I make the angel's cream...AND THE DEVIL CRY!
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I’m so ready.
media.discordapp.net/attachments/372172862611783681/764300908909166612/dcd32f05269237fba942248dd5d10eda.png?width=460&height=671
10474366 thanxck's u 2
resource.scholastic.com.au/ProductImages/8502857_Z.jpg
Helo I like your story
10474342
Take this before you go.
target.scene7.com/is/image/Target/GUEST_0e1d6cfb-1bf3-4ae3-9153-fe89a7a459c7?wid=488&hei=488&fmt=pjpeg
Hi, I was wondering, Seth, how you came up with these names? They are very clever names and I would like to know how you, Seth Standmore, came up with them. Please give me the details, Seth.
Thanks Seth,
wishcometrue
meehhh needs more chapters before I critic this fiction... However, i'll put this on watch...
Needs moar explushins.
11/10
10474651
This should be featured.
That story stopped existing before I could post my response to it. Since this is a tribute story, I hope you won't mind me hosting that response here.
First, a meta note about how this came about. For those who don't want meta, skip to the next break.
In the beginning, I wasn't planning on doing an in depth response, and just noted that the description included:
Then I decided to pick an excerpt, and respond to that:
It was only after that, notably the part where I noted that I'd stopped to early with the except, that I decided to go into depth.
The rest is more or less as originally written back when the other story was live
Ok everyone, buckle up, I'm gonna give a play by play sporking of this shit.
First off, right now it has 3 upvotes and 17 down votes meaning that the response vis-a-vis votes has been 15% positive.
We start off with an author's note. Always a good way to begin.
You don't say. The story about school shooting that contains a school shooting and clop has a school shooting in the chapter "Prologue: The beginning of the end (School Shooting)"? Never saw that coming.
What if I want to not read this content and am offended by school shootings? What if I'm not offended so much a horrified? What if I think you're a sick fuck? What then?
You seem to be missing a footnote, dear author.
With the note finished, your first sentence of story is broken. I get that you want to say that doing it was tantamount to suicide, but you've failed on so many levels.
I think you were going for something like this:
but possibly in a way that involved the phrase "in so doing".
You're auditioning for the part of protagonist, maybe you should learn how to give a fuck about matters of life and death.
I want to know if the author has a Remington 12 gauge. Also, "that I sawed the barrel off" doesn't mean anything. Try sticking an "of" in there.
Six shells before you've got to reload, got it. Time for navel gazing.
YES!
Roll to disbelieve. Good people don't plan and prep for mass murders.
That is neither here not there.
I feel that you have missed some key points about the nature of good and evil, right and wrong, moral and immoral, and basically everything else that goes into answering the question, "Am I a bad person?"
You're a high school student dipshit. Maybe if you were ninety years old and had been driving since the age of 15, and lived in a place with almost no legal parking this would mean something, but it still wouldn't get to the question of morality.
You are gonna change the world. You're going to change the world by removing people from the world. People who would, almost certainly, make better protagonists than you.
Don't sell yourself short. You could be about to blow the brains out of the person who would otherwise cure cancer, or become president, or prove the fundamental theorem of calculus over the surreal numbers, thus allowing explicit solutions to differential equations.
I want to know if the author has a Beretta M9.
Write a fucking manifesto!
Start up a podcast.
Found a cult.
Stand on a street-corner with a sign hanging off of you and preach your god damned gospel.
Then what you're doing is ultimately meaningless, and thus you have no reason to do it. SO DON'T!
Also, you don't change something from its course, you divert it. In so doing you change course but you have most certainly not changed the thing from the course, fucknut, because that's not how courses work.
You're simultaneously full of yourself and utterly defeatist.
You're also an example of toxic masculinity. Ever wonder why the people who commit suicide in such a way that they murder their entire family in the process are almost exclusively male? (This is, for the record, true to the point that those who don't want it to be about gender frequently bend their criteria just so they can get squeeze in cases with female murderers.) It's because they're like you, 18 year old who is well regarded, by your own estimation.
