The year in 1915. One year has passed since the beginning of the Great War, between the entente powers and the Central Powers.
One Imperial German soldier went to an expedition to Canada, and in Vancouver, finds a portal. Kaisers Wilhelm II and Franz Joseph, along with Sultan Mehmed V and Tsar Ferdinand I all go through this portal, and enter into a world known as Equestria. Perplexed by a world of magical ponies, the Central Powers align with Equestria's Princess, Celestia, and we find out how this plays out.
TW: War, Mentions of genocide, Adolf Hitler, and terrorism.
Chapters (3)
Yes, because Vancouver is the nearest Canadian city to Germany. This makes excellent sense, like the rest of the story.
11500674
It's a reference to how MLP is produced in Vancouver, and if you read it, you would know that they are disguised. It is admittedly a fault of mine to not specify how they are disguised, fuck up on my part.
I'm kind of disappointed that Adolf Hitler only gets mentioned in this story. Why wasn't he one of the four leaders who got sent to Equestria?
11500704
because the sequel of World war hasn't started yet
This story has problems
Actually, it has a lot of problems
I know someone criticizing your work can make you feel like shit, but if you want to write better I would listen to critics.
I think you should read some of the higher-rated fan fics on sight, or just a regular book in general, and try to imitate how they tell their story, from there you can slowly develop your own style.
I think you should do a better job to describe events, for example, when the Germans and the brits break out into a firefight you simply just say the Germans win, and go into no further detail.
Also, the actions of the characters actions make little to no sense, for example, why in Celestia's name would a German soldier bring his Iron Cross metal to Canada, and why are they IN CANADA, I know it is a reference to the show being made in Canada, but it really does not make any sense at all.
I think the sin you are committing here is you are just writing down the stream of thoughts coming to you, instead of thinking about what you are writing. Try to think about why your characters are doing so and so, and how they would react, also I would avoid historical topics, for the time being, your reference to Hitler was downright insensitive, and I am pretty sure an anti-democratic monarch winning the First World War would be a net negative.
You seem to have a keen interest in history, and that's okay, but I am pretty sure the majority of people don't appreciate the worst man in human history being thrown in as an 'easter egg' at the end.
I would be happy to help you with writing in the future, if you need me to do so, just send me a PM and I'll consider giving you some quick tips, (Although I can't obligate that I will 100% do so.)
I would also recommend looking into this group
Looking for Editors - Fimfiction
They have helped me quite a bit with writing myself
You have a lot to improve on, but I am willing to bet you are a bit of a younger writer or very new to writing, and trust me when I first started writing it was really bad so it's okay that this (in all honesty) sucks. As long as you are willing to improve you will eventually become a better writer.
Tell me, why would a soldier on an infiltration mission bring his insignia. It just seems they could have avoid being caught rather easily.
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Because Reasons™.
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Celestia is smart.
She would have joined the Allies, helped put the beatdown on the Central Powers, and then used her place at the table to ensure the Treaty of Versailles was equitable instead of vindictive, thus preventing the rise of Hitler.
That, in a nutshell, is the root flaw in this idea. This story assumes Celestia is dumb.
11500778
No no, I'm actually very open to criticism and actually hate it when someone just dislikes something and doesn't disclose why
thanks for the criticism, I will do better in the future.
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Allies? Why? Because they strong? Because Monarchy bad, Dumbmockcrazy good?
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Because it's pretty apparent they'll get turned into a greasy smear even from the start. Sure, it'll take some time, but it's there.
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Who will get smeared, the Ponies or the Central Powers?
I think that this is a great story...one that has a unique to-the-point style. Could there be a spinoff with Obama bin Laden, Hibatullah Akhundzada, Abubakar Shekau, and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi?
11504214
Pfft, what? Those are terrorists idk if I should do that lmao