Impossible Numbers' Debut Novel! · 2:03pm Dec 31st, 2018
Blog Number 52: Debut Edition! 
First of all, I should lead with a quick update: after talking to one or two friendly faces on and off the site, and after a few days of cooling off, I'm going to change my statement to something less rash and emotional. I'm not "flat-out done". I am having to deal with two competing issues, though. The first is that I love writing too much to simply call it quits. The second is that I seriously can't continue with my current modus operandi.
There is no fixed solution yet. I may well take time off the site regardless, just not permanently. Something must change, though, and while I have people here on the site who have helped me tremendously over the last few days, there are issues on my side of the screen that I need to tackle on my own.
Plus, I did muscle through the last couple of days. See, I set myself a single New Year's Resolution in 2018, way back in Blog Number 34:
I end 2018 with a finished novel
No ifs. No buts. Maybe some coconuts, depending on what it's actually about.
Well... here's where part two of this post comes in! (Spoilers: There were no coconuts.)
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce to the world my first ever completed novel, Lure of the Flower! Now available from start to finish.
And now, a little retrospective to mark the occasion:
Writing a novel has been my lifelong dream. For years, I've learned from creative writing guides, amassed trivia, conceived and planned so many ambitious stories. It's scarcely exaggeration to say that's been my entire life.
Once I joined the pony fandom and started writing fanfiction for the show, the pace accelerated, bringing me hope. That, if nothing else, is what I'll thank this subcultural juggernaut for till the day I die; it provided a unique opportunity to hone my skills with like-minded people from around the world.
It was pain. Not all pain, but at the time it's hard to make such subtle qualifications when you just want to hurl the lot out the window. Barely two years ago, I finally broke through a ceiling and began writing in earnest. Disappointments cropped up still, but it got easier to tolerate them as stepping stones. Only this year, when I spent months on the brink and yet never able to cross it, did it threaten to crash down so hard that I felt I had to quit utterly before I ended up in a psychiatric ward. That last blog post of mine was just the latest and the most severe setback, and it was heartbreaking to see my first novel like that for months: close enough to touch, but always out of reach.
That ends today. Yesterday, I was a wannabe. Today, I'm a novelist.
Maybe only technically, seeing as it's just one, but still.
I won't even pretend it was worth all those times when I wanted to scream and throw my hands up in the air. That was painful, often self-inflicted, and ultimately just not worth it. At least I leave 2018 with a handsome consolation prize, and all things considered it could have been a lot worse. Can't say fairer than that.
Thank you, to everyone who makes this community what it is and always has been. I've been privileged to get to share a few (mostly cheeky) words with you, and they've helped a lot to make this less of a self-inflicted torture session. Thank you, thank you, a hundred times thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to crack the champagne. Why be miserable at a time like this? Cheers to all, and a Happy New Year! 
Impossible Numbers.
You gotta do what makes you happy, but sometimes other people like seeing you happy, too. :)
Oh hey, it’s Lure of the Flower! I really like that one and surprised it has so few votes. Great to have you back, snuggy! *snuggles and makes happy draggy noises* Happy New Years (tomorrow if not today for you
)!
Maybe you should publish Lure of the Rose as a book for Lulu.com!
Congrats! The novel milestone's a hell of a one to clear. Sucks that the road there was painful, but you've secured those bragging rights at last. Nobody can take them away.
Happy New Year!
Congratulations, and happy new year!
Congrats!! I didn’t realize you were so close to achieving that goal!
I hope to keep seeing you around in 2019. I’d still be game for assisting with anything from editing help to even working some cover or description magic. (I have basically zero art skills per se, but I’m decent enough at seeking resources & composing cover art from them.)
I haven't read it yet but I've put it in my read later list. So far everything I've read that you've written was worth an upvote which I can't say for everyone's stories and some of those haven't posted anything new in more than a year.
4988468
Absolutely. The trick, of course, is to be careful happiness doesn't turn on you. There are plenty of sugared traps around you need to keep an eye on.
4988479
I wouldn't say I'm "back" exactly. Lure of the Flower may be complete, but it cost an arm and a leg to get there. At the very least, I'm taking a break after this before attempting anything so ambitious again.
Also, cheers for the New Year! (And ta for the snuggles, natch.)
4988485
Not familiar with that site, and I have only the haziest of ideas how any kind of publishing works (other than "get an agent before you even try it"). Plus, I live in the UK, so I don't think it'd work with an American company. I could be wrong; I'm still largely a novice when it comes to this new-fangled online stuff.
