Site Post » Reviews! Round 50 · 5:42am Aug 23rd, 2014
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
“Grandpav’s back! Yay!” With giggles and excited clamor, the young children rush to secure the best seats for themselves. “Tell us a story!”
“A story?” Grandpav stares into the distance, taking a light draw on his tobaccy pipe. “Well, certainly. Once upon a time, there was a pony named Rainbow Dash. She was the fastest pegasus in—”
“No! Grandpav!” The children giggle and shake their heads. It’s a common prank of Grandpav’s. Familiar. Part of the ritual. “Not that kind of story!”
“Yeah!” says another. “We wanna hear a story about reviewing fanfics!”
“Yeah!” raises the chorus of shouts.
“Oh, reviewing horsewords,” says Grandpav, a twinkle in his eye. “Well why didn’t you say so? Hmm…” Sighing wistfully, Grandpav stares out the window, thinking back to days of yore. “Well, for one thing, our Featured Box wasn’t cluttered with this ‘pile of mops’ snowclone nonsense that you kids think is all the rage. Back in my day, we had proper bad snowclones! Like ‘peaches’! Or ‘Luna discovers a thing’!”
“What’s that last one?” asks a little girl, raising her hand.
“What… what is this?” Grandpav asks, blinking and motioning with his hands. “You ask me a question and then you raise your hand to be called on afterward? Is this all just a formality to you? Vah.” He swats away with a hand. “We had a group of reviewers who did that once. Gave reviews first, asked for permission second. You know what happened to them?”
“They got disbanded fer creatin’ an ‘ostile environ, did ‘ey?” asks a young boy with a cockney accent.
“No one likes a smarty pants,” Grandpav scolds him. “And no! Far worse than that. They were forced to transmit all of Fimfiction—all of it—down the coast, down the ways toward ‘Bama! Course, back then we didn’t have no fancy, high-fallootin’ dee-ess-ell lines. No sir, they had to use the telegraph machines. Send down those fanfics, one letter at a time, beeep bep-beeep-beeep bep-bep bep-beeep-bep-bep bep bep-bep-bep beeep bep-bep bep-beeep.” He pantomimes the motion with a shaky old finger.
“That sounds like Skrillex!” chimes one of the girls, before her face sours. “I hate old people music.”
“So, how did you find fanfics to review?” asks another child. “Did you hafta listen to that Skrillex machine?”
He laughs, ruffling the young child’s hair. “Heck nah, that’d be stupid. Nah, the boys and I would walk three miles to town, to visit the local soda jerk. We’d order ourselves a round of Four Lokos and do the Harlem Shake, until the fur traders would pass through town. We’d sell them the pelts we’d gathered, and in exchange they’d give us some terrific fanfics. The kinds you just can’t find nowadays in that newfangled Featured Box you kids keep yammerin’ on about.”
One of the girls tilts her head. “Wouldn’t they be selling fur if they were fur traders?”
“Nah.” Grandpav shakes his head. “They were collecting, y’see, to make into fursuits.” The children nod with new understanding.
“Still, though! Fanfics which we’ve never heard about?” The children look on, starry-eyed. “What were those like?”
Grandpav takes another draw from the tobaccy pipe and rubs his beard in thought. “Well…”
ROUND 50
Equestria's last night is nigh. Next evening it will be ash. Twilight slips off with but the past to bargain with. Can she buy a future?
The journey to find new and interesting stories, whether as audience or author, invariably forces us into new and interesting territory. While many stories could take place in a familiar context, like a party thrown by Pinkie Pie, there are limits to what can be told. Shattering those limits requires braving into unfamiliar territory.
Seen here: pictorial representation of the analogy I’m trying to draw here.
Three Left Turns takes a lot of risks, mostly with how much it forces the reader to infer. The main character is inferred, though obvious hints are dropped. The dialogue is inferred, and while the narration captures it nearly verbatim, this shift in prose can be a bit grating at times. The setting is inferred, perhaps the best usage being here, under the mantra of show don’t tell. Even the conflict is inferred, and while a few rereads have been enough for me to capture the broad strokes here, there’s a number of questions I’ve yet to find answers for yet. (Disclaimer: I am not a clever pony.)
But I feel that these risks pay off. At the risk of alienating the reader, these many questions serve to hook the reader, to draw them in, to find an answer in the next paragraph as well as two more questions. It requires a more active reading style than the average fic on this site, for the reader to digest each line, grasp the symbolism, recontextualize their understanding, and yes perhaps even reread. And yet it’s an experience that an author would be hard-pressed to emulate under the confines of “Today is a beautiful day in Ponyville,” said Rainbow Dash.
