Fic recs, March 29th: The More Most Dangerous Game, part 2! · 7:12pm Mar 29th, 2015
Yes, fillies and gentlecolts, I finally did the thing! @_@ I can hardly believe it. This really took a lot out of me, and I'm glad it's done. I can get some stuff done now that's been languishing in the meantime, not just reading but writing too. Stick around after the reviews for some stats and other neat stuff! Apologies, too, to anyone in this section of the reviews: there were a lot of multi-chapter fics and I was really looking for any excuse not to read more than I had to, so I haven't taken as much care as I otherwise might have.
Highly Recommended: 7
Recommended: 4
Conditionally Recommended: 11
Vaguely Recommended: 3
Not Recommended: 16
Incomplete: 2
NO SPIKE NO! by Hillbe (300th review of 2015!): The formatting in this story is all over the place, no rhyme or reason to the placing of spaces, indents, or whitespace between paragraphs. The word “no” appears far more than it really should. There are asides and zeroes and… this is just not good writing. The story is hard to suss out from all the distraction, but no one’s in character and it’s too fast-paced anyway. I have no idea what it has to do with any of the prompts. N
The Vault Initiative by rockyrobben: A pony slave tries to bring Celestia back to the sun-scorched wasteland of Equestria. I like how this starts out: the details we get of the apocalypse, the ponies’ lives as slaves to the Diamond Dogs, and the zealotry of the narrator, which is pretty refreshing. That said, he comes off as over-the-top dramatic more often than not, and the story quickly gets mired in minutiae that didn’t really endear the character to me, like him staring at some mare’s flanks, or, y’know, being the child of Twilight Sparkle. That and copious words spent detailing the other characters’ appearances warred with the very compelling narrative voice to keep me reading. With all that said, this story gets much better once you’re out of the first chapter. The events feel compressed, likely a side-effect of the word limit, and the writing needs polishing, but the addition of a new character livens things up, and the characters’ actions and motivations are laid out very well. As pat an opening as this story has, it turns out to be very surprising in the end. C, If You Can Get Through Chapter One
My Twi by Severith: This starts off with your average loser Brony as the narrator, which is never a good idea. I spent a large portion of this story not giving a damn about anything the character did, and the rest being disappointed that this was every brony-centric MLD ripoff ever. If this genre weren’t so devoid of merit, I would decry the “pony finds out she’s from a cartoon show and freaks out” trope. I mean, really, wouldn’t Rainbow Dash at least be all “holy crap, they made a show about me that is so awesome”? N
The Mailmare by Bad Horse: The Mailmare still delivers letters from before the War. This was apparently inspired by The Postman, but I’ve neither seen nor read it, so I can’t judge it on those merits. What I can say is that I was dismayed that two of the first three chapters involved ponies trying to rape Derpy. Of all the elements of FoE that could have been used, why that one? And that after a first chapter that sets the mood and neatly establishes the legend of “The Mailmare”. I found myself floating through this story on deflated expectations, not caring about much save that Derpy was a pretty strong character. To be honest, while I appreciated some of the emotional buildup that breaks in chapter 8, it’s not until the middle of chapter nine that I actually found myself enjoying this. And the ending definitely picks up. I’m not sure what I wanted out of this story, but I feel like the first chapter made promises the rest of the story didn’t keep. At least the writing is unimpeachable. V
No Sacrifice No Paradise by SirTimer: The first indication that this author was not a native English speaker was not the copious word usage issues, but the dashes used for marking dialogue. I don’t know where they do that, but it’s a dead giveaway. Unfortunately, between the hard-to-grok writing and the often dull narrative, I found myself searching for reasons to finish this. Ultimately, I did not. N
For the Good of Equestria by melonLord: A young unicorn tries to make his own way in the ruins of Equestria. The really weird thing about this story is that scene breaks typically signal huge passages of time. And while that’s not a bad thing in and of itself, having it happen constantly was jarring and kept me from really getting a feel for the main character. (Talk about not being written for me; I pretty much felt like the great-uncle at the beginning was right.) I kinda dug the building of a legend, that being one of my favorite parts of FoE proper, but this really wants to be a lot longer than it is currently. Of course, bringing that up, this just sort of feels like the exact same story, down to calling the ruins “the Wasteland”. Ultimately, it’s got some things going for it, but really it’s just okay. V
Aw, that’s the last FoE entry. :(
There Is Another Sky by Lambent Dream: Wonderful cold open on this. The narrative shifts back and forth between telling the story of Jim’s life post-apocalypse and his impending death with Celestia close by. But this is great not just for the precious nonlinear storytelling, but also because the main character is a self-avowed mean old bastard, and Celestia helps him grow. And Jim is definitely not a one-note character, something else that makes this a really worthwhile story. There’s a lot of subtext, of things unspoken that can be surmised, but at the end of the day, this just shows that all you need to make a good story are good characters. H