4988488
Bragging rights are like turning legally adult: a sombre moment of developing maturity, which I will nevertheless abuse the hell out of at every opportunity.
And a Happy New Year to you, too! Best part is: the fiestas don't stop yet, amigo! (Nah, nothing so spectacular at my end; just a couple of family birthday parties).
4988507
Thanks, and you too! Can't wait to see what 2019 has got in store.
4988602
Yeah, it's like running a marathon and then tripping at the finishing line, breaking a leg, and waiting for the medics to hurry up so you can go back and pick up the race. Even if you're only racing against yourself, it's still a galling experience.
Odds are I'll be back, though I do need to take a break and catch up on one or two other things. Glad to hear it, and I'll definitely keep you on tap if ever I need a pick-me-up.
(Actually, I might hold you to that cover magic in the not-too-distant future. I've rarely been particularly adroit with cover art, and certainly can't hold a candle to most users in that regard).
4988610
Pleased to hear it, though I'll concede it's not to everyone's tastes (I'd wager not many want to read about the Flower Trio, for instance), which is probably part of the reason why it hasn't attracted many readers in the first place. One should be realistic about these things.
Honestly, even if I trip up sooner or later and write something you don't like - anything's possible - I'm happy you haven't had that experience yet.
Right, I'm going offline for an indefinite amount of time, but odds are I will come back later this month. Whether I'll come back writing or just to lurk remains to be seen. Just got to get a few things sorted at my end, clear out the house, et cetera.
Thanks again for the messages, everyone!
So this means I don't have to spend the next few hours with either talking you out of deleting your account or with saving all of your fics on the WaybackMachine (probably both, though) because you are indeed staying?
Reading the previous blog entry almost gave me a heart attack. That's not an exaggeration. It almost did. Now I'm sitting here with triggered fears that all your work could disappear..... and, at the same time, feel guilty, because I know I'm part of the reason why you felt that way, since I keep saying I will read more stories by you and then fail to do so.
I should stop saying that and just make it a surprise when I will get around to it.
Not saying it's the only reason, but I know how heartshattering a false promise can be. I probably make you feel like I don't really care for your stories despite me saying that I do. I am doing what I can to make good on that promise soon, but please don't stop writing and please don't delete your stories.
Edit: Actually, scratch that. I am going to read the story I said I would read after you first thought about leaving ("the next story you write") immediately.
"Calendar Chaos" has only less than 2,000 words, so I'm just squeezing it in. I'm already tired, I'm hungry, I should probably go into the kitchen to get something to eat and I feel too depressed to read right now, but enough is enough.
Too much time has passed, so I'm going to read that story right now.
4991305
Oh, bless you, good fellow: you don't have to do that. My overall behaviour, for good or ill, isn't something I can realistically pin on one user. Especially one I've been getting on with quite well over time, considering where we started, eh?
In truth, a large part of my blog post back then was the result of events happening off the site, and while I do admit another part of the problem is that I sometimes feel like my work's not getting read, we have to look at the bigger picture. A lot of what I write is what interests me, first and foremost; for instance, background characters who could do with some development or exploration. That's not necessarily what most people want to read, and I accept that, however I feel about it on my off days.
Seriously, don't worry about the work being deleted. Unless some major legal threat hit the site, or something even more outlandish happened, I'm keeping the stuff right here. (Even if I did take it down, I could de-ponify it and put it up elsewhere). And certainly don't feel obliged to read my work, promise or no promise. Like I've said before, read what you want. I'd like more comments and views, yes, but I couldn't in good conscience demand those things from anyone. That would be extremely rude and arrogant of me.
I'm really sorry for worrying you, and thanks for speaking up about your concerns so honestly. That wasn't quite the effect I intended, but I do appreciate the message. While I won't say I'm 100% right now, I assure you there's no need to go above and beyond duty over this. I assure you. I still want to write, after all. I've got plans and ways of dealing with such problems. All they need is a little time.
4991342
This sounds reassuring to my poor, beating heart, thank you. But know that preserving your stories would not be an obligation for me..... It would be a labour of love. While it's true that I'm preserving each ponyfic I've read (or those in danger of disappearing) on the WaybackMachine for a while now after I started doing that last year, each story I preserve still has something unique to it and each author has, as well, and I love each story for different reasons.
Your stories have their own reason for why I want to preserve them and why they deserve preservation, which I just went into detail about under "Calendar Chaos".