This is our story... #5 · 9:21am Oct 26th, 2016
Hey, guys. Another week and another 'This is our story'. I always have trouble figuring out how to start these things. I try to keep them original so they don’t get boring, but I find that increasingly hard to do, other than saying that I’m still here.
I had… a really rough week last week.
A lot of that came from just… overstressing myself about things that, looking back now, probably didn’t need to be worried about as much as I thought. I actually had a bit of a breakdown on Sunday.
I’ve also been having a lot of trouble sleeping at night. Saturday I was up for 24 hours or more and it just made me really irritable. It caused me anxiety. And really put me in a bad place. I’ve been taking some Zzzquil to deal with that. Hopefully it will help, but I know that’s a contributor to my bad days.
I felt like I was letting everyone down because I was having a bad day. Which seems really shallow and maybe it’s completely shallow. But that’s what bad days can do to you, it can feel like it’s taken away everything good that you have.
And I’m really sorry. I feel like I’m taking you guys for granted and I don’t mean to. I really don’t. But, I’m okay right now. I still feel a little bit of that bad day, but I’m okay. I spent some time Sunday evening with my little brother. I spent all of yesterday just unwinding. And those things have certainly helpped.
It’s like I said last time, bad days are just one day. In this case two, but the point is… they pass. They do eventually pass. And I made it to this week. It’s a brand new week. And maybe this one will be better. You never know unless you keep going, so I’m going to keep going. I’m not going to let these bad days or however many I have keep me from still being here. Cause I want to still be here. I really do.
Now, that I’ve brought down the mood. Let’s try to bring it back up. Here’s something that makes me happy.
Fanfiction
I love fanfiction. I love the idea of fanfiction writing. I love reviewing fanfiction, even if it’s bad. Even if it’s the worst thing I’ve ever read, I enjoy it. There’s just something about it. And I know a lot of people here the word ‘fanfiction’ and they immediately think “Well, this person is weird. He must write himself and Fluttershy in the BDSM dungeon or something.” And there are certainly writers out there that write that, and if you happen to, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with writing what makes you happy.
But to me, fanfiction is anything that isn’t made by the original creator. Captain America: Civil War I consider fanfiction because it’s a film written and created by people who didn’t work on the original Captain America comics. And most likely they are fans of the Captain America character or Marvel Comics in general. And by the way, I loved Captain America: Civil War. If you haven’t see it, check it out. It’s really good.
And I know that’s a very broad opinion of what is fanfiction and what isn’t, but I think that’s how most writers now-a-days get there start and maybe some much older writers as well. They take a thing that they enjoy or find interesting and they write stories about said thing. And it evolves into either writing that very thing professionally or just for fun later down the line, or creating something original that works because of this fanfiction practice.
But there’s just something imaginative about it all that really makes me want to read and write it because people have a lot of imagination. And in fanfiction it can really show.
I know that a lot of you are probably fanfiction writers or have written fanfiction. And I write fanfiction. Actually, I wrote a fanfiction last night. There’s this exercise that I’ve been meaning to try with my writing. An exercise to deal with writer’s block. I actually got the idea from someone else.
ThreeHats on Archive of Our Own. What they do is they take three hats and in one hat they put in slips of paper with a character on them. In the next hat, they put a bunch of settings. And in the final hat, they put in a bunch of situations. And each person who writes a fanfiction picks two characters, a setting and a situation.
It sounded like a really fun idea and I tried it last night. It was the first time I tried it and… It was actually more fun than I thought it would be. It actually required a bit more imagination than I thought it would. But I really enjoyed it. So much so that, I want to share the end result with you guys.
So, I picked names of characters from just characters I could see from around my room. Made a list and had a randomizer pick 2 of them. And the characters I got were Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda series. And Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
And the setting is a desert. And the situation was ‘A wedding anniversary is forgotten.’ I gave myself 45 minutes to write a story with those three things and this is what I came up with. Enjoy.