They figure that if they can't cut it, then there's no point in having anyone left alive. They've been taught that they're the ones to solve things, they're the ones to provide things, they're the ones to fix things. Without them, everyone else is lost, so murdering the others is, in their mind, mercy killing.
There's more to it than that, mind. There's also the sick and twisted concept of a man owning his family, in which case without him they serve no purpose.
That's nice. Or it would be nice if you weren't using it as an excuse to justify your lofty opinion of your own morality in the face of your intention to commit mass murder.
And you're going to respond to this by killing people at your high school. Fuck you.
There is an outside possibility it will do just that, but not for the reason you think. Reminding the world that there are people like you in it might cause society to do something to combat the problem that is people like you.
I had totally forgotten that his entire tangent about the intractable problems of the world was had while he was longingly staring at bullets and doing literally nothing else.
No. You're not. You're an asshole.
Calling people like you crazy demonizes mental illness and allows people to ignore the actual causes of acts like your own while foisting the blame and fallout on people ill equipped to defend themselves. You're not crazy. You're not delusional. You're a murderous asshole who is rationalizing his immoral actions by using paper thin pop philosophy.
I've been paying so much attention to the content that I have only now noticed that we switched from past to present tense narration between the first and second paragraphs.
Ooh, do tell us about your accomplice.
A clip isn't a magazine and a magazine isn't a clip. Make up your fucking mind vis-a-vis which you're working with here.
How did he find out you were planning mass murder? It seems like no one else knows.
Why are you trying to keep him and his reputation safe when you're fucking killing everyone else?
You considered severely maiming someone, against their will and allegedly for their own good, but eventually decided that you'd let them become a murderer alongside you.
Why did you even need to ask whether or not you're a bad person? You're a bad fucking person.
IEDs. Never liked the term, though. "IED" sounds like something that's mass produced in a standardized form to me. Improvised boom is anything but.
Pipe bomb filled with your plural friends. Fun fun. Anyone remember Tremors? Fun movie, had Kevin Bacon and Dolly Parton. It had improvised pipe shaped explosives too. No one even considered using them against human beings.
This is the closest you will ever come to salvation, you threw it away because of a conditional without an accompanying result clause.
Seriously:
Then what? What comes after? If that, then . . .
Oh. I see. If there's the slightest chance, then period.
Yes you could. This a choice. It's not just one choice; it's an entire ocean of choices. Each choice surrounded on all sides by other choices. Choices supporting other choices, choices seemingly without end.
Bullshit.
How did you slide it into the Beretta if you put it down? Are you loading the gun via telekinesis?
I want to know if the author recently purchased one of these:
sgcusa.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/0/1/0137902.jpg.jpg
No matter how long you lovingly stare at the bullets, they will never stare back. You're looking at your own damned reflection, shooty Narcissus.
It's your entire extended family, including grandparents and second cousins once removed, are you going to murder them all, or give up on the plan to commit mass murder?
C2 just had an aneurysm. Why does your friend not have a name?
Never mind.
Ok, so when you're not staring lovingly ay bullets, you're capable of hearing footsteps, got it.
-
There's a classic scene in the oral tradition of epic poetry in which the hero puts on armor. For someone who isn't important, it might be, "Dude put on his gleaming armor" for someone really important it can be hundreds of lines of loving detail.
Homer being Homer, he has a scene in the Iliad where the hero is Hera, the armor is sexy shit, and she's getting ready to seduce Zeus as part of a plot to give the Trojans some victories.
In the wrong hands, these scenes will take you in the direction of fetishizing war military equipment.
This guy gives 256 words to body armor.
It should be noted, however, that everything up to this point is technically arming scene. Slightly over a thousand words of, "I grabbed my weapons and put on armor."
Time for eighteen year old "Never had a parking ticket" to drink alcohol and commit mass murder.
(An astute reader noted that the protagonists various shooting related purchases add up to about $30,000, with the bourbon making up a sizable chunk of that.)
People criticize the passive voice for removing the agent, but I give you the active voice doing the same damned thing. Not, "I knew what I was about to do," no. It's going to go down. No one is to blame, it's just a thing that's going in a direction.
