"You see, when chemical reactions happen, the end product will have-"
"No, no, you get your definitions remixed, the passive voice is-"
"Then you isolate x here. Doing that, -52x on both sides you get y = -52x + 63. With the x iso-"
"UGHHHH."
Thump
Mark looked at me in surprise after I had fallen onto my pillow for the fifth time. Twilight was long gone, and I had been complaining for the last half hour.
"You alright?"
"How," I replied simply.
"How what?"
"How did you survive that? Yes, learning about magic was fun, I admit, but everything after became so boring."
"Usually that's me saying that."
'Yes, I know," I groaned.
"Oh c'mon Star, that was only a couple of hours at most, and most of it was just a refresher, really."
"So... repetitive..."
"True, but that only made it easier."
I shoved a pillow to my face and screamed in frustration.
A few seconds later, I felt a pillow hit me.
"Not really in the mood," I called, using the extra pillow to snuggle.
"Well, then you two wanna go out and do something?"
Upon hearing the question, I got up, turning to look at Eclipse, who was chilling with Mark. 'Let me anguish in my mental conundrum,’ I mentally called.
"What is there to do," I questioned.
"Well, we could head out to Canterlot. So long as you stay close to me."
I ran ideas through my mind before I turned to the window. We had a good half a day left, which meant it shouldn't become dark for too long.
Turning back to Eclipse, I perked up just a bit, "Ice cream?"
Eclipse turned to me for a bit before answering, "I think the castle already has some ice cream. We could go get some if you want, but truth be told, I don't really know my way around, so it'd probably be a bit of a walk there, not including the being lost part."
I turned to Mark, who had gotten comfy a copy of the runic magic thingy book Twilight gave after our refresher course.
"Sure, I'm up for a little adventure."
"Yay!" I exclaimed.
Two minutes later
“Excuse us, but do you know where the kitchen is?”
The guard suspiciously eyed Eclipse, and her armor. It had an insignia that probably meant something, but to us, it was completely foreign.
After a glance to myself and Mark, the guard simply pointed out a direction, “Down the hall, take the first right and you’ll find stairs. Go down two floors, until you find a four-way intersection. Head down the south hall, pass three other hallways, and take a right. Go down that hall until you see the garden windows to the left. Keep following the window until the first left turns out to the Gardens.”
Why do I feel we should be writing this down? For that matter, where’s my pen?
“From there, find the main Garden trail, don’t get lost, some lead to a magically enchanted maze. Follow the trail throughout the Garden past the banquet hall doors to the west end and you’ll find another entrance. Once in the south wing, take a right and keep walking until you reach the end of the hall in a T intersection. Take a right and another right on the first door. You’ll find yourselves in the main kitchen.”
“Though, if you're looking for something to eat I wouldn’t recommend the main kitchen. They only serve fine cuisine, which I personally don’t know how the noble stomach, let alone survive off such small amounts.”
At the momentary pause of the guard, I made sure to clamp my mouth shut preventing the accumulated drool in, then went back to trying to process the information dump.
“There is another kitchen which often visitors and off duty guards goto instead. To get there, follow the same path, except instead of turning right into the kitchen, head straight down until you see a storage room to the left, then take a right upon the next turn. You’ll find stairs, head up two floors, and go down the south hallway again. Then take the third door to the left-”
Eight guards, three maids, and Twelve minutes later
"We're lost, again, aren't we," I asked.
"Yes," Eclipse dejectedly sighed, "we are."
"We could ask another guard, you know," Mark called from behind me.
Eclipse blanched, "And make it nine guards? Trust me, I may not have been one of the castle guards, but they are well known for rumors popping out of the blue, it’s all in good humor of course, but one a rumor of this stallion sank during basic training when all that happened was he got the lowest score out of his class."
"Are you sure he didn't actually sink?"
"Yes, I'm sure. They even say when his drill Sergeant was doing mouth to mouth; the trainee tried to punch the DI straight in the..." Eclipse faltered, "in a... uhh..."
Eclipse visibly blushed for a few moments as she came to a dead stop looking at us, "uhh... his well, package. "
As Eclipse whispered the last word out sheepishly, I blushed and hard. Mark cringed. Though I wasn’t sure how ponies mature, I know that I could have gone without hearing that story, even if it was fake. Though, I‘ll admit to no one that it was a bit funny.