The Observer Effect by soulpillar: A young man finds a little filly outside Canterlot High School. On the one hand, I really liked this because it did a number of things right and was at least somewhat surprising. On the other hand, it did a number of other things, if not wrong, then as expected. We’ll start with the opening: a lengthy description of the main character. Given the description, I was surprised to see him called “Caucasian”; that hardly makes sense in a world of blue, green and purple-skinned people. I think this fact was lampshaded near the end of the story, but even if that’s what it was meant to be, it was kind of flimsy and overall I had to wonder why the EQG universe was invoked for this. Second, and this is probably due to me having just read REC [O], the camera gimmick isn’t used terribly well. The camera often feels like a character, and the narrative fills us in on everything that’s happening rather than coming off like an actual video transcript. I mean, I wasn’t asking for timestamps or anything, but this just feels like a normal story with cluttered, wordy scene breaks. Lastly, while a personal redemption story could be considered overdone in the context of MLD fics, this one replaces that with a fairly standard “government secrets” plot that wasn’t too interesting. So what did I like? Pretty much entirely how the characters were used. This is MLD with Twilight, and it takes the place of her canon backstory in titillating ways. I also like that it never felt the need to explain itself, even if scenes tended to be a lot longer and more coherent than I would have expected from something purporting to mimic found footage. In the end, I guess I can say that the story gave me a lot to think about, given the size of this paragraph, and I certainly enjoyed it while I was reading! That goes a long way. C, If You Don’t Mind Narrative Gimmicks
The Real World by Hat: A man gets a pony instead of the mail-order bride he expected. To do MLD, not to mention any HiE story, well, you need to have an interesting character as the human protagonist, and this is where most people go wrong. While I didn’t have a good sense of Huso at first, the mention of a broken picture frame caught my attention in earnest, and by the end of the first chapter, I could see this wouldn’t be your average pony-in-a-box-fic. Rainbow Dash shows up while this guy is in the midst of numerous personal crises, and that’s just the right way to do it. Oddly, it often seems like she’s hardly a factor in this story. Yes, she burns down his house and generally makes his life even worse, but she spends very little time “onscreen”. If anything will turn readers off, it’s probably the writing. There are some odd word choices, spots where words seem to be missing, and a bizarre reliance on gerunds that not only makes this fast-paced and impersonal, but toes that wacky line between “avant-garde impressionism” and “poorly translated”. For all that this is a quirky, charming story that does its best to escape the tropes of its predecessor, I figure it’ll be a hard sell. C, If You Don’t Mind Oddities in the Writing
New Generations and Friends by A Random Guy: Murphy returns to Equestria after fifteen years Gotta hand it to the author, this is certainly one way to change up the MLD schema: have the protagonist be someone who’s been to Equestria once (in an unpublished HiE, since there’s no prequel tag). Unfortunately, for all that the idea caught my attention immediately, this suffers for the writing. It’s nothing but telling, and on top of that are numerous simple editing mistakes. Plus, he calls Twilight “adorkable”. At this point in the review, I’m looking for any excuse not to finish the longer stories, and that looks like three to me. DNF: 1/3
A Diamond and a Tether by Patchwork Poltergeist: Lucy gets a little pink pony for her 20th birthday. Well, here’s finalist number two, and the highest-rated MLD prompt in the MMDGC! Immediately, I can see why it placed so highly: not only do we have a good choice for the human protagonist — a spoiled rich girl — but this sets up a backstory for Diamond Tiara. (I’ve never seen a story accomplish so much Equestria-based world-building while never being set in it!) And no lie, Lucy’s initial reaction to seeing Diamond got to me in all the ways MLD got to all the people who like it. I love how this story is capable of being adorable when its two biggest stars are horrid brats. And then there’s the housekeeper, poor, beleaguered Maria. Not just a story of redemption like so many MLD prompt entries, this is a story of corruption, the birth of a tyrant, and it’s everything MLD should have been. (Best of all? The show never comes into the picture! I am so sick of that!) It’s really no surprise that Patchwork is the one writing such a good story, it’s just worth repeating: Yeah, it is that good. H
My Sweet Baby by Harmony Charmer: The unexpected appearance of a baby Sombra gives a woman a second chance at having the family she always wanted. Sometimes you read a super-good story like A Diamond and a Tether and you just know the next one can in no way be anywhere near as good, and your next review is going to be tainted for it. Thankfully, I found this story charming regardless, which says a lot about it. It’s written by yet another author who got the memo that human protagonist need to be interesting. From the first scene, it’s obvious that she had a life prior to the events of the story happening, and this is filled in bit by bit as the story progresses. And while “you can’t go outside or people will take you away” is the one trope this trades on — seriously, it does a lot of avoiding the common pony-human interaction stuff — there’s a damned good reason for our narrator to feel that way. There are some odd bits to the writing, things like “my eyes moved back forward” in the second paragraph and little spots of telling, or where the word choice just isn’t quite as evocative as it could be, but overall it’s above average. And really, all it takes is a good main character, a complex individual whose brush with the fantastic helps or hinders the problems they already have. But if you can let yourself get caught up in Veronica’s circumstances, this is a very rewarding piece. R
