathers in her right wing, and, in an impressive display of flexibility, all the while lounging on her back.
“Lightning Dust, you mind not grinding your grubby hooves into my new couch?”
Dust paused in her preening and smirked. “You mean like this?” Dash frowned as Dust ground her rear hooves into the fluffy cushions. “Oh yeah, this is real comfy.” She rolled onto her side and spread a large muscular wing open, going back to her task. Both the upholstery and floor quickly became speckled with little green fragments. Catching her superior’s glare, she returned the same signature cocksure grin she’d always sported. “Didn’t anypony tell you it’s impolite to stare, Dash?” she said, flexing her wing fully open. “Not that I blame you for being interested, of course.”
Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes. Even now as Second Lieutenant Lightning Dust, the cocky stunt flier hadn’t changed much since they’d started at the Academy. Dust reminded Dash of an immature version of herself, with the same hotshot swagger that rubbed many of her squadmates the wrong way. Luckily, she had just enough raw talent to back up her attitude. At the very least a reprimand or twelve had tempered her former wingpony’s reckless streak…a tiny, tiny bit.
Their previously heated relationship had cooled into an almost friendly rivalry since what Rainbow Dash referred to as the ‘You feathering flank-face! You almost killed my friends!’ incident, or as Lightning Dust called it: the ‘Not my fault a feathering balloon flew into restricted airspace!’ thing. Dash had no doubt Dust resented being number two once again; she certainly gave her more attitude than usual the moment news of Rainbow’s promotion came out.
“No fair, Dusty. Dropping innuendo on Rainbow is my schtick.” Cloud Kicker slipped into the office with a flourish of violet plumage, stretching each wing open individually and spreading them wide like a peacock in mating season. Then again, every season was mating season for Kicker. “Heh, ‘in-your-end-o’,” she snickered. “Anyway, boss, I got—wow. New couch?”
During her time as Ponyville's weather manager, Rainbow had witnessed Cloud Kicker's uncanny ability to sculpt clouds into just the right shape. Now, she watched as her second lieutenant ran a practiced eye over the couch's luxurious cumulus cushioning… and its current occupant, caught in the act of preening a particularly difficult feather.
“Hey, Dust,” she said, brushing away a sharp green splinter of feather from the upholstery. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”
“That depends. Are you taking a vow of celibacy?” Dust dryly replied.
Kicker laughed off the absurd suggestion. “HA! Cute, but wrong. How ’bout we break in this new couch, you and me?” she said with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows. “Give it a hard test run.” Lightning Dust tried to scooch as far away as possible only to be too late. With a playful growl, Cloud Kicker pounced on her prey.
Pulling a hoof down her face, Rainbow Dash watched what were supposed to be her two senior wing commanders wrestle like foals. If only replacing them wasn’t so hard.
Looking over at her trophy case, she lingered over an early one from Junior Speedsters. It looked fairly heavy. Yeah, a swift blow to the back of their skulls and it’d all be over. Hiding the bodies among the clouds would be the hard part, but still… accidents happen.
The contest ended quickly with Lightning pinned down, straddled by Cloud Kicker at the waist.
“The winner, and still-reigning champion of the world! Ass Kicking Cloud Kicker!” she cheered, raising her hooves in victory. “And the crowd goes wild!” If she expected applause, she was in for a disappointment. “Never try to outwrestle a Kicker, Dusty. What you gonna do when ‘Cloudamania’ runs wild on you?”
Rainbow let out a long-suffering sigh and clapped her hooves. Yeah, Dust was a pain in the rear sometimes, and if Dash was still a cadet, she would totally be joining Kicker in the roughhousing. She was a different mare now, though. More mature. Tempered by experience. She expected more disciplined behavior from her officers.
“Alright, alright, CK, break it up.”
Cloud Kicker blew a raspberry at being foiled. She helped Lightning Dust back to her hooves, but not before playfully swatting Dust’s flank with her tail. “Anyway, I’ve got good and bad news, boss.”
“Alright. Give me the good news.”
“Your nameplate finally arrived!” Cloud Kicker said with a cheer, removing the slip of metal from one her uniform’s pockets and tossing it into Dash’s waiting hoof. “Nothing’s as official in the military as an etched nameplate on your door. Congrats, O Captain my Captain.”
Grinning for the first time today, Rainbow looked over the black lettering spelling out her name on the gold plate. “Captain Rainbow Miriam Dash…” she read.
Wait a minute.
“CLOUD KICKER!” she snapped.
“What?” Cloud Kicker shrugged her wings. “Hey, don’t blame me. Blame your parents.”
Lightning Dust rolled on the floor in uncontrollable laughter. “Your middle name’s Miriam?!” she wheezed, clutching her sides as she fought for breath. Cloud Kicker clamped her own lips together, doing a poor job of containing a chuckle.
Captain Rainbow Miriam Dash glared death at her subordinates. The effect appeared lost on the pair. One wore a sheepish grin while the other remained coughing on the floor from laughing too hard. “Cloud Kicker,” Dash growled out, her ears flat. “Only my folks call me Miriam! You know that!” Another shrug was all she received in return.
“What can I say, Dashie? If it’s on your birth certificate, it goes on your door.” She snorted. “If the Guard taught me one thing, it’s that the military takes legal names and titles very, very seriously. Besides, I think it’s cute.”
“Yeah, calm down, Miriam,” Lightning Dust sniggered from the ground. “Ha! Miriam!”
Rainbow just rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Like you’re one to talk, Britney.”
“Heh heh… Miriam.” Dust continued to giggle under her breath before clearing her throat. “We should probably get this meeting started.”
Rainbow gathered a stack of papers and patted them together. “Shouldn’t we wait for the others first?”
Two pairs of ears flattened as they shared a wary look.
“Heh... Yeah, that’s kinda the bad news,” said Cloud Kicker. “Which I’ll leave to good ol’ Dusty here.”
Lighting Dust protested as Kicker used a wing to push her forward. “Me? Why me? You tell her.”
“To hay with that!” responded Cloud Kicker. “Why should I do it?”
“She’s your friend!” Dust hissed back.
“Exactly.” Cloud nodded. “That’s why you should say it. Nothing to lose. She already hates you.”
“Hey! She doesn’t hate me, featherbrain! Well, not anymore.”
“Okay, a mild dislike then. I don’t see her mailing you any Hearth’s Warming cards.”
As the bickering escalated, Rainbow Dash gave the wood grain of her new desk a thorough inspection—with her face. She had to admit, Rarity sure knew how to pick furniture; real oak, miles above the cheap particle board Rainbow had suggested. Perhaps she’d invite the designer up to decorate the rest of the office. Aside from the furniture and her trophies, the space was still rather drab. It could certainly do with a touch of class and maybe a touch of color on the walls. Something other than gray, she considered as she watched the argument degenerate into petty insults.
“Okay, guys, I need you to chill, like, right now.”
“At least I didn’t piss off my entire class with my ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m such an ace’ attitude!” shouted Cloud Kicker while poking Lightning Dust in the chest. “Some of us know how to make friends.”
