Disney's Descendants 2 review · 7:08am Mar 26th, 2020
Okay, so, a while back, I took a look at the Disney Channel Original Movie Descendants. It sucked. It was full of wasted ideas, generic teen drama instead of an interesting plot, writers not thinking through their implications, and felt less like the people at Disney wanted to tell a story about the next generation of Disney characters and more like a committee wanted to make the Disney version of “Ever After High” with the writers needing to contrive of a scenario where that was even remotely plausible.
But even though critical response was mixed, the movie still made money among the tween demographic. So, naturally, Disney made it into a film trilogy with spinoffs to boot. Today, I’m looking at the second entry of the trilogy - Descendants 2. Before reading this review, I would like you to read my review of the previous film so that you have the full context. Plus, I don’t really feel like recapping or reintroducing the returning characters since this is a sequel.
Before beginning, let’s address the elephant in the room once more. Cameron Boyce, the actor who played Carlos, tragically passed away young. I wanna make it clear that whenever I make fun of Carlos, I am not making fun of the actor, I am making fun of the character he played.
So the movie opens with a musical number. This one about the villian kids singing a song called “Ways to be Wicked” which has them… feeding everyone at the school - students, teachers, even Adam and Belle - enchanted apples that cause them to go crazy and misbehave. Is this supposed to be some kind of G-rated drug?
Joking aside, I don’t actually think the song is that bad really. It’s energetic, upbeat, makes you wanna dance and most importantly, you can listen to it without seeing the context. So, you could listen to it independently of watching the film and save yourself the trouble.
Sadly, I have to, regardless.
Anyway, it turns out the whole opening musical number was a daydream Mal was having as reporters swarmed her. The reason why is because she’s the king's girlfriend though I still have no idea why Ben became king since his parents are still alive.
Mal is feeling pretty overwhelmed by being a huge center of attention. Because of this, she has to be on her best behavior and uphold a good image. The problem is that, due to chafing under the pressure, Mal is desperately missing the sense of freedom she had as a “bad girl” and is starting to slip back into old habits. She tries to open up to Evie while she’s helping Mal try on a new dress. Unfortunately for her, Evie doesn’t seem to fully understand Mal’s problems since she (Evie) has had nothing but benefits.
Plus, it doesn’t help that Ben - who is too busy as king - has barely any time for Mal and is completely oblivious to the fact that she’s unhappy.
You know… I actually like this. No, for real. Mal is someone who inherently is a very rebellious person and now is struggling with such a high profile position. This is totally understandable. While Mal wants to be a good person for her friends and boyfriend, it isn’t easy to be good when you’re under so much pressure to have a specific attitude. Especially when the person you’re doing all this for is busy with his own problems
This is a good piece of drama and actually does something for the characters. However, the movie then shoots itself in the foot about one minute later. Because when Mal uses a spellbook to speed read a book, Evie… admonishes Mal for using magic.
Okay, why is magic so looked down upon in Auradon? There was a bit of this in the first movie but the anti-magic stigma is so much bigger in this movie. Mal gets called out for using magic for not just speed reading but later using it to cook dinner. I wouldn’t mind it so much if Mal was using it to cheat her way through everything in life. Using it to do mundane tasks and activities isn’t really a terrible thing to do.
Now you might assume, and reasonably so, that Auradon’s ban on magic might have something to do with the fact that half of the ruling monarchy had their lives wrecked by it. Thus, banning it is a way to ensure that no one abuses it. You would be right, except that’s not the reason given. No, the reason why is, “It takes away effort and hard work.”
Well, that’s stupid. I mean, magic isn’t something everyone can do and it’s not easy for those who can do it. And even if we go by that logic, why is it that technology like cell phones and tablets (or iPads) exist here? Those exist to make life easier and yet no one seems to make a fuss about them. Or is the idea supposed to be that tech had required effort to build, thus it’s okay? Except, magic takes a different kind of effort and--
This is making me go cross-eyed…
…The point is, the anti-magic stigma in this universe is DUMB.
Anyway, the whole school is preparing for the “Royal Cotillion'' which I guess is this universe’s equivalent of the school dance. And according to Jane, Mal being Ben’s date to the dance will make her an official “Lady of the Court” and it’s, “Like getting engaged to be engaged to be engaged.”
...What?
Anyway, like the previous movie, let’s go over the other three villain kids’ subplots.