All said, it’s a curious sort of tale, set in a marketplace somewhere between Faustian and fantastical. It speaks of worth and need, sacrifice and loss, and it’s all-around an interesting read.
I first read this story at 1 AM. Don’t make that mistake. Read this when your mind is fully alert. It’ll make your head happier. I know mine was.
To me, this story is first and foremost an environmental story. It’s a story created by its setting, not a story set in a setting. Without the setting, there would be no story, and with a different setting, the story would be entirely different. That might sound pretty obvious, and you might say, “Well, doesn’t that apply to any story? Wouldn’t every story be different if the setting changes” Sure it does. But not to the degree that it would change Three Left Turns.
Think of it like a tour. Tours are all about impressions, especially first impressions. Colleges want you to attend and take your money, realtors want you to buy the house, and so on. And to do so, they put their best foot forward, and make sure you only see that foot. Any other foot, and the experience leave a drastically different impression.
SirTruffles is also keen on making the right first impression. Except, it’s not exactly a positive impression he’s going for. It’s a dark and gloomy place, this Old City. The opening scene with the blacksmith leaves a distinct first impression. This Old City and its inhabitants ooze misery and hopelessness, decay and despair. And as the story goes on, we see this environment take its toll on the main character. Through his vivid descriptions of the setting, SirTruffles has put us in a specific state of mind. He wants us to feel despair and hopelessness so that those feelings are amplified as we follow the main character through the market.
The setting is so tightly interwoven into the characters and the plot that any changes to it would drastically alter the mood of the story. It’s a pretty unique story, with its heavy reliance on the opening description of the setting. It’s one I enjoyed quite a bit, even at 1 AM.
Pixelbright is a young unicorn driven by a question about the nature of the world. Her friend, Peppermint Tea, is integral to her quest. But the journey of discovery is not always an easy one, and the first steps are often the most difficult.
Kurt Vonnegut’s Eight Rules get bandied around here frequently, for good reason. Rule #3 is an important one that deals with character motivations: “Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.” Which is great advice to be sure. If your character has no motivations, no drive, then they’re just sort of… there. For no reason. And the audience picks up on this. (See also: needless inclusions of all the Mane Six in Season Four episodes.) But that said, a singular motivation is often not enough, either. A motivation is a good starting point, but don’t mistake that for being a complete, well-rounded, nuanced character. A single motivation just gives you, well, Pinkie Pie wanting to throw parties all the time.
”No, Twilight, I know for a fact you don’t party, okay? You do not party.”
And this gets to the heart of what I liked so much in True Colors. Sure, we get introduced to Pixelbright. We learn about her cutie mark and her interests, and we get this call-to-action in the form of a letter. “Okay!” thinks the reader. “I’ve got this fic figured out. We’ll probably see preparations for travel, or perhaps the journey itself, and this fic will be about—” But then, wait, Pixelbright needs to tell her best friend. And on the way, we meet up with a few townsponies… and ask about their days, and… Hmm. On my initial reading, I was actually a little skeptical of this fic. Had the author really just set up a plot hook, only to immediately forget about it, letting the fic drift aimlessly?
But as I read through to the end, I really started to appreciate what was going on here, namely the detail of the characters. As much as I may make a caricature of myself in these reviews, I could not honestly summarize myself in one sentence. Nor could you do so for the Mane Six, for they have their levels and their breadth. Therefore, when creating original characters, why should an author do any less? The arrival of a letter, no matter how exciting, is not a free pass for Pixelbright to act like a single-minded jerk to her friends and family. She genuinely cares about Peppermint’s plight. She and her friends laugh at Soul Patch’s antics. The arrival of the letter doesn’t cause Pixelbright to drop her nightly routine.
I’m not necessarily stating that these characters are overly intricate with complex and detailed layering. Quite the opposite in fact, I’m struck by how natural the characters feel, rather than artificially grown in a laboratory. Rather than appearing in a collection of scenes that are strictly dictated by the plot, it felt moreso that one scene organically grew out of the previous scene, and that the narrative was a natural result of that. Your milage may vary—Vonnegut also instructs us not to waste the audience’s time—but I sure didn’t feel robbed. I enjoyed watching the days with these ponies unfold, driven by the character interactions themselves rather than roughly dragged along by the narrative. And as a result of the time spent, I feel that I know the characters well after just a one-shot. Especially if you’ve lamented your own work feeling “forced” or “rushed”, this is something to check out for comparison.