"Oh, no, that very much did happen," a new voice added, "I even have the incident report."
We all paused, turning to our left. We were too caught up in conversation that we overlooked Celestia to our left side of the intersection.
"How are you three this lovely day?" she asked.
We all stood frozen in silence after being caught with... That topic.
Celestia waited a bit before her calm, serene expression dropped and titted. It was after she had finished I mustered up the courage to answer, "W-well, today's been fine. Mostly, we're just bored and trying to find the kitchen."
I faltered a bit, almost whispering reassurance to myself that she would buy that excuse after being caught talking about... 'Well, that.'
"The kitchen? If your hungry, you could've just asked a maid-"
"Oh," Eclipse finally spoke up after her brain had finished restarting, "no, they just wanted some ice cream and the chance to explore a bit. But it seems we've gotten lost."
Eclipse cutout that part where we got lost more than a few times when we thought we were on track, but more thankfully, she didn't bring up the earlier conversation.
Celestia hummed a bit, "Well, I was actually going to relax with some tea if you want to join me; I have a small stash of ice cream there."
'The princess's personal ice cream stash? Count me in!'
I turned to Mark, "What do you think?"
He shrugged, "You're the one that wanted ice cream."
'YASS!!' I mentally screamed before I cheerfully turned back to Celestia, "In that case, then I think we'd be happy to join you."
"Perfect," Celestia clapped her hooves together, "it isn't far, just come with me."
A moment after, she continued walking down the hall she was going as the rest of us followed, and true to her word, the tea room was two doors down.
"So... Uh, how much of the conversation did you hear...?"
I was surprised at Eclipse's forwardness. I mean, she is a princess. To my greater surprise, Celestia smirked, "Oh that, why nothing much, just all of it."
'Is she a troll? She's a troll, isn't she?'
I quickly rid myself of the external thoughts and hastily focused on the princess letting us in through to her tea room.
Inside, it was rather nice. A few windows around, what looks like to be a mini kitchen to the sides, and a small rectangle table. It was all rather homey.
"Go ahead and relax while I get the tea."
Mark nods while I snapped out of my observations before taking a seat. Eclipse, Mark, and I sat in silence, watching as Celestia got all the things she needed to make tea. And with what I suspected to be subtle uses of magic, she got it finished within moments. And while she was at that, she got out some ice cream, and bowls from what seemed to be an odd small refrigerator.
Before she set it all down, she turned to us, "Eclipse, would you like anything?"
"Oh, no thanks. Actually I have a question, how long do you think you guys will be here?"
Celestia politely smiled, "I have about an hour or so before I must return to my duties."
"Oh, I see. So, I was wondering if I could go for a bit? Since the Star and Mark are here with you, I thought I would take care of some business with the school for my new position as an 'assistant' there. I should be back within the hour."
I was a bit saddened to hear Eclipse had to go, but it was what it was.
"I suppose that is fine."
At Celestia's approval, Eclipse turned to us, "Well, I suppose that's my queue, see you guys."
"See ya," and "have a good day," was the response she got from Mark and me, respectively.
With that, Eclipse hurriedly left, leaving Mark and me behind.
With her gone, we didn't notice Celestia had come up from behind, setting our bowls of ice cream down. Each had a very generous amount of ice cream of multiple flavors. Vanilla, chocolate, pecan, and all dressed in some caramel. I honestly almost began to drool once the smell hit my nose.
The smell wafted through my nose with all its goodness. My body relaxed and my wings drooped a bit as I eyed the tantalizing bowl.
With one swoop, a spoon of heavenly ice cream melted on my tongue. It was absolutely amazing, as I rushed back in for another bite. Mark's reaction was much calmer than I, but I didn’t care.
"Careful, you might get a brain freeze," Celestia chided, "but I'm happy to see you enjoy it."
Hearing Celestia, I was snapped out of my daydream. Looking back up,I saw her sat on the other side of us, just relaxed, sipping her tea. I went back to the ice cream, but more slowly.
Unfortunately, a minute later I had to resist the urge to shy back when I realized Celestia was just staring at us with a smile. I looked back at her, and she just looked at me.