We get a scene with Evie and Doug helping Chad with his costume for the dance and during this scene, we find out that Audrey (who isn’t in this movie for some reason) dumped Chad. It’s actually not a bad scene as Doug and Evie bond some more and Evie admits she doesn’t need a prince since she has Doug. I’ve trashed these movies a lot but honestly I feel like Evie is one of the better characters. Her arc feels genuine and her romance with Doug feels kinda natural.
But now it’s time to get back to the stupid as we transition to Jay’s establishing subplot scene. Jay is practicing fencing even though his thing was a sport called “tourney” in the last film. During the sparring match, a mysterious person shows up and bests everyone. Said mysterious person turns out to be Lonnie, daughter of Mulan and Shang Li.
Okay, to unpack this… Lonnie’s characterization here is inconsistent. In the first film, Lonnie was introduced as being more traditionally feminine (if Western). Except here, she’s more of a tomboy and wants to be a swordmaster like her mom? Wouldn’t it work to the theme better if everyone expects Lonnie to be this sword fighting badass when all she wants to do is bake cookies and try on dresses? If this was done with a new character, say, Snow White’s kid, then wouldn’t that be interesting? The pacifist princess has a massive tomboy for a daughter?
And then Chad comes up, which gives us the second issue regarding this premise. Namely, he protests Lonnie’s conclusion because… Lonnie is a girl...
Firstly, I don’t want to be the guy who told Mulan and Shang that their daughter couldn’t go out for sports and carry on the family tradition. Secondly, the “Girls aren’t allowed on the sports team” plot is what they’re going with? Seriously? This was horribly stupid and dated even back in 2017.
Chad even brings out the rule book and points out that it says a team has to be, “made of a captain and eight men.” And Jay just shrugs and says, “Sorry. Those are the rules.”
Look, Jay, I know you’re trying to be good and all but following rules doesn’t mean anything when those rules are horribly outdated. Did you not see that episode of Parks and Rec?
Jay: I’m not gonna stay captain if I just throw out the rulebook.
Lonnie: If my mother thought that way, she would have lost the war.
Chad: *Pfft* Okay. (Said in a very condescending tone)
I already went over this when I reviewed the first movie, but seriously, how did Cinderella - one of the most caring Disney Princesses ever - raise a son who is this much of a disrespectful, sexist asshole?!
And then there’s Carlos’s subplot…
Carlos wants to ask Jane out but is too nervous too (at least this cliché still has relevance). So, Mal offers to give him a truth gummy so that he can just spit it out. Only problem is that Dude, Carlos’s dog and the school’s mascot, eats it. And for some reason, he can talk now since that’s how truth spells work.
Oh, and yes, you read that right. We now have a talking dog in the movie and this doesn’t contribute anything to the plot. All this pointless plot does is be one of the most annoying parts of the movie.
What bothers me the most about this is that it would have been better if Dude was a Dalmatian. It would have been a nice callback to a classic Disney film and it would have been ironic to see Cruella’s son have a Dalmatian as his sidekick. Like I said in the last review, I know that Dalmatians aren’t the most common dog breed, but I don’t think it would have been that hard to find one. Or better yet, just make this animated so that you aren’t restricted by live-action’s limitations and--
Okay, this rant has been going on for too long. Let’s see how things are going on the Isle of the Lost.
We turn to Ursula’s Fish and Chips shop where we meet her daughter Uma, Gaston’s son Gil, and Harry the son of Hook who--
Wait, why does Captain Hook have a son? Hook hates children. Oh, right - marketing.
Uma’s kinda bitter over her situation. Apparently, she and Mal used to have a rivalry going on with Mal having given Uma the nickname “Shrimpy” and Uma’s upset that Mal and her gang got to go to Auradon but she didn’t.
After this, we get another musical number and, like “Ways to be Wicked”, this song “What’s My Name” isn’t great but it’s fun to listen to at least. The short of it is that Uma sings about how she wants to be remembered and taking over the kingdom is a good way to accomplish that.
After it’s over, we get a brief scene of Ursula’s tentacle telling Uma to quiet down… and they got Whoopi Goldberg to voice her. Why would you waste someone like Goldberg on such a brief cameo? She’s worth more than two lines.
Uma: It's fine. It's fine. 'Cause when I get my chance to rain down the evil on Auradon, I will take it! They're gonna forget that girl and remember the name--
Gil: SHRIMPY!
beat
Uma: *wordlessly motions Harry to throw Gil out of the bar*
…Okay, that was kinda funny.