“Guys, seriously…” Rainbow repeated as she massaged her aching temples, growing more frustrated.
Lightning Dust scoffed. Wings flared, she barged forward until she and the blonde pegasus were snout to snout. “Oh, that’s real rich coming from you. I bet I’d have tons of friends too if I’d lift my tail for everything with four hooves and a pulse.”
“Sometimes less than four. I don’t discriminate.”
“You know what? I’m ordering you both to shut up!”
“Well that makes it all right then. Perhaps you should write a book. I can see it now: Relationship advice from the Flying Venereal Disease known as Cloud Kicker.”
“Okay, number one: I get tested on a regular basis. Number two: already writing it and with a much better title. And furthermore—”
“SHUT UP!” Rainbow slammed a hoof on her desk. She took a deep breath and yelled, “What. The. Buck?! Just tell me what the feathering feather is feathering going on! Where is everypony?!”
The pair looked at each other and shared a mutual shrug.
“We’re it, boss,” admitted Cloud Kicker.
Rainbow’s brows furrowed even deeper. “Tell me you’re not serious.”
“I’m not serious,” Cloud Kicker repeated to her captain’s teeth-grinding chagrin.
“...CK.”
Cloud Kicker shrugged.
Dash briefly considered throttling her. She was faster than Kicker; she’d just wrap her hooves around that soft, lavender neck, and squeeze. Dash knew Cloud Kicker had received extensive combat training with the guard before quitting to come to Ponyville, but she figured if she struck quick enough, it wouldn’t be a problem. Besides, saving the world counted as a get out of jail free card, right?
Fortunately, Lightning Dust confirmed the bad news before Dash could put her equicidal plan into action. “’Fraid the perv is right, Dash.” Cloud Kicker playfully stuck out her tongue, which both Dash and Dust ignored. “We’re all that’s left of the senior staff. Can’t really blame them for quitting,” Dust added with a shrug of her wings. “They didn’t wanna risk a hit to their pensions.”
A vein Rainbow had never felt before throbbed at the surface of her forehead.
“Whoa, Dash, you okay?” Cloud Kicker pointed towards the pulsating vessel. “Might want to get that checked out.”
Dash ignored her, still addressing Dust. “So everypony followed Spitfire out the door huh? What about Soarin? Rapidfire? C’mon, even Echo Fleetfoot? She’s not much older than us.”
“Err… let me see, umm…” Lightning Dust grabbed a personnel file from the inside her jacket pocket. “Soarin: early retirement—everypony knows he and Spitfire are an item so no surprises there; Rapidfire didn’t want to stay without his sister in charge, so another early retirement; and Fleetfoot’s got endorsements and modeling offers out the wazoo—ex-Wonderbolt, young, cute, and blind. She’ll end up making more money than any of us.”
Dust raised an eyebrow at the next sheet, showing it to Cloud Kicker. “Kicker, this your hoofwriting?”
Cloud Kicker looked and scratched her head, just as puzzled. “Not mine. I don’t dot my I’s with balloons.”
“Lemme see.” Rainbow Dash reached across and snagged the folder from Cloud Kicker’s outstretched foreleg. An odd command was written in a whimsical scrawl at the bottom of the page. “‘Look in the file cabinet, under the letter S’?” she read aloud.
They all turned as one towards the old, dented file cabinet sitting in the corner, one of the few items not replaced upon Rainbow’s takeover. It took on a sudden malevolence, like a long forgotten unmarked container lurking in the back of a fridge.
Noticing she was currently closest to the suddenly infernal cabinet, Dash joined the other mares, on the side of the desk furthest away from it.
“Well, you’ve always led from the front, Rainbow. You open it,” Cloud Kicker said, pushing her visibly reluctant superior towards the set of drawers.
“Will you chill?” Dash said, shrugging her off. “It’s just some old paperwork or something. But since you’re both so scared of the ohhh so terrifying filing cabinet, I guess it’s up to the Dash, as usual. You two chickens just watch my back in case I’m suddenly attacked by a bloodthirsty swarm of manila folders.”
Lightning Dust and Cloud Kicker might have bought her bluster had she not grabbed a trophy off a shelf.
Slowly, ever so slowly, she pulled open the drawer marked ‘S’, raised the trophy like a cudgel in her other hoof…
And…
“SURPRISE!”
“ARRGH!” Rainbow Dash leapt backwards, blinded by the explosion of confetti at point blank range. Carefully organized stack of documents went flying across the room and to the floor in a flurried mess as she hit the edge of her desk, her hip noting that oak was indeed a very hard wood, flipped over the top, and ended up overturning her chair, one squeaky wheel left spinning lazily in the air.
At some point, she had lost grip of the trophy, and it flew across the room. Its final destination: Cloud Kicker’s face.
Lightning Dust looked from her likely concussed wingmate over to the blonde, white-coated pegasus who was now struggling to extract her torso from the tight space.
Like anypony who had lived in Ponyville and wished to remain relatively sane, Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash had developed a certain quirk to the way their minds reacted to impossible events, and in particular, Pinkie Pie. That psychological fail-safe carefully shunted the question, "How did a pony that size get into the filing cabinet?" off to a nice safe deserted area to be properly disposed of later.
Lightning Dust, unfortunately, didn’t have the same fail-safe.
“Phew!” the newcomer cried, pulling her wings out with a pop and wiping the sweat from her brow. “Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting in there for, like, fore-ev-eerrrr! Wow, I haven’t seen a pony fall down and start foaming at the mouth like that since I wrecked Spitfire’s living room while riding a hippopotamus that one time… okay, two times. Soarin thought it was funny.”
With a groan, Rainbow hauled herself up back into her chair. She ignored her subordinate currently having a fit on the floor in favor of staring at her surprise guest feeling a terrible sense of dread.
Poofy blonde mane and tail, powder-white coat, random non-sequiturs. Dash’s eyes lingered on the trio of violet balloons on the mare’s flank.
Surprise. Why did it have to be Surprise? Dash mentally banged her head against an imaginary wall. There was a reason Spitfire had sent the Wonderbolts’ self-proclaimed party planner far far away, all the way across the continent to the western coast of Equestria, put in command of the Wonderbolt reserves. Dash hadn’t personally worked with Surprise much, but she knew of her reputation. She was too wild, too crazy, too unpredictable.
Like Pinkie Pie.
Had an annoying tendency to break out into song at any moment.
Like Pinkie Pie.
Now that she thought about it, Dash wasn’t sure how she’d missed the pattern. Suddenly, she was forced to lean back, her view overtaken by huge violet pupils.
Again, Rainbow found the lack of respect for personal space eerily familiar.
“So were you surprised?! Were ya were ya were ya?” The vibrating facsimile bounced up and down with each repetition. Rainbow opened her mouth, but was cut off as the pegasus backflipped off the desk to land flawlessly with what Dash swore was a sproing. “I really, really hope so. Surprise is my chief weapon… or is it fear?” she added at the end, rubbing her chin. “I always get those two mixed up.”