My Little Diamond by ABagOfVicodin: A brony wishes for a pony of his own. He gets Diamond Tiara. So this is the cynical, comedic version of ADaaT. Rather than an attempt to Do It Right, this is a total sendup of MLD, and god is it funny. I think it’s also a sendup of Portland, Oregon. And possibly everything ever. This story is hysterical. You will never see a funnier comparison of Rarity to Hitler, to spoil one of the better jokes. It’s the best MLD parody since Little Dashie. If you liked my story My Full-Sized Goddess Horse, do not miss reading this, because Vic did it better. H
The Perfect Flavor by Shrinky Frod: So on the one hand, this is pretty well written, minus the LUS. On the other, it’s about Pinkie kidnapping Berry and cutting her up to feed to griffon dignitaries because no one will miss her. Then there’s the fact that Pinkie had spent the last month or so helping Berry straighten herself out: not sober up, but make sure that her drinking didn’t affect her life with her daughter. That’s a pretty tragic breach of trust there, good stuff for a dark fic. And then there’s the fact that Pinkie cuts herself and is apparently metal underneath, so you can breathe a sigh of relief on the “she’s got no reason to do this” line… until Pinkie cuts Berry open and finds out she’s pregnant, and that was just a little too much, I’m sorry. N
An Ally Called Preponderance by Myriad Kay: A biology professor makes not just first, but second contact with alien life. Whose bright idea was it to let a 20,000 word story into this contest? Thankfully, the writing was good enough from the get-go that my fears of a huge slog were entirely unfounded. If anything, I wanted more. This is a fantastic piece, full of action and told in a novel manner via video phone. It doesn't deal in tropes or pandering and offers so much more than just 'ponies on earth'. God, it’s just wonderful seeing people treating aliens as not the end of the world. Not ignoring them, just dealing with it. There isn’t the merest sniff of a brony. The characters are all really solid, and a late-game reveal totally blew my mind. I’m not sure I can praise this highly enough. Of the over 2000 fics I have read in my tenure with this fandom, this is one of a scant handful that did not feel like fanfiction, if that makes sense, and it may just be my new favorite from this contest. H15
All in Bad Taste by KitsuneRisu: KitsuneRisu wanted to write his take on Cupcakes, and that’s just what he did. The writing is excellent, as is to be expected, albeit a bit indulgent in places, mostly the opening. If it does any one big thing right, it’s playing on Pinkie’s lack of agency in the original story: she’s being made to do this, even if what she necessarily does is more or less up to her. But it still suffers from that big problem: no one who’s really keen on characterization is going to buy this as Pinkie. Granted, if you squint, this turns into a really atmospheric, tense dark piece with a razor-thin focus on its main characters, that doesn’t resort to blood and gore to make an impression. It falls into the category of “Cupcakes done right”, but I doubt it will win over detractors of the original. C, for Darkfic Fans
And Then the Rain Began to Fall by WIL_I_ZIN: A unicorn filly lives on Earth. This is another one that tells me I should have written the idea years ago, because I'd have been way ahead of the curve. Anyway, this is notable for being an MLD scenario from the pony's perspective. The first part is really cute, then it turns into 'teenage problems with pony'. Once the conflict hits and the action picks up, it more or less becomes 'MLD the action movie'. The writing has some issues, notably inconsistent character name spelling and its/it's confusion but I guess the author fixed a few! For what it's worth though, I didn't mind reading the whole thing, long as it is, it's just not gonna be one that sticks in my mind. C, If You Want to See Another Take on MLD
And that's it for MLD!
Breadcrumbs by TantiMount: A detective finds himself embroiled in the kind of case he moved to Ponyville to escape. This is Cupcakes-plus, told from the perspective of a pony trying to solve the crime. That's it. The writing has some issues, mostly tense shifts, and the main character isn't terribly interesting. It doesn't deal with the agency issue well at all, and there's no suspense because you know it's Pinkie from the start. Not much reason to read this. N
Changes by jmj (Reading by CreepyPastaSalad[): Rainbow Dash gets an invitation to come to Sugarcube Corner, a month after it closes. Most of this story involves Rainbow Dash lamely trying to console a depressed and suicidal Pinkie. (The whole time, I'm thinking what about the Cakes?) Then she tells her about all the times she's skinned a pony and stolen their life, before doing it to her. It's a great look at how not to deal with depression, but otherwise, no. N
Recipe by warewolves: Y'know, I actually like the idea of the Elements of Harmony being some kind of weird cult. But this is just a gross perversion of the show meant to mimic another gross perversion. The writing has a lot of issues with telling and dialogue, and I just can't see the reason for any of this. N
Sins of the Fathers by Grand_Moff_Pony: Review removed by author request.
