Allen, an average human living a not so eventful life, is sent to Equestria by Starswirl the Bearded. After being transformed into a pony by the princesses, he becomes Starswirl's apprentice. This is the story of their endeavors.
Credit for the cover art goes to Just-Plain-Cat: http://goo.gl/Ue08L
Page generated in 0.745 seconds
Total duration
967 users online
289,380 hits today, 2,987,370 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The cover art bleeds pure awesome.
856061 Thanks.
DUDE
that's awesome
856076 Really? I'm glad you think so.
856061 I concur. Keep up the good work MBB
856091 you are a dude right
856099 Yes, which is why I'm a brony. Not a pegasister.
856106 Would make sense lol i think it's fun nicki is set both for boys and for girls but i'am a boy (brony for life LOL)
"“Hello?”
“Hey mom. I just wanted to wish you a happy anniver--” He tripped on the leg of the chair he was previously sitting in and fell. Just before hitting the wall, he panicked, dropped the phone, and put his hands out; then everything went black. But it didn’t feel like a black out...
His vision returned. Allen looked at the ground that he was lying on. “Where’d the wall go..? This isn’t my floor..” Lifting himself off the foreign floor, he looked around and saw… a pony..? With a beard, hat, and a cape..?
“Ok.. this is weird,” he said aloud.
“So you can speak? What an odd creature you are. What are you?”
“YOU CAN TALK?! YOU’RE A PONY AND YOU CAN TALK?!”
“Yes, I can. And since you aren’t going to introduce yourself first, my name is Starswirl The Bearded; apparently, I have just discovered interdimensional travel. And, may I ask again, what species are you?”
Allen took a deep breath and got a hold of himself. Stuttering he said to the pony, “My name is Allen, and I’m a human from Earth. Um.. where am I?”"
Now, I am just going to go ahead and say that this right here. In my opinion, really needs redoing. It PERFECTLY fits the "I fell and somehow ended up in equestria stereotype, along with moving WAYYY to fast. I would say add a little action in with the dialouge, but I would just look back at this.
Very interesting story concept too, I would love to see more of it.
861861 Yes but it explains that it wasn't him falling through a mistake spell it was completly on purpose interdimensional travel. Thanks for the criticism it helps. I'll see what I can do to fix it.
862504
My main problem is the pure speed you go through it with. Slow down, give some details, and some reactions. First off the whole, "knocked out an in equestria" Perhaps have the portal appear in a strange situation (perhaps walking into bathroom stall in a crowded restroom, he walks in, and it screws over all the other people?)
The biggest deal is the lack of information here. Two lines of that could be turned into a whole paragraph.
862681
Hey. I'm the editor for this story. Just wanted to clarify that he doesn't get knocked out. A portal had been opened by Starswirl, which was somewhat shoot or miss due to the fact that he didn't know where it would end up. Conveniently, it ended up opening right when Allen had tripped over the leg of the chair. The "black out" was due to entering the portal. Again, I'm just the editor; I don't add my own ideas to the story, I just check grammar/spelling and if needed rephrase a couple of things. Just wanted to clarify this, and hope that I don't come out sounding harsh.
It didn't. My mistake anyway, It sounded to me like he had blacked out.
Ahh, just reread. Very stupid of me.