He's not even sure that he knows that it's terrible.
You have provided no evidence to support this statement. Literally nothing you've said even suggests that conclusion. I repeat: literally nothing.
NO!
Hey, here's an idea: why don't you ask them?
"Listen, I've noticed that the world we live in is fucking terrible, I mean there are children in cages and shit, and the government has been involuntarily sterilizing women certain demographics, and I was thinking: why not die? Why not take Arms against a Sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? So, want me to kill you?"
I mean, fuckshit dude, why are you the only one who's allowed to make choices about the direction their life will or will not take?
Not even sure what you're asking here.
Are you asking, "Is it acceptable to mercy kill good people, given that without them the world will be worse?" or are you asking, "Does the fact that the world will be better without bad people make killing them acceptable?"
No, you fucking asshole.
Because you're a murderous asshole.
I don't think you were always a monster, but you sure as fuck are one now.
Bullshit. The best possible framing of your actions is that you're a doctor operating on patients without their consent in order to force them to undergo a (lethal) procedure that you think will reduce their overall suffering.
Thing one: if it's just semantics (and it's actually not) why the fuck did you make us listen to all of those details about your damned guns?
Thing two: if you're gonna get all nitpicky, it's the bullets that do the killing, unless you're planning on beating people to death with those things.
No, it's the same reason, he's just more honest about it.
Fucking fuckshit.
You're killing people by lighting them on fire, and you still think you're the hero.
(An astute reader pointed out that the one saying, "They believed that any mistakes could be cured with violence," is about to cure things with violence.)
The sounds produced by fire are not proportional to the size of the flame.
You killed them for revenge. You're killing other people for salvation. Your emotions are fully operational.
Nothing is needed. You're doing this because you want to.
You've made plans, you've made purchases, you've thought this out, you're god damned driven, and you say you don't feel anything. Bullshit. You're highly motivated. You're also evil. Not misguided, not crazy, not delusional; evil.
Is the truck named the Truck? Is that why it's capitalized?
It did kind of cross my mind.
That in no way contradicts the previous hypothesis.
Furthermore, you yourself have noted that police, not firemen, are going to be sent to the school. A building fire in another part of town won't slow down police response to a school shooting very much.
Likewise them being inside is unlikely to make things significantly different from them not being inside when it comes to how quickly the police respond to a seemingly unrelated matter.
No, it won't. Whatever's in the basement won't even be discovered until after you've started shooting. When an entire house is on fire, it takes some time to put the damned thing out. You could have a nuke down there, and it's not gonna stop police from arriving at you're school shooting, because they won't find it till afterward.
The houses can't feel pain. Your whole thing about your destructive rampage being based on a desire to alleviate pain just went up in smoke. You want to destroy because you want to destroy, there is nothing more.
To inject some levity into these proceedings, I'm going to assume that he gave the doors the signal.
This is not how you do chronological order. If you did that before you entered, you should have said it before you entered. A google search for "Cedar Pines High" isn't turning up any high schools, so maybe we can at least take comfort in the possibility that this doesn't use people's real names.
Tell me more about your five years here. I'm used to four year schools.
You don't even care enough about them to let them have agency with respect to their own life and death.
And shock. They just realized that you were not the person they thought you were. They just realized, as well, that you are not their friend.
There are situations where death is necessary. In those situations, you don't need to lie to yourself to justify your actions. The truth is enough. If you kill because it is necessary, you will not feel good --you should not feel good-- but you will recognize that the alternative is worse.
In this situation, the alternative is them not being betrayed by a friend, it is them not dying in fear, shock, and confusion, it is them not suffering at the hand of someone they trusted, it is of them not spending the rest of their lives, however long or short that might be, the Hell you seek to visit upon them.
In this situation, the alternative is very much not worse than killing them.
There are situations where death is merciful. This is not one of them.
You do not do this to help them. You do not do this for the greater good. You do not do this to set them free.
You do this because you want to do this.
Everything else is you trying to rationalize away the horror of what you choose to do.
You could have left off the prepositional phrase. You're not shooting a corrupt society, you're shooting people. People who, you have decided, do not deserve to live.
