Rainbow Dash had always dreamed of being a wonderbolt, of course. Everypony knew this. After working for a long week, rainbow went to sleep, and a certain pony kept her awake.
Chapters (1)
Flutter_Fan101
Joined 21st Jul, 2012 ·
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not bad, keep going
Great, you should continue!
It's okay but I feel that you could have made a longer chapter, unless you plan on building this up with little chapters.
A few mistakes hold this back a little. I feel that you could make 2-3 paragraphs out of the beginning part. Also, spell check is your friend, I mean, if you have any version of a word processor I hope. You might want to try to make the description a litttle more clear.
I'm just trying to give some constructive criticism. I hope I don't sound rude to you.
2314375 I was hoping on making this all as a longish one shot, but I thought it would be easier if I just carried on with chapters. And as i said, ive never wrote a fanfic before, and I appreciate your criticism.
Good start for a newbie. Couple of things, don't overstate someone's name when talking about what they are doing. It gets kind of distracting, and don't be afraid to break out the thesaurus either, even for little words. Not a bad start, keep going and you could be a decent fanfic author.
this is great! i just think that the part where dash went to see twi should be a bit longer. other than that, great job!
Fillies and gentlecolts, yaks, griffins, changelings, zebras, tireks, draconequi, buffaloes, horses, dragons, humans.
May I present to you our panel of judges from Phineas and Ferb.
Phineas
Ferb
Isabella
Perry the Platypus
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz
Baljeet
Buford
Major Monogram
I like her, are there gonna be more Merriweather scenes?
It’s the exact opposite with me and Phineas. I’m serious. I’m the one liking him, and he’s the oblivious one. Stinks, doesn’t it, Thunderlane?
I like you too!
No, I LIKE- like-
Hey Dinnerbell, do the lovefest at home. We’re here to judge!
Yup, happens every. Single. One of the 104 days of summer vacation..
The author said:
this was my first chapter! what do you guys think?
Nice! Good job Flutter_Fan101!
...
According to my calculations, this is missing a few very fundamental chapters and ponies.
Don’t worry, lemme translate that for ya. He said “I need moar!!” And so do I!
Not bad, but where’s the inator, huh? And what about a villain for the story? Where’s all the fun?!
A very amazing chapter. How would you like to be an honorary agent?
Krrrrrr!
Great! Loved the FlitterLane scenes, but where’s the IMPORTANT part? The Fireside girls never forget important details.
To put it in summary, we give this chapter a 5 on 5.
So....... when’s the next chapter?