Whew... (And Preview) · 4:06am Feb 27th, 2013
So, Now that the 14,415 word one shot is finally up, I can now return to editing Believing Stories. Broadhoof was so much fun to write. It definitely challenged me and pushed me in numerous ways. As for "Believing Stories", it's difficult to not rewrite the whole story while trying to make things about it more natural and real. I try to keep as much as the original chapter as possible. For example:
Old Version:
The sun woke up before she did that day. She groaned as her bloodshot eyes slowly opened to see a plain, hard floor. Her eyes blinked again and her brow furrowed. She was far from her palace bedchamber. But how far? Where was she?
Her legs felt odd, short for some reason, and somehow less warm. She looked down and quickly screamed. Her hooves, hair, tail- all were gone and instead she had skin covered by a set of hospital scrubs. Human. She instantly touched her face with her new hands as she trembled.
Human. She was human. How could this have happened? Where was she? Her muzzle was gone. Her mane . . .
with some tweaking is...
New Version:
The sun woke up before she did that day. As a groan rolled from her throat, her bloodshot eyes slowly squinted open to powder blue sheets. This wasn’t her bed. She blinked again, slowly, but the sheets did not change. She was far from her palace bedchamber, but how far? Where was she?
As sleep lazily slid from her mind, a chill took her. Something wasn’t right. Her whole body felt different. Had she been shaved completely? Instinctively, her hands gripped the blanket covering her and she wrapped herself tighter in the fabric. Hands. Her eyes locked onto the claw like things holding her covers close. She had hands like a minotaur, only more delicate. The blanket was released as she lifted her right hand to her face. From her shallow palm branched five pale digits with the nails filed short. She felt her sharp breath flow over the bare skin.
Human.
So...any volunteers to help me while I continue to edit?
I'd certainly like to, but I'm unsure whether or not I'll have the time. Maybe!
I seem to be getting more reliable at this whole editing thing. So, sure, why not?
I should be available, and hopefully more punctual than last time. I'm up for it .