Almost done. Feedback first, though. · 8:30am Apr 10th, 2023
So, Nightmare of the Past is ready to print. In case you weren't in the loop, that's the name of the non-copyright infringing second book in The Humanity Within series (AKA the non-pony version of What I've Done). It's been written, edited, and it's basically ready to go, I just want a little input on the short description that's going to go up on the Amazon page (Or whatever page, since after this April I'll be posting my book to a lot more sites than Amazon. Keep on the lookout if the only reason you haven't purchased my book by now is because you don't have a kindle-capable device!)
Anyway, here's that description! Any advice/criticism would be nice!
For over three hundred years, the Diarchy of Ari has been free from the Shadowfell, the name given to the dark side of the once tidally locked planet of Euti. For three centuries the bird-like people known as the dakri have been free from the nightmares given flesh that the Shadowfell bred, as well as the tyrannical ruling class that claimed sovereignty over every dakri alive. Ari's rulers, the Solar Diarch, have led their people into peace and prosperity the likes of which the world has never known.
Yet, no matter how great the peace is, there are always those who would shatter it for their own selfish ends.
Six months ago, a strange metal object fell from the sky, and out of its carcass came a lone survivor. Twisted by monstrosities beyond comprehension, he was used as a weapon of war for an empire that desperately seeks to reclaim its former glory, and on his lips was a dire warning: They will come for you next.
Now, with an interstellar war at their doorstep, Tor, the King of the Morning, and his queen, Ja'vail, the Queen of the Night, rally their allies and attempt to make peace with old enemies, for the fires that swiftly approach their little world are far worse than any they have witnessed before.
Yet, even as the forces of Ari marshal to battle, dark forces work from within, moving to undermine the little diarchy's efforts to stave off the death of their world. More than just nightmares lurked in the dark of the Shadowfell, and they seek to restore that ancient curse, to regain their power over the Children of the Sky, and see the invaders not as the scourge that they are, but as tools to aid them in their conquest.
And unbeknownst to all, an ancient power claws at its cage, seeking vengeance against heroes and gods that entombed it within.
With alien monsters at the gates, and evils conspiring from within, the Diarchy of Ari must seek aid from the unlikeliest of sources, while caught in the middle of it all, is a single human desperately struggles to survive against the terror of the past that threatens to utterly destroy him and everything he cares about.
This is the second book in The Humanity Within Trilogy. An epic series written by Knight Breeze following a story where swords and sorcery clash with an alien empire, all while a single mutated human caught in the crossfire desperately tries his best to survive. This series contains the following printed or planned books:
What I've Become.
Nightmare of the Past.
Legends of the Future. (Planned, title still subject to change)
Please and thank you!
I read it five times and i can't find anything wrong with it. and by the way i have been wondering how many books you are planning on this series to have, just out of curiosity.
5722229 For just The Humanity Within? Three. It's a trilogy, and will stay as such. That being said, it will not be the only set of books in the universe I'm trying to construct. Other works will revolve around other characters, though the ones you've met so far won't suddenly disappear. For example: the next book following The Humanity Within would focus on the Krin Empire, and Jill Spivack, as well as the other humans (And dakri/changlings) that they took when they came to collect extras. It would be to properly set them up as the actual villains, rather than keep them as this faceless, evil entity that the heroes have to overthrow.
If you've ever read The Icewind Dale trilogy, think of it like that. There's lots of books beyond the trilogy that continue the adventures of Drizz't Do'Urden and his friends, but the different series have different themes, characters and story lines attached to them.
"where swords and sorcery clash with an alien empire"
You know I never though about it til reading this, but these stories are a total mishmash of fantasy and sci fi, with HFY of course. Glad this part of the road is finishing up for you, look forward to flipping thru the pages of Book 2.
"And unbeknownst to all, an ancient power claws at its cage, seeking vengeance against heroes and gods that entombed it within."
Ohhh we gonna see a divergence, even more so from the OG, about the magic stealing god? Gonna make me wait for book 3 with even more want.
As for the summary, maybe a bigger gap or a break for the last paragraph?
"This is the second book in..."
With it being more about the saga rather than the book. I don't know I'm not an editor, just a guess.
5722302 Oh, you bet I'm using the Chaos Eater I've been setting up. Chekov's gun. You don't set up something like that and not use it!