***
The desert sun beat down on the caravan carrying the famed princess of Hyrule. She had gone on a purely diplomatic expedition when she saw it in the distance of the scorching hot desert sands.
A group of land worms, not uncommon in the area, were restless. Their howls filling the sky with rampant snarls and growls as they slammed their rock hard bodies against the ground. In the midst of the worm creatures, a strange green creature leapt about.
On it’s head, covering it’s eyes, was a long purple bandana. In its three digit hand, a long wooden staff. The creature spun the staff in a threatening motion. It was almost as if it was second nature to the shelled reptile.
Princess Zelda’s eyes widen as the worm came straight for the turtle. It narrowly missed the shell back. Something that caused concern for the young princess.
Zelda leaped from her carriage, much to the dismay of the knights escorting her. With her long white gloved hand, she drew the blade that hung from her side. In an impossible fashion, she trekked across the desert sands with lightning speed. It was as if her dress itself feared for the turtle’s safety and kept itself from slowing the princess’s progress.
The turtle leapt backwards as another sand worm rammed its body against the ground, hoping to crush it underbelly. However, the turtle didn’t expect another sand worm from behind him as it wrapped its body around the reptile’s torso. It dragged him, at least, she assumed a him, into the air before slamming him into the ground.
A male grown with a hint of a nasally voice came from the creature. Zelda knew she hadn’t much time. Pressing against the sandy ground with her left leg, amazed that her footing didn’t give way, she soared into the air. The blade pierced into the worm’s body, forcing itself to free the turtle in it’s death grip.
The turtle slunk to the floor. His hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks… I think you just saved my shell.”
Zelda almost smiled down to the turtle. It wasn’t uncommon for strange looking creatures to speak in the land of Hyrule. Though admittedly, this was the first time she had seen a talking turtle.
The worms quickly approached from all sides, causing Zelda to turn her attention towards them. Her sword-free hand raised itself above her head. A bright white light shined on her hand as a triangle appeared on the back of her hand. Within that triangle, held three other triangles. One lit up with yellow light. The others transparent.
Suddenly, a gust of chilling wind burst from behind her and engulfed the creatures within its grip. The creatures struggled forward, as if pressing against a stone wall. However, after a few seconds of strain and thunderous roars, the creatures surrendered and tunneled back into the earth. The burrows quickly disappearing with them.
The gust of wind ceased.
Zelda turned towards the downed turtle. “Are you alright?”
The green turtle gave a toothy smile. “Uh… yeah. Thanks. I guess, I got kind of in a bad situation.”
“I am simply glad I was able to help, Mr…?”
“Donatello,” he stood up. “But everyone usually just calls me Donnie.”
She was surprised at how short Donatello was. If she had to guess, he was just barely over 5 feet. A few inches shorter than herself. “What brings you to the Gerudo Desert, Mr. Donatello?”
Donatello placed his hand on his chin. “To be honest, it’s a long story. Involving time travel, dimension jumping and an alien wedding.”
Zelda raised an eyebrow, but let Donnie keep his secret. However, as the words rolled off of Donnie’s tongue, something sparked in Zelda’s mind. “Oh my goddesses!” Zelda rushed towards her caravan. The knights standing as if they were made of stone for her return. She couldn’t believe she didn’t realize what day it was.
***
The lady in the dress was in quite a hurry to get back to her carriage. Donnie assumed she was someone important. And if she was, she would most likely have access to basic necessities. Food, water, shelter. And more importantly, a way to get back to his brothers. Wherever they were.
As the lady approached her caravan, her ability to travel the desert sands with ease in a long white dress, Donatello shouted after her. “Hey! Wait! Don’t leave me out here! I’m not a desert tortoise!”
Donatello’s path was immediately barred by the nice lady’s bodyguards. At least, that’s what Donatello assumed. With their armor. The insignia that they bared on their crest that matched the one on her dress. The swords that were now drawn and pointed directly at his shell.
“Stay away from Princess Zelda!” one of them shouted.
“No. Let him pass,” Zelda injected. “He is my guest.”
