The vibe · 11:28pm May 28th
Yeah, I played some Multiversus, and it was fine. I just haven't really been able to find a game I connect deep with. So instead, I've just been listening to music mostly on and off, let the vibes just carry me off.
Thinking about where I am in life right now, working at a restaurant as a cook. Yes, I know it's scandalous! I'm working a job that is far from fabulous, in the eyes of most. But it pays the bills and keeps everything moving.
But that is just it, is everything moving?
Losing my dog recently seems to have idk, broke me out of this dream, I think. She was with me from my past, so long... that Losing her, I see that the world is not just this one track that plays consistently over the airwaves. It's alive and with a heartbeat that continues forward no matter the loss or changes.
God! What am I saying?
That piece of the past, you can hold on to them... even hide away within those memories. But...that's just it...isn't it?
They are just memories, strands of time we shelter overselves within. Because the world...life frightens us.
I can't just sit and fade with those memories, I think I'm ready to start living. Or at least trying to improve the world around me, I don't want to be a cook for the rest of my life, I want to strive for more.
I'm going to look into new ventures and see if I can move to the next chapter of my life.
Sorry for the rant. there are just a lot of pent-up thoughts.
Sometimes, the right game is able to carry you through a rough time.
There's the games you play to forget your life.
For me, that was FF14, as I could stop thinking, stop feeling, and just let my body be a basic input machine.
Then there are other games that deeply connect with you, that you understand it and it understands you, a shared, almost secret connection that you might not have expressed with or to anything or anyone else.
For me, that second game was Red Dead Redemption 2, and I still think of Arthur Morgan a lot.
Music is good. I've been lying in bed listening to 'Sharp Edges' and just floating. It's a healing process. It helps.
A job is a job and there's dignity in every process that allows the world to keep moving. No matter the level or the position, you have the ability to make those around you have a better, easier day, and when it comes to the actual work itself, you are providing food for others to eat. Comparison is the theft of joy.
With that being said, there's no shame in looking for a better life.
I'm sorry to hear about your dog.
I've lost animals, and, for me, they almost seem to encapsulate a chapter of my life.
Even now, I think my dog is waiting for me at my parent's house, and I just haven't seen her because I haven't been there in a while. It feels like I can go see her at any time if I just head over—but I know she's not there waiting for me.
Grieve. Cry. Express yourself and process this in whatever way you feel you need to.
Memories are both a gift or a curse depending on the lens used to look at them.
Sometimes, childhood memories can be wonderful, and in another mood or lens, they can be seen as terrible or painful.
Things are just things and they change with how we currently view and feel about them.
I don't think there's anything wrong with remembering the past and sometimes retreating to them—but I agree that you cannot stay in the past for too long. Live in the present, do your best for the future, and take solace in the past when the time feels right. Try to do good for yourself and others and be kind.
Good luck with what comes next.
Trust your heart.
~Hugs~
I can't top B_25, but... ditto.
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I used to play Ctr like that, racing on tracks I could just zone out and focus on something ...anything other than the moment. It was a way to drift to a moment of solace. The quiet of just doing something kept my mind focused.
Hmm, a wonderful life I think was mine. Upkeeping a farm creating gardens and building a family. That game connected to my soul, I understand that feeling of sharing a unsaid connection with a game. Something that brings back those feelings of warmth.
Thank you for sharing that new song with me too, I've been enjoying the vibe and melody of something new. Sometimes just letting a song wash over you helps after a long day, keeps everything focused.
I don't mind being a cook...I just feel like my family just looks down on me. As if I could do better, I want to not be seen as something lesser a person of unfulfilled purpose. I suppose I shouldn't try always chasing the acceptance of my family, I don't think I'd ever fully gain complete respect.
I know. Such sweet little creatures...they give such love full and complete. Never once asking for anything in return, she was the connection to better days in my life. She carried the dreams of my past, and the hopes of the future in her tiny paws. I just miss the simple ways she touched my life.
Lying on me while I listened to music, the dopey smile she'd give around kittens. She was soooo maternal it was amazing, protecting kittens and any baby as if it were her own. She was the true meaning of kindness.
I've done my fair share of crying already, I can't live for the dead. I need to live for the moment, be lucky that everyday is worthy of something new. I agree, memories can heal us...but too much time lost within them can't be healthy.
Thank you, B.
Sometimes just venting helps in so many ways.
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Thank you, I'm so blessed to have friends here.
I can whisper words unable to be spoken in my life, it helps.
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Glad you're feeling better.
Just because one chapter has ended doesn't mean another can't begin; the finishing of one book leads to the next.
I've been there as well. There's good concern when a family thinks you can do better—however, approach matters a lot, and sadly, many do and handle this terribly.
There was a time when, still living with my parents, I could never get their respect.
I used to act differently, like I was better than what I was, in order to win it.
Then I realized I was just being a fool.
I, as a person, did not matter so much as the position I held.
Now that I have my own place and a well-paying job, I am considered a 'normal' person, and have my parents (when really it was my father) respect. However, I don't hold much value for it now, nor do I chase after it.
I think a person's character and heart should matter more than the position they hold—but to each their own.
It's hard when you live with people and frequently encounter their disdain.
I found various ways to cope with it, however, distance and self-development was really what got me through it.
My father and I are on good terms now, and despite his faults, he has plenty of strengths and other ways of showing his care.
Life is a complex mess.
I just hope you know that you are valued and have the respect and care from others, and at the end of the day, you get to decide how to fill up that empty feeling.
Just today, I was feeling low, but talking to you, listening to music, watching scenes from One Piece, and writing for the sake of writing seemed to correct the incorrect groove I was in.
I'm always here if you need an ear.
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Thank you, just these past few weeks have been like tar. I was bottling up so much, I was sinking into this pit. I felt suffocated and restless, every night just this constant turning of the clock.
But just typing out these thoughts are helping, like a weight being lifted off my chest. It feels comfortable to just take a deep breath.
Closing that book is the hardest part though, you feel compelled for just one more read. But I agree, the future holds so much more. I'm hopeful to see it with my own eyes.
I just want my family to see someone worthwhile. I know that disdain, the words spoken feel as if they are poking and pointing out all the faults you see in yourself.
Distance huh? Sounds liberating and ...calm. I'm so happy you've found that zest, sounds as if you've leapt into the world with wings spread wide. I might need to do the same, I keep thinking that I can fly in the shadow of my family but maybe I need to try flying alone.
I hope you continue flying high, and that the relationship with your father continues to thrive.
Oh lord that it is.
I'm happy to have helped in any little way. Some days seem better than others, but I will thrive to feel valued. One piece, is pretty good to just vibe too. I tried making a dent on the series once, lol.
Thank you again, the same here.
It's nice to find peace.
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Don't worry.
You'll soar.
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Thank you. 🪽