I froze a bit, looking left and right, before looking back at her to see her just smiling to the point where it was getting a bit awkward. Mark was just enjoying his ice cream, oblivious to her.
I returned a sheepish smile as Celestia took another sip of her tea. I went back to my ice cream, but the silence began to gnaw at me. I did my best to ignore it.
Looking to Mark, who was completely focused on the ice cream, I tried to think about the day's events, but it became hard to come up with something to think about with the silence.
My wings ruffled a bit and pressed down tighter as I felt the coolness of the ice cream wash over me. I shivered in delight, even if It was a bit cold.
Celestia, for her part, just looked and smiled. I still had a good bit of my ice cream left, and it wouldn't melt anytime soon, so I looked to out of boredom and the awkward silence and threw out a conversation-starting question.
"So, what's on your mind?"
She didn't even blink as she responded, "Oh, nothing much."
I didn't take that as an acceptable answer, mostly because I'd rather not sit in silence, so with my super social skills I asked again, "Nothing? Surely, you must have something on your mind; I'm all ears."
"No, really, it's not of importance."
"I insist; it's not every day I get to hear the inner thoughts of a princess."
She took another sip to consider my question before sighing, "Well, I do warn you it's all very mundane."
"Even if so, I'm rather curious," curious my butt, I just didn't like the silence.
The ‘supposedly’ regal princess pondered her thoughts but sighed, holding up her head with a hoof. Much like Mark would do when he was half falling asleep in class. But for her, she had a look of annoyance.
"Well, if anything was on my mind the most, it'd be the nobles."
At her silence, I raised a brow for her to explain, "You see, while I was a princess, I held a lot of power over the nation. But I don't control the entire nation. Our nation is split into two groups, the royals and the nobles. Both groups hold power over the nation, and if you'll excuse my language, but they're a pain in my flank."
"How so? If they hold power, shouldn't that help you rule?"
"Yes, you're exactly right, but you see the problem is... Well, the nobles aren't really... Noble, so to say. They've grown privileged with power, and now they look down upon others. They see themselves at the top, and others simple peasants to do in their way. An inconvenience even. They flaunt their power on a pedestal and think it means they deserve everything. While I still hold far more influence, they still hold a sizable amount."
"So, why hasn't anything been done to remove them from power or replace them? Surely if that's the case, then they are unfit for duty and violate some kind of law."
"I can't; I don't have the rights to do anything. And neither can I spare longer than a week, leaving them unchecked, because when I do so, they go out and abuse some loophole or their titles. Money this, money that, they barely even care to rule."
"Can't-"I cut myself off, almost falling back onto the laws of our own world, which probably don't apply here, "If they're such a problem, why not make changes to the laws? With the royal house's power, surely you can pass at least some laws to regulate them?"
At this point, she paused a moment looking up at me, "Well, I've tried and failed. I'm sorry, I'm probably blowing this all out of proportions, this is all really mundane, and I'm just complaining about my daily problems."
"No, no, it's no problem at all, really if anything, it's nice to talk with you even about small things," I did not know whether it was an actual problem or she was truthful that it was more of an annoyance, so I settled on a topic change.
Celestia smiled, but for just a tiny moment, something was off. It was not a normal smile of kindness but mischief. It disappeared moments later, so I decided not to ponder it.
"So, how was your day?"
"Oh, nothing much, just the usual," she answered nonchalantly with a sigh, "my schedule and planned events being altered and falling apart, even though I had planned weeks in advance. If it wasn't for Raven, I'd have a headache."
"Raven?"
"Oh right, you don't know her. She's my advisor and helps me with my scheduling. Without her, I'd be a wreck. I simply don't know how she does it all..."
"Why not simply make her a princess," I joked.
Celestia laughed along, "Oh, I wish I could."
I smiled and decided to go in for my ice cream. Unfortunately, all that came back was air. I looked down to see my ice cream was gone. Puzzled, I looked to Mark, who was...
"H-hey!"
My hooves fly out, attempting to retrieve my heavenly dessert! I was held back as he made a show of slowly eating it in front of me.
"Ahhhh," he added as it slowly flew to his mouth.
"Nuuu!"