This part is actually true, in the abstract. They do need to die. The fountain of youth is a lie. Sooner or later, they need to die. They don't need to die violently. They don't need to die screaming. They don't need to die today.
What music did she like? What were her hopes? What were her dreams?
What was her favorite movie? Was she part of any clubs? Whom did she love? Had she ever written poetry?
What were her plans for the weekend? What was she going to eat for lunch?
When electricity still coursed through that grey matter, what thoughts did it carry?
In so doing he caused you to miss your mark. If you'd listened to your English teacher instead of plotting their demise, perhaps you would understand.
He tried to stop the bleeding because he wanted to live.
He had a life. He valued it. He did not wish to lose it.
Because he wanted to live. He was a person. He had thoughts and feelings. He had hopes and dreams.
He was every bit as real as you were. He made choices, he took actions, he had plans and goals.
All of that stuff you thought about the problems of the world? He probably thought it too. Yet he never decided to murder you.
You haven't used that word, you know? You haven't said "murder".
Why are you afraid to call it what it is?
No. No, he shouldn't. Even if he wanted to die, even if he wanted to killed right this very moment by someone with an AR15, he should not be thanking you. He shouldn't because you have proven, beyond all doubt, that you don't care about him. You are doing this for you.
Even if he wanted to die, this wouldn't be an assisted suicide, it would still be murder.
He was crying. Something you hadn't even mentioned before. While you were thinking he should be thanking you, he was begging you to stop, and he was crying. You didn't care. You just did the same thing you'd been planning to do from the beginning.
You knew he was still alive. You saw him trying to stop the bleeding. You just focused on the person you hadn't shot yet. The one who wasn't yet in physical pain.
Truly your victim blaming knows no bounds.
He's desperately clinging to life, and you're version of, "I got you," is to rip that away.
So sorry that you got some blood on you. So rude of Grant to be murdered in a way that messed up your cleanliness.
You don't get to call them that.
They weren't being slowly devoured by alien flesh eating bacteria, you fuck, they were living their lives.
These are not mercy killings.
The majority of their present misery and suffering is being caused by two assholes with guns and explosives who are trying to kill them. Simple way to end that misery and suffering? Get rid of the murderous assholes.
Out of five people you know all of one name, and yet you somehow how think you can perfectly judge the value of their life, diagnose all of their ills, and determine the one and only solution.
You are not thinking this through.
You have not thought this through.
You do not care about them.
You are not doing this for them.
"Silenced" is a nice euphemism for "murdered" here, but I feel you might want to stop dancing around the issue and call it what it is.
Stop blaming them for what you did.
And what do they say in response? Can they even speak? Are they gurgling? Are they writhing?
What expressions have they on their faces? What are the looks in their eyes?
You didn't even pay a-fucking-ttention. You cared more about your God damned gun.
Is the blood that gets on you the only part of these people that you care about?
. . .
That's it for chapter 1.
10475444 Wisten up judge you can sign youw bawwot WIGHT NyOW pick up youw fucking pen and just DO IT, my opponyent’s case was an absowute TWAIN WWECK of GIBBEWISH BUWWSHIT I mean howy fuck they actuawwy expect you to bewieve this shit? Weawwy we heawd this same BUWWSHIT the whowe touwnyament nyo onye gives a singwe fuck about minyimizing suffewing ow the dead white guy they used to back it up. I’m nyot shitting you this mownying I checked my fuck fiewd and it was mowe bawwen than some Sudanyese kid’s watew weww. I can’t even begin to fathom how you can be this fucking mowonyic. Nyot wie just dwop that bastawd stwaight off the paiwings and scwibbwe up a monstew cock on the wfd. Chwists sake. go bweak into tabwoom and make them give this bwithewing idiot 3 speaks. fow weaw. This case- theiw FUCKING CASE is so goddamn awfuw that I couwd have wwitten something bettew with a extwa wide cwayowa whiwe hawf-dwunk in a Denny’s pawking wot. I’m nyot even kidding judge. I can’t stand this shit anymowe. Wike they might as weww just spew some cwap about nyucweaw hitwew ow some dumbass guvwnment agency nyo onye has given a fuck about since 1950. This debate just shouwdn’t be happenying anymowe. Vote the fuck outta me and I’ww make suwe to baw this bastawd deep in a cwoset so they can nyevew decimate the wiving heww out of anyonye’s eaw dwums again. Sewiouswy shut the fuck up. I got fouw fucking minyutes fow this shitty webuttaw and that’s stiww nyot enyough time fow me to begin to fathom how absowutewy ignyowant this vacuous cunt actuawwy is. This witewaw buffoon is a wowse debatew than a wotting deew cawcass swobbed uvw the desk that wouwd stiww have given a bettew god-fowsaken speech than that sowwy excuse fow a human wife. Witewawwy just fwee me fwom this absowute heww. Scwew debate. Scwew touwnyaments. I can’t fucking bewieve this shit anymowe. This is mowe than the fucking Onyion. They’ve got the whowe damn vegetabwe gawden. OwO.