“But your highness,”
“I have spoken,” Zelda said, rather forcefully. With that, the swords were lowered.
Donatello gave a nervous smile as he brushed past them. Each of them giving him nasty looks. He was used to them. Humans gave it to him all the time. Well, that wasn’t true. Most of them would scream about him being a martian or faint. Not this Zelda though. She seemed to be more accepting of his… disposition.
Zelda held the carriage door open for the ninja turtle allowing him to climb inside. She gave a smile as she welcomed him, but then looked away off into the distance as the carriage started to move.
The carriage became silent and awkward. It was time to break that silence and Don had questions anyway. “So, what’s with the rush? Late for a ball?”
Zelda shook her head. “Nothing like that. I completely forgotten my wedding anniversary!”
Donatello chuckled. “Wait, really?” Zelda shot him a look and he felt like he was back on Earth with normal humans. “Okay… So, that’s big a deal, huh?”
Zelda looked away. “If I cannot be expected to uphold a tradition with my own husband, how can I be expected to rule a kingdom?”
“It’s funny. On my world, it’s usually the guy who messes up wedding anniversaries.”
“Do you think this a joke?” Zelda raised her eyebrow.
A bead of sweat came down Donatello’s neck. Something almost told him, he’d rather face the sand worms again. “No. Just… Well… It’s not too late. The sun still up, right?”
“It’s still a long way to Hyrule. And we will not make it before nightfall.”
Donatello scratched his head. He was glad there weren’t many female turtles. Or any that were mutated such as himself. To tell the truth, he wasn’t sure what to say in this situation. He had very little relationship experience. “Well, my sensei once told me something that might help. A wise man knows when to forgive others, but the wisest knows when to forgive themselves.”
Zelda’s eyes widen and for a moment, it seemed like the words were working through her mind like water through a vast network of pipes. She was clearly thinking about what he had said. It wasn’t much, but it at least got her thinking.
After a few minutes of silence, Princess Zelda smiled. “Your … sensei… sounds very wise. Perhaps wiser than myself” She looked down at her hand. The hand that had held the same triangle shape he had seen on her before. It was gone now. But she looked at it, almost as if it was still there.
Perhaps it was there and it was shining a light that only her eyes were adjusted to see. Then there was that gale force wind she summoned, seemingly out of nowhere, just with a flick of her wrist. Donatello had always thought of himself as a turtle of science, but he had encountered enough weird magical powers that he believed in that too.
“Thank you, Donatello,” Zelda finally said, breaking the silence. “I will be sure to make this up to my husband. And in return for your help, I shall find a way to send you back where you came from.”
Donatello chuckled. “I should be thanking you. Without you, I might have end up being turtle soup.” The scorching sun of the desert continued to beam down upon the carriage, but it did little to melt their spirits.
***
So, that’s what that was. Quite an adventure in write. Obviously, it’s not completed. It’s something that would probably leave a lot of questions. Like how did Donatello end up there? What is Zelda doing in the Gerudo Desert? Who is this husband of hers? How does he take forgetting their anniversary?
And the grammar and spelling is probably not the best, but it was fun and I enjoyed doing it. If you ever get stuck on a writer’s block or something, I would try this out. It helped just to create something that was a little bit silly and a lot of fun. I actually would like to do more of these.
Failure
I know I have mentioned this in previous entries in this… journal/blog/thing. Still have no idea what to call it. But there are times… A lot of times, especially this past weekend, where I’ve felt like I’ve failed. Or that I’m a failure.
And that’s something I struggle to deal with everyday. Because I am very hard on myself. I hold myself accountable for a lot of things that are probably not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But… I feel that if I’m not constantly perfect, then I let the people I care about down. And I know that’s not true.
No one can be perfect, let alone constantly. But, knowing something is not the same as feeling something. There are days, especially this weekend, where a voice told me 'Your worthless. You're not worth anything. Why are you here?'