A Darker Shade of Pink by FanOfMostEverything: Newly-ascended Princess Twilight asks Pinkie Pie to demonstrate her particular brand of magic. As I read this, I got a sneaking suspicion that it was very much like that one writeoff entry where Apple Bloom learns about earth pony magic from Berry Punch. Then I discovered to my dismay that it was that fic (Negotiations), and that FOME had written that one as well. So while I was a little disappointed, if you’ve never read that fic — or felt it needed something more — this likely won’t disappoint. That said, the best I can say about this is that it’s one of the best headcanon dumps I’ve ever seen. The dialogue is obviously expository, but the ideas that are explored here are just so interesting and the overall story keeps it from feeling too dumpy. If you’re interested in various types of pony magic, this is definitely worth checking out, and can I just say thank god someone used the prompt for something other than murder. C, If You’re Into Cool Headcanons
It’s Totally Not Cupcakes by Lapis Lazuli and Inky-J
Happy Birthday, Dear Twilight by Pascoite: Pinkie doesn't want to hurt her friends. This is kind of one of those 'Cupcakes was a dream' fics (that were interesting precisely once), but Cupcakes not being the ailment gives this so much room to breathe. This is a tremendously psychological story that explores a very specific area, but does extremely well. That said, it may be a tad obtuse, but if nothing else, the POV switching makes for a gripping read. And it's one of the few Cupcakes entries that doesn't feature Pinkie killing ponies! R
And that's the last Cupcakes fic, thank god. :|
Chill by FloydienSlip: Lyra finds a metal, flame-shooting monster in the Everfree. This story has a lot of really great atmosphere and the imagery is above reproach. That said, I felt a bit let down overall. The big reveal was kind of anticlimactic, and while I really like what goes on in the ending, there wasn't enough buildup to give it any kind of weight. A decent short read, at least. C, For Sci-Fi Fans
To Be a Pony, To Be a Human Leonardo Oliver Osborn: Lyra switches places with a Brony. In the course of trying to reinterpret an idea, the author has instead written a bog-standard Lyra fic. With a bizarre textual gimmick in the form of dictionary-style pronunciations for random words. (That's not how you pronounce 'England'!) The writing is poor and very telly, and after Bon-Bon was randomly made a unicorn, I wasn't terribly interested in reading past the swap. N
Stranger Than Fiction by Kanzerlin Maud: Lyra ascends. This is better than the last story, but it's still pretty standard. The twist was kind of silly, and the copious references, though some were enjoyable, did nothing for me. Only read if you're willing not to take things seriously. V
Second Singularity by dayoldspaghetti: Lyra Heartstrings recounts her research into humans. Okay, first of all, dat number get. This took sixth place in the contest, making it the highest-rated Anthropology entry. What gets me about this story is the way scenes blend into each other without scene breaks. It conveys a sense of dream, like watching a scene in a TV show or movie fade into a flashback. As for the story, it’s maybe a little heavy on not being show tone — Twilight definitely feels off, but her characterization is fully understandable — but it’s riveting. It’s an excellent way to treat “Lyra likes humans” as a fully-realized, serious story. The moralizing may also be a little heavy, but the ending is spectacular. You will not be able to look away. This is the best sci-fi story I’ve read since Always Say No. H
Lyra Gets Lost! by XangelMusic: Lyra falls through Twilight's mirror portal. Neat enough idea, but after a chapter of having unimportant things explained to me in great detail, I wasn't too keen on reading more. DNF 1/7
Arcadia by Blueshift: Lyra knows her recurring dream means the end of the world. If there's one thing Blueshift is good at, well, it's writing ridiculous, hilarious stories. But if there's a second thing he's good at -- and there is, we're being kind and he's talented -- then it would be writing stories where the ridiculous and the achingly serious rub elbows with ease. To wit, while Lyra deals with existential horror and a crisis of faith, Ponyville is combating an ice cream-themed apocalypse. All the parts of this fic come together beautifully. Nothing, like being meta about the show format, is ever done just because. It's absolutely brilliant and a fantastic use of the prompt, and definitely one of my top picks in this contest. H
Secret of the Stars by Zeck: Lyra's search for humans finally pays off. This gets off to a good start with a scene of Bon-Bon regretting her words during a fight with Lyra. Then we move to Lyra's POV for the bulk of the story. I appreciated the mythology at play here, because I have always loved the stories behind the constellations. This also plays well off a minor bit of canon. The writing won’t impress anyone, and features some homophone issues, but honestly, I enjoyed this, for all that it’s just a slightly different take on a lot of standard Lyra tropes. Lyra kicking ass with Celestia and Luna didn’t hurt. C, For Lyra Fans
Lyra Frees the Slaves by Yellow-Striped Bat
Call the Stars Home by Propmaster: Lyra gets Twilight to help with her life’s work. This does a number of things that I really liked: the creation myths are interesting, Lyra’s written the way I like her, and humans are implied but never mentioned until the end. This isn’t “Lyra obsessed with humans” but “Lyra obsessed with her work, which leads to the discovery of humans”. That said, the creation myths, and the final monologue, dump in huge blocks, and while the writing isn’t bad — minus the absolutely ghastly zebra creation myth poem — it’s not going to wow anyone either. Still, this is a good take on a common trope, and I like where it ended up, even if it feels like the introduction to something a lot bigger. C, for World-Building Fans
M-M-D-G-C… Anthropology! (Sung to the tune of “Anthropology”. Y’know, to signal that being the last one.)
