Next Story: Shyrim

I wrote a story called Shyrim, its about Fluttershy's adventures in Skyrim. The start of the story is a bit dodgy. I basically had Fluttershy turn into a badass Sister of Xena.

"Then she saw the guy with the bow, he thought she was an easy kill because he put his bow away and grabbed his great sword. He ran at Fluttershy. She backed away from him. There was not enough room to go far. Well, not on the ground.

Fluttershy unfurled her wings and flew up in one quick move. Great sword guy looked surprised and then angry. He started to switch to his bow when she swooped down on him and chopped off his head. Once he was down, she looked for more enemies."

That is the DA version, no one complained. Even the folks in the MLP groups did not complain. I am not sure this will work here.

"Then she saw the guy with the bow, he probably thought she was an easy kill because he put his bow away and grabbed his greatsword. He ran at Fluttershy, she backed away from him. The man’s smile got larger. His smile reminded her of the bullies she encountered in Cloudsdale. Except he was not going to just use harsh words to hurt her.

She was running out of room to back up.

“This is the last time I intervene directly to help you,” The unknown voice from inside her head said. It sounded impatient. Again, her body was taken over.

Fluttershy unfurled her wings and flew up in one quick move. Greatsword guy looked surprised and then angry. He started to switch to his bow when she swooped down on him and chopped off his head.
"
Hopefully, a better version.

When you have almost everyone's fav pegasus fly and decapitate enemies, well, maybe folks will not be happy.
Posted a thread so I could get some help in making Fluttershy less like Xena.
I hope I can find an editor to go over the ten chapters of the story too.