And it was gone, just one chomp, and gone. I glared as he snickered before I remembered Celestia's expression. Snapping my head around, she was trying to hide her mirth.
"Traitor," I harshly whispered.
At my admittedly childish act, her mirth increased. With some magic, a new bowl of ice cream found its way to me. I was a little surprised at the amount she's letting us have, but I certainly wasn't going to be the one to point that out.
My hooves protectively wrapped the bowl as my magic furiously began shoving it in my mouth. Celestia watched, amused, though I didn't care so long as I got my ice cream.
As the heavenly dessert came to me, I was already planning my next bite. ‘No one will take this from me! I swear it upon all of the ice cream in the world!’ Of course, this backfired.
"Ow! ow-ow-ow."
My hooves and wing now hugged my head, trying to ward off the incoming brain freeze. I heard the other two snicker at my impending doom. I sat back and waited.
But instead of waiting it out, I felt a sudden warmth through my body. It was gone.
Looking up, Celestia's horn was sparking with the use of magic moments before. I lightened my glare, but I still harrumphed.
"I told you to be careful, did I not," Celestia lightly chided.
"Wouldn't have happened if you told me about Mark," I grumbled.
Celestia only giggled, 'She is a troll...'
In the few minutes of conversation, Mark had stolen my ice cream, and after I got a new bowl, I got a brain freeze.
Creak
My head turned to the door as a pony, white-coated unicorn mare, brown mane done up in a bun, and light brown eyes.
"Oh, Celestia! There you are, I've been looking for you. There's been- Oh... I see you have company there."
The mare seemed to be in a hurry, so I just sat quietly and waved.
"Ah, Raven! What seems to be the problem?"
"Well, unfortunately, Mayor Mare canceled her appointment. Word got out and the nobles are pushing to extend court to normal hours again."
"Can you not just tell them no? I'm sure I was planning this weeks ago."
"Yes, but unfortunately one of the Giffin ambassadors decided that they were going to drop by later today despite being told we would not be able to receive them for the coming weeks. They're using him as an excuse, because I quote, 'If she can spare time for the feather brain, she can spare time for us,' and you know how it is."
Celestia sighed, "And not complying would, 'force their hoof' wouldn't it?"
A nod from Raven got a groan from Celestia before looking at us, unsure of what to do.
"You know, you can go if you need, we can handle ourselves."
Ah, Mark's first words in a while, I was wondering whether he was even listening or sleeping.
"Be it so, I still would not leave you to get lost, and Eclipse likely won't be back for a while."
"Well," I offered, "We could go along with you. Don't worry, we won't cause any trouble."
She pondered my proposal a bit, "are you sure? I could have a guard or Raven take you back to your rooms or elsewhere until Eclipse comes back."
I looked to Raven, who smiled and waved and thought. There honestly wasn't anything to do, so being with Celestia would be fun. Looking over to Mark he shrugged. Really, how am I supposed to know what to do if he just gives a 'Do whatever you want' shrug?
With a frown to Mark, I sighed and turned to Celestia, "A-huh, there isn't actually much for us to do, so it'd be nice to spend the time around familiar faces."
I wouldn't actually call Celestia a friend, at least not yet since we barely know each other beyond a conversation and dinner.
"Well, I suppose if you really want to," she hesitantly said, "I guess there wasn't really anything I could do, but the nobles would find out about you two one way or another. Let's just keep your nature a secret yes?"
I nodded, to Raven's confusion.
"Well then," she said getting up and putting all the bowls and tea away, "let's get going."
Give one another name.
I would personally say longer chapters, I'm willing to wait for more
Also
I think you messed up here with it being nobles instead of royals again unless that's what you planned
I guess one of them should have been nobels? But good chapter again.
a stressfull day, wat better to do then have some tee and try to troll the new kids xD
i have a feeling the next chapter will be realy funny with the canterlot snobs
10659534
10659556
10659558
Oh no no, you misunderstand, you see, one is the royals, and the other is the royals
Thanks for that, but I distinctly remember I had it correctly written. Probably messed something up while checking over the chapter.
