- Member Since 24th Mar, 2018
- offline last seen April 24th
Davis Collus
I know what I like. Support me on ko-fi.com/daviscollus
Davis Collus
Joined 24th Mar, 2018 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Caladis · 9.8k words · 46 29 · 1.1k views
- Game-BeatX14 · 4.4k words · 34 18 · 3.2k views
- Alduin after dark · 3.5k words · 57 7 · 2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.153 seconds
Total duration
1,080 users online
1,908,192 hits today, 2,000,244 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hey folks. Thanks for coming to read my story. I hope you've enjoyed it. If anything is amiss, anything you spot needs changing or is wrong. Let me know, I'll fix it asap. I just wanna give you the best experience reading this I can. Also... Don't worry about Aqua. I'm sure she'll adjust >:)
I can already see this ending in Stockholm Syndrome.
Other than that I noticed an error.
That should be Are.
9300233
Thank you for the spot! :) I swear, you can read it 100 times and miss the simplest of things -.-
Poor Aqua Star. I know this sounds redundant given how it will go, but it makes you really wish there's a happy ending for her.
9300256
Well... The tag does say "Incomplete" So who knows how this will end? Maybe she'll escape? Maybe she'll come to love it? Maybe she'll snap, kill him and take all that is his and live like a princess for the rest of her life?
The only thing that is for sure... is nothings for sure. ;)
9300301
Of course, I am saying as her fate touches me, that's all. Thought I guess best for her would be to be free and become stepmother of his daughter. I mean, the way you portrayed her makes her look like she would make a great mother.
9300301
Judging from your comments in the previous story I'd say you love this dark stuff too much to allow a happy ending. Maaaybe she snaps and gives him a dark death or at least tries to and fails horribly. But, depending on your opinion, the option where she comes to love it would be the darkest end because it implies the breaking of her will and resignation of freedom. Either way, I'd bet my house that you won't let her escape this.
This is not a shallow attempt at reverse psychology.Forced Consensual Sex?
What?
9300511
Yeah, see now that's where I'm also confused. See what do you call it when you don't want to have sex with someone but you're blackmailed into it. You don't want to consent to it, but you're not really given a choice. So you give your body but not your mind. You don't want it but you won't fight it. Is it consent? or are you forced to consent?
It's funny really, I can write this stuff but don't actually dig deep enough into the genre's to understand it. I just know what I like >:)
9300325
I like your thinking. Let's find out. ;)
9300929
I think your tag sums it up fine enough. This is non-con. Basically if the character would've said no in the event that there were no threats and everything was fully disclosed it's considered non-con if they are made to say yes by any form of coercion or deceit.
And yeah I personally would rather the guy get what's coming to him. But really what can she do? Her only friend in all this is the butler, and he's already sold his soul to the devil. He's not gonna stick his neck out for her at the expense of his children's future. So while I would rather an end where at least both Aqua and Ego both meet a miserable fate, if not one where Aqua reclaims her freedom, I'm stepping into this one with a bit of detachment. The premise just doesn't really show promise for any modicum of victory on her part so I'm not gonna cross my fingers for it.
This would have to be a better written Post, Pre, or Sequel than most Movies today. I feel I love the quality work, too.
9301089
Thank you very much. It means a lot. Been working on this for months and had to keep rewriting the three chapters until I was happy with where I was going. And I am and there's still a lot more to come. So settle in tight and get ready for a ride!
9301086
Thanks for helping clear it up :)
a cold smirk cross her muzzle I believe
9301285
Thanks for the spot :) Seriously, how do I miss these?
Sweet a follow up!
Your talent for detail and emotion is remarkable. Even it's just the start, the more I read, the more I hope there's a happy ending for Aqua.
wow fantastic read. as much as i have to admit that i like all the action, i really have the urge geld and shoot that Bastard. its only matter of time he will violate his own daughter...
9449476
9449959
Thank you :) I'm certainly trying my best and I'm really happy to see people want the best for Aqua, and the worst for Centric. Well I'll try and get the next chapter out much sooner as I'm really excited for what I have planned for this story, but as you say Bronycommander. This is just the start. ;)
9450096
Indeed it is
im between wow and enraged
9450169
A good place to be, considering the story. :) I hope to build on these emotions over the next few chapters.
9450096
Violet needs to die, too
9450400
Well, her story will be told soon enough ;)
9450408
Okay, but don't expect any sympathy on my part if she's one of those "I had to become a monster to survive" cases.
9450420
Don't worry. You're not going to ;) This ain't no Diamond Tiara situation. I'll say no more
đŸ¤”đŸ¤”đŸ¤”
I Don't think so.
that foreshadowing, i can imagine centric managing some kind of foal-molester society.
Just a quick comment on something awesome you did here, this is an absolutely perfect way to make a bad guy of high caliber. A character who is as loving and sweet to children as all can be, has invested and set himself up as the lynch pin in so many great public works which hold up the society he is a part of, has adopted a persona of benevolence and good faith, and has planned out multiple layers of plausible deniability and back up plans to ensure any who cross him suffer greatly not just themselves, but over the people they care for being undone by his machinations.
The only weakness they would have is someone who cares little about the world and themselves burning with the antagonist.
