Review - The Visitor by silverspawn · 10:15pm Apr 29th, 2018

The Visitor

By inflicting her a mind-altering potion, Fluttershy gets Twilight into a state wherein she will do and feel whatever she's told. Driven by unknown motives, she intends to use this to make Twilight have sex with her... and to want her to have sex with her. Her plan proceeds without incident, but right before laying hoof on her friend, she has a change of heart. Twilight gets away unharmed, but can she also forgive her? And does she even want to be friends with this pony that she seems to have never truly known?

Tags: Dark, Drama

Starring: Main 6

by silverspawn

First Impressions

Seems like Fluttershy’s in the mood and can’t ask, so she’s gotten a potion from the big Z to ‘entice’ Twilight, only to realize it’s better to ask. Twilight doesn’t agree and is upset with Fluttershy. A story from Fluttershy’s point of view.

Spoilers Below

Plot synopsis

I was so wrong. So, Flutters has impulse control issues. A common and real issue that plagues people across the world on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s about shopping, sometimes about speaking, or giving, or taking. In this case it’s sexual desire that she is afraid won’t be reciprocated; so she takes what she wants and wipes the memory after she’s done.

A deep and impactful story, truly. It has great grammar, the story is full of meaning and bringing to light the issues afflicting both Fluttershy and implying that there are those out there that need help but don’t know it, or know how to get it.

It also says outright that there are secrets that the ponies have and that in Fluttershy’s case, she never asked for the element of Kindness, because while she is kind, there’s a dark side to her.

The whole story hits me like a brick several pages in when Twilight has her very first conscious spoken line: “You tried to rape me.”

Freaking jarring and shook me for almost ten seconds at what that meant. The weight of those words and the actions that followed locked me into the story for the duration.

It brought to light some of Fluttershy’s fears and insecurities that we all kinda know, but that she’s a habitual user of this method of sexual release… and her reactions, her facial reaction when she was admitting this part is an image that I can’t get out of my head and kind of enjoy, to be honest.

It was a little jumpy through time and it threw the pacing off. Days seemed to go by where little happens, it seems that everypony goes through Twilight before seeing Fluttershy, even before they know about what happened.

The terrible trope/cliche/annoyance of Pinkie’s mane falling flat are in here when she finds out, then she’s not shown again until the very end still Pinkamena style. There’s the peeve of my nightmares; a lip bitten to bleeding, that’s never acknowledged again. “Hey, I have flat teeth and managed to bite a hole in my mouth, but there’s no need to bring to light the blood pooling in my mouth and leaking, the soreness, the repeat biting of the swollen wound, any care taken of it… etc.”

All that nonsense aside, Twilight makes a great speech about how ‘sex is just sex’ and it’s meaning as opposed to love sex. I seriously thought about what it’d be like to ask certain women I know and have a repore with. It a great thought piece that also brings Fluttershy’s admittance of her issue and inability to promise to refrain from committing the act in the future.

My last note is the ending falls seriously flat.
Maybe it’s how it’s worded, maybe it’s just me, but it ends suddenly and resolves nothing. It creates more questions and answers none of those posed through the story.

That isn’t a halting point to not read this story, mind you, but there’s a sequel to be had in my opinion. There are many that feel this sudden kind of ending works wonders or leaves the imagination open to interpreting the conclusion to the reader, however I desire resolution in stories as well as life.

A story that throws a curveball ending can be great, but a story that throws a curveball and ends in a touchdown doesn’t answer anything!

In the authors words about the ending. “...Think of suffering serious brain injury after an accident…”
A TBI isn’t a resolution; it’s either the start of a new story, or it can push the main character aside and make them on par with the victim. Even in a third person focused on the main character, there should be some kind of ending with a answer to appease the audience. “Twilight is a vegetable, Fluttershy is whatever, there is no hope.”

It’s not established, but there’s so much implication that Twilight could be cured or helped out of the situation the story ends with her in that, well, as my rambling can tell, I’m just not pleased with the ‘fill in the blank’ ending.

Grading Scale

Masterpiece

Must Read

Recommended

Enjoyable

Needs Work

Conclusion:
Recommended

Reviewer’s note:

The story is solid, impactful, and a great read, so give it a shot!

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