So we’re at a picnic between Mal and Ben, and things go badly. Because Ben notices Mal’s spell book and it’s bookmarked to all the pages she’s been using to make life easier for herself. Thus, Ben is left… angry? Uh, in the last movie, Ben completely brushed off Mal using a love potion on him even though it led to Audrey (his girlfriend at the time) getting completely embarrassed. But here, Mal uses magic to make a last minute picnic and he suddenly has an issue with it?
I already went over the bizarre anti-magic stigma in this movie, but this is probably where it’s at its worst. There is no reason for Ben to be this upset especially after how he reacted in the first movie. Yet the way he’s behaving here suggests that Mal using magic to make her life easier is a sign she’s turning back to evil. As if magic is an inherently evil tool. Ben, I think Genie, Lora, Fauna, Merryweather, and King Triton would like a word with you… and I’d say Fairy Godmother would too, except for the fact that she gave up her wand implies she also views magic as bad which seems kinda hypocritical considering… okay, starting to rant again, sorry...
Mal and Ben fight, Mal protesting that she’s not some “Pretty Pink Princess” and that she can’t be what everyone wants her to be. She then leaves Ben before he says one of the most bizarre non-sequiturs ever.
“Peanut butter and jelly is my favorite!”
Mal goes to her room crying and decides to run away back to the Isle of the Lost where she feels like she belongs. Except Mal hasn’t actually done anything wrong since using magic to make your life easier is not a bad thing. It’s when magic is used to hurt people that it becomes a problem. I wouldn’t mind this so much if Mal was doing something like pulling cruel pranks on the side, or did something that actually warrants her thinking she has to go back to the ghetto.
Evie later goes to Ben with Mal’s goodbye letter, which prompts Ben to realize that, “This is my fault.”
It kinda is, Ben.
So Ben decides to go after her and Evie volunteers to help along with Jay and Carlos since, on his own, Ben is likely to get caught.
Back on the Isle, Mal goes to Lady Tremaine’s “Curl Up & Dye” and--
Wait a minute, why is Lady Tremaine or her daughters on the Isle of the Lost?
Honestly, this is kind of a microcosm on some of the logic problems regarding the Isle. Some of the logic for imprisoning the villains in the Isle doesn’t make sense. I’ll grant you the obvious ones, like Jafar, Maleficent and Ursula, since their actions were dangerous or terrible enough to the point of threatening lives and kingdoms. Plus, I’ll give you Captain Hook considering how he’s a pirate and all, but some of the others seem very petty and tame in comparison.
While I already talked about Cruella in the last movie, I think it bears repeating. Yes, she tried to skin dogs but that doesn’t really compare to trying to take over the country and no one was really aware of what she did aside from the Dalmatians. I wouldn’t mind so much if the Dalmatians were around and it was implied that Adam and Belle did it for their sake or something (because skinning pets IS messed up) but they’re nowhere to be seen and are barely alluded to.
Lady Treamaine did abuse Cinderella but, again, compared to trying to take over the kingdom, that seems rather tame by comparison. And while she did try to take over the kingdom in Cinderella III: A Twist in Time, this isn’t applicable since none of the Disney sequels are canon in Descendants. Also, I highly doubt that Cinderella would be cool with Adam locking up her family no matter how badly they treated her.
And Gaston? I mean, yeah, he did try to kill Adam while he was the Beast and force Belle to marry him. But other than that, he was just a massive blowhard who didn’t really know what was going on. I mean, by that logic, you’d have to lock up the entire town because they tried to kill the Beast too and…
Oh no. I think I just figured out why there are so many extras on the Isle of the Lost.
Anyway, Mal goes to Lady Tremaine’s hair salon where she meets Dizzy, daughter of Drizella and granddaughter of Lady Tremaine.
Dizzy is honestly one of the better characters in this movie because she actually has a character and isn’t just a stereotype. Too bad her actress is pretty bad, but I can forgive this since the actress was just a contest winner.
Back with Evie, Carlos, Jay, and Ben, they sneak off to the Isle and Ben almost immediately starts acting like a tourist and sticks out like a sore thumb. So Evie decides to show Ben how to blend in… with a musical number… yeah, that’s how you remain inconspicuous.
Like the last two songs, this musical number is good but it’s definitely the weakest of them by far.