At Rainbow’s still-blank expression, one shared by the other pegasi in the room, Surprise smacked her noggin. “Silly me. I forgot to introduce myself,” she said with a blush of embarrassment. “How rude. I tell ya, if my wings weren’t bolted on, I’d forget where I’d left them. Thank Celestia I’ve got spares, am I right?” Her smile displayed all her teeth in all their smileriffic glory.
“Err…” Rainbow scratched her mane, still lightheaded.
“Sorry, sorry. Rambling again,” the white pony apologized, then stood up straight, wings flared, chest puffed out. “First Lieutenant Surprise Surprise Surprise, Head of the Wonderbolt Reserve Division reporting for duty, Captain.” Surprise finished with a picture-perfect salute, one that would make even the most stringent drill sergeant weep with joy. Rainbow Dash was about to say something, but was cut off as Surprise pulled a large scroll from her mane. The scroll unwound as she continued, “And acting Lead Drill Instructor, and acting Assistant Drill Instructor, and acting Head Stunt Coordinator, and acting Head Chef of the Cafeteria…” As she rambled on and on, the mound of paper rapidly rose up to her knees. “...And finally, acting Assistant to the Assistant Janitor. But you can just call me Surprise, ma’am. All my friends do.”
Rainbow stared in silence at the stock-still Surprise. Even Cloud Kicker appeared impressed by the lieutenant’s posture. It was textbook perfect; she would have seen enough at Westhoof to know.
“Nice to have you onboard, Pink—I mean Surprise,” Rainbow quickly corrected. Surprise still stood at attention like a marble statue. “Umm… at ease?”
“Oh, thank goodness.” A loud breath escaped from Surprise, and she resumed lightly bouncing. “Standing still is just tooorture!”
“…Right, so—” A thought. The reserves! Of course! Dash felt like smacking herself. The answer to her personnel problem was standing right in front of her. “Surprise,” she said said with her first smile of the day. “Just the mare I need. How fast can you round up the reserves for inspection?”
“Way ahead of you, Captain,” Surprise chirped. “All members of the reserve are present and ready for orders, ma'am.”
“Excellent! Let’s take look.” Dash spun in her chair to face the practice field. It was empty. “Surprise, why don’t I see anypony outside?”
“Because they all quit, duh! It’s just little old me. Not sure why you were looking outside.” She giggled. “Geez, Captain, I figured listing off all my new jobs would’ve tipped you off. Speaking of, any chance I can get a raise?”
“What?!” Dash shouted. “The entire reserve quit? Why?!”
“I dunno.” Surprise gave a small shrug of her wings. “A few of them did say something about not wanting to take orders from Princess Twilight’s pet parrot. I told them, ‘Rainbow Dash doesn’t even like crackers!’ They just looked at me like I was a few snowflakes short of a blizzard. Reserve HQ being empty is a huge problem though,” she added in more serious tone. “ The higher-ups might think we don’t need it anymore and reassign it to somepony else. I know I saw some Royal Guard eyeing up the place when I skedaddled.”
Dash buried her face in her hooves. “Wonderful. Anypony have any more good news?”
“Eh-heh…” Cloud Kicker had a crooked grin on her face. It didn’t fill Rainbow with confidence. “The thing is boss… Actually,” she shoved Lightning Dust forward. “Dust will tell you. Go ahead, Dusty.”
“What? No way! You tell her!”
"Ooh, ooh! Can I not tell her too?" Surprise asked, waving her hooves in the air.
“You don’t even know what we’re talking about!” Cloud Kicker yelled.
Surprise pouted and crossed her forelegs in a huff. “I know. I just didn’t wanna be left out of the conversation.”
“Just get to the point, Cloud Kicker!”
“Alright, alright. Cool your jets, Dash.” Cloud Kicker handed over a newspaper from her saddlebag. “Here. Read it and weep. Page two, second article down.”
They gave Dash a minute and watched. Her face contorted, scowling and turned redder the further along she read. The first line proved enough to get Dash fuming.
In an example of Princess Twilight’s new cronyism, noted associate Rainbow ‘Danger’ Dash of Ponyville was promoted to leader of Her Highness’s Wonderbolts. Some critics of Equestria’s newest ruler point out that the resignation of the Wonderbolts’ entire command was a direct result to Her Highness’s proposed budget restructuring. Many mark the coincidence that said resignations paved the way for the appointment of her close friend. Nepotism aside, this reporter wonders how effective Equestria’s top air defense team will be in a crisis now that it’s helmed by a pony some call an upjumped weather manager of a small rural village.
Rainbow launched out of her chair and began to pace around the room in mid-air. The rest of the squad prudently flattened against the walls.
“Upjumped small-town weather manager?! Why those little muckraking…”
She paused and, to Kicker’s surprise, exhaled in a slow controlled manner while running a hoof from her chest outwards. ‘Push the stress away and let it dissipate into the air.’ Twilight’s advice. It certainly was a much better short-term stress reliever than Dash’s first instinct: ‘Trackdown the feathering featherbrains and stomp them into a red paste.’
“Okay, so not everypony likes me in charge—”
Lightning Dust used a wing to cover a cough.
“—but Rainbow Dash has been doubted her whole life. But you know what the Dash does?”
“Curls up into a ball of self-loathing and doubt?” suggested Cloud Kicker.
“Gives a self-righteous and condescending lecture on friendship?” offered Lightning Dust.
“Binge on a dozen cupcakes then fly around the track really fast ’til the sugar rush wears off and you crash into the guys’ locker room, sign a sexual harassment warning, and then do it all over again, but with different flavor cupcakes?”
Dash sat in silence for moment before giving them all a flat look. “Why am I friends with you again?”
“Because I’m Lighting Dust, duh,” Dust answered with a cocky smirk, spreading her wings in what Dash guessed was an action pose. “Why settle for the rest when you’re friends with the best?”
Not to be outdone, Cloud Kicker turned to shake her flank in Dash’s direction, glancing back with a cheeky wink. “’Cause I’ve got a kickin’ backside? Yeah, I’ve seen you sneakin’ a peek. No need to deny it, Dashie,” she teased, flicking her tail.
“Wow, we’re friends already?” Surprise fluttered her wings in excitement. “We only just met, but I feel the same way! We should totally hang out. How about next Friday? No, wait. I’ve got balloon animal training that day. I’m this close to pulling off the flaming hoop trick.”
And the throbbing vein made another appearance. “No… I prove them wrong by being the most awesome pony at what I do.” Dash said, picking up her previous thought. She turned and motioned towards the gold pegasus statue which dominated the center of the practice field outside.
“From now on, whenever ponies think of the most legendary run the Wonderbolts ever had, they’re going to think of me: the most awe—”
“Yeah, geez, we get it, Dash,” interrupted Lightning Dust, rolling her eyes. “You’re the most awesome thing to ever awesome, yadda yadda. We’ve heard it a million times. Stop beating your chest; you’re gonna bruise it.”