It’s rare that I find a one-shot with such seamless scene changes and such vibrant characters. True Colors manages to do this with an entirely original cast of characters.
The first thing I noticed when I saw this story was its age. It’s about two and a half years old. It certainly shows its age, too. While it’s well-written, it’s quite unpolished. There’s a smattering of grammar mistakes throughout that I’ve noticed to be characteristic of early stories. There’s probably a good reason for this, the most likely of which is the difficulty in finding editors way back then.
The reason I bring this up is that despite its lack of grammatical polish, True Colors feels polished in every other aspect. The characters are vibrant and organic. The scenes flow into each other beautifully. It all seems so vibrant, so organic, so familiar. It feels like a typical Slice of Life fic starring the characters we know so well from the show.
Except it isn’t. It’s set in a town we don’t know and stars characters we’ve never met before. In a little over 10k words, Alligator Fists has created a town that feels just as real as Ponyville. And while I was satisfied with the way the story went, I wanted so much more of this town and these characters that seemed so familiar.
STORY 3
The Lotus Eaters, by horizon
On an unassuming carnival midway in central Equestria sits the key to your dreams: A machine that lets you, for a short time, live a life in which your greatest regret never occurred.
These are the stories of what happens after those fantasies are over.
“What if?” is a natural human sentiment, popular among scientific and inquisitive minds. It’s also, arguably, one of the primary driving forces behind fanfiction. “What if Dash broke her wings? She wouldn’t be able to join the Wonderbolts, but probably she’d make out with Fluttershy at some point, because reasons.” Fanfiction, whether as the storyteller or simply as the reader, is one such vehicle to explore these alternate scenarios. It’s not strictly limited to the embodiment of stories; “what if?” can itself be a plot device, allowing the characters themselves to view these alternate possibilities that could have been.
So that’s what it would’ve been like, if my coup had succeeded...
In this one area? Well, perhaps The Lotus Eaters isn’t necessarily breaking new grounds. Where it gets me is in its conciseness. This is not a particularly long fic, especially not when it is broken up into a short series of vignettes. One such vignette is less than 250 words, in fact. And yet, the fic makes effective usage of those scenes. Each chapter says all it needs to say. This is less to do with precise word choice (some might fault the repetition in Chapter 3) and more to do with outlining and structure. A friend of mine recently lamented to me that he feels physically incapable of writing a one-shot shorter than 10k, as it feels too anemic and underdeveloped. I myself worked on a short story with a 1,000 word max cap, and felt the claustrophobia of trying to compress everything I wanted to say into such a small space. Brevity—impactful brevity—is as much a talent as any other tool in the writer’s toolbox.
But I’m not just saying “this was great because it was short.” The other, related area where this fic impressed me is in the different moods of each chapter. Between its comedic, tragic, and sentimental chapters, each one brought something new to the table rather than just “and now it’s somepony else’s turn.” Each had a different message to tell, and the sum impact of all the chapters speaks to the reader because of their differences, rather than hammering home on one preaching point from a few different angles. A pony’s past is their entire life, prior to the present moment, and you can’t say anything universal about the past any moreso than you can say anything universal about all ponies. Well, aside from saying that they are all little, and all mine.
Let’s be honest though: the subversion in the last chapter is what makes this fic for me. It’s so comedic specifically because of how the author managed to subvert their own formula, after so quickly having established the formula to begin with. If the introspection or feels aren’t quite up your alley, the comedic punchline just might be, thus this fic has a little something for everyone.
In Greek mythology, the lotus eaters were a group of people living on an island off the coast of North Africa. They show up in the Odyssey as one of Odysseus’s many obstacles to getting home. Well, they aren’t exactly the obstacle; rather, their namesake is, the lotus plant growing on the island. This plant was supposed to have magical properties: Any who ate the plant would fall into a peaceful, apathetic sleep.
Certainly an ominous reference for a story lacking a Dark tag.
Yet it’s a fitting reference. In his companion story (side-story, perhaps?) to No Regrets, horizon runs four characters through this machine created by Flim and Flam. This machine is quite similar to the mythological plant Odysseus’s unfortunate sailors ate. But instead of putting those who use it to sleep, it shows them their greatest regret, followed by what would have happened in their life without that regret, whatever it was. It’s really a simple idea. What if your life hadn’t been marred by x regret? What then?