The song then comes to an abrupt end when they run into Gil. Gil takes a moment to recognize Ben and after he does, he runs off to tell Uma. After this, Ben and Mall finally meet up and they go through the whole “Come home” and “But I’m already home” schtick with Mal stating how she’s afraid of it being just a matter of time before she screws up and ruins Ben’s reputation. Thus, she breaks his heart to save him.
In the last review, I talked about how the film seemed afraid to actually have the villain kids do anything bad and that it brought the story down. And this is just a continuation of that since Mal keeps talking like she’s still evil or a bad girl when she hasn’t done anything wrong. And yes, her using magic still isn’t a bad thing. It’s almost as if the writers are worried that if Mal does something truly awful, the audience won’t root for her, even though that’s the point of the movie!
Ben walks off depressed and then immediately gets captured… no, seriously, I’m not kidding. He just walks off and almost a minute later, Harry shows up to Evie, Carlos and Jay and tells them they have the king and to meet Uma at the bar to discuss the ransom.
Pacing, what's that?
Mal agrees to help once Evie gives the news but she still refuses to come back to Auradon. So Mal goes to Uma’s bar and the two begin hurling insults at each other and get into an arm wrestling match. During the match, Uma tells Mal that she wants the Fairy Godmother's wand in exchange for Ben and beats her.
Really? We’re gonna rehash the first movie?
Mal goes to the other three and they come up with a plan. By using Carlos’s 3D printer, they’ll fabricate a fake wand while Mal and Evie go to Dizzy in order to get supplies.
Evie and Dizzy then have a really happy reunion - apparently, they were close before Evie left - and this is honestly one of the best scenes in the movie. Two of the better characters are interacting and it feels genuine. Before Evie leaves, Dizzy tells her that she’s happy one of them gets to live her dream and… okay, why wasn’t Dizzy one of the kids chosen for Ben’s program in the last film? She actually is a genuinely nice person and she’s kind of Cinderella’s niece. I know the answer is because she wasn’t conceived of at the time, but honestly, it makes things worse in hindsight.
After leaving, Mal and Evie have another talk where Mal reteriates her point that she’s not coming back and that she belongs here. Evie offers to stay with Mal but Mal tells Evie not to let her hold her down.
Okay, you know what would have worked better in this scene? If Evie had told Mal this isn’t about “being where she belongs”, it’s about running away from her problems. That Mal going back to the Isle instead of staying is less about feeling truly evil and more about taking the easy way out of her issues with the court. It would explain why Mal thought she was bad even though she hasn’t actually done anything and it would have been a good lesson. That evil is the easy option but leads to sadness; being good requires hard work but is more rewarding in the long run.
But no, instead, we get a musical number about how different Evie and Mal are but how they’ll always be friends called “Space Between” and it’s probably the most unnecessary song so far. Again, it’s not terrible but it just feels… unnecessary.
Oh, and during all this, Jay and Carlos run into Chad while trying to make the wand. I wouldn’t bring this scene up except Chad says this after Dude blurts out that Ben’s been captured which is the only thing Dude really does in the movie.
Chad: But… if something were to happen… who do you think would be in line to be king?
Well, at least Jay points out how out of taste the ass’s comment was.
After Jay and Carlos make the wand, they run into Lonnie who basically blackmails them into allowing her to come along to rescue Ben.
Back with Ben, he’s tied to a mast on Uma’s boat and the two begin talking. Uma begins sharing her motive and telling Ben how she has no one to look out for her and how crappy her mom is. Ben tries to sympathize with Uma, even offering to take her to Auradon, but Uma just continues to be vindictive. She refuses his offer, pointing out how unfair it is that four of the villain kids got to leave the Isle while most of them were left behind.
And then… Ben says this: “I never thought of it like that before. That I could’ve hurt the people I didn’t pick. My plan was to start with four kids and bring more people over. I guess I was busy being king. That sounds lame.”
...You’re kidding me. Ben, this whole “outreach program” was your big project! A big project that was by all accounts a total success and you FORGOT!? Well, I guess if Cinderella can raise a son who’s an ass, then Belle and Adam can raise a moronic ass.
The sad part to this is that it didn’t have to be stupid. If there was better writing employed, then this could have been a way to tackle class issues for kids to understand. Like how Zootopia did with racism for example.
Just because Ben forgot doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. But he’s so detached from the actual people in his kingdom that his best attempt to help comes off more as condescending. There’s a more smarter and savvy movie here but it’s burried under all this stupid, just like the previous film, and the entire concept’s premise.
