2017 is dead and gone. Thank Celestia. · 8:37am Jan 2nd, 2018
Hello hello, everyone. I saw that some of my most favorite ponies in the world wrote some deeply moving analyses about their year, and let me tell you, they're the strongest ponies I know. My year... has been heck too. Not quite as bad as others, in ways, but I figured I may as well post about it. Ignore if you'd like, there are no story updates hidden here.
First thing that happened that was big, I joined the Clocktower Society. Wow, guys, they really helped me come out of my shell and grow as a person. I mean, you'd think a fan group of a fantasy fanfiction kink story wouldn't be that influential, but... holy muffins. I love each and every one of those ponies there, they've made me into the person I am today. Shoutout to them. If you want to join, you can find the story below and the group link is nearby it somewhere. Remind me to go look for it. If you read it and like it, feel free to join the Discord chat. I'm a moderator there, and proud to be part of such a phenomenal community.
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Around that time, I more or less failed out of engineering school. I realized I really really didn't like physics, and I didn't pass the first time I attempted the basic course so I tried to retake it over the summer. The summer... that summer, I met a guy, and fell in love. I'd never felt anything like it. I was head over heels. He understood me, he cared and listened and was always there. He was a psychopath (diagnosed- could not feel empathy), but we made it work.
My mental health began to decline pretty quickly. I started having panic attacks. I came from a family of high achievers, and failure wasn't an option. Then I started hearing voices, missing class, spiraling. The guy I fell in love with tried to support me as best as he could, but there's only so much he could do over the internet. I guess I was so wrapped up in myself, I didn't realize what was going on, and how exactly he tried to support me. I only realized I was getting closer to him, and being pulled away from everything else.
I crashed, mentally. I pulled out of engineering school and went to community college. I started writing stories to try to distract myself, but everything wasn't making sense. I tried unsuccessfully to break up with the guy, but he found a way to contact me and pulled me back, over and over. It's amazing how someone without the ability to feel empathy can do to manipulate you.
I broke up with him, eventually, thanks to the support of my friends. A few weeks later, I admitted to two beautiful girls that I had a crush on them. They love me back. It's the most amazing feeling.
I'm going to link this story now, for no particular reason. It isn't fiction.
Things were unstable on my end, since I was getting over the urge to try to run back to my mentally and emotionally abusive ex, but I was doing okay.
Then, I spiralled out of control one bad day. My mother found me in my room with an exacto knife in my hand, calling a suicide hotline. I was locked in a mental facility on involuntary hold for 3 days. Those three days... they changed me. They made me stronger and more aware, and they also made me realize that I will do anything not to go back there again.
So here I am, working through community college, getting back on my feet. I picked up a seasonal job in retail, which made me pretty busy, but also gave me new stories to tell, so I'm glad it happened.
Last year, to put it bluntly, was shit. And yet, with all the bad, there were good points too. I found my passion for writing. I fell in love with the two most talented, most caring girls in the universe. I've made friends I will cherish all my life, who love me for who I am, who believe me and believe in me. I found the Clocktower Society, and I found myself.
Here's to you, 2018. May you be even better than last year, because I'll be honest, the bar isn't really that high. And please, new year, treat my friends kindly too. They deserve the world.
Well, I sure as hell hope you have a better year this new one!
Hi, I am the one formerly known as Reaver17,
I can't pretend to understand what you went through, but I know how pain works, it's a dark thing, it worms into your soul a squeezes until you just want to suffocate, like walking through a tunnel in the dark, it goes only two ways, behind you is a wall of nothing, in front of you is a walk that never seems to end. You could sit down, just sit there in the dark alone, let it swallow you. But you shouldn't, you didn't, you walked through the tunnel and you found light. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, I'm sure your girlfriends would agree.
Happy New Year,
Sincerely, A stranger on the internet.
Here’s to you, kid.