On another note, I wonder how centric will react if he finds out one of his minons is feeling up his daughter and trying to sexually abuse her.
How would the antagonist react if Aqua didn't name her foal?
9801822
Oh, I'm sure he'd name the child himself. Her input isn't necessary to him.
are you're still Working on this?
Also, if i may say, your Story gave me a Dark thought once.
And just Wondering, as Aqua has to live with him, who takes care of her Cat?
Plus, shouldn't have her Cat noticed the intruder, thus attacking him once Hearing her distress? Don't don't get me wrong, Cats can defend their owners as Dogs do.
10049412
I have a strong desire to return to this story, yes. However I hit that block as many of us do where I want to get from A to C but I can't figure out how to get through B. A part is written, C part is in my head but can go one of two way and I hate that I can't decide which is better. and that's why B is stopping me from progressing. I'm writing a few other stories atm since I am trying to just keep improving till my brain kicks into gear and I really hope it does.
A dark thought? Goodness, I hope you're doing okay. If you ever need someone to vent to that you feel would just listen, not judge and won't patronise you with "It'll be fine" comments. My DM's are always open.
Good spot on the cat, lol. Actually it's going to be addressed in the next chapter. There was a plan for the cat to show up at the mansion, but I thought considering the next chapter is called. "Aqua's Flight" the cat would just be in the way of what was planned :P
As for the cat attacking the intruder? I guess in my head I've always known cats to run away from dangerous situations. Plus, if the cat did attack, he'd have hurt it, and I don't think anyone wants that. :P
10050316
Ah, okay. I just wondered as I saw too many stores as incomplete but never got updated again.
Thanks.
Right. Still, you might explain in a chapter what her cat was doing when she was attacked. I mean, there was no mention she was outside or anything. And I had cats who were really desive of the family/property.
Really, the first cat in my family had a mother instict or me and almost slit my grandmother's throat as she entered in the middle of the nighht
10050325
Oh yikes, I'm sorry for your grandma there. Hope she was okay. I suppose I could add a little something about the cat. Doesn't have to be big, but this cat's personality I had marked down as just fussy for attention when it wants and not concerned for its owner. Don't think me mean or anything, I LOVE cats! But cats are very diverse like people and some just aren't the protective type and this one's more on self-survival.
10050353
I love them too. My grandma, nothing to worry. She was supposed to watch over me and entered when I was asleep, so she didn't wanted to disturb me and kept the light out. In the dark, the cat didn't recognize her, mistook her for an intruder, thus the attack but calmed down as she heard my grandma's voice.
Fun fact, said cat even scared a dog and hunted him back to his bed
If you think any extra things should be added to the lists above, let me know, I'll add them
Theres no mention of foalcon?
10072523
I'm not positive about adding any to the story. Implied in future chapters, yes, but nothing yet. The only thing that comes close is the Teenager in chapter 4.
10073564
haha....yea..dont think it would go well in this story anyway. I dont mind the premise or anything thats happening in the story. It is after all a story. But my rightouse indignation want let me be if i dont at least ask you to make this bastard pay or at least clean it up towards maybe a luke warmish happy ending :D
10074320
All plans are in motion for a satisfying ending for most (there's gonna be a few upset, always is) But my issue comes from Lord Centric himself... Tho I think I've figured it out, it's just getting it written down.
Update?
10390205
Currently suffering a writers block. RL stress among other things is really killing me :(
Those bastards! I only hope that the foal is going to be ok
Hello author, are you still working on the story?
10865205
it's one of those aggravating things. i want to, but writers block is horrible. :( I know what I want to do with the story, it's just writing it that I can't seem to do, and it's been years now. I know one day, i'll find that passion. till then, i won't say cancelled
I know this story was written two years ago and I didn't bother to comment on the prequel for this reason, but I would like to compliment your realistic writing of the power tactics used by Lord E and showing us Aqua's internal thought process encountering them, and reasoning her way into believing the situation hopeless. Made it feel very real. I also like the way it turned out that he is a well-respected individual, seemingly carrying out this part of his double life without the slightest bit of shame. Really adds extra weight to everything and adds to the feeling of Aqua being cornered in, but also I think, it paints a realistic picture of malice and vice brewing in the most inconspicuous places. He knows his victims aren't powerful enough to question it and he more or less gets away with this in broad daylight almost. Much more realistic than some kind of physical restraint.
I also really like Lord E's characterization and the way he almost has this twisted sense of thinking his actions are acceptable. The parts of Aqua's suffering that bring him pleasure and the way he 'rewards' her for 'compliance' are very well done.
My one complaint with the writing so far is that from time to time there is mention of how much Lord E ruined Aqua's life but it seems a bit forced (and especially clashes with her thought process in other scenes where I can't tell whether she wants more or to be done with it, or what she wants more or less of) and I think there could have been an opportunity to explore her own internal confused feelings about the situation as you have flawlessly done in other parts, instead of this repitition. It does little more than to reaffirm Lord E's character as "bad" to the reader. You write really well though, and I'm not extremely familiar with this genre, so everything with a grain of salt of course. I just think there was room for exploring there.
Well done though. Did a great job of taking me along for the rollercoaster ride that must be Aqua's feelings throughout this.