How each of the four characters deals with that question, though, is what makes this story interesting. While they all follow the same general formula, the outcomes of each chapter are entirely different, and so are their tones. The first chapter is rather sobering, but the second is rather humorous. Normally, the sudden shift in tone would be jarring, but here, it worked well.
All in all, horizon took an interesting mythological reference, asked a simple question, and produced four short stories, each taking a different look at how that question can be approached. It’s short, sweet, and very interesting. And occasionally, it’s morbidly amusing.
An important note: I mentioned earlier that this is a companion story/side story/whatever to No Regrets. I have not read that story, and at the end of the first chapter of The Lotus Eaters, I felt I lacked necessary context. By the end of the third chapter, however, I felt the context I lacked was no longer necessary to my understanding of The Lotus Eaters. So don’t feel like you need to read No Regrets before reading this story. Or you can be like me and become incredibly annoyed that you read them out of order. Pah. I blame Pav.
An accident occurs, leaving two ponies trapped in a room with nothing to do but wait in an eternal field of stars.
This website is certainly no stranger to sad tales of loss. (Heck, this isn’t the only sad fic in this review alone!) Even when you toss out all the bad and fixate on the good, there’s plenty of fics about Celestia outliving other ponies, or Rainbow Dash coming to terms with not becoming a Wonderbolt, or one friend reminiscing over the deathbed of another. Now sure, in the hands of a less experienced author, the sad scene can simply be used as an oversized mallet to bludgeon the reader with “all deez feelz”, but that’s not really the most effective use of such a scene. With The End looming on the horizon, the character is able to put their affairs in order. To contextualize. To reflect.
Seen here: R63 Trixie, basically. Well, metaphorically. Okay, not really at all. Dumbledore was just the first reference that popped into my head, okay? And rather than back down, I stuck with my gut instinct. Sheesh, way to be overly critical of my .jpg choices.
Without spoiling the outcome, the setup of this fic certainly paints of bleak picture. In the name of science and/or magic, Trixie and original character Russet have effectively unraveled spacetime. It’s one of the scenarios where your “percent chance of survival” suddenly becomes a relevant thing to fixate upon. And while they wait for the cavalry to arrive, they have naught much else to do but talk. And talk they do.
But of course, the point is what they talk about. Sure, as we might expect, the older Trixie alludes to her past redemption, and the younger Russet thinks about his parents. But as the conversation proceeds, they each reach the core of the issue I do not apologize for that pun. The things that truly matter come to light. This gives us a more focused introspection, because now we’re no longer burdened with issues like bravado or obligation or empty promises. This new context on (remaining) life gives us a more honest view of what the character truly cares about, and what they really value. Certainly, moments like the award scene are the most on-the-nose examples, but this sentiment permeates the entire fic. A character study under normal circumstances is great, but a character study with nothing to lose gives us the truest results.
While the use of potential doom does force some feels here or there, The Incandescent Brilliance still stands strong, giving us an effective dose of pathos and exploring character facets while the opportunity still exists. Definitely worth a read.
It is often said that at the end of your life, your life will “flash” before your eyes. Or something like that. It’s a common enough phrase, but not one many seem to explore when writing.
Incandescent Brilliance takes that idea, and explores it in a rather unusual way. Instead of the expected staggered series of flashbacks, we’re introduced to two characters: a much older Trixie, and a fellow by the name of Russet. As far as they know, they’re about to die, and there’s nothing they can do about it. They react to this terrible situation quite differently, and that’s where the story picks up.
One panics, and the other is calm. I’ll let you find out who is who, but eventually, the two get to talking. And through this talk, they’re creating not only a sense of empathy within each other, but within the readers. We get to see what makes them tick in a meaningful, genuine situation. There is nothing artificial in their conversation. There are no emotions forced upon the reader. There is simply a heartfelt conversation followed by calm acceptance.
It was such a simple thing, yet it was so impactful. It really exemplifies what a Sad story (Or is it a Tragedy? This story seems confused 
) should strive to do: Have the reader experience feelings naturally.
The drive home takes place in icy silence. Csquared glares out through the windshield, a small series of creases upon her brow. Pav occasionally shoots glances her way, offering a well-rehearsed pout each time, but each display only caused the smouldering rage in her eyes to burn brighter.
They pull into the driveway of Seattle’s Angels’ Secret Clubhouse, and Csquared kills the engine. The two sit in silence for a moment before she speaks. “Stop talking to random children on the playground about fanfiction.”