Rainbow sat back down, kicking up her rear legs onto the desk. “You’re just jealous,” she said smugly, eliciting a snort from Lightning. “Thinking about it now, I’m obviously the best candidate for the job.”
“And don’t forget, the only candidate!” Surprise chimed, causing both Lightning Dust and Cloud Kicker to send her angry glares. She shrugged. “What? Was that supposed to be a secret?”
“Wait, what?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes at the trio of officers. “Guys, talk to me.” Cloud Kicker had a hoof over her face. Dust was staring really hard at the ceiling. Surprise… well… looked about the same as always, grinning from ear to ear.
“It’s just that…” mumbled Cloud Kicker, unconsciously rubbing behind her neck.
“Well…” Lightning continued.
“Being captain blows worse than finding oatmeal-raisin cookies hiding among a plate of perfectly good chocolate-chip cookies! I mean what sort of monster does that?! Am I right?” Surprise complained.
“That doesn’t make any sense!” Rainbow yelled at Surprise’s ridiculous statement, throwing up her hooves. She wasn’t sure which bit made less sense, but, for the sake of her sanity, questioned only the ‘no one wants to be captain’ part.
She pointed to each of them in turn. “Surprise, of the four of us, you’ve been in the Wonderbolts the longest. Just by experience you’re qualified for the job.” The white pegasus shrugged, letting out a small “meh.”
Rainbow then directed her hoof at the Cloud Kicker. “CK, you attended Westhoof. You’ve got practical military leadership training coming out your—”
Cloud Kicker perked up and grinned.
“—ears.”
The grin disappeared.
Finally, she turned to face the fourth pegasus in the room.
“And you, Lightning Dust. You’ve always tried to one-up me ever since we met.”
“True that.”
“Yet now, for some crazy reason, you never threw your hat in the ring. Why?”
Lighting Dust looked over to Cloud Kicker who shrugged and nodded.
“Being captain sucks,” she explained matter-of-factly.
Dash blinked. “What?”
“She’s right. It blows horseapples, Dash,” Cloud Kicker admitted. “Trust me. As a military brat, I know.”
“But-but being Captain of the Wonderbolts is supposed to be a dream job. Every kid dreams of joining the ’Bolts. The fame, the fans, everything! Becoming captain is like becoming the best Wonderbolt. Why wouldn’t you want the job?”
“Same reason my dad hated being a officer in the guard,” Cloud Kicker explained. “The higher up you are, the more paperwork gets sent your way. Then you’ve got the brass coming down from the top, plus worrying if somepony below you is going to screw up.”
“Yeah, and you've got to say no a lot,” added Surprise, hanging her head and allowing her tail to droop, “and that makes ponies sad. I joined the Wonderbolts to make ponies happy. Oh, and the parties!” Perking up, she pulled a noise-maker from her mane, thrusting it into Cloud Kicker's mouth. Wrapping the surprised pegasus in a tight hug, she squeezed, giggling as the party favor squawked. “Those are supertastical!”
“Let’s not forget the functions with snobby bigwigs you gotta attend. Total snorefests.” Lighting Dust stuck her tongue out. “No thanks. Plus, the Princesses are your bosses. You screw up, it’s a trip to the moon. Way too much pressure. Me, I’ll stick with the carefree life of the wing commander. Less responsibilities and more time to fly.”
Surprise and Cloud Kicker high hoofed her in agreement.
“More time for banging!”
“More time to party!”
“Tch, how much harder can it be than my old weather manager gig?” Rainbow waved dismissively. “I turned Ponyville’s team into a well oiled machine, didn’t I?”
Cloud Kicker shook her head. “Let me be serious for a moment.” A snort escaped Lightning Dust. “Have I ever lied to you, Dash?”
“Err…”
“Correction, have I ever lied to you about anything important?”
“Can’t say you have, CK.”
“Then believe me when I say this: the Wonderbolts are a huuuge leap from managing a small-town weather team, boss. Command, especially military command, isn’t a lazy flight on a clear day. Expect heavy turbulence.” Leaning forward, Dash listened intently as all of Cloud Kicker’s usual humor was absent. “There are no breaks, no naptimes, and no pawning off responsibilities onto somepony else. The bit stops with you, Captain Dash. If, even for a split second, you don’t feel absolutely, one hundred and ten percent sure you’re up to the job, then you should resign right now.
“Think really carefully. It’s not just your reputation on the line here, Dash, but Princess Sparkle’s too. You’re behind that desk by her appointment; one of her first, in fact. You screw up and it’ll reflect really badly on her. If nobility smell blood in the water, they’ll be all over Twilight like a school of wild piranhas. Anything she touches from then on will be tainted by the failure of her first official appointment.
“You quit now and nopony will think any less of you. You stay, I’ll have your back just like always. I’m sure my two comrades here will too, right girls?” The other two officers nodded. “So what’s it going to be?”
For Rainbow Dash, it wasn’t even a question. “Twilight picked me to do a job and Rainbow Dash doesn’t let anypony down, especially not one of her best friends. I’m staying.”
“I never doubted you for a second, Dash,” said Cloud Kicker, nodding. “First order of business: how to address the huge holes currently in the senior staff.”
“Can’t we just promote some ponies?” Dash asked. “Who do we have on the standby list?”
Consulting a clipboard, Cloud Kicker listed off, “On standby we’ve got Cloudchaser, Raindrops, Bulk “Snowflake” Biceps, and Thunderlane, most of our graduating class.” She chewed the bottom of her lip and shook her head. “If we pull them, don’t expect any birthday presents from Blossomforth for a while.”
“Terrific,” Rainbow growled into her hooves before throwing them up in the air.
She had promoted Blossomforth to head weather manager before joining the Wonderbolts full time. From the times she visited, Blossomforth was doing a great job. Not as great as when Rainbow was in charge, of course, but she was getting there.
“Ugh, fine. We’ve no choice. Poach Ponyville’s weather team and draw up assignment recommendations. Maybe I can get Pinkie to bake Blossom a ‘Sorry for gutting your department’ cake or something.”
“You’re not the only one with problems.” Cloud Kicker tried to lighten the mood with a joke. “Take me for example. I’ve got to deal with the new cadets coming in.” A wistful sigh. “Imagine. Me, around all those tight, toned bodies. Everypony at the peak of fitness. Muscles taut after flying laps, outlined through those clingy, barely-there little uniforms. Beads of sweat glistening...”
“Umm… CK, you’re drooling on the carpet,” Lightning Dust told her.
“Sounds like your dream come true,” Rainbow Dash added, passing her a spare napkin.
“Pfft, I wish,” Cloud Kicker grumbled. “You know the military’s policy on fraternization. Subordinates are off-limits. I’m stuck window-shopping or risk getting court-martialed. Totally draconian if you ask me.” She groaned and put her head down. “Arrgh, this is gonna be torture.”
“I’d worry more about actually getting anypony to ogle first,” Lightning Dust said. “We’ve got a major recruitment problem right now.” The bad news kept piling up.