10474789 Hi hello thanckx's fopr you're kind word's, the truth is when writing them i have to think about many factories about the characters and who they are, there names need to reflect there personality's and desire's so when I thought about Scootaloo having abusive parent's I thought hmm what would be good name's for them and then I thought about what were common problem's that children face and then it hit me Child Abuse and Teen Alcoholism you can probably assyme that Teen Alcoholism was a teen alcoholism and that Child Abuse like's to hit children so as soon as you see there name's you know what they are all about, anyway I hope you keep reading i am a good person to learn about writing from sincerely seth Standmore ps sorry for all of the no paragraph's I had to write this on my old Nokia flip phone because my computer is being held hostidge by the nigerian prince until I mail him three thousand dollar's
10475660
Thank you for the response. This is something I will keep in mind for my future writing endeavors.
That flashback is really good, I'm wondering where the inspiration for it came from? Never heard anything like it before it is very original and I want to know your thought process.
10475791 well i was hafing trouble writing a good flash back sequence and I knew ai hnmeded to aiojdmznbd myt friend Anglerfish sent it to me on chatzy srry 4 the misplling my pone is borkne
I write foalcon and I will not stay away from you or your family
The grammar is making me a little confused.
I thought she was in the 9th grade.
How did she fit them in there?
Wait, what blockchain and blade?
Ok, why would you use a gun with recoil?
What is the point?
10477160
All guns have recoil.
What just happened?
The moment I saw that he had posted the Wikipedia article for Equestria Girls as a 'flashback', I knew this story was gonna be a classic.
This gave me a very clear idea of how big it is and how it is shaped. Thank you.
10477103
Wow what a loser
Interesting them song.
Wow. Copying and pasting the Wikipedia article for Equestria Girls must have taken SOOOOO much effort. At this point I can't tell if you're a troll or just incredibly bad at writing.
Listen.
Do you hear that?
That screaming sound?
That sound, my friend, is me trying to bleach my eyes
10614899 THIS VIDEO CONTAIN'S MANY ERROR'S IT WAS NOT BEER BOTTLE'S IT WAS MARTINELLI'S BOTTLE'S THE SPARKLING CIDER HOW DO I SUE YOU TUBE
Seth Standmore, you are a national traasur.
This is prose that would make Detective jakkid166, the Greatest Detective in the World, weep with joy and possibly incontinence.
10930997 Thanckx's you PrescientPerfact Jakkid is my favorite writer and an inspirational to me and my friend's, if you enjoy his work's than I hop you will also enjoy my work's
I have to say the title was very misleading you should have called it DARK SPHINCTER because her name is not Scootaloo anymore but 5/7 it's not bad
My Little review & Feedback Your review.
Damn owl infestations
Which I quote right here.
I... Did not understand this story through the spelling errors, though the idea of a Dark Scootaloo is intriguing.
11100104 Hello I am Seth Standmore could you please tell me what spelling error's you found in my Sotry so I can Edict them
11103136
Too many to correct unless I took a day and edited it for you. But hey - the idea was alright. Dark Scootaloo is interesting. Flora Blossom's review might tell you more.
Reviewed.