Story Notes: Life On Equus · 4:44am Sep 25th, 2023
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/3168907
Another year, another entry for the Cozy Glow contest. I’ll continue supporting the contest as long as the group hosts it, but I know going in that I don’t write the kind of stories the judges are looking for. They want dark & edgy and I don’t really write anything that falls into that category.
One of their metrics is ‘how sharp are the teeth?’
…Not very. Suffice it to say, the only way I’m ever winning one of their contests is if no one else enters (but that wouldn’t be much of a contest 
). But that doesn't bother me. As I've said from the start, I consider 'more Cozy Glow stories' to be a win, regardless of where I place. I was a bit worried I wouldn’t finish my entry this year because this year's contest overlapped with the writing time for Ponyville Ciderfest’s interactive storytelling adventure. I'm one of the authors who's been participating in this (I'm not really sure what I can admit to at the moment, aside from my participation).
The past two months have been some of the most productive of my life from a writing standpoint. I started writing for PVCF on July 19th, and the Cozy contest started July 25th. This year’s PVCF may be the only time something like this is ever attempted, and I had a blast at their con last year (my first time attending), and I wanted to give back. This is an ambitious project. That means it didn’t leave me as much time to dedicate to my contest entry as I would’ve liked, but hopefully being short means this silly crackfic doesn’t overstay its welcome. Needless to say, this isn't the only time I've written Cozy Glow since July, but the rest will stay under wraps until November in Milwaukee. I hope to see you there!
Between PVCF and the Cozy Glow contest, I haven’t worked on 16 lately. The next chapter is intended to be a 40th anniversary celebration for the MLP franchise, so it will be finished and posted before the end of the year. This is where my writing focus will be for the foreseeable future unless PVCF needs anything else done. Approximately 3,700 words have been written so far of the next chapter.
I think I'll be allowed to post my PVCF stories here after the con (I need to doublecheck that), and if so, expect those sometime in late November or early December. I can't emphasize just how much fun I've had writing for PVCF.
Anyways, come to Trot Ponyville CiderFest: https://ponyvilleciderfest.com/
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/2167036
Sir David Attenborough would never be so oblivious as to not realize Miniequus pastelhorsei is sapient. But this is a parody, and his competency had to be toned down accordingly. Likewise, there’s a reason the Bloodhound Gang has ‘let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel’ as lyrics to Bad Touch. Some nature documentaries tend to focus too much on mating season.
I’ve done my best to give the story a British feel, but if anyone reading this wants to suggest ways to make this more realistic than just adding a ‘u’ to ‘color’ and using a few British expressions, please do so. I’ll happily tweak the story accordingly.
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/3155921
In the tradition of Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote cartoons, I had a little fun with scientific names.
Do I need to explain Miniequus pastelhorsei? That one’s obvious.
Dracorex flambé is named after a now nomen dubium, Dracorex (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pachycephalosaurus). A juvenile Pachycephalosaurus was named Dracorex (“dragon king”) upon discovery. At the time, scientists didn’t realize that the spikes on the juvenile’s head would turn into the thick dome on the head of the famous ‘bonehead’ dinosaur.
Moving onto hippogriffs, Nessiteras rhombopteryx was Sir Peter Scott’s proposed scientific name for the Loch Ness Monster: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loch_Ness_Monster
Sir Peter Scott was another British naturalist, and he and Sir David Attenborough have worked together and been honored together. In the minds of the public (especially in Great Britain), they’re the top two names to come to mind when thinking of nature documentaries, so this seemed really appropriate.
Switchochango morethanmeetsthei also seems to be pretty self-explanatory. The switchochango part comes from Garfield’s parody of giant transforming robots, while ‘more than meets the eye’ is obviously a nod to Transformers. Again, seems legit for changelings.
Phillysteak chhurpi pays homage to the Philadelphia cheesesteak. Phillysteak being obvious, while chhurpi is a cheese (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chhurpi) made from yak’s milk. It was that or Derby destructionis.
Finally, the Iso Grifo, a boutique Italian ‘hybrid’ supercar from an era when a ‘hybrid car’ meant something completely different. In this case, the hybrid is American power (Chevy) and Italian bodywork and chassis. 1969 version shown below. The car is named for the griffin, and Iso’s logo is also a griffin.
Source: AlwaysDressesInStyle
I think this was obvious, but in case it wasn’t:
Rook = Cozy Glow
Big Purple = Twilight Sparkle
Turtles = Sandbar
Smash-A-Lot = Yona
Happy = Silverstream
Grumpy = Gallus
Sparkles = Smolder
Blue Bug = Ocellus
Cloudy Rainbow = Bifröst
Wheat = Amber Grain
Rainbow Lightning = Rainbow Dash
Diamonds = Rarity
Balloons = Pinkie Pie
Butterflies = Fluttershy
Apples = Applejack
Shooting Star = Starlight Glimmer
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/3151123
The prompt was “Cozy Glow vs.”
So, Cozy Glow versus Sir David Attenborough. Let’s check out the stats!
Cozy Glow is a juvenile delinquent who tried to conquer Equestria multiple times and is currently serving a permanent timeout as a pigeon roost. She’s also about 10 years old.
Sir David Attenborough is about as opposite as you can get from her. He’s 97, beloved, been knighted, considered a national treasure in Great Britain, and has been at the top of his profession for decades. He’s the only person to win BAFTA awards for programs in black & white, colour, HD, and 3D. He’s had multiple species named for him, and Robert T. Bakker even named a genus of extinct plesiosaur for him: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attenborosaurus
Attenborough was also named ‘most trusted celebrity in the UK’ in 2006. Anypony out there trust Cozy Glow?
He’s had prolonged success, while Cozy Glow has mostly known failure in her all-too-brief life.
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/3190958
So who won?
Cozy Glow captured Attenborough, and pummeled his film crew.
Sir David Attenborough (and film crew) stopped Cozy Glow’s attempt to drain magic from Equestria. Completely by accident.
I think we have a clear winner. Sir David Attenborough may have lost the final battle, but by then he’d already won the war. Cozy’s just a sore loser.
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/3135730
Special thanks to Reese for bringing up a point regarding toxicity for brightly colored animals in my ask blogs for 16. This gets discussed in this story, though no one is willing to eat a Miniequus pastelhorsei to test the theory. Yaks, however, are apparently delicious.
I love cozy
NO ONE CAN STEAL HER FROM ME
Man, rhombopteryx is so good for Silverstream, if only because it has "bop" in it. Bop.
Bop.
Bop.
Bop
5747939
I can't argue that!