Rose Blogs: The Shine Chronicles-Log 1 · 12:45pm Jan 22nd, 2016
Hello? Is this thing on?
Um, hi everyone. Rose here. Zero decided that since you can't see Shine anymore, that we would give you all periodic updates while he's in the process of remastering it. It's really important to him that this new story be the best it can possibly be.
Anyway, here's where we're at so far.
Current Chapter Focus: Dusk
Primary Flaw: Pacing
Areas where flaw is most noticeable: Apparent lack of sufficient transition between the chapter's three plot points.
Course of action: increase number of paragraphs dedicated to each plot point. Make the shifts between each point longer.
Secondary Flaw(s): The EQD reviewer thought Luna was being unnecessarily cruel to Sunset when the story paints the latter as a clear victim. He also said that Celestia's insertion into the plot felt like it came out of nowhere.
Course of Action: Make the food fight scene a little more ambiguous giving more reason for Luna's suspicion. Not sure about Celestia though.
Other: Making of of a point in comparing Sunset to Twilight.
That's what he has so far. Stay tuned.
You could also have Sunset ask Celestia, "If you really cared about me, then why didn't you try to come find me?"