Viva la Vida by Comet Burst: After being killed by Twilight Sparkle in the fight for the Element of Magic, Sunset Shimmer returns to Equestria... Two things got me about this: it fails the Luna Test, and when Celestia undoes Sunset’s attempt to resurrect herself, Sunset turns into a filly who immediately starts calling Celestia ‘mommy’. Between that and just a lot of little things that I can’t even enumerate — the silly name for the secret archive among them — I just didn’t want to move past chapter 1. (I did check the final chapter, and it features “Princess Dawn” telling her “mommy” about magic lessons with “Twi-lee”. I feel confident in this decision.) And that despite this having a lot of merit as an AU. DNF: 1/4
The Vagaries of Fate by Sparky Brony: After Tirek’s defeat, a young, female centaur is found in the Everfree. There is something very off about the characters in this story. Our narrator is described as a “child” but doesn’t sound like one. (The cover art doesn’t help.) Twilight’s not the type to address anyone as “little one”, and certainly not for that long. I was surprised Rainbow Dash wasn’t on her side, too. After that scene ends, this unfortunately turns into every story with this kind of plot ever, and about the time “Enigma” (not a well-chosen name) hooks up with the CMCs, I’d had enough. DNF: 2/4
In the Shadows by JLBDreamer: Fluttershy adopts a troubled orphan with a cursed shadow. There’s a lot of potential in a premise like this, but it needs far tighter writing. The narrative is fast-paced and telly, the dialogue is expository, and I just didn’t find this catching me. DNF: 1/3
The Hatchling by Dafaddah: After Discord’s death, a strange egg shows up in Sweet Apple Acres. One problem with this story is that there’s just too much to keep track of. Discord dies fighting a bizarre conglomeration of Sombra, Tirek and Chrysalis (admittedly, wicked awesome). Then we find out this is far enough in the future that Apple Bloom’s in college. So many things change thanks to “the war” that everyone has to be reintroduced, and it can be a little overwhelming. Now that said, it’s a pretty easy read, and I was impressed by one of Big Mac’s kids at the end of chapter two. (Though not with him being married to Cheerilee can we please move past this.) The Apple family life is actually a really strong part of this, and I’m pleased this didn’t turn into “bringing up Discord”. I was a little disappointed that this went with Past Sins’s “secret cult dedicated to resurrecting a villain” plot, but at least it had the sense to start that with a fakeout. My other major criticism, beyond the writing being off in small ways that I can’t easily sum up, is that the comedy is generally not there. Pinkie’s sections are funny, but everything else feels, well, not deserving of the tag, and thus the two parts barely fit together. Ultimately, this is “pretty okay”, but it’s also pretty fun, and should be worth it if you’re willing to give it a chance. It does a lot of important things right. C, If You Value Substance Over Style
Plural Possessive by Aquaman (Reading [part 1] by Neighrator Pony): Sombra’s plot to resurrect himself leaves him trapped in the body of one Dinky Doo. Now, if he wants to get out, he needs to help her with a few of her own problems first... I have so been looking forward to reading this story, and it is so great on so many levels. Ostensibly the funniest story in the contest, it’s also one of the most inventive comedies I’ve read in a long time. Sombra’s voicing is phenomenal. Dinky is a perfect foil, and what’s better, she’s got tons of character, most of it hilarious. This is cute and funny and uplifting, and if you’ve ever read a story about an evil overlord getting embroiled in schoolyard romance, I can guarantee it was nowhere as good as this one. H
I’m Just Me by Gumball2: Twilight helps rehabilitate the Pinkie clones. I really love the format. This isn’t just a diary fic, but a graded diary fic, and that sure caught my attention. The author definitely captured the over-hyper voice of the clones, though when that starts to deviate, it gets considerably less interesting. Thankfully, I hadn’t actually expected what was going on (given the description, I expected one of them had been formed pregnant, which just would have been super weird), and it makes sense in the end. Said end feels a bit rushed, but overall this is a memorable entry. C, If You Like Unusual Formats
Beatrix, Harbinger of Annoyance by TheBrianJ: After breaking up a Sombra cult, Twilight and friends find themselves with a rambunctious foal to take care of. Talk about a creative take on the prompt! Not only do they summon a filly Trixie by accident, but Trixie still exists. This story revels in the fact that it doesn’t make any sense at all, and it is hilarious. It’s just a romp around Ponyville with a rambunctious filly who puts the CMCs to shame, watching as the mane cast and various other characters are run to their ragged ends. (It’s worth mentioning that an early cameo by Discord is a distinct highlight.) This is really just a fun romp from start to finish. R
Ambition Undying by Vivid Syntax: Luna takes in a troubled young colt with ties to dark magic. One thing to be said against this contest: you see the same concept again and again. For the Past Sins prompt, it’s “we have to do something, but s/he’s just a foal!” And there’s the whole “suddenly Cadence has a kid” thing; that came out of literally nowhere. If there’s anything to like about this, though, it’s Luna’s connection to someone else who has great evil within them, trying to help this kid deal with his dark side. It’s a compelling dynamic. I also appreciated the “guy talk” chapter between Onyx and Noble; that’s not something you see a lot of in ponyfic. The structure, hopping forward in time an unknown amount with each chapter, helps keep this from bogging down in details. The author has picked just the right points of the characters’ lives to include for the eventual tragedy to be effective. The author claims to still be working on this, but I felt the writing was at least decent. All in all, a good OC fic. R
Thaw by Hap: An unscheduled and highly unseasonal blizzard signals the return of an ancient foe. I’m actually surprised more people didn’t come up with their own villains to use for the Past Sins prompt, but then it does put a larger burden on the writer to make work. With that said, this probably needed a whole lot more words to really set things up; the opening is very fast-paced and skips around a lot so it can fit in all the most important details. And a couple of severely off-color jokes, including a reference to Pulp Fiction. I mean, seriously, when you’re writing in this much of a word crunch, you don’t want to be wasting them on stuff like that. There were other things I didn’t like, like the historical revisionism, and things I did, like Celestia’s backstory. Ultimately, this is just “Past Sins with a different character”, and it goes through a lot of the same motions the other entries did. That said, it is pretty cute, and said different character’s “villain hangup” is pretty original. If Past Sins appealed to you, this likely will as well (with the upside of not having the original’s irritating narrative tics). The big problem? It’s not honestly complete, no matter what the tags say. :/ I
That’s it for Past Sins! And on that note, all that’s left are the incomplete fics, two FoE’s and a Cupcakes!!
