(Antrho/First Person Fic/Present)
After a year in the Wonderbolts, I'm finally calling it quits. A year of flawless victories, a year of intolerable parties, and unwanted media attention. Finally I can relax in a new town, one which I hope my name isn't too known. I wonder what will find me in Ponyville.
Proceed fellow lax bro.
2047729 I plan on it haha, stay tuned...more cliche shit to come!
IN EQUESTRIA?!
I repeat myself : IN EQUESTRIA?!
I wonder where you got that saying...
ANY more.
Other than that, it's not so bad.
2069616 Dont worry, I go back and edit some things. Add some, delete some. And read the description, it's anthro. As for the car, the story takes place in a universe where they have gone through the whole rigamarole of the industrial revolution and tech revolution we have today. As for Creator, that I picked up on when looking back at native american history, their god, was just The Creator. I used "no more" and not "any more" because that better goes with the character. I know how grammar works, I know how shit should flow, and I am well aware of when I purposefully put things like that in. Hope this explains some things, and thanks for reading and commenting.
-Theta
Alright, i'm liking it so far.
2092517 Goooooooood
i like this
I'm sensing a common theme here. That being "Oh Sh*t" moments.
*sigh* .... you're in for it now dude.
2120230 Thanks dude, sorry this took so long to reply to. Been reallllly lazy >.<. Anyway, a fare warning, the next chapter will be a bit sad, if not fudged up.
2134000 if it breaks my heart im gonna cry into my pillow until the next appy chapter comes out
2134034 I am very sorry if it does. Have a random derp face to lighten your soul.
2142658 i will fight through the sadness with derpy
nope derpy didn't help T-T
2145296 I am sorry that Derpy wasn't enough to comfort you...Still, chapter four couldn't be too depressing, right?
2149746 i am very sensitive
2149812
2155246
I agree with arcake. Some serious deep fffffffffff-ludge. (I'm trying to cuss anymore.)
Yay, this one ended a lot happier. Only a couple errors, same with the last one. Yay improvement/progress!
I take it you play lacrosse. It's a wild game but was always to 'Move-y' for me and I couldn't keep track of what was happening. I like football because as an offensive lineman I always have a simple one minded goal 'Push guy in front of me down, protect quarterback'.
I remember once three of the other team members all dog piled me and snapped my knee in the wrong direction and as they got of I'm roaring in pain and I can hear Tony Legare (The biggest guy I've ever seen who can bench press 420lbs) say "Oh shit man... look at Burdy's leg" but Avery just puts his hand on Tony and is like "Meh don't worry about it, Burdy's about to get up and he'll be fine" sure enough I stood up and snapped my leg back into place and then played the rest of the game. Kinda walked funny for about two months and went to the doctor's and they told me something about me ligament is broken or something and that I had to stop playing sports until it healed but you know what? I didn't and my leg is fine, sometimes its a little stiff in the mornings but its fine. Shows what doctors know
2306703 haha I never got too into football. Played widereciever, and got pooped on... I've never been real big (damn asian genes). Of course, that was in 5th grade, but hell it still sucked. One of the things that I like more in football is the roughness...other than that, I'm completely lost in it. All the plays and terms confuse the hell out of me. I play middie in lax (the position that runs up and down the field to play both defense and offense), and my goal is almost as simple as yours is...carry the ball and take it to the attack men(offense), pick the ball up when it's on the ground, and hit the shit out of whoever has (or is around) the ball. Worst that's ever happened to me was last summer, I was at a tourney, playing a U-17 team(I was 15 at the time, playing on a freshman team), and I got sandwiched and cross checked (Lax pads are...well they aren't very thick, my shoulder pads are what are known as a liner, meaning that it lacks padding in order for me to be able to run faster; my personal pads are about 4cm thick, if that). Long story short, I dislocated my shoulder and proceeded to pop it back in and continue play. Not as bad as your leg, but it's my (most likely) hardest hit I've ever taken... I don't have a great memory anymore. 8 years of a sport really take a toll on the brain. Anyway, thanks a ton for reading this, and many more for being impressed by it!
Peace,
Theta
I don't care if its short just glad to see an update
2421526 true that dude, hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Good lord...... This is going to escalate really badly..... And fairly quickly, I assume.
"Uhh Dash, I just noticed something...you're still naked...", my voice becomes monotone, and I can only stare, and feel the blood gush out through my nose.
*nose bleeds*
2443804 I wasn't quite sure on that part. Did she punch him in the face?
2519054 No haha, in mangas and animes a running gag is that when something sexual happens (in this case Dash being naked, also referred to as ecchi) that the male, or sometimes female, characters nose will bleed from embarrassment/excitement. Like I said, it was a shout out to anime/manga fans!
2519070 I'm going to repress that, no offense. I'll just stay in my happy mind bubble where she punched him in the face. No offense though, I do it a lot, mostly to published paperbacks, though.
2519054 (no its a reaction of the body if its either insanely confused or had a insanely stupid moment or just form seeing elite sexieness)
Nice chapter but you got a paragraph that repeats.
Nice story so far but that one sentence from Pinkie Pie felt out of character. I know you she said one thing but I can't imagine pinkie ever saying that.
2521720 Pinkie wasn't in this chapter dude.
2522230 Ok I must of misread so that was rainbow dash that said( Try to keep up, loverboy!" she says as she takes off.) That makes more sense sorry about that.
2522255 Yup, no problem haha.
I don't mind clop, as long you re,member to change the rating.
It feels so rushed. Is it supposed to be that way?
2956121 Well, we are talking about Dash and alcohol here, so yeah it's supposed to be a little fast.
Dude this is so fuckin good you gotta continue this!!!
4896812 Thanks man, glad to hear you like my story! This story is not cancelled by any means, however it is on hiatus due to writers block. I'll try my hardest to pump out a new chapter ASAP
Oh hey its cool this is just a really good story and I I'd hate to see it go to waste and I hope you get out of the writers block soon because I know it sucks.
4897131 No promises, but I'm thinking this story should have a new chapter in a week or two!