Resumption

Writing has resumed as of today.

Grandpa's body rallied, miraculously restoring kidney function and it looks like he is past the crisis. However...

The active and vital mind that drove that body for 98 years as a civil servant in hot spots across the globe is gone. He can barely even sit up without assistance and as my aunt put it, "the dementia is profound." It is a small mercy that he is neither in pain nor distress, and despite his living in the northern part of BC supports and care are being set up for him there. Everything that can be done, is being done.

There is nothing more I can do other than to accept what has happened and to press on as best I can. Therefore Brightly continues, and as part of my dealing with the emotions of the past week I altered the words of a filk song into something that will likely become the core of a one-shot later this month. I'd like to share it with you, despite it's somewhat dark tone...

There's a darkness out between the stars that any eye can see. 
There's a deeper dark within me, where no light will ever be 
There's an empty place beside me, where my lover ought to stand. 
And there's a burning sun behind me, but I hear only gravity’s command.

Two days ago I lost her, in a land without a name. 
As we touched the ground to claim it, for the thousandth time the same. 
And I left her but a moment, and I did not see her fall. 
I only know that I failed her, never heard her final call. 

I dug her grave in foreign ground, in the shade of an unknown wood. 
And I touched her there one final time, and I said what words I could. 
Let that cold ground hold her gently, for she came so far to die. 
Then I took to wing all on my own, and blasted for the sky.

But the high winds hold no comfort for one broken and alone. 
And the clouds held only memories of the joys that we once had known. 
And I cannot not live without her, in a life no longer whole. 
So I choose to die in sunlight, and let the hard earth cleanse my soul.

And now the clouds part with fright, and the soil looms ahead. 
My feathers start to whisper, and they glow an angry red. 
There's a high, cold wail behind me, as though the wind itself could cry. 
But my mind is cold and steady, for the time has come to die. 

But now my love comes back to me, 'cross gulfs I'll never know. 
And I hear her voice within me, and I hear her crying, “No!”
I snap my wings out from beside me, and all my muscles burn. 
And then they scream out in agony as we fight to make the turn. 

My eyesight starts to fail me as the forces mount and grow. 
And I wonder when my wings will fail, and I wonder if I'll know. 
Then my vision starts to lighten, and a coolness strikes my eyes. 
And there's nothing left before me but the endless cloudy skies. 

There's a darkness out between the stars that any eye can see. 
But the light within that darkness touches even a fool like me. 
For I know my love forgives me, and I know she loves me still. 
Once we roamed the skies together, and I know we always will.

Comments

[Raging Mouse]

I've been there, seeing my grandparent gone while they still breathed, moved and talked. Mourn well now, I suggest, and later pay your respects at their funeral with a clear mind. My sincere condolences to you and yours.

[Rhawkas]

Really sorry to hear that you have to go through this. What you've described sounds terrible for anyone to have to go through. You and yours have my condolences.