The Best of All Possible Worlds: AA on Earth Fic, Part 2 · 4:19am Aug 26th, 2012
OOC:
I’m wondering...are my readers updated every time I update a chapter? Because if so, I’d like to apologize. I like re-reading the whole story every other month or so, to see if there were any plot hooks I forgot to pick up, and to correct errors. I’m constantly finding little mistakes in what I write.
Anyway this time around (besides putting out Chapter 18), I picked a single spelling for “griffon”, and made it stick.
IC:
True stories of the Anonymous Author Patrol!
I apologize for not posting something here earlier. McPoodle was sick, and as for me...who knew that San Diego could be so big! My pegasus friend didn’t seem to have a problem, though. Here is one of her photos of Balboa Park.
I think.
This was also right before the incident involving twenty thousand busted windshields. She should be so lucky she has diplomatic immunity!
I have been spending my resting time researching television programs from your past. Did you know, for instance, that there were a whole cluster of shows coming out at the same time involving animals saving boys stuck in wells? There was one about a dog, and one about a horse, and even one about a dolphin (is it still called a “well” when it’s already underwater?). But the one that really intrigued me was Bravery the Wonder Pony, about...well, a pony that rescues boys from wells.
Now admittedly, it is a little uncomfortable for an Equestrian pony to watch ponies native to Earth. You have to sort of mentally divorce yourself, and act like you’re watching a (non-Diamond) dog instead of a creature that you know in your heart should be able to speak and understand you.
Once I got past this difficulty, I discovered something very interesting about this series: there was a whole new level to this show that was completely invisible to you humans. That’s because I can read every emotion the pony star of Bravery the Wonder Pony was feeling as the show was being filmed, emotions that Bravery’s trainers were either unaware of or did not bother to try to suppress. To you, Bravery remains a children’s series about a boy’s special bond with the animal in his life, but to me, it’s like a mute soap opera.
For example, in Episode 4, “Bad Men of the Valley”, Bravery is clearly upset about something that has nothing to do with the eponymous “Bad Men”. The next episode, “Bobby’s Birthday Party” is a filler because the producer couldn’t hire a stunt man that week, but to those in the know, the tension felt by poor Bravery seems unbearable. What will happen? I asked myself, what will happen?, while at the same time the characters on the screen are answering that question by saying, “Why don’t you have another slice of cake, Bobby!” Finally, in Episode 6, “Hangman’s Noose”, Bravery’s existential crisis suddenly disappears between one scene and the next, a break that even the human children who were supposed to watch this show could probably tell was shot days after the previous shot.
Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I was able to track down the story of what was happening behind the scenes. At the ranch where Bravery lived between shoots, there was a pregnant mare named Jemima that Bravery was friends with. Jemima was approaching her delivery in Episode 3, had complications during Episode 4, and finally gave birth during Episode 5. Bravery had become so agitated during the shooting of that episode that she broke out of the set, and had to be tracked down. She refused to behave until she had been taken to see the mother and her new foal.
And Jemima got a co-starring role in Episode 20, “Return of the Bad Men...with Bad Ponies!”
I take it from the lack of response to my little essay about fanfiction on this site that I may have “ruffled a few feathers.” (Is that the correct idiom, McPoodle? Yes. But you don’t have feathers!) So I’ll say no more about the subject, and do my best to avoid looking at the other works on this site entirely.
(Note to self: When McPoodle tells you that a particular story “is a trap”, sometimes you really should listen to him!)
I saw a post by a user named “Invictus” that I should reply to (interesting user icon, Mr./Mrs./Ms./or Other Invictus, and thank you for the discovery of the inspiring poem of the same name).
I wish to maintain my anonymity, Invictus, because of the litigious nature of human society. I have no objection to lawyers, per se, merely becoming the unwarranted victim of said bloodsuckers.
In particular, I am referring to a certain defamation of character lawsuit that was slapped on McPoodle. The terms of that case (which Mr. McPoodle resoundingly lost) stipulate that I cannot provide any details, but suffice it to say that he is nevermore allowed to admit that that he was the author of a certain fanfic, written in a certain Holmesian style, about a certain egotistical mare.
If a pony can thus plague the life of a (relatively-) innocent human, what would happen if I managed to mistate (however unintentionally) the facts in the life of one François-Marie Arouet, alias Voltaire? I'll tell you what would happen--the man’s descendants would get their hooks into me, and my professional career outside of writing would be over.
Oh, and in Chapter 19 I’m going to say something bad about Friedrich the Great. Is Prussia still a country? Can they invade Equestria if they don’t like what I write? Will I be surrendered to King Friedrich XXXVIII to preserve the peace? And will I end up spending the rest of my days locked into a cage in a zoo with a fiendish device around my neck to render me mute, until I can finally break it off of me and cry out to the world, “Take your stinking hands off me, you darn dirty human!!!”
Heh, I like her--she’s silly. Another lie-down proscribed for the anonymous author. Keep the questions coming.
Don't worry Anonymous Author, not only is Prussia not a country anymore, but human royalty don't have any real executive powers anymore. They're just for show. Heck the Japanese Imperial family isn't allowed a FAMILY NAME, or private possessions! Also did you see the 'Animal rescue boys from a well' show about the kangaroo? That was my favorite one when I was growing up, though I was always more a bigger fan of cartoons than live action.
Does Voltaire even HAVE descendants?
OC: No I don't get an email when you update a chapter.
I keep confusing the Anonymous Author shorthand for AbsoluteAnonymous. This somehow only seems to enhance the story before my mind's eye.
I've always been a little confused about the OC and IC. I just don't get it.
312285
It comes from online role-playing: "OC" means "Out of Character"--it's me, the author, replying to you, the reader.
"IC" means "In Character"--it's me pretending to be a fictional character, interacting with the real world.
EDIT:: And then later I decided that "OOC" was easier to understand than "OC", and replaced all of them accordingly.
312290 Ah.
That's Mr. Invictus, Ms. Anonymous. And I'm glad you found it... in case you hadn't already figured, it is my favorite poetic work. Not to be confused with the much more recent movie of the same name starring Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela. Although, I will say that his recitation of the poem towards the end of the movie did bring tears to my eyes.
As for my icon. It is the "Sol Invictus", which was the official sun god of the later Roman Empire before it became the Holy Roman Empire and declared it a cult. A similar symbol appears on much of the nation's coinage from that era. Also of note, that symbol itself is also very similar to the one that represents one of your princesses. A very interesting parallel which I'm sure you were aware of. This specific iteration is apparently also the symbol for an English neofolk/neoclassical band, which I'll someday have to actually listen to.
Also, I do recommend that you (as a foreign dignitary) keep a competent law firm on retainer. International law is already complex enough to give theoretical physicists headaches, I can't imagine the kind of insanity that will arise from interdimensional law.
But, enough digressions, I have another question for you:
Have you ever met any particularly famous humans? And, if so, who among them did you find the most interesting to talk to?
I know, for instance, that Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson (a personal hero of mine) has been intending to visit many of Equestria's observatories. I imagine that you two would have a lot to talk about. Assuming, of course, that you're interested in astrophysics or space. I have no idea if you actually do hold such an interest, since I have absolutely no sparkling of who you actually are.
I also happen to know that Mr. Stephen Colbert (a TV personality) has been calling for one of your princesses to appear on his show. This may or may not have something to do with princess Celestia's recent addition to his Threatdown list (only two spaces below "bears", even). I know he's interviewed other ponies in the past... perhaps you might have come in contact with him.
Best Regards,
Mr. Invictus
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png