I need help · 2:50am Nov 28th, 2023
i just wanna know how stupid of an idea this is:
We made it back to Manehatten pretty quickly, as Twilight wanted to rush us on our way back. Mostly because her student was trapped in an orphanage with no way or reverting back to a full ass mare. Me and Chrysalis really didn’t see the concern, since Rainbow Dash thought it was pretty funny, and Pinkie was too busy planning a ‘happy adoption’ party for Starlight. So, you can imagine how Twilight felt when we got to the orphanage…
Because Starlight, as Midnight was just fucking gone. Somebody came, while we were out, adopted her, and then moved out of Manehatten, towards fucking Salt Lick. In case you’re curious, that’s further north in Continental Equestria, and so far west that it was practically on the other side of Equestria from Manehatten.
In other words, Twilight was crying into my chest and punching it a lot.
“Why did you bucking put her in an orphanage? You would've left her on the streets, or with the rest of our friends! No! You just had to bucking put my student in a bucking Orphanage!” Why didn’t I slap this bitch upside the head? One, she was hugging me, secondly, she was holding my arms tightly with magic, and I couldn’t move. Chrysalis and Blaze didn’t want to waste the calories on getting her off me, and Rainbow and Pinkie know that’s itms borderline suicidal to mess with an alicorn literally titled ‘the Alicorn of Magic’.
Even if that title was more in reference to the Element of Harmony she represents, she’s still insanely skilled with magic.
“Hey now,” I said, sipping on a hot-cocoa Chryssy brewed for me. It was getting colder, since just like New York City, Manehatten was a cold shithole. “I could’ve broken her neck, stabbed her, cut her legs off, left her in the woods, cut her legs off and left her in the woods. I coulda also just throw her off the boat we’re hitching a ride on. Out of all the things I did, the orphanage idea was the most cruel, yet the least cruel at the same time.
“Now Starlight will be treated like a filly until her spell wears off, if it wears off, and you’ll be without a student until you either back out of this trip, or come back from this trip. There’s a good chance you won’t be able to do the second one, with how dangerous some areas are, so,” I pushed Twilight off of me after an hour of trying. “What are you gonna do about it?”
“I-I’m sur-sure that Starlight will find a way out of this… mess.”
“Cool, me and Chryssy are gonna go orphan hunting.”
“WHAT?! You had Midnight-“
“Who wasn’t actually a filly, and I want a foal. Granted, me and Chryssy could just go at it every night until she lays some eggs, but we agreed to have a house before we try having kids. And everyone on my wagon agreed that having a foal was fun, even if we knew it wasn’t actually a foal. So we’re getting a foal.” With that I tried to flip Twilight off, despite my lack of fingers, and walked off. Chrysalis turned one of her hooves into a human hand, how she knew what those look like, I’ll never know, and she flipped Twilight off as we got on our wagon and headed further into Manehatten, so that we could find a different orphanage to obtain a foal from.
When we were on the outskirts of Manehatten, we found a filly crying on the road. She was a little pegasus, with a very, very specific color of pink that I couldn’t be asked to remember. She had auburn eyes. Her skyblue mane and tail were curled. He mane was held in place by a yellow tie, and so was her tail. She looked up as we stopped.
“Swear to sweet mother of fuck, if this is some bullshit Twilight is trying,” Blaze nipped me.
“That filly has nothing to do with Twilight, but she’d mentally deranged.”
Chrysalis and I hopped off our wagon, and the filly started crying again. “Hey kiddo,” I laid down right in front of her. I kinda forgot about her possibly being a psycho; she was adorable and she was crying. She blinked several times as she tried to get the tears out of her eyes. I booped her nose with a hoof, which made her stop crying for a moment. “Why are you laying on the side of the road? Shouldn’t you be in school?”
“I-I…” Her eyes widened upon seeing Chrysalis. “I-I was looking for some-somepony.” She pointed at my marefriend. “Because…” Her frown and fake tears slowly turned into a sweet little smile. “I was hoping to invite her to something important…”
“The buck are you on about?” Chrysalis asked.
“Y-you see… This goat named Grogar wanted to speak with you, but couldn’t find your location; he couldn’t find you in the place you were last told to be at… But now I’ve found you!” Chrysalis and I looked each other in the eyes.
I opened my mouth again, firstz Granted, I don’t think this kid was listening to either of us. “Kiddo, what the fuck are you trying-“
“And you have a stallion that you’re probably draining the love out of as we speak! Excellent! Now we can kill him and-“
“I am not killing Ostri, and I am not draining him of love. While he is a splendid source of food, he is not ‘prey’ as I treat other ponies, young one. He is my mate.” Chrysalis growled. “If you bluntly or vaguely threaten him, we’re leaving you on the side of the road.”
