After saving the world -twice, now- from certain doom, the Ghostbusters intend to take a rest, as much as they can, at least. But then something they've never seen before comes into their lives, and a new adventure begins for all involved as they take on a new recruit!
Crossover with Ghostbusters: The Video Game
Takes place after the second movie
Also, a shoutout to NightSaber on Deviantart for the image.
The idea is interesting, but everything is way way rushed. Spread this one chapter out to maybe 5 or 6, jumping a couple of years each time, and that would probably help the pacing.
All this exposition about equipment and whatnot makes this feel like the tutorial level of a video game.
EDIT: oh. Apparently that's exactly what the source material is. Still, this reads like you copied straight from the game text and added Twilight responding every few lines. Might I suggest checking out the works of Tatsurou? He's become rather well known for his stories where ponies are raised by video game characters in-game.
7410258 I do follow his stories, and i can't promise that mine will be of that quality. (my favourite among those was You Can't Spell Slaughter Without Laughter.)
And yes, while this is based heavily on the video game -and will later link up with the most recent one- and will be somewhat similar, there will be some marked differences from the game when i write subsequent chapters. Like what? I'm not sure yet.
I may also edit or even re-write the chapters as i see fit.
I'm not writing the next FMA Brotherhood, here.
7411347 will you make chapter 3
7605579 Eventually. I do have other stories going and i have a bit of writer's block, but i hope that'll clear up soon.
7605789 clear up what
7606011 writer's block. It's really frustrating, a bit.
7606055 then make it stop
7606799 it's not that simple. I need some inspiration to continue with any efficiency.
Of course, i used to get some of my better material from my dreams, but i haven't had a dream i can remember for a LONG time.
7606946 so what are you going to do now?
7607522 I have other stories going as well,and i get an idea for them now and then. It'll take a while, but the story WILL continue.
I think.
7607564 i hope so to because I like Ghostbusters the video game and I got that game and I want to see the stay puft part
7607884 I'll try my best.
7607895 good i really want to see that
7609551 in fact, i actually got a few ideas and started on chapter 3. It'll work out a bit differently than in the game.
7609830 well do you have that game and watch it on youtube
7609859 have the game. Beat it several times.
7610002 well I have be finish the game and me to
now that's more like it
will you make chapter 3
7625382 eventually.
7625837 come on I really want to see stay puft part
7626605 that's like two, maybe three chapters away. even when i get to that again, it'll be a while
7626635 a while
7626863 yes.
7628272 come on
finally
will you make chapter 4 please
7649847 it's in progress.
7649985 what's that mean
7649995 it MEANS that i've been working on it off and on. It WILL come out. When it comes out! Bugging me about it isn't going to make me do it any faster.
7650115 i know I just want to see the stay puft part
7650115 will you please make chapter 4
7668801 Actually, i've just finished it.
thank you
will you make chapter 5 please
7688287 I've been sick for the past few days, so it's going to take me a bit longer until i recover and can concentrate enough to come up with the chapter.
7689394 ok
7689394 well
7713966 I rather forgot So much has been going on recently.
7714224 really
that is...AMAING!
7715934 Yeah, well i'm glad you liked it. My previous comment still applies, though.
7715973 thanks for everything but I'm glad the stay puft part is turn out great
Twilight as the ''Rookie''?
ehh...
This seems like an cheap copy/paste where you more or less replace the words with:
Rookie - Twilight
walked - cantered
ran - galloped
screamed in panic - neighed in panic
and so on.....
There is just too many of these stories on this site!
Don't just be another one of them....
Prepare thyself for info-dump!
I think it would have been better to have the original Rookie in it, and make him & Twilight a type of 'dynamic due', Thus truly making this your story!
Even if Twilight is a fast learner and very intelligent.... she is still young and lack general experience and simple 'know-hows'.
Where the original Rookie (in the game his character was bland and grey, this would let you go wild with his character build!) would be the one guy who trips into the situation, with the somewhat snarky 'why me' attitude.
This would then open up more opportunities for character development between them and separate:
- Maybe even give them half each of the special equipment, so they would be reliant on each other and forced to work as a team!
- Twilight acting a little arrogant (backed by knowledge fro Egon and caused by quirks adopted from Peter)
but in the field..... well she may loose her head quickly when plan don't go accordingly.
Enter the improvising Rookie! There is always a way, and if there aren't one.... he will MAKE ONE!
- The Rookie being older, and thus (from his POV) feeling he's stuck on babysitting-duty....
But of course Twilight ain't just your regular 'run of the mill' adorkable unicorn.... She quite smart and have the answer/solution to nearly any question/situation.
- Then there is the separation parts where you can just use one or both POV's, which can really be exploited for some real groundbreaking Chara.Dev. after or when they reunite through hardships!
- Then when the understands and recognize each others and their own flaws and abilities they bring to the 'two-man-team'
- The true team-bond gets born before the 'big bad'-event, and they finally work in Harmony!
- Sequel!?!? ''My little Ghostburster: The Manehatten/Ponyville Branch''
Where Twilight must help Rookie to get back to Earth, and decide which family she wants to stay with....
kitodiaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/7-sequels-we-are-still-waiting-to-see-866493.jpg
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There is the reason to why so many different medias use a 'main-duo', and that is to use one character to build the other and to add more depth to the story....
Kinda like like how we got two eyes.... seeing trough one eye will let you see what is in front of you, but seeing through both will let you see the depth of it all and in better detail!
amazing
ha... Twi showing who's the boss.
chapter 6?
7889412 Getting there, but i've been working on other stories.
Also i'm not sure what else i'm going to do with that chapter. But i'll think of something.
Jeez. I might also have to download the game again to remember what happened where.
7889609 happen where what?