• Member Since 16th May, 2024
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

G 5-1-6


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After Twilight and her friends coming back from Starlight's Village, Twilight finds out that she had fallen in love with her Rainbow Pegasus Friend. Eventually she spots the mare in a park and thinks it will be easy, spoiler alert: it won't be...

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )
Shenna #1 · 1 week ago · · 2 ·

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11910385
Damn, that's crazy. Not really.












Your life is NOTHING. You serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself NOW. And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen, in ozone layer, that’s covered up so that we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Because what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

In all seriousness, though, here's a review!

4/10. Here are my reasons:

1. What's up with the paragraph spacing? Sometimes it's one space apart, sometimes two, sometimes more - come on, choose a side.

2. Characterization. The characters don't sound like themselves. This really sounds like a venting story when I read it. Good ideas thrown around, though.

3. Plot. I don't know if its because I read this in less than five minutes, but this story really lacks plot. It's way too short and could be extended to have a purpose.

4. Motivation. I don't mean this in a mean way or anything, but the way it's written, I have no reason to care for what the characters are doing. Oh, so Twilight's confronting her feelings. Why should I care? You should put more emphasis on what you want the reader to feel.

5. Pacing. This seems extremely rushed. Sometimes it's good to slow down!

6. Colored Words? You don't need that.

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