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I don't think the nobles would like that term. Though personally, I like to call them, one second let me get my list. Ahem, arrogant, cocky, conceited, condescending, egotistic, haughty, hoity-toity, ostentatious, patronizing, pompous, pretentious, snippy, snooty, snotty- well you get the point.
10659650
The funny part is, I'm usually the one recommending one of these dedicated groups to someone else
Eh, I'll see what I can do about getting a dedicated proofreader.
You ruined it with caramel. Good thing they like it; i would have trouble swallowing the wretched stuff.
10659810
Really? Okay, in hindsight caramel and chocolate I understand, they blend too much together, but there vanilla in there! And pecan!
10659837
Don't you dare compare chocolate to caramel!
And pecans... edible...
At least it is not syrup. The smell alone turns my stomach.
Great chapter btw...
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I just did!
Are you loco in the coco?!
Okay, Ice cream and syrup... now that's a first... The thought makes me shiver.
It's not much compared to some other chapters, but it's there. Insert shrug since there is not shrug emoji
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How did I miss this comment and not see it three hours later?
Anyways, yes I'm aware of the problem. I actually went back to chapter one and fixed it, well tried to. At that point, I still was unsure of what pov I wanted. Its consistency gets more or so back on track later on, which Im sure you've already noticed. It's sticking more or so to the first person, but I'm also making an effort to not switch POV too much, keeping it to only Star, and on occasion, if they do spilt up, Mark as well.
I feel like the 'Getting lost in the castle' thing is getting way overused in a lot of stories... but it was kinda funny nonetheless. :3
Raven Inkwell, not Raven Ink Well.
I know I already DMed you, but I just wanna say that I love the extra bit you added when they get lost, it made a big difference: )
I'm expecting Celestia to do a big brain move by making them slip up some of their knowledge on Earth, mainly politics, while discussing with the griffin ambassadors.
But one thing's for sure, politics and power will always be a pain in the flank, regardless of universes.
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Whoops
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Yep, I just saw it! Whenever I have no idea what to fill in the next chapter, I usually turn to the comments. And that just so happened to be one of them.
10660319
Sounds a bit mean, but when it comes to politics and power, I'll have to agree with you there. Bureaucracy is a B****.
Yay, horrible freaking out nobles that somehow get put down by Mark and Star, when they show their usuall idioty.
So 4-5K words every two weeks, or 3-5k every two weeks..... I’ll take the shorter chapters. Guaranteed more words in the same time frame.
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Magic
This is surprisingly well done. Written with an adult viewpoint which is refreshing. The characters are intelligent and reasonable and this is missing some of the virus memes that are peppered around the site. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that the Main Characters haven't told anyone they are aliens from another planet. I find it much more believable when the ponies NEVER find out the MC aren't what they seem. Plus it makes the plot both more interesting and more believable. I also find it nice to see that while a touchy subject, the idea of sex and relationships are covered in a adult way and not like the characters are sex and touch phobic shut ins. One of the characters goes to the library and looks up Sex Ed class information like any sexually healthy well-balanced adult would. It's sad that we have so many sexually neurotic characters on this site that reading a normal situation treated in a normal way is a pleasant surprise.
Im very happy that I found this
Please keep up the great work.
The Monk
“They may have been a pair of idiots, but the true test of intelligence is how you stick the landing!” -The Dimensional Traveler
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I'll have to agree with you there on both points, but I'd like to add a big part of both of these topics is the characters themselves, which I put a lot of thought into as I make the chapters.
Anyways, I won't go off stating the obvious when it comes to plot or the characters themselves, instead, I'll say I'm happy you like this story
I never expected it to get this far. Really, it was more of a story for myself, a reimagining of what I thought would happen if two humans end up in Equestria from all the other HiE stories. It's nice to know others enjoy the story, even if it only started out as a story for myself.
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I managed to stabilize the 1st and 3rd person jumps later on, and never got back to these chapters. On a side note, if you keep reading, a certain somepony you think you know might be somepony else.
Whatever you comfortable with. I personally like faster updates, but you may set a pace for yourself you can't keep up with (well, your goals seems very reasonable). Also, longer chapters leave more place for corrections to the story before publishing.
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Yeah, I'm ahead of schedule, so I'm giving myself a bit of leeway to finish up some school stuff before I hop back in. I should be back once I'm sure I'll have no school assignments I didn't miss that'll sneak up on me before I begin to work on writing or reading again.