And … it’s really hard not to listen to that. Somedays it feels impossible not to listen to that. Not to believe that. But… that voice is only as powerful as you let it. It’s power comes from you. It only hurts you when you let it. And I listened to it this weekend and that’s why I was so miserable.
But thanks to my little brother and my older brother, who I talked to yesterday, and my friends like you, I’m not listening to that voice. And you shouldn’t listen to it either if you ever hear it. Because whatever it says about you that is negative, it’s not true. Don’t believe it. I don’t believe. I don’t think you’re a failure. You’re still here. Even if you don’t feel good, you’re still here and that’s not a failure. That is a success.
And I know people can think ‘Well, how can you feel like a failure when you’ve got all these wonderful things in front of you?” When you are depressed and miserable, it becomes harder to see those wonderful things. They could be staring you right in the face and you don’t see them because you only focus on the negative things that you have. And you think that’s all you have. Or that the positive things are something you don’t feel you deserve.
And it’s hard to remind yourself that, you do deserve them. You do deserve all the positive things you have in your life.
Any screw up I do, no matter how small, when I’m in a really bad place, I beat myself up over it. And that’s not good, by any means. I feel like a failure when I don’t write everyday. When I don’t respond to your response to anything here. When I just can’t or don’t do my household chores.
But everyone screws up. Everyone makes mistakes. And yet, I feel like I have to be… better than my mistakes. I feel like if I don’t perform perfectly than I am useless. And that’s really stupid thinking, I’m not very smart sometimes, but… that’s a very damaging thinking pattern.
Beating yourself up over little mistakes, or even big mistakes, doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t help you. You’re only making yourself feel worse. And I’m guilty of that. And I sometimes feel like a failure for that. Which just makes me feel worse and worse. It’s just a cycle that keeps on going until you stop it.
I know I’m repeating myself and that’s probably going to happen a lot in these blogs, but… I feel like we need to reaffirm what we know. Cause sometimes we forget or we just need a little nudge to remind us that these things are true.
You are not your mistakes. You’re not your failures. You are your successes. Your achievements. You are your family. Your friends. The people who care about you and who you care about. You are the love you give. And even if you don’t feel like you have any successes, you’re still here. You’re still reading this. That’s a success. It’s not the failures that matter, it’s the things you do after that. It’s not about how far you fall, it’s about how you get back up.
Failure is temporary. Failure is never permanent. If you mess up an exam at school, you can take the exam again. If you fail to write today, write tomorrow. If you hurt a friend and you lose that friendship, you can make it up to them or you can find other friends, better friends.
I felt like a failure Saturday and Sunday… but I didn’t feel it yesterday. I don’t feel it right now. I’m still here and I’m doing okay. I really am.
Everyday you are alive is a success
That’s all for this one, this week. I have no idea how to end these either. But, this week should be better than last. And even it if isn’t, there’s always next week. These bad days do pass and good ones are always around sometimes.
Again, I want to say thank you to you guys for all your support and love and just wonderful people you all are. I am working on a review at the moment at the same time I am working on a writing project. Not specifically for this site, but who knows, I may provide a link to it. That’s one of my biggest issues is that, I tend to overwork myself. I think I can take on more than I usually can.
So, I’m trying to recognize it and keep me from being too stressed.
I’ll see you guys later. And take care of yourself.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1 (800) 273-8255
Websites that may be helpful:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/
I am not trained in mental health and do not suggest following my own ways of dealing with depression if they do not seem like they would be a good fit for you.
Seems like an interesting idea for creating stories. Not sure if I could do it; I have this weird aversion to prompt writing that I've never been able to get over.
And yeah, beating yourself up over small failures can really drag down a day. The other day I voted for something without really reading in to it, and I spent a good part of that afternoon fretting over what I had just done. It took my fiancee talking it over with me to get me back on track.
Thanks again for the post; keep at it, and if you ever need to talk you know where to find me
I particularly have trouble dealing with past mistakes, so this helped. Thanks.
Writing Crack is tough, but its very rewarding when tit works. Good job.