“How’s that even possible?” Rainbow asked. “The academy processes hundreds of applications every year. There’s never been a shortage. Everypony I grew up with would give their left wing just for a shot at joining the Wonderbolts.”
Dust pointed a hoof at the new captain. “Yeah, but they wanted to join Spitfire’s Wonderbolts. Not Rainbow Dash’s Wonderbolts. You’re an unknown quantity, Dash. The best flyers are waiting to see how you pan out. If you crash in a flaming pile of fail, they don’t want any of it to stick to them.”
“Unknown? Did somepony do a Sonic Rainboom or save the world while I was sleeping?”
“Those things, while great, Dash, only prove you’re an exceptional pony. Doesn’t mean you’ll make a exceptional leader. Spitfire proved she was both, and they idolize her for it. I know I signed up just for the chance to fly under her.”
Dash couldn’t disagree. Spitfire’s magnetism was certainly what had driven her to train hard every day. She remembered the magic of the first show she’d attended as a fledgling. Watching from on top of her father’s shoulders as the then-rookie Spitfire performed one blazing fast stunt after another. The flash, the power, the buzzing excitement the flame-haired pegasus had generated. It was at that moment that Dash knew without a doubt what she wanted to do with her life.
“Bottom line: with Spitfire gone, our usual pool of recruits has gone from overflowing to dry as a bone.” Dust finished with a defeated shake of her head.
“Oh that reminds me.” Surprise rummaged around her yellow cotton-candy-soft mane before presenting Dash with a brown parcel. “The captain—not you, Captain, the old captain—wanted me deliver this to you. I don’t know what it is. Oooh, maybe it’s candy!” she said hopefully. “Please let it be candy! Can I have some if it’s candy?”
Ignoring Surprise, Rainbow Dash took a letter opener to the package and laid out the contents: a letter, a bottle of brandy, one dog-eared copy of How to Swear like a Sailor in Ten Easy Lessons and finally, what Dash found most intriguing, a trio of snapshots.
Snapshots of Spitfire and the other ex-Wonderbolts.
At the beach.
In swimsuits.
Posed in what some would call a rather provocative manner. Each was signed, “Betcha wish you were here!”
“Yoink! I’ll just take those.” Cloud Kicker snatched the pictures and tucked two away in her shirt pocket. The third was… well, extra special so she hid it in her mane for, what Dash could only assume was quick access later. “You know… Umm… I think I need to take these to my room for…” She circled a hoof searchingly, “…safe keeping. Yup, wouldn’t want these to get lost.”
Lighting Dust craned her neck to see what could make the usually unflustered Cloud Kicker sweat all of a sudden. She let out a loud wolf whistle.
Glancing back over her shoulder with a flirty wink, back arched to the camera, was Spitfire in a sheer black one-piece. The already smoldering image was made even hotter when one noticed that she was being treated to suntan oil rubdown by a gleaming Soarin. The buff stallion’s wet and matted coat glistened in the sun, clearly just returned from a swim in the ocean. It was enough to give any pony, mare or stallion, a massive nosebleed.
Rainbow motioned Cloud Kicker to stay. She knew her old flight camp buddy too well. If Cloud Kicker was allowed to leave now, she wouldn’t be seen for the rest of the day. Dash chose not to ask, and frankly didn’t want to know, what Cloud Kicker would be getting up to later. Ignorance was bliss in this case.
Taking the cue from her teammate, Lightning Dust helped herself to the brandy. After all, it was free booze. “Not bad,” she commented after taking a swig. She offered the open bottle to Cloud Kicker, whose wings were unfurled all over the sofa.
“Indirect kisses, Dusty?” she chuckled, grabbing the bottle. “You shouldn’t have. Mmm… I’ve wanted to get a taste of you for a while.”
Eyes rolling, Dust made a gagging noise.
Glad to be left out of Cloud Kicker’s shenanigans for once, Rainbow Dash opened the letter.
Congratulations on your promotion, newbie. Just letting you know there’s no hard feelings about you getting my job. As a gift, because I’m just generous like that, I’ve included two items that helped me survive command. Use them well.
Word of advice, kid. The Wonderbolts are yours now. Since its founding, each leader has left his or her own mark. I know I was your role model; heck, it’s flattering to no end. I rub it in Soarin’s face every chance I get. But—and this is huge—don’t try to copy me. Be your own mare. Show Equestria what the Wonderbolts are capable of under the first pony to do the Sonic Rainboom in forever.
I’d ask you to do me proud, but I already know you will.
-Spitfire
P.S.
I put your name forward, so don’t blame Princess Twilight. Consider it payback for that itching powder cloud prank you pulled at graduation.
P.P.S.
Read the book cover to cover. Trust me, you’ll need it.
P.P.P.S.
Included is a special present for Cloud Kicker. Try to keep them clean.
Right. If Spitfire believed in her, Dash vowed not to let her down. When she was done, flyers from all over Equestria would be kicking down her door.
It’s not like she’d be alone. Rainbow looked at the three faces across from her: the playful yet dependable smile of an old friend and colleague, the confident smirk of a rival, and a oddly blithe grin of Surprise.
Rainbow Dash chuckled to herself. If anypony would’ve told her younger self she’d someday understand what a word like ‘blithe’ meant, let alone well enough to use it in correct context, she’d have laughed her tail off. Heck, if Twilight found out, she’d probably use her Princess powers to declare a national holiday.
Straightening up, the new captain issued her first orders with a sweep of a hoof.
“Cloud Kicker, I want a list of possible promotions on my desk first thing in the morning.”
“You got it, boss.” Cloud Kicker saluted.
“Lightning Dust.” Dust nodded. “Find us some cadets. Winners of recent major racing events, skilled weather ponies, stunt flyers, anypony.” Rainbow Dash leaned forward with the beginnings of a feral grin forming. “Leave no cloud unturned, and I mean none of them. If you think a candidate is Wonderbolt material then I don't care where you find them. Keep a special eye out for any guard recruits who wash out for discipline reasons or even if they look like they may want an alternative career flying instead of impersonating statues all day.”
Lightning Dust gave a sloppy salute. “Consider it done.”
“Surprise, you—where’d you get that cloudcake?!”
“Wha? This?” Crumbs sprayed from Surprise's mouth, decorating Dash’s blue fur with tiny specks of vanilla frosting.
Rainbow looked on, expressionless, at the fluffy white layer cake. A specialty exclusive to Cloudsdale, the special mix of leaveners meant one risked the cake floating away unless it was tethered a specially designed weighted cake stand. While this property was thankfully lost to each piece when cut, the taste was lighter than any other type of cake known to ponykind.
The words ‘Congratulations Ranblow Dish!’ were written in multicolored frosting on the one now hovering over a small side table.
“You want a piece?” Surprise bounced over with up a large chunk of misspelled name balanced on her wing. Unfortunately, the trophy from earlier made itself known, catching the edge of one her forehooves. “Oopsie!”
Splut!