Wasteland by AlphaOmega: This starts off with a huge infodump of how the world got to be the way it was, and unfortunately, I can’t say I was really able to glean much from it. Then it takes an interesting actual start, with maids in the home of “the Governor”, who rules an underground town. It’s obvious some thought has been put into this post-apocalyptic society, but the writing feels less so. The dialogue is stilted and unrealistic, the narrative is telly, and the strange names keep this from feeling like it has anything to do with ponies. Ultimately, I didn’t find anything in this that kept me wanting to read on. N
This War of Ours by Swan Song: When the war reaches Ponyville, the Cutie Mark Crusaders try their best to stay brave and survive. This is interesting, given that the “apocalypse” is currently happening. It’s not so much the end of the whole world as the end of these children’s peaceful lives. That said, the narrative is pretty telly, and I’m not sure I buy the griffons having essentially modern day warfare technology (they keep talking about “shelling”). (I’ll admit, I like the little notes about Scootaloo’s family in the first chapter.) If there’s one thing that kept me from wanting to read too far into this, though, it’s that it’s very dialogue-heavy and the characters sound neither like themselves nor like ponies (too much swearing, etc.) I definitely wasn’t too keen on the idea of Equestrian soldiers treating kids the way they do in chapter two, though. Not my cup of tea. N
Panacea by AugieDog: Pinkie comes to Twilight’s court with something horrible to show her. AugieDog is not someone you’d expect to write a really dark story, but what he’s done here is take the central motifs of Cupcakes and turn them into a base for world-building that is really, really good. I of course say this because the main idea of this story is something I’ve written about myself, so I totally agree with it, but also because he goes just a little beyond it into meta-commentary on the show. Granted, it does rest on the “Pinkie isn’t who she appears to be” trope, but I’m okay with that. And while this is, without a doubt, a story where Pinkie kidnaps, tortures and kills ponies — and tortures Twilight, not to spoil anything — it doesn’t revel in its imagery. Everything is very effective, and makes for a very intense, dark story about friendship and sacrifice. This is really impressive, better than The Cup Cake Killer even, and it’s a shame it wasn’t finished in time for the contest. (Actually, that’s not the case: as it stands, it’s a complete story, but Augie wants to work on it more. I guess I’ll treat it as actually incomplete, but know that it’s got an H right now.) I
And that's it! :) I promised you some stats, so we'll start off with my top ten, since I didn't judge this one:
10) Save the Records
9) Broken Roads
8) There Is Another Sky
7) The Cup Cake Killer
6) Second Singularity
5) A Diamond and a Tether
4) Arcadia
3) Plural Possessive
2) The Motion of the Stars
1) An Ally Called Preponderance
With honorable mentions for The Marching Madness and Save the Records. :)
Now the thing I really wanted to look at. I gave out a lot of H's in these two journals, I feel, so here's the total stats for both rounds:
Highly Recommended: 14
Recommended: 12
Conditionally Recommended: 17
Vaguely Recommended: 11
Not Recommended: 31
Incomplete: 2
Yeah, that's a lot of H's, and only a third of the scores are Ns as opposed to the usual half or more. This contest really brought the best out of people, and everyone who participated should be proud of themselves, even if I didn't like your story. Now, how did each prompt fare? (The numbers in parentheses is the percentage of each ranking per prompt. Compare them to see how good each was!)
Fallout: Equestria
H: 5 (17.8)
R: 4 (14.3)
C: 5 (17.8)
V: 6 (21.4)
N: 8 (28.6)
My Little Dashie
H: 4 (21.1)
R: 5 (26.3)
C: 3 (15.8)
V: 1 (5.3)
N: 6 (31.6)
Cupcakes
H: 1 (6.7)
R: 1 (6.7)
C: 3 (20.0)
V: 0
N: 9 (60.0)
Anthropology
H: 3 (25.0)
R: 0
C: 3 (25.0)
V: 2 (16.7)
N: 4 (33.3)
Past Sins
H: 1 (7.7)
R: 2 (15.4)
C: 3 (23.1)
V: 1 (7.7)
N: 5 (38.5)
So, percentage-wise, looking at the extremes, Anthropology was most best, FoE was least worst, and Cupcakes was just the worst no matter how you slice it. I kinda thought so. (Also, doing average weighted scores, MLD comes out on top, which is interesting!)
So there you have it: The More Most Dangerous Game Contest. May season 5 bring us lots of reasons NEVER TO DO THIS AGAIN >.<
2921602
NO
NEVER
NOT EVEN ONCE
Huh. One of the main things that felt off for me was that he was a one-note character.
Some semblance of normality has been restored...
2921612 You don't HAVE to read it all, you know.
>dat Sins of The Father diss
I hate you now. Kindly get away from my elevator and die.
