It had been three weeks since Rainbow Dash took Scootaloo under her wing, she had gotten a big sister, but now she wanted a mother, or somepony to act as a motherly figure towards her. Anyway, Rainbow Dash had just left Scootaloo for the evening. Now she was forced to go back to the one place she called home, the Clubhouse. Once she had entered the clubhouse, she pulled the carpet off the center, pulled open a door, and got out her pillow and blanket. Right before she went to sleep, she looked out the window, saw Princess Luna's face in the moon, and smiled warmly.
"Oh Princess Luna, thank you for bringing me and Rainbow Dash together." Scootaloo said happily. She had said it so loudly, she hadn't noticed what was about to happen next. A strange noise approached the clubhouse, it was the sound of hoofsteps walking up the ramp the led to the clubhouse. Then, sofly, the door opened.
.
"You are most welcome, little one." Said a voice that had entered the door, Scootaloo turned around to see who it was. To her surprise, it was none other than Princess Luna. But this time, Scootaloo wasn't dreaming, she was awake. Scootaloo's eyes widened in excitement, the one who had helped her face her fears, and brought her and Rainbow Dash together, was here to visit her.
Scootaloo gasped "PRINCESS LUNA!!!!!!!!!" Scootaloo screamed with happiness, she ran up to her, and jumped into her arms. Princess Luna smiled warmly as she hugged Scootaloo.
"MMMMMM" Princess Luna said as she was hugging Scootaloo. "And how is my favorite filly doing this fine evening?"
Scootaloo's face suddenly changed from excitement to depression, Luna still had her in her arms, but looked on this poor filly's face, for she had knew that something was wrong.
"Scootaloo, why has thou suddenly change to tears?" she asked, Scootaloo just kept weeping
"Scootaloo...." she whispered
Finally Scootaloo managed to peep out "I...(sniff)...I don't have a home, or somepony to take care of me, I've been living here, since...since...." Scootaloo froze
"Since what?" Princess Luna asked, still having Scootaloo clinched in her arms.
"Since my dad abused me, he never wanted a girl, because he saw girls and women as monsters, out to kill and abuse men. So he would always be slapping me, pounding me, destroying my toys, etc., So I fled and hid from him, the police caught up with him because my friend, Frostbite, caught it on tape and reported it to the police, I then lived in a foster home, but everypony there treated me like garbage, then I went to go live in an orphanage, and there too, they treated me like garbage, all because I couldn't fly. I'm a big fat loser, and that's all I'll ever be!"
Princess Luna stood there in shock, she was so devastated by this bad bedtime story that she pulled Scootaloo closer towards her chest, and held her tightly.
"Shhhhh, shhhhh, don't cry little filly. You have a Princess right here." Luna said in a comforting tone of voice "Here Scootaloo, hop on my back."
Scootaloo got on her back as she was told. Princess Luna took her out of the clubhouse and into the nighttime darkness of Equestria. With Scootaloo hunched on her back, like a man on a real horse, Princess Luna started examining what everypony and everything was like to her, and not to what everypony else thought.
"Look Scootaloo, you see this field of daffodils?" Princess Luna asked
"Yes" Scootaloo said
"Every daffodil in this field has different colors, different aspects, and different forms. Each one was grown and made to do different thing for the ponies during the day, but this one..." She pointed a hoof to a daffodil that was wilting and about to die. "This one right here has done its job, and has completed its journey. All the flowers around it are still standing and still performing their jobs, but they are not giving this poor little one a hard time, because they know when the rains water its roots, it grows back into the beautiful plant that it used to be."
Luna then showed Scootaloo a herd of sheep eating grass.
"These herds of sheep are made in different forms as well, some big, some small...."
"That one looks fat!" Scootaloo said, pointing a hoof at a big fat sheep. Princess Luna giggled "He does, doesn't he."
"Anyway, our sheep don't see each other as 'losers' they just eat our living grass to live, they do it as a family."
"So what you've been telling me is that no matter what we are, even as an orphan, we are all made for something special?" Scootaloo asked
"That's right we are all made special, but we all have ponies out there that don't see that, they see themselves as better than anypony else, because simply they are good at something that the other pony isn't, or simply because they have something that the other pony doesn't have, we are all needed or wanted."
Scootaloo took this as a hurtful phrase, and turned away from Luna, saddened again. "Nopony wants me." she said in a crestfallen tone.
Luna gave a loving smile, and walked towards her "I do" she said lifting Scootaloo's head with her hoof. Scootaloo who was at first miserable and parentless, was now warming up to Princess Luna, the alicorn that had told her to face her real fear of dissapointing Rainbow Dash, and comforted her in her dreams, was now starting to become a surrogate mother to her. She jumped back into Luna's arms and hugged her tightly.
"......And I always will." She happily whispered, hugging Scootaloo back. Princess Luna then pinned Scootaloo on her backside, because she was willing to play with her, even though it was getting late.
"Now tell me this, Scootaloo, are you ticklish?" Princess Luna asked, looking at her soft little belly with a mischevious grin.
"Princess Luna don't you DAHAHAHAHRRHEHEHEHE" Scootaloo laughed as Princess Luna was tickling her. With Scootaloo giggling under Luna, Princess Luna was already having fun. Her smiling and cocking an eyebrow the whole time she was tickling Scootaloo.
"Who's my favorite filly? tell me and I'll stop." She said while she continued to tickle Scootaloo.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM PLEASE STOP IT" Scootaloo laughed, already starting to sweat and with tears falling from her eyes. Finally Luna detached her hoof from Scootaloo and let her catch her breath.