Good thing the shade of frosting matched Dash’s coat. Bits of moist sponge cake slid down her face as she drummed her hooves. Her so called ‘friends’ collapsed on the floor laughing while Surprise hopped over.
“I’m sooo sorry!” she said. “I’ll have you cleaned up in a jiffy!” Before Dash could blink her vision turned pink, moist, and a bit sticky. The others stared in fascination. Lightning Dust couldn’t figure out how anypony could fit such a ridiculously long tongue in their mouth, while based on the lecherous leer painted on her face, Cloud Kicker had a much different thought.
“I really, really like where this is going.”
“Mmm… sweet and spicy!” said Surprise as soon as she finished ‘cleaning,’
Fortunately for Surprise's continued survival, years of dealing with ‘Pinkie baths’, a phrase coined by Applejack, had worn her down. She found getting upset pointless and simply settled for begrudging acceptance. She took a hopelessly outmatched tissue to her drool covered fur.
“Surprise, you’re close friends with all the Wonderbolts who took off, right?” the spittle-covered captain asked her springy subordinate.
“Absolutely-positutely! They don’t call me ‘The Party in the Sky’ for nothing!” Her blonde curls bounced as she nodded vigorously. “My aftershow parties were the best.
“Everypony loved them, except for the one time with the tuba, the bottle of vodka, and the flock of skylarks. I may have been a bit tipsy when I planned that one. It all worked out in the end though. Still,” she huffed, “Fleetfoot totally didn’t need to yell at me. Her eyebrows grew back. And then there was that other time at the Manehatten zoo—”
The party pony’s rambling continued for another minute until, at a nod from Dash, Cloud Kicker stuffed a hoof in her mouth.
“That’s great, Surprise. And exactly why you’re the best pony to convince them to come back,” Dash spoke quickly then nodded for Cloud Kicker to remove her hoof, who, apparently enjoying the wet sensation, did so with reluctance.
“Roger roger, dodger dodger, Dashie!” Surprise cranked out a salute. “But first, you know what this calls for?”
“…A party?” Dash guessed, rolling a hoof in the air while resting a check against the her other.
“Wow! How’d you guess?” Her eyes narrowed, Surprise leaned forward and smooshed Dash’s cheeks together. “Are you psychic?” She circled her hooves against the sides of her head. “Quick! What am I thinking right now?”
“...Cupcakes?”
Surprise gasped with such force, she inhaled Rainbow’s mane. On the off chance she’d missed some frosting the first time, Surprise chewed the chromatic strands idly for a moment. To her disappointment, it did not taste sweet at all.
Again, years of built up tolerance allowed Dash to calmly wait for the slobbering ordeal to end. Like the Iron Pony herself, Dash’s mane was tough and had survived far greater disasters. She had been struck by lightning, set on fire, shaved in various degrees by both Pinkie Pie in an ill-conceived plan to use hair as an ingredient and Scootaloo in an ill-conceived plan to create an enchanted wig granting… Awesomenessity. Her mane had even survived being styled by Rarity on at least three occasions and a terrifying trip to the spa that had involved curlers.
Not finding any sweetness, Surprise flew in reverse. She reared up, criss-crossing her forelegs like a shield. “She’s scanning me! Get out of my head!”
The others watched, not sure what to make of Surprise as she rolled around on the floor, clutching the sides of her noggin.
“Hey, Dash.” Cloud Kicker waggled her eyebrows. “Can you guess what I’m thinking?”
Without missing a beat, Dash listed off in a deadpan manner, “Surprise. Her tongue. Me, drinking ’til all the brain cells storing that image die, or I black out. Whichever comes first.”
“Wow, either you can read minds or I’ve become really predictable.” Cloud Kicker lifted a hoof to her chin. “Maybe I need to get some new material.”
Lightning Dust snorted. “Does it involve you stopping with the dirty jokes and double entendres? Maybe come up with something with actual class. Or can we just expect more butt jokes?”
Cloud Kicker gasped, looking offended at the very notion. “I think we both know the answer to that question. And since when do you know that brain cells store memories, Dash?”
“Meh.” Rainbow gave her wings a slight shrug. “Kinda picked it up through osmosis hanging out with Twilight all these years. And yes, the fact that I know what osmosis means scares me too.”
Cloud Kicker shrugged. “Better late than never. Some of us actually stayed awake during Basic Weather Management.” She turned to Surprise who was still rolling around, yelling about mind invasion. “You up for some drinking, Surprise?”
“Drinking? I love drinking!” Surprise exploded, previous mental invasion apparently forgotten, bounding to her hooves. She pulled her fellow wing commanders from across the room into an impossible hug. “The only thing I love more is partying. And partying involves drinking. Unless it’s a children’s party, then no booze, only punch. I don’t mean to brag, but I do make the best fruit punch in all of Equestria!“
“I don’t know about that. Bet Pinkie Pie could give you a run for your money.”
Surprise quirked an eyebrow as she squinted at Cloud Kicker. “Pink earth pony?”
Nod.
“The Element of Giggliness?”
“More like Element of Jigglyness. Am I right, Dash? Up high!” The captain remained unamused. Left hanging, Cloud Kicker muttered, “Spoilsport,” lowering her hoof. “Yeah, that’s Pinkie all right.”
“Nope, never heard of her,” said Surprise. She turned and hopped out the door. “C’mon, I know a great place downtown. I’ll race you there.”
Lighting Dust grunted as she stretched her wings. “Alright, but Cloud Kicker gets a head start. No way I’m flying with her on my six. I swear she hangs back on purpose.”
“Sometimes it’s good to slow down and enjoy the sights, Dusty.”
“Well, enjoy them all you like, cuz you’ll be fighting for second place,” Dash bragged. She was halfway out of her chair before Surprise surprised her by gently pushing her back down.
“Nope nope.” Surprise shook her head. “No partying for you, Captain. You’ve got to sign and stamp these maintenance orders by tomorrow.” A large stack of papers were pulled out of her mane then plopped on Rainbow’s desk. “And here’s a brand spanking new ink pad for your hoofstamp. Enjoy! Let’s party, girls!”
A white blur marked the trio’s departure, leaving Dash with only a half-eaten cake and a near-empty bottle of brandy for company.
Rainbow Miriam Dash, Captain of the Wonderbolts glanced from her newly minted captain’s pin to the mountain of paperwork laid on her desk and, not for the first time, wondered—no, knew—she’d been tricked.
Whoops. Sorry about that.
To the wonderful readers who previewed the story while it was in beta, my thanks and apologies. I kinda deleted the chapters and recreated them while I was fiddling with the story.
I didn’t know the comments would be deleted as well. I thought all comments were tied to the story as a whole. My bad.
Nevertheless, I encourage you to give the story another read as there have been several major revisions based on your feedback.
Primarily, I added a bit more depth to Cloud Kicker. No longer is she just a one mare sex joke machine.
There is a better explanation of why Rainbow Dash became the serious one in the group.
I can relate.When I got promoted to manager, it was no fun being the bad guy. Being forced to discipline or fire people is the worst feeling ever.