“W-well… maybe we can get him to join our meeting with Grogar; if he loves you, then he’s probably evil. Nothing can love something as ugly as you!” Mmm, you’re lucky you’re probably ten years old.
“Weird, I thought morality was more of a gray area, but that shows how good I am at philosophy… Hey kid,” she was still laying down in front of me, and I was doing the same in front of her. “Wanna get adopted or something? You clearly don’t have parents or you wouldn’t be asking people to join this weird club that’s probably plotting the death of the world, and I'm certain you could use a hug.”
“A hug? Why would I EVER want that?” I then hugged her. “Okay, this is kind of nice, but everypony will hug and bow down to me if I take over the world and-“
“It won’t feel the same. A hug from somebody you love is way better than a hug you ordered somebody to give you. I would know; I’m a bit of an orphan myself.”
“Tirek!” Wut.
A centaur came out of… somewhere. He was red, and black, and had a shit to cover the man-like half of his body.
“I coulda spawned in here as a centaur? I could had hands!”
“I prefer you as a stallion, Ostri. Your wings are quite nice.”
“…I don’t regret becoming a pegasus.” We both turned to the centaur, I stood up while craddling Cozy Glow. She just stayed there, her legs curled up and over her stomach. “Howdy,” I waved my hand. “Tirek, I presume?”
“And you are Luna’s consort-“
“Oh fuck now. Fuck that ho!” The centaur blinked. “Bitch fuckin’ dumped me a while ago, and she proceeded to mentally ruin me. Whatever you have planned for Equestria is none of my business. So,” I sat down, still holding Cozy Glow in my arms. “I just have this to say: You can take your little demon filly back, as cute and loveable as she is, and go fuck off. Chrysalis and I have zero interest in taking over Equestria, so…” I looked down at Cozy.
“You think I’m cute and loveable?”
“Yeah?”
“Please come with me and Tirek…” She gave me puppy eyes. “We won’t have to become violent if you do!”
“Let me guess, Grogar wants you, Chryssy and Tirek to team up, fuck Equestria’s shit up, and then rule he world like kings and queens?” The filly’s jaw dropped. “Yeah kiddo, I have a kumiho just sitting in the wagon; she’s a living lie detector and my failsafe for little psychopaths. Now, you are adorable, and frankly, I would not mind taking care of and keeping you, but I think you’re a little far gone if you think attacking me and Chryssy is a good idea.”
“If you touch either of them, I will kill both of you,” Blaze warned. She sat here with a serene littke smile as I could feel the power of her megic flowing out of her body. “There will be nothing left of you.”
“Oh please,” Tirek waved a dismissive hand. “I can-“ he paused. as a wave of magic passed through him. He shivered. “Your… magic isn’t reaching a peak.” The grin that took his face was nigh horrifying. “Good, I’ll use that power of yours-“
I threw a knife into his collar bone. As I threw it, Blaze had made it sped up with her own magic. There was a sickening crunch as it sliced through flesh, bone and muscle. Even Chrysalis flinched as the knife went in. “God damn, Blaze!”
“You were protecting me from that thing; centaurs tend to eat magic, and as a magical creature, I would fall under prey to Tirek.” The centaur in question was screaming and holding his shoulder with the arm that still worked. Cozy Glow, who I had dropped so I could throw the knife, rolled onto her stomach, and was now staring at Tirek with wide, almost… teary eyes. “So I made your attempt at defending me more effective.”
“T-Tirek?” The filly looked genuinely terrified now. “Why did you do that, you monster!”
“Treat me with love and kindness, and I’ll return it, tenfold. If you threaten the people that show me love and kindness…” I pulled another knife out from under my wing. “And I’ll be more vicious than you can imagine to those who made the mistake of threatening my kitsune.” I walked up to Tirek, who was still screaming. He stopped, and looked up at me; he was on his knees now. “Listen bud,” I pulled the knife out of his collar bone. “Take your filly, daughter, whatever the fuck, and leave. I don’t give a damn about what you have planned for Equestria, I don’t give two shits if you burn Equestria down…” I brought the knife to his face.
“Leave me be. Leave my family be. If you don’t, I’ll show you just what a real monster has in store for you.”
“Y-your… what are you? You’re no pony!” Tirek tried to back away from me. “No pony is as violent as you are!