“But I’m training the future generation of—”
“Stop talking,” Csquared says, raising her voice. “To random children. About fanfiction. Seriously. It’s like a twenty-five minute drive to the police station, and the rest of the guys always make me come to post your bail, even when I’m right in the middle of playing XCOM. It’s super inconvenient for me.”
Sighing wistfully, Pav stares out the window, thinking back to days of yore. “Can I at least keep the tobaccy pipe?”
“Fine, whatever.” Csquared flicks the question away, dismissively.
“Yesssss.” Pumping his fist, Pav hops out of the car, flailing his arms like an idiot as he runs inside.
Csquared looks at the camera like she’s on The Office.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
The Incandescent Brilliance was incredible. KitsuneRisu should be very proud of that one.
Pretty legit. I think I'll go give The Lotus Eaters a view just to see what's up with it. I really like these reviews, they do save a lot of time finding good fics.
If I'm to believe the intro to this round, you guys are kicking off the milestone 50th round of reviews by aging Pav 50 years. And if I'm to believe the outro, Csquared hasn't aged a single day in those fifty years. Hard to say why. It's either due to the immortality from his alicorn princess status, or the necromancy you guys used to bring him back from the dead (again?) has kept him young this whole time.
Bullshitting aside, congratulations on fifty rounds of reviews, you guys. I haven't quite read all the stories reviewed by this group (I've read most of them, still a work in progress), but aside from a small handful of fics that I either didn't like or care that much about, I've generally been satisfied by most of what I've read from the group, and I've even found a few favorities. Great work.
Now as for the stories in this round... KitsuneRisu's being featured for the fourth time. I'm pretty sure he's most featured by now. Also, horizon's getting his second moment in this particular spotlight. Oh, Alligator Fists' True Colors got on here. Breakfast-Cereal Nietzsche should be pleased. And Three Left Turns by SirTruffles. Read all later.
Just read Incandescent Brilliance a few days before. Good timing.
I'm really glad to see The Incandescent Brilliance here. After reading it, I consider it one of the greatest stories I've read. It had an emotional impact on me as I read, and it brought me back for a re-reading multiple times.
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We aim to please!
Closer to that one.
I'm glad to see True Colors get some more recognition, but I always feel a little sad when I stumble across it. The story was slow to take off, and the author left the fandom two years ago, long before people realized what a nice little gem he'd written.
I like to think he's out there, writing for himself or another fandom, and happy with it.
Happy Round L! *Gets the party favors out*
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Csquared is best undead princess.
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Yes.
Have you reviewed any fics while riding sharkback?
LOL'd at the Skrillex telegraph. Great job with the intro/outro.
I absolutely have to second Incandescent Brilliance, which moved me so much that I wrote a short epilogue for it. (That link goes to my open collection of comment minifics; you can also find the original in comments to Kitsune's story.) I read and upvoted True Colors a while back. Three Left Turns sounds right up my alley and is getting read the instant my competition reviews are done.
And thank you for the feature! I think you're right; what's unique about Lotus Eaters is that brevity and cumulative structure. (My prereader did tell me to cut back Chapter 3, so you're not alone.) I've contemplated adding further chapters, but it's so emotionally balanced right now that I'm not sure I could without breaking its presentation.
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INDEED I AM PLEASED
I mean gawd. The Angels must have really been desperate this round to fuckin listen to me
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x
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Ehh... Sure. I'll ship it.
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americansweets.co.uk/ekmps/shops/statesidecandy/images/american-post-honeycomb-cereal-12.5oz-354g-box-1114-p.jpg
I was thinking more along the lines of this. Is it odd that this is the first thing I thought of when Danish Nietzsche changed his username again? I've never even had the damn cereal.
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Eh, I'm sure you're giving yourself too little credit. This is actually on the first round Csquared was on in a while, so True Colors might have been reviewed sooner if he hadn't died on us. In other words, blame Csquared.
... You know what, I'm gonna ask. Why is your avatar of a naked anime chick?
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Naked Homura is in the ethereal realm where Madoka went when she became God. The screenshot is from just before Madoka appears and comforts her. The nudity is a metaphor for a lack of barriers coming between interpersonal connection. I feel an affinity for this screenshot because I feel vulnerable and lonely despite being surrounded with good and beautiful things.
My screenname I got from the Animal Collective song. Only much later did I remember it was also a breakfast cereal. *shrug* The cereal is delicious but it has the consistency of styrofoam.
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My sides.
And this time's features seem pretty darn awesome. Fav'd, all of 'em.