Please give me moar
I am loving this.
Okay, my impression from chapter one.
I generally like where this is going and am looking forward to more. One mild criticism would be that even though you seem to be going for a light hearted, three stooges slapstick feel, Cloud Kicker does come off as a bit over the top.
In the other winningverse stories she has serious and fun conversations which are sprinkled with innuendo. In this chapter instead of a sprinkling of innuendo we have heaping mounds of it, where it becomes virtually everything she says. This makes her less likable, less complex, and less funny as a character.
I would let her be sort of a fake straight man in the interactions between Her, Dash, Surprise, and Dust. Where she is mostly helping to move the conversation along and calm the others down, only to occasionally break out with a innuendo that derails the meeting again.
My two cents anyway, looking forward to reading chapter 2
Well...
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NO ONE EXPECTS, THE SUPRISE INQUISITION! Our chief weapon is surprise and fear... fear and surprise. Our TWO weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency. Our THREE weapons are fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Party.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.
whoa... leadership
GROOVY
Ranks are never hyphenated. While we are on the subject, you have your ranks backwards; in the USAF, Captain is lower than Lt Col is lower than Colonel. So according to your current rankings, Rainbow Dash is the lowest rank Officer in the place and Surprise is the highest. Source 1 and Source 2. You can easily fix this by making Surprise a 1st Lieutenant and Dust and Cloud Kicker 2nd Lieutenants (assuming Surprise is ranked higher because of her seniority).
the hyphen is technically optional
spl
incorrect dash spacing; should have spaces on both sides or none at all. Should be close quote
inconsistent capitalization.
vague motion
Should two words. Also having trouble following who is saying what. This isn't the only place where speaker identification is a bit problematic.
Awkward phrasing
Hammerspace clipboard.
I believe the correct punctuation for this is "dot my I's" (letters should always be capitalized when you are referring to the letter itself).
comma for dependent clause I believe
missing word. Also, the entire second clause is pretty tell-y and slows down things; the reader can easily infer it themselves, given the circumstances and the look.
compound adjectives, need hyphens
Not technically incorrect, but I think in this case making it a single word would make the sentence easier to parse.
Seems redundant, especially since the sproing is already italicized, indicating it is a sound
Not wrong, but hammerspace newspaper and weird word choice make this a pretty awkward sentence
List of 3+ items, needs commas. Dialogue, so you can bend the rules, natch
mixing em dashes and en dashes. Actions that interrupt sentences are usually punctuated with commas, not dashes, but you can do either
More items appearing from nowhere. Doubly problematic, since she doesn't unwrap the brandy until later; is this a different bottle or the same one from the future?
tense shift
superfluous space. In the future, ctrl F can find these pretty easily.
Lists are not usually punctuated this way unless some of the items contain commas. I think it would be less jarring with commas instead of semicolons
Incorrect paragraph spacing. While I'm on the subject, having both indents and an empty line after each paragraph is redundant; typesetting procedure only needs one or the other. I personally find all that white space ugly, as well.
A common stylistic issue I noticed was your use of over-description when you describe character actions. It feels like you're trying to cram as much information into the story in as short a space of time as possible, and it makes everything feel rushed. Some examples;
These sentences have multiple subjects and a lot of information stuffed into them. This is a very common beginner mistake, and while it can be good in small doses, it makes sentences harder to follow and damages pacing. This is doubly problematic because of your over-use of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Picking out individual characters is much more difficult when you describe them in a roundabout way, and it's even harder when your sentences have multiple subjects and thoughts.
Just taking the first sentence listed, it could easily be re-written for clarity and speed without sacrificing any details.
Or something like that.
Your short description has a comma splice in it, and a superfluous comma in a different sentence.
Wall of corrections aside, I laughed out loud several times while reading it. Aside from the aforementioned issues, the dialogue was snappy and engaging and the characterization was solid.
Surprise is lying; there's no way that her family doesn't have an Earth Pony branch that has led to a certain pink Party Menace/Reality Breaker.
This was a great first chapter. You did a great job of presenting the character, their dilemmas and their natures so we are all set up. I particularly liked how you made Dash grow up. She's still recognisable as the same character but this is the Dash that's faced Discord, Nightmare Moon and Sombra and come out the other side a very much wiser pony. It's also interesting that this is political (since when are senior military posts not political, after all?) with Twilight's appointment of RD being up for scrutiny because Rainbow (although one of the most naturally gifted fliers of her or any other generation) is her friend, so it's 'nepotism'. Rainbow has a lot of prove (to herself as well as everypony else) and I'm pretty sure that would weight heavily on her.
I love how you described how experience with Pinkie made Dash and CK more-or-less immune to Surprise's weird nature. Lightning Dust wasn't so lucky.
So, I'm thinking Dash as Red Leader, Dust as Blue Leader, Surprise as Gold Leader and CK, as the training wing commander, as Green Leader.
Loving the story so far, though a couple continuity errors with the Winningverse at large really stick out at me: first and foremost, it's well established in The Incredibly Embarrassing Parents of Rainbow Dash that Surprise is one of Rainbow's parents; is the departure from canon intentional, and if so, what's the reasoning behind it? Secondly, there's no indication (yet - I haven't read the second chapter yet) that Rainbow and Pinkie are in a relationship, even though there's a few places in the conversation Surprise is involved in, where some sort of mention of it, even strictly in the narration, would quite naturally fit. Is this another departure from the Winningverse canon, does it indicate a status change in their relationship (I sure hope not, but even if so, it could still be mentioned somewhere), or is it an accidental or intentional omission?
That being said, I have no complaints if this turns out to be an alternate continuity to the main Winningverse canon; as I said, I'm loving the story and can't wait to see where it goes.
Should be a 'the' after she and. As in 'She and the blonde Pegasus. ^^;
"Just have to wrap her..." a slight word jumble there, actually. at least, that's what it sounds like to me.
Telling us where to find some old records or something. Is what I think should be the correct sentence... but I dunno.
...Sorry in advance for all these corrections. I just really like this story, but this being chapter one I want it to be the best of the best <3 Also, hope you write lots more ^v^
Proved enough "to" get Dash fuming. ^^; ....sorry
In the letter from spitfire. As "a" gift, ^^; ......really sorry....
I'm not sure about the proper pronunciation but I think maybe it should be "Captain of 'the' Royal Guard" .... ^^;
Shouldn't it be a ...not an?....I mean...spoken out loud that seems to roll off the tongue better....but I could be wrong ^^; ...sorry...
Also author's notes, you put took instead of look...but nevermind ^^; ....sorry.
Um anyways, now that that's out of the way, I'd like to say two things.
One: I LOVE THIS. I am so eager to read more~ Not just because I love the plot line but because I can SEE this kind of thing ACTUALLY HAPPENING.
Which brings me to number two: I HOPE M A Larson gets a hold of this, I think this'd be fantastic for the show....ugh, if only it wasn't a kid's show. I CRAVE seeing Cloud Kicker getting all revved up like that, it's so much fun <3
Also hoping for some parts involving Cloud Chaser, Love her, she's got such an awesome mane ^^....
