Minvans 2: Electric... something? · 3:51am Sep 9th, 2019
2 Days later and it's still in the Box of Shame. What is wrong with you people?
You must all really love Admiral's minivans or something. Sicko's.
Anyway, onto the late blogpost because I had to stuff 26 hours of work into two days, and sadly didn't get to spend more time hanging out with Bad Horse. At least he survived my house...
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So, when originally submitting this story, I honestly intended to mark this as a sequel to Little Big Pony's Princess Celestia Walks into a Polish Pub and gets Plastered, but I soon discovered he never marked his story as a sequel to mine, Princess Celestia Side Swipes a 2001 Dodge Grand Caravan.
So I just marked this new one as a sequel to my own. I guess it makes sense... but still, LBP's was a lot of fun to read. If you haven't, please check it out. Worth the time.
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So, when the two Princesses get their minivans, I knew right away I couldn't play favorites, so I went with one getting the Dodge version, and the other getting the Chrysler. Now, working at a airport, I drive lots of rental vehicles, and I like to think I got quite a bit of experience with these minivans, although Admiral might beat me cause he actually works on them, but I've driven them enough to know some weird quirks about them.
Although, as dumb as it sounds, TotallyNotABrony pointed out that after 2017, the Town and Country became the Pacifica. He's correct, but you know what, this is a AU story so fuck it. I'm leaving it. I love you TNAB, please don't throw mopar parts at my face...
“Oh, how convenient, it’s not stuffed with papers or napkins so the book is easier to find,” Celestia noted with a smile.
This was not an attack at anyone, but I felt like Celestia might be a little disappointed over the fact that there weren't extra supplies in the glovebox. Then wrote it the opposite, that she was thankful. I dunno. Sounded funnier for some reason.
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Have any of you ever actually read your owners manual? I gotta say, it's a lot of crap, but there is gold mixed in, so it's worth sitting down one bored evening, when you don't have power and you're read most of the books in your personal library once or twice...
Weird the odd things you learn. I remember when we bought my mother's '04 Chevy Silverado, it didn't come with a owners manual, so I stole the one out of her older truck, for a '01 Chevy Silverado. Almost the same thing... almost, but not quite. On a side note, that '04 went to get 600k plus miles. We're not sure of the actual tack, because the dash cluster quit years ago. Last known number was written on a sticky note saying 620k.
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I'd never experienced a airbag deployment until about 3 years go, when I hit a telephone pole at 45mph in my truck. Not fun stuff. The dust was horrible, I couldn't breath. I'm told that's from time, but normally the dust isn't as bad with newer vehicles.
Also after this incident, I learned that my truck was not part of those IED airbag recalls. Thanks, GM, for the heads up!
Actually, keeping to the airbag deployments, I'm not sure how smart new minivans are with those. I suspect they deploy airbags depending on seat sensors, that when there's weight they automatically come on. I remember doing newspapers in my sister's newer '08 Silverado, the passenger seatbelt chimer was annoying as hell 'cause newspapers could weight the same, if not more, as a person.
Also also, kinda an aside, I had a friend in high school who bought those early Honda Odyssey minivans, because the early ones just deployed all the airbags when in a collision, regardless of impact zone. You could buy one with small damage, but 12 deployed airbags for cheap, cause insurance companies just marked them as totaled. I remember helping rip out some of those airbags in the back, and we'd clean up the dust and replace the plastic panels with "new" ones and make it look good as new.
Might have been illegal, in retrospect, but meh.
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I actually don't know what new cars run temperature wise. 90's vehicles usually ran at about 190, and that's what I'm used to. I remember hooking my sister's '08 to my scan tool and freaking out because it was running at like, 210, and thinking it was overheating. Nope. Wrong. Dumb dumb me.
I'm also used to old junk and running water in them cause everything I owned leaked, and you only spent the money on actual antifreeze for the winter months.
I even remember times when doing newspapers in our old '86 GM panel van, we'd just pour whatever we had in the van into the radiator. Gatorade, Monster, Cherry Coke, pull over to a ditch full of water, or in the town of Byron, at the swamp and fill up jugs of water...
As an aside, DO NOT put sugar drinks into your radiator. I know in M*A*S*H they poured red wine into a Jeep radiator, but still... just don't.
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Have you ever driven a vehicle without a drivers seat? I have. Multiple times.
The most recent was my brother in laws GM Savanna, that I did a intake gasket on. Easiest way was to remove a front seat, so I did the drives. Days later, take it for a test drive to check timing on the distributor, and said fuck the seat. Drove around for miles with a pre-school chair.
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I'm actually not sure about Chrysler vehicles, but I know Ford does impliment a safety feature that in the event of a crash (I'm not sure what sensors they go by) that the hazard lights automatically come on. I suspect GM has done the same, which would make sense for Chrysler to do so as well. Notice I only mention the Big Three here? I live in Michigan. If you support anything other than those three, then you're anit-American and I'm not allowed to continue that line of thought, but personally, I think the Asian market is doing a good job at-
HERK
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Here in Michigan, we're actually quite laxed on a lot of vehicle laws. The only thing that seems to piss cops off are seatbelts (cutting them out does not seem to fix the problem, only make them more angry with you), headlight out, and tailight out. Everything else go fuckin' hog wild. I had a friend with a... shit, a car, I forget what now, but he had no hood or windshield for almost a year. Once December rolled in he finally said to hell with it and got a windshield.
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So I'm poking fun at rims, at one point. Steel rims I always favorite, because I cal slam them with a sledge and fix them. Aluminum technically you can't, and shouldn't, but I mean... I've done it.
I've also had places weld aluminum rims, which is illegal, but remember that only matters if you get caught.
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The idea of the paintings on the vans is because, back in the 70's and 80's, it was common to get murals painted on the sides of panel vans. I know these aren't panel vans, but still, it was a fun idea and I mean come on, who wouldn't want a Best Princess painted on their minivan?
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John Elkann is the actual chairman of Fiat-Chrysler Automobiles. I looked it up on Wiki, and Wiki never lies.
I figured, what the hell, lets throw a little realism in there. I dunno if he'd just take to the idea of two demi-gods playing with his minivans in stride, but hey, Luna offered a Pina Calada. Also why the fuck is google, fimfic, or anything giving me the correct spelling to that drink? Is this some sort of conspiracy?
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Wish I had more to add to this story, but I mean... I really don't. It's just silly horses doing silly things with new minivans. Take it or leave it.
"Sickos."
*sniffs, adjusts glasses*
It was already a great sequel, but this post was just the right thing to tie things together. As per usual, awesome work!
This post was fun. You’re fun.
That's true of so much in life.
Also, in piña colada, Note the tilde above the n-
Wait. Why are they? Um... Now I'm confused...
Ugh, GM...
Now Ford
LOL I've done that to SO many bent aluminum rims. (And charged good money for it!) Hehehehe.
Idk who he is, but I miss Dr. Z from the Daimler-Chrysler days. He was the chairman, I believe. I didn't like the krauts meddling with our cars, but their huge advertising campaign featuring him, made him seem like such a cool dude. Sadly, that whole advertising thing sort of came and went, and now it's forgotten. But I liked it.
Also, Mopar or no car.
I had a 2005 Impala and always kept the manual handy because I have the memory span of a concussed goldfish and couldn't even remember where to add the blinker fluid, much less how to tell it I changed the oil so stop nagging me. You could also set dozens of things in the electrical system using the OE satellite radio and I'd forget the steps to do so before even finishing each time.
Of course by the time it finally left home for good on a flatbed hauler, it would have made a suitable object for the princesses to play minivan polo with.