• Member Since 25th Oct, 2011
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ROBCakeran53


"Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice." ~ Dr. Sidney Freedman, M*A*S*H S3 Ep5

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After a tiring day of bureaucracy, Celestia enjoys some quiet time to herself before a hearty fire. Dancing in those flames is a memory, one of a distant past, where two young mares would watch their world change, and themselves, for the better.

Cel and Lune would suffer greatly, but start something beautiful.

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Edited by flutterJackdash, and art is of course by the wonderful Alumx and used with permission.

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This was originally a PANIC! contest entry from 9/4/2020 in the Quills and Sofa's Speed Writing Server, with the subject being Sentimental Journey. It placed 3rd, which was nice. I cleaned it up some, polished a few words, and added another hundred or so for some context. It will be marked complete, but there's a good chance I might add a couple additional chapters as time goes on, however as it stands it's well enough alone.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

This isn't perfect, but it is definitely pretty good. There's a few weird sentences here and there, such as:

Along their travels, both found love, young and old, shared passionate moments and time better spent expelling sweat with labor than intercourse, yet it was what they desired.

To me, the comma after "young and old" suggests that the shared passionate moments were between Celestia and Luna, not them and their loved ones, which I don't think you were trying to imply here.

Besides those small mishaps, I expected you to go back to Celestia sitting in front of the fireplace at the end. Celestia remembers her childhood, then we see what she remembers, and then... I'm left a bit wanting here. It felt like a mix between a feelsgood fic and a history lesson. Not bad, per se, but it falls a bit flat at the end, cuts off a bit too quickly.

Otherwise, this was great. I love pessimistic views of how Equestria used to be, with mares only being sought for their fertility and stallions looking to court fillies. And I loved your interpretation that the sisters had originally come from the Frozen North, and had gone down to Equestria to essentially colonize it. A lotta great ideas that I felt were executed pretty well. If you ever do update this, I'd be glad to read more of it.

I agree with this cannon except for one thing where is Megan.

Quite a nice little story, here. :)

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