Happy Mother's Day · 8:56pm 8 hours ago
It's Mother's Day. Call your mom.
Call your mom. Have a séance if you must. Tell her you love her. Unless you don't.
Maybe bring her some flowers. Maybe a bottle of wine. Or two.
Get a little tipsy. A little handsy. Be sure to compliment her thong.
'Accidentally' forget the condom. "It's okay, Mom. It's a special occasion."
... or just admit that you think your mom is ugly.