I paused as I stared down at the coward. I simply gave him a warm smile. “I’m a man who has crumbled entire armies on my own. I have seen this country in its infancy, and I travelled through time. I’m a pony from another world. I’ve seen and heard of things so diabolical that whatever evil scheme you’ve seen look like a harnless prank. I. Am. Ostri. I. Am. A. Man.” I put my knife away. “Well, I’m sure you two have better things to do than hear this old man ramble. Have a nice day!”
When we got on out wagon, we spun it rigjt back around and back to Manehatten. “That was incredibly sexy, Ostri,” Chrysalis hummed. “Oh the way Lord Tirek was looking at you with such primal fear in his eyes!” She giggled. “That, is exactly why I want to marry you.”
“Man, I don’t think I’ve gotten that angry in a while; except for when I was in Celestia’s throne room.” I shrugged and went to wipe my forehead… “Uh…” I tapped it. There was something sticking out of it. “Did I get stabbed?” The knife was very sensitive. Blaze started looking me over, and Chrysalis grabbed my cheeks and made me face her.
“Ostri,” I nodded. “You have a horn.” Oh no. “You’re an alicorn now!”
“Your butt tattoo changed. It is a heart with a knife going across it instead of the clock it once was.”
“How… the fuck? Aren’t those permanent?”
“You do fly quite quickly, so you likely have a lot of pegasus magic in you… which would fuel your acension. As for your cutie mark… I’ve got no clue. I do not know how it chsnged, but I can guess what it means… You’ll defend your family with your life. And the knife probably also represents your skills with knives.”
I just stared at my ass the whole way back to Manehatten.
When we got there, I had Chrysalis go get me a hat, just so nobody would notice it. Low and behold, every single hat in the store was made with unicorns involved, so no matter what, my newly acquired head penis was on full display. I sighed and buried my head under my hooves as we rolled our wagon towards the hotel where we left Twilight and her friends at. “Why did I have to grow a horn?”
“Because you… I can't even explain it. Perhaps somepony up above just really hates you,” Chrysalis shrugged.
“Well, I might as well get used to having a horn, even if I won’t be using it for anything.” The wagon came to a stop. Twilight’s little group were just moving their bags and luggage back onto the wagon. “So Chrysalis,” my marefriend was the only one to get off our wagon. “Can you get Ostri, I was hoping to speak with him before we got moving again.”
“Unfortunately, in the short two hours we were away, Ostri got sick, and Blaze is currently tending to him-“ that pause wasn’t good. “Why did you use a lie detection spell?”
“Just to make sure you aren’t lying… Which you were. Tell Ostri to get off the wagon.” I sighed and looked at Blaze.
“We can’t hide the horn?”
“I cannot cast illusions spells on anything other than myself, and Chrysalis is very much the same. Your mane is a little too short to conceal your horn as well… So yes, you can’t hide the horn.” I groaned before patting the Kitsune on the head.
“I love ya, Blaze.”
“You sound like you’re going to war.”
“Chances are, Twilight will not fuck off once she knows that I have a horn and wings. Meaning she’ll probably try and drag me away.” I rolled my eyes and raised my hoof. “Here’s to hoping!” I stepped off the wagon, and grunted when I nearly fell on my face. I righted myself up and cringed at the gasps. “Howdy, I heard that you guys wanted to speak with me?”
Twilight asked “When… did you get a horn.”
“Blaze helped me stab a fucker named Tirek in the collarbone, and I threatened to kill him if he attacked Blaze. The next thing I know, I have a horn, and I left that sumbitch and a pink little filly crying on the side of the road.”
Ostri the Alicorn. It the two cunt sisters here this they'll do nearly anything to try to get into his good grace. Perhaps to the full on detriment of Equestria. unless Twiggy Spergle wants him for herself. But none the less the chaos would be funny as shit.
i like how he just accidently becomes an alicorn just from being him. also the cutimark change is a good way of showing he has changed fundementaly since luna dumped him
Bud. You're overthinking the hell out of it if you really think this is bad. This is great, and if this is how your natural thought process leads, just go with it.
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i’m halfway through writing the draft right now. i was just wondering how people woulda thought of this, so i made the post.
i like the idea, personally, and just wanted to see if it was worth pursuing.
This was good to start with, when he stuck Tirek it jumped up two levels. Finally someone figured out that fighting that asshat with magic is like hitting Pinkie with a tray of cupcakes.
I'm just wondering why they chose cozy of all kids to adopt not that she be able to do much with a mind reader around. Plus this should double the regret on the sisters part considering they never had a possible lover they could keep. And although starlight might not have an easy time it will more twilight fault for convincing to spy. Truthfully considering twilight never even tried to get a date in the show and I don't think she did in the comics either I don't think she will ever get love.