Princess Luna turned for a second to look at the stars, but then she heard a yawn behind her, she turned and saw that Scootaloo was getting sleepy. But instead of bringing her back to that creepy, cold, clubhouse, she put a half-asleep Scootaloo on her back again and flew up to the nearest sleeping cloud. She had found one that was big enough for the both of them, she landed on it and put Scootaloo down.
"Princess Luna why didn't you take me back to my clubhouse?" Scootaloo asked
"Because, little one, you need a nice, warm, place to sleep, and I don't think that clubhouse is such a good place for things like that." Luna said.
Scootaloo was reluctant, but decided to accept what was given to her. She sat down, turned around, and looked at Princess Luna, and smiled.
"Thanks for everything tonight." Scootaloo said.
"You're welcome." Luna said, Scootaloo then fell asleep, Princess Luna gently dragged Scootaloo towards her frontside and held her with her forehooves, keeping her warm. She smiled at a now sleeping Scootaloo, although it would be weird to her, she leaned down and gave Scootaloo a good night kiss on her head. Luna then started to sing to Scootaloo to help her stay asleep.
[youtube=1SiylvmFI_8]
Luna saw from the inside that she may not be related to Scootaloo by blood, but it never meant that she could be a surrogate mother to her.
"Good night Scootaloo." Princess Luna said, with a sleeping Scootaloo wrapped in her forehooves.
A little rushed, but that was an airstrike to the feels.
Eagerly awaiting more
this is so touching! Really beautiful and very inspirational. I can't wait for more.
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Twas epic.
great story
Great stuff. I eagerly await more.
Isn't the embedded song the song they play during those commercials with the abused animals?
More feels could be had if you slow it down a bit. Way down.
Expand this plot development over two chapters.
Lets see where this goes, trackin
2248689 Uh yeah why?
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Thought I recognized it and I wanted to confirm is all.
Want update, now
I love it so far. It is beautiful.
BUT Where the hell is she gonna live?! uhoh, Luna didn't think this through... MOAR!
2864443...
1. I see the over-short & probably cut-off Chapter 2 has been taken down. I assume it had been some sort of posting error rather than any deliberate trolling .
2. By all means, take your time with writing in order to put out a worthwhile-to-read chapter. The balance in writing is to take your time with it until you feel at least 80% satisfied with your work. The counter-balance is to not get bogged down in overlong delays just because you are not "100% satisfied" (note quotations marks) with it.
3. One particular sticking point that I feel should be brought up. By your cover picture, initial story premise, and story Description, should it not be Princess Luna who adopts Scootaloo rather than Princess Celestia? You had Luna bond with Scootaloo already, so throwing in Celestia as adopting parent is rather out of the literary left-field, over-extending reader-believability.
Also take into account that Princess Celestia already has her mother-daughter dynamic with Twilight Sparkle, so character-wise this does not really provide any additional literary drama or growth.
I would advise using Princess Luna as adoptive mother. This allows much better leeway and growth for Luna, while keeping Celestia and Twilight around as moral & character support for Luna. Celestia can provide the patient advice & guidance her character is well-known for. Likewise, Twilight can provide a touchstone-link for Luna since she personally knows Scootaloo; likewise, Twilight also provides Scootaloo an emotional link back to Ponyville (assuming Scootaloo's royal adoption moves her to Canterlot).
This is called trying too hard.
Rolling around at the speed of sound! Did anyone get the license place of that fanfic? Joking aside, there is some good stuff here, but it is way too fast. This chapter would probably benefit from a doubling, if not tripling in length. Pacing is difficult, but key.
Very rushed and the dialogue was very forced.
The idea is great you just need to go back and beef it up a bit.
And really? "In the arms of an Angel"? Sooooo cheesy
Problems
1. Rushed into it way to fast
2. The song video is just lazy
I shall be reading the rest to see if it improves.
i don't see why some people are complaining.
there are several theories about scootaloo's parents, one of which is she's Luna's daughter who fell from the moon while Luna was still imprisoned there, which damaged her wings and gave her memory lose (I'm guessing she'd been around three when it happened).
anyway, I'm afraid i rushed it a bit, didn't even listen to the song because my computer seems to like complaining whenever i true accessing videos put in comments, but i have a good sense of how the song would've gone.
so far I'm liking this fic and will read on
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Uhh. . .you just pulled that theory out of thin air.
But yes, I do like this story. I think it's a cool concept, and I did think that Luna visiting scootaloo's dream was a sign that she was some kind of chosen one at least, or that Luna had a soft spot for Scootaloo.
Scootaloo's backstory is too cliched and painful. Keep it simple, like her parents died in a fire.
Also, get rid of the song. Have Luna sing "Hush Now Quiet Now," instead of that cliched sappy music.
I don't think this story went by too fast. Heck, maybe orphans are rare in Equestria, and Luna used her dream walking magic to detect Scootaloo's loneliness and that's why she just happened to come to the clubhouse. It's obvious that Luna loves the little children in an almost Christ-like way, so a poor little orphan would be like a magnet for her!
So I'd say this first chapter gets a 4 out 5. Make the changes, and I'd give it a 5 out of 5.
Awwwwww
I know it's cliche and MLD does the phrase to death but godamnit when Luna said "I do" my heart Exploded!
I think I'm going to like this
This seams like its gonna be good
I like PRETTY PRINCESSES
Oh come on! At least provide some background information on why her father would think those things!
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some people are just like that they don't need a reason if he did like females then how did he father scootaloo
Arms? Are they humans? Or does Luna have arms sticking out of her?
good first chapter, even if it was a little sad, poor scoots :'(