2921612
But it's been done twice. :V
In any case, thanks for the directory. This will be very helpful for filtering through the MMDGC entries I haven't read yet.
Oh, and:
Well, yeah. Death means the end of fear. Far worse that you have some indescribably horrible truth your brain for the rest of time. That's how eldritch horror works, and Lovecraftian Pinkie is best Pinkie.
2921624
Well not anymore, I don't. :|
2921651
It's not like we even needed this contest to attract Cupcakes imitators. :/ I'm so disappointed in this fandom.
It got DQ'd in round one for being too long
Alright, fair enough.
You know, I think I just actually want to say thanks for doing all this.
Not really as a writer, not as a reader, but just as a guy who respects the work that you put into all of it, and I think it's something that's not really stated almost as much as it should.
So thank you, for taking your time, your sanity, and your efforts to read through and review EVERY SINGLE DAMN STORY IN THE COLLECTION. This makes you a better person than most, and I hope that one day we can meet in person so that I can force-feed you cookies and other various treats.
Also, I'm so in for The Most More Much Dangerousness Contest 3: The Dangerousening.
Welp, guess I've got more to add to my Read It Later (aka, my "Probably Never Read, Ever") bookshelf.
I'm actually more than happy I managed to walk away with even a "vaguely recommended" score, to be honest. Not bad for something that was cranked out in less than a handful of hours after figuring out that his other planned entry was getting far too long in the word count department...
EDIT: I randomly took a look at An Ally Called Preponderance, and as you've raved, it's actually pretty good. The one problem I have so far? Spelling Apple Bloom as "Applebloom" and Sweetie Belle as "Sweetiebell".
0/10 worst story everI'm kidding. :VHuzzah! Something of mine is conditionally recommended! I think a lot more fics with humans in them need to be from a pony perspective. It's more unique that way.
Wait, really? Why did nobody tell me about this? Scott, I blame you; I read your review, and you didn't mention this once. That's my favorite Costner movie by a mile, and I don't care how self-indulgent it is. Heck, that's part of the charm! Anyway, consider The Mailmare moved to the top of the reading pile.
My Little Diamond was awesome! Since I'm from Oregon, I found the Portland jokes hilariously true. The author is either from the city, or been to it enough times to make an awesome parody of it.
We use it in every single Spanish-speaking country! Using quotes is just barbaric, if you ask me. As a note, I know that in Hungary and most East-European countries they use them too.
2921667
That's actually a shame. :B
2921698
Actually, that's lampshaded, for entirely the reasons I thought it would be. :)
2921804
Yeah, I thought Eastern Europe did that. It's just so awkward, because nothing about hyphens screams "people are talking now" to me. :B
Always love reading your reviews, PP. I was surprised that Motion of the Stars didn't win, either. It was very, very good.
I'm sorry to hear you didn't enjoy The Mailmare very much; it was one of my favorite stories from the competition.
But I'm a monster like that.
You did understand that the point of the story is that Derpy is accidentally reestablishing society, including fiat currency in the form of cans, and linking places together and making them less suspicious of outsiders, right? Because that's kind of the point of the story, and you didn't even mention it in your review.
Of course, I have seen The Postman, so, you know...
Also, I swear I was the only person who wasn't that fond of Plural Possessive.
Ugh, I still need to get through the rest of the stories which are supposedly good from this contest.
I had a very different reaction than you did, on the whole.
Well, except to the Cupcakes prompt stories.
2921729
Clearly this is why you need to follow me; I mentioned it in my review. :V
That I did like, months ago now.
And you need to read The Mailmare. If you liked The Postman, you will probably like The Mailmare, even though the story is pretty different, as the core idea is the same.
I can't imagine that this is the reason, but I read Burger's Daughter by Nadine Gordimer a while back and her dialogue is marked off with em-dashes on either side, like this:
It really threw me at first, and apparently this is quite a common complaint. Gordimer, when someone brought it up in an interview, said:
2921836
I mean, there was a 15k limit. It went just a bit long, unfortunately.
My God, this must've been even more demanding than the "94-Fic" All-In WriteOff. You have my sympathy and a tentative thumbs up from me good sir.
Of course, your favourable review of Cloud Trails was most appreciative. I hope one of these days I can devote a few hours to expand it into the gem I first imagined it to be.
Thanks for the review, PP. For what it's worth, I'll be rewriting Chill pretty soon.
Yes, because the original Cupcakes captured the essence of Pinkie Pie so well, it may as well be show canon.
Rhetorical question is rhetorical, but fine, I'll humor you. It was written to fulfill the contest specifics while staying closer to the dark nature of the original story - a tactic that was encouraged by the contest judges as it related to this admittedly morose prompt. That I received an honorable mention seems to indicate that I was at least mildly successful in that endeavor.
Then next time, don't let the judges use one of the darkest fics in the fandom as a prompt, then encourage contestants to stick to the dark tag if they want to. But, I suppose this at least answers my question as to how this might fare under normal EQD fic review processes. You can go ahead and pull this from the EQD fic queue then. I won't waste the staff's time further with things that apparently shouldn't have been written in the first place.
PS: Since it looks like others have done the same, I hereby request that my 'review' be removed.
I hope:
My continuation of "Panacea" will hold onto that semi-nebulous "H". I should have my non-Pony fic obligations finished by the middle of April, and then I plan on getting back to this.
