Due to some unfortunate weather management, Twilight is stuck at home with her favourite foal-sitter Cadance. However, that didn't stop them from having some fun together at home. When Twilight's big brother comes home, it seems even the rain has planned a chance meeting of romance.
Inspired by the fanart Fated First Meeting
By artist InuHoshi-to-DarkPen
This is a nice story.
But there's something strange:
There's this paragraph:
And a bit further down the story, there's this:
Suggestion:
Maybe you can change the earlier paragraph from 'alicorn' to 'unicorn', change the mention of 'wings' to 'coat', as in 'Her coat, of what he could see of it, appears to be well-groomed.
11181490
I might like to keep it this way as, for me, the show shows a younger Cadance as an alicorn from A Canterlot Wedding Pt.1. I can change the others as suggested thank you
Aww thats cute and it's always nice to see how balls Shining Armor and Cadence first meet each other and not only that that's how they fell in love with each other in first sight this was a very nice story keep up the good work
and then because of a bizarre ancient law they were forced to get married!
oh wait wrong fic.
This is pretty adorable. A nice way of showing how Shining and Cadance first met.
That was a good story
This was a nice story and it fits the image that served as inspiration.
I might not really care too much for Cadence and Shining Armor, but like this.
Also, happy birthday
11181827
Thank you so very much ^^ Happy you liked this. I see them as more of selling characters by Hasbro. IDW Comics managed to work them well
11181520
Oops. Sorry.
In my earlier suggestion, I meant this line:
Suggest Change to
As in the scene and later paragraph seem to indicate, Cadance seems to be wearing the raincoat over the wings:
Oh, and Happy Birthday!
11181888
Oh, thank you for the tips again and thank you ^^ Having a good time so far
I favor the IDW comic take on their meeting, but this was adorable, too.
That was such a sweet story. Keep up the good work and happy birthday.
Ha! That was cute.
InuHoshi-to-DarkPen! he created several artworks from winningverse, when I laid eyes on the art I already thought it was part of the same
… done with her stories
… extra ‘s’ in Starswirl
… “catcher” isn’t a word, you want “caught” here
Yeah this makes no sense, as several paragraphs before Shining describes her as an alicorn
… missing a period between “for the day” and “I” in the first sentence. Also “for the weekend for the first time” in bad grammar; try “this weekend for the first time”.
… does Shining Armor think there are other alicorns not related to Celestia? As this is before Luna’s time, Cadence should be literally THE ONLY other alicorn in existence.
11182272
Thank you for your help and corrected when I can
You almost expect Twilight to start singing Shining and Cadance sitting in a tree...
Was about to mention the comics, but you already did, so my mouth has closed in that regard.
That was cute— the accidental kiss as their very first encounter based on the artwork works really well for both of their personalities, honestly.
You've really gotta work on your tense consistency, though…
Hoof?
You did a great job with this story!
Then belated Happy Birthday! 🍰 🍩 🍪 🍦 🍧 🍨🍭 🍬🍫 🍮 🍔
This was a pleasant read. I skipped over plenty of chapters in the IDW comics, focusing on specific arcs such as Sombra's redemption, Cosmos, and Tempest Shadow.
🎊 Also, Happy-late birthday! 🎊
Below are minor quirks I found in your story:
I may be nitpicking here, but isn't the correct verbiage to this is: "...Twilight was book-smart but not common-smart."
I think it would be preferable to either address them by name, Cadance and Twilight, or use a collective pronoun like "they".
The dialogue appears incomplete. I recommend adding "It's" at the beginning of the dialogue unless that is a part of this Shinning's vernacular.
Young wuv.
Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found below. I hope you enjoy.
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Thank you so very much ^^
This fic was just adorable.