I dread the day the others come to visit Dash and Pinkie meets Surprise.
There's a unicorn one out there....she's out there...waiting...
3257045
We NEED unicorn Pinkie Pie. How does this not exist yet? Someone get on that!
3255608
Optional? Not according to any of my English-composition teachers, it wasn't. Compound adjectives must be hyphenated.
3255608 am I the only critic who critiques the lack of puns in a story?
Great start! I'm really liking how Dash has grown from her character in the show.
"O Captain my captain" Reminded me of Dead Poets Society. Insta-fave. Also this is a pretty good story. Way to take Dash OOC and make it work.
Okay... I have to ask. On what military structure, aviation or otherwise, does the rank of "Lieutenant Colonel" fall as subordinate to the rank of "Captain?" By Air Force standards, Lightning Dust would out rank Rainbow Dash by two full pay grades. Just curious.
>Dressed in uniform blues, Rainbow Dash glanced from the newly minted captain’s pin cradled in her hoof to the mountain of paperwork piled on her new desk and, not for the first time, wondered if she’d been tricked.
Honestly, that is one heck of a well-crafted first sentence. Sets the scene, kicks it off, and hooks the reader right into the story. Not a single wasted phrase. Absolutely textbook. And it's nice to see a more slightly matured Dash who is nonetheless a natural progression from her canon self, as well as versions of the other three who are still recognizably themselves, yet have the experience to work together towards a common goal with nothing more than a bit of friendly bickering.
Is this Winningverse? People are talking about Winningverse continuity, but the story and the description don't mention any connection to that setting.
Things like Cloud Kicker's...*ahem*..."odd hobbies"...really make being part of the fandom fun.
well dash you cna at least order lighting dust to replace the brandy.
3256129
Nowhere is it said that this story is in the Winningverse. I think it stands as its own, without any relations to it, except it uses the same characters.
The amount of perverted jokes in this fic is amazingly hilarious, and this is coming from somebody who shudders at the thought of anything sexually implied.
3257680
I think it does. You see Unicorn Pinkie was around before Celestia and Luna. Anyways, being Pinkie Unicorn, she cast several random and reality warping spells, years of doing so warped the reality of her being until she was a male comprised of several different animal parts. The limitless pool of random magic corrupted her/his mind until he finally gained the voice of John de Lancie and thus ascended to godhood. And that's why we don't have unicorn Pinkie...
Also brilliant story Seether. I do like the level of maturity Dash has reached, though I hope that she don't always have to be the straight man.
Could it be...
O hai Cloud Kicker.
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If Dust is Dash's second in command, then why does Surprise outrank her?
Geez, 'Bolts. Mass resignations like that? Not classy. At least Spits sent some good booze over.
3283549
I'm almost tempted to accept that as my headcanon just because of how ridiculous it is, and how very Discord.
I like this Dash, she's still the same mare from the show, but she's grown up and matured. I like Cloud as well, she knows how to be serious even with an overactive sex drive. I'm actually impressed, Surprise is superficially similar to Pinkie, but is actually quite different, just as random, but she has a different kind of random feel than Pinkie. Dash is gonna be happy Scoots managed to make it to Wonderbolts Reserve, let's hope she can also keep that in check and remain calm, while the filly that idolized her has made it into the same place she has and has wanted for ages, I get the feeling that by the description and the image, that she's gonna need to be knocked down a few pegs. Glad to see Lightning Dust is reasonable, not unlike Dash herself here, if not slightly more brash, but if she wasn't, she'd just be a copy of Dash's base character.
YES! (He did enjoy it)
T (FN)
Wow. Spitfire and the other Wonderbolts just, totally bailed on her, huh? Like, that is, eminently crappy.
"Here you go, have the team. I'm taking the entire roster with me, though. No hard feelings?"
I... Would not take it as well as Dash seems to be. Like, I might ban them all from any activity involving the Wonderbolts. And their children, and their children's children's children. And get their pensions revoked for conspiracy to sabotage the unit. I mean, it is an active military unit that she conspired to gut, putting it below operational levels of staff. I kind of doubt the Princesses, since they seem to be Dash's direct superiors, would allow one of their top military units to suddenly cease to exist for all intents and purposes. What if there's a disaster while Dash is frantically rebuilding and training the new 'Bolts? Not Spitfire's problem anymore.
If such a thing happened, and there were casualties, whether civilian or from the unit, I think I'd send Spitfire the butchers bill. With pictures.
TL:DR Rainbow is surprisingly mature and forgiving, I highly disapprove of Spitfire's actions, and it's a good story that can get me this riled up. =P
Well, it looks and quacks like a dead fic, but what the hey. I'll give it a read, and lead some comments.
Lightning Dust and Cloud Kicker both have the right of it of the Captain's job sucking hard. Sure, after Rainbow Dash is retired and everything in the far future, she'll have the glory to reflect on, but in the here and now it's pretty clear which pony is being the most stressed upon. It's not the green one or the lecherous one . It looks like Rainbow Dash will own it, but she won't get to put stuff of until the last second anymore just because she can clear the clouds in ten seconds flat!
Still, certainly a dick move for all the former Wonderbolts to pretty much get the heck out of dodge like that. I suppose a little bit of spite will have to drive Rainbow Dash and whoever else she pulls in forward. She's got a few good foils at least, and Lightning Dust, Surprise and Cloud Kicker will certainly get into lots of antics. Seeing RD forced to play the straight mare as all the other ponies in this
townWonderbolts unit are crazy should be a treat.Anyways...if the story is modelled perfectly with regards to the cover art, I'm sure Rainbow Dash will find a talent that is even better than she was in coming to the Wonderbolts Academy
I like to think I'm not a total prude, but honestly, pinning Lightning Dust down and ogling the new recruits crosses over from "Healthy if highly active sex drive" to "Creepy" territory, I'm sorry.
...
Well, it looks like Rainbow's desire came through.
Is Surprise related to the Apples?
Yeah, I'm upset too, Rainbow, though more on Princess Twilight's behalf.
*breathes quickly*
Rainbow Dash, you must not screw.
... No pressure!
Passive-aggressiveness aside...
I want a copy of that book.
Yes. That's exactly what you're going to do. Totally.
En... Enchanted wig!
Welp.
So...
The middle is the worst?
Cloud Kicker sucked it on pure reflex.
I'm not sorry.
This was a fun chapter.
Not what I was expecting for a Dash-led group of flyers. Wow, nopony left in the group? They all bailed when Spitfire retired? That doesn't sound like teamwork; I thought Spitfire would have imparted more loyalty to the group and the Academy. IT's a great start and can't wait to read more; wish this had been finished because I'm curious now as to what the final outcome would have been.
I thought it WAS pinkie when I saw the ‘SURPRISE”, oh well
Can anyone explain to me why the first chapter has 76k views, while the second chapter only has 7k?
It just seems strange to me. These two chapters were published on the same day right?