Help? Anyone? · 2:14am May 26th, 2014
I wanted to do something special tomorrow. Besides publishing my Ask Crimson Fang sto- IDEA!
Wait, it's gone... Welp, any ideas for the first chapter? Here's what I have so far:
"Crimson, did you get the front door? It's raining, and I don't want any more water getting inside."
With one swift leg kick to the door, it was closed.
"Yeah Arsy, it's closed."
Crimson looked through the living room that belonged to their current house. It was the third one so far this year, and it might not be the last. Ponies didn't take too kindly to bat ponies, which Crimson never really understood. I mean, the only differences were looks and the apple thing. I mean, it's not like they stalked ponies in the shadows at ungodly hours. That'd be ridiculous. Whoever came up with that stupid, idiotic idea needs to go find a cactus and-
"Crim, did you put your things in your room?" Crim groaned at the interruption, but did as her sister asked and carried the box of things up to her room. This was the last of it all, a majority of it being brought earlier in the week. Crim kicked open the door, and made her way to the center of her room. She set down the box, and looked around the sparsely furnished room. All it contained was a bookshelf, a bed, a desk, a side table, and a dark purple rug in the center. Crim then spent the next five minutes carefully putting a multitude of books on shelves, a lamp on the desk, and a family photo on the end table. She took off her glasses and wiped the salty tears off her face, before replacing the glasses to their respective spot. She walked over to her sisters room, where she found her putting up a few things.
"Hey Arsonya. Do you have any stories for me to pre-read?"
Her sister walked over to a desk, and took off a small packet. She leafed through it quickly, before handing it to Crim. Crim made her way back to her room, and as she walked by her mirror, seeing no change in her orange coat, blood red mane with eyes to match, and green glasses. She took notice that she was still cute-markless. Sighing, She got to her desk, and started leafing through the story. Some of her sisters stories had given grown stallions paranoia. Crim had built up a sort of immunity to the fear of them. About ten minutes later, Crim had brought back the packet to her sister, who was busying herself in the kitchen with dinner. Crim waited until her sister finished chopping some tomatoes before speaking up.
"Hey Arsy."
Her sister looked up from her cooking to say,
"Oh, hey Crim. So, what do I need to improve on?"
Crim leafed through the story, checking the notes in the margins, before telling her,
"Well, I think you could flare out the backstory a bit, because it's pretty much only a paragraph of explanation before you get right into the stalking bit. And I think the end could be a bit longer." She watched as her sister thought this over.
"Ok, put it in my room, ok?"
Crim nodded, and started to obey the simple task. As she headed up the stairs, she considered how it may not be a good idea to let a filly, who was still cutie-markless, read over horror stories. Although most others wouldn't be up for it anyhow. After lazily tossing them on her sisters bed, Crim walked into her bedroom, and flopped onto her bed. She buried her face into the purple bedding, and groaned. Why was this today boring? Sure, she'd be starting school soon, but right at that very moment, life was boring. Very. She rolled over, and glanced at her bookshelf, knowing full well that she had read every book there at least three times. Crim rolled over again, but this time landed on the floor.
"Owww....."
I think it's horrible.. Any ideas for how it could go? No questions, just ideas?
Hi!
2145386 Hi.
2145393 Your blog can be seen due to a live stream I'm doing. I have screenshare on.
2145395 Ok then.
Sorry, I've got nothing. I did notice a small mistake though.
You missed the "i" in "cutie".
I don't have any ideas for you, but I'll help by pointing out all the small mistakes I see! Because I'm picky like that, and those small mistakes bother me. That was the only one I saw, though.
2145395
Did I just make an appearance?
2145398 Ok, thanks.
2145401
No problem!
2145397
Anyways, the live stream is over.
2145406 Cool.
nevermind that...
How' that clopfic coming along?
2145474 Cloppingly.
2145502
2145503
2145511
you're not writing it, are you?
2145513 ...
Im having problems.
2145519
you writing it on Gdocs?
If so, PM me the link and we can chat in there and see if I can't give you assistance.
2145523 No, no I am not.
2145540
bah.
2145541 They need a Luna shrugging emoticon.
2145575 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
2145580 Exactlly.
2145587
I haz that as an emoticon. u jelly?