Nice chapter now that I finally got to read it. Stupid 2.1m word story taking all my time up for 2 weeks.
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Ah, I see. Reading a story past one million takes a ton of time(and is also sad when it's incomplete and hasn't been updated since 2018) So far, I've only read one story over a million words to the end, mainly because I tend to lose interest in stories I binge too much or haven't read in a long while. So it's 50/50 for me.
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The story is incomplete but still being updated monthly with 20k+ word chapters. I had to binge read it or I'd wander off and never restart reading it. Fun problems with ADHD.
10684745
Mmm, I get ya. For the most part at least. Personally, I like a story 180-250k long. If I binge any long, I'll overload myself and lose interest, and I'll find myself waiting until more chapters come out but because chapters tend to update slowly I lose interest. For me, it like a gamble. I might enjoy this story, but if I'm not careful I'll lose interest and it's bye-bye story. Time to spend the next two-three hours looking for another story to read.
Anyways, Imma goes back to reading and perhaps brainstorming on the next chapter which is becoming a pain. Most of my plans are on hold now because of it, though if I can't figure it out soon, I'll just flip a coin and see where this story goes for myself.
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Tone? Probably...
It is also well out of my depth being an only child. All my cousins came in pairs (not actual twins but most were 1-2 year apart) though (all three sets of two). Then there were the few i knew at school. Snark? Yep. They also tended to ignore each other unless forced in proximity. One pair of cousins actually went to physically fighting. In my history siblings do not like each other at all. The scenes where the brother is tortured for saving lives is the most normal thing they have done even if the reasons behind it are as equally alien as the dialogue.
Hear(reading) "oh dear brother of mine" feels as natural as watching a 1970s or 80s family sitcom. Kinda jarring...
Perhaps that is normal where Pensive is from. It's a big world and I only have to jump one state away before people start asking what country I'm from...
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For me, I'm the youngest in my family. I have two older brothers but there was an extremely large age gap and while there was my brother's we didn't interact too much besides the occasional chat.
I have five cousins, the two oldest and youngest came in pairs, a few years difference like yours. Though, I bonded most with John(Alise), who was about only a year ahead of me. From what I remember, the two youngest fought a lot(maybe it was just unlucky timing whenever I visited), but in the end, they still love each other. I don't remember much about the two oldest from back then.
Anyways, me a John we're practically brothers. He used to visit and stay over a lot. We did everything together when he stayed over, which included RPing and even the occasional fight(though those were rare). Oddly enough, I remember one specific time we pretended to be ODST from halo
Anyways, lacking anyone close enough to be considered similar to the relationship Mark and Star have excluding John. I don't know many at school who had siblings at the same school and with them, so most of what I know on the subject of relationships between twins is based on my family. And what little research I did on twins.
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Or sheer magic overload!💥
I mean, I haven't played too much with the full power of an alicorn, or the power our protagonist has, but it's something I plan to play with a bit in the future... As soon as I work out something that leaves a plot that magic can't be thrown at
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Thanks! I actually haven't thought too much on the text structure being dependent on the POV(point of view) as sometimes when I do 3rd, it's a bit dull and might not convey all the things I want, which now that I think about it may or may not be why I was having POV switching problems in the earlier chapter.
Anyways, as for your recommendation of sticking to the first-person POV, in the later chapters, I've already more or less committed to first-person POV. And have slowed the POV hopping between characters drastically, though there will still be some changes here and there. Hopefully...
Again, thanks for your criticisms! Really they sometimes make me if my story is actually good, considering the major amount of things that need working(Maybe I'm just holding myself to higher standards). Personally, for me, if I found this story, I would have dropped in on the basis of the number of grammar errors irking me.
Though I am happy with the plot and everything else, I still cringe when looking back not the grammar. Which, I probably will forever cringe at in the future, which now that I think about it now I'll probably cringe harder when I become a better author...
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You know, I'm probably going to rewrite that chapter against my usual method of either slowly fixing a problem or improving as the story progresses. Though, It'll probably be after the next chapter, as I've been letting people hang for a while while I work on the various task that life gives.
That's Trollestia to you