Mike
Thank you for reviewing my story, and all (!) the other ones in the contest. I'm really glad to know what to focus on for improvement.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/a/a7/Worker_and_Parasite2.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width/250?cb=20111130075257
Mm-hmm. It's bizarre how ponies only ever seem to take it as proof that of course they're figments of someone's imagination, instead of any of the dozen explanations that don't cause ULTIMATE EXISTENTIAL ANGST.
2922259
Taking your criticism in stride, I see.
Also, the best 'Cupcakes' fic is still the one where Pinkie eviscerates Madame leFleur and bakes her innards into the titular pastries.
2921961
I caught that, I just can't always fit everything into my review. :B Derpy doing that was actually the part I liked most.
2922083
I dunno, that one had a pretty tight deadline, but considerably fewer words. Like, orders of magnitude fewer. :B I think that's what makes this so hard.
2922259
For what it's worth, I think you misinterpreted the idea of the contest. Review removed.
2922374
Rainbow Dash especially I see reacting with a "HOLY CRAP SOMEONE MADE A TV SHOW ABOUT ME (and my friends) THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER".
Good gracious, bless you for actually soldiering through all of those entries. Have some nice tea and hot bath or something.
Nice to hear My Little Diamond finally get some love. I'm still surprised Arcadia didn't place. I was so certain it'd be third at least.
And such nice words about my horsewords! Why, Mr. Perfect, you're going to give me an ego if you don't watch out.
I never set out to set right what MLD did wrong* and had no real intent to attack or erase any part of it...except that one. If there was one cliche I would eliminate from every single MLP fic until the end of time it would be characters-find-out-they're-in-a-TV-show (or the protagonist has to harbor the knowledge thereof). It make a giant mess of everything and to date I've never seen it pulled off well. I've only seen it drag good stories down and make bad stories worse.
(Though if anyone has an example of it being done well, I'd really like to see it.)
*However: I do harbor a simmering resentment for cutsey-goo-goo-picket-fence domesticity stories where children are always adorable and cute and precious and nothing ever goes wrong because the kid is an immaculate perfect angel. I don't just MLD or Past Sins-ish fics; a lot of child-reading stories unfortunately read like that. A lot.
2922750
Pshaw, you're a wonderful individual who deserves some lavish praise every now and again. :V
2922750
I maintain here, as I have everywhere else, that anyone who ranks "A Diamond and a Tether" behind anything in this contest is wrong and also dumb, but mostly wrong.
4? Thank you sir. Please be judge next time :v
2922478
How am I supposed to read these things when you're removing the reviews? Goddamn.
2921961
I do follow you! I even read your reviews, usually! I don't know how I missed that, but clearly what I need to do is start reading your reviews with unflagging religious fervor.
2922882
I haven't read it yet. I suppose it shall have to move up my list.
2923025
Clearly.
Hopefully Bad Horse won't mind if I start another cult.
Here is an additional review of jmj's "Changes".
Hey, my story got vaguely recommended! Which is. Y'know. Better than it could have gotten, I suppose. Looking back, I can definitely see where it went wrong. So. Many. Freaking. Timeskips.
Anyway, thank you for reviewing my story (and all of the entries, damn). Now I have some feedback for when I (hopefully) get around to rewriting this thing, and also a whole bunch of fics to add to my nigh-unsiegeable "I seriously need to read this at some point" tower.
Quoted for truth. I wrote my entry in the last 3 hours before the deadline. That poem was atrocious. Thank you for the kind review!
2923536
Few things peeve me more than bad poetry. D: At least the story was otherwise enjoyable!
Suddenly it makes a lot of sense that my story was part of a batch operation; I must confess, I was completely flabbergasted why you even bothered to review it, considering how awful it was.
Edit: While I'm here, it's probably worth pointing out that they were other civilians, not Equestrian soldiers, though I'll chalk that one up as me not having been clear enough.
2925717
Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting non-soldiers in that setting, y'know? :B
2926222 Well yeah, that's the point! It's in the tagline, silly! "In war, not everypony's a soldier."
That's the thing about warzones—they have civilians in them too, and it's something a lot of people don't realize or think about when they read about wars in the paper, watch it on the news, or play them in a video game.
We think of huge armies fighting back and forth with each other, of governments trying to spread their ideals through the will of its citizens, and of massive battles between good and evil. But we often forget that there are normal people caught in the crossfire too, rarely stopping to think about how horrifying every second of their lives must be—that everything they were, are, or might ever hope to become, could be reduced to an unmarked pile of bones any second by a single stroke of bad luck.
I'm not going to pretend I did a good job of exploring those themes, because I wholly accept that I'm still a very novice writer (and, well, it was written in a fortnight). But, with you at least, I think my greatest regret is that I failed somehow to communicate that perspective.
I've long wanted to rewrite that story someday. Who knows? Maybe I'll get it right next time. If and when that day comes, I sincerely hope that you'll be back to give it another try.
...
Nah, but really, this is how I feel about your review, ya big meaniehead!
Jeez, I dont know where you fond the time and mental fortitude to both read all the entries and review them. Thanks for all the recommendations, PP. Especially with An Ally Called Preponderance - that was a fantastic story that I otherwise would have skipped.