The scene gets even dumber when Ben says he’ll restart the program but Uma rejects it, wanting to “get there on [her] own.” And now spite has overwhelmed common sense. Goodie.
So the heroes show up and we get… a rap battle? Seriously? Is this really the appropriate time?
They do the switch and things go south almost right away when Uma realizes it’s a fake. We get a swashbuckling fight scene that goes on way too long with CGI smoke bombs. It ends with the heroes escaping back to Auradon.
You might reasonably assume we’re near the end since that felt like the climax. But we still have like half an hour to go because Mal accidently dropped her spell book back on the Isle during the escape.
On the ride home, tensions flare up between Mal and Ben because Ben’s starting to get the writer’s misconception of “Stockholm Syndrome” on Uma, much to Mal’s frustration.
After getting home, Mal, Carlos, Evie and Jay decide to have a talk where Mal opens up to Carlos and Jay about how much of an outsider she feels and how she doesn’t want to be a “Lady of the Court” like everyone expects. But Carlos and Jay comfort her, telling her that they don’t think they’ll ever stop being “Isle kids” and that maybe that’s okay. Because it’s what makes them different.
Okay, I hate having to keep harping on this issue, but it really is a continuous problem. They talk about how different they feel here even though all three of them were adjusting better than Mal. This truly feels like a case of “tell don’t show” and it’s really hurting the film.
And now, let’s begin wrapping up the film’s subplots.
So remember how the rule about fencing stated that only a captain and eight men could make a team? Well, Jay loopholes Lonnie onto the fencing team by making her the new captain. You might think this is a satisfying wrap-up except it’s not. Because the rule is still sexist. It’s basically saying, “You can be on the team but only if you’re good enough to be captain.” And implies Lonnie is the exception rather than the norm. They make a point about how, “We follow the rules at Auradon,” but honestly I feel like this is one of those times where “screw the rules” is appropriate.
Also, this whole subplot would have been resolved in like five minutes if Jay had just talked to the coach about this. Or is the movie implying he (the coach) is sexist too? Eh, doesn’t matter. He doesn’t even show up.
At least Jay gets to wipe the smug look off of Chad’s face
Carlos finally gets the nerve to ask Jane out after getting a pep talk from Dude of all people in a scene that I will admit is okay. Rest in peace, Cameron Boyce.
Then we get a really dumb scene where Chad makes a 3D-printed crown and begins acting like he’s the king in Carlos’s room. I wouldn’t bring it up except for this bit where Chad gets a phone call from Audrey and we get this line, “She got a flat tire in Sherwood Forest and she wants me to go fix it.”
Sherwood Forest… as in the Sherwood Forest from Robin Hood where all the characters were played by anthropomorphic animals.
That doesn’t make any sense - how did the Robin Hood cast integrate into this world if they’re all half animal? And why does Robin get an indirect mention but none of the other animals? Also does that mean Zootopia exists in this world too? Is that where all the modern tech comes from? But that came out after the first movie and since Zootopia doesn't reference humans--
This movie is making my head hurt. It keeps setting me off to overthink it.
Anyway, it’s finally time for the Royal Cotillion on the royal yacht. Everyone seems to be having a good time at first. Belle and Adam even apologize to Mal for being so harsh on her in the first movie so that’s nice.
However, the nice comes to an end when Ben shows up with his date… and it’s Uma.
Payback is a bitch, ain’t it, Mal? Okay, that was harsh.
Mal’s put into a funk and is about to run off when Jane unveils Ben’s present to her -- a stained glass window of Mal and Ben together (this gift had been set up throughout the movie, but I didn’t bring it up before since it wasn’t really relevant at the time). Mal realizes that Ben really did love the “real” her and this, combined with Ben announcing his present for Uma - getting rid of the anti-magic barrier over the Isle of the Lost - makes Mal realize that Ben’s been put under a spell by Uma using her spellbook.
One true love’s kiss later, Ben is freed, much to Uma’s frustration. Oh and if you couldn’t tell, yes, this movie is ripping off the climax of The Little Mermaid because of course.
Mal tries to talk sense into Uma, pleading with her not to let her pride get in the way. But Uma doesn’t listen and instead just jumps into the water and turns into a giant octopus mermaid. I have to ask, how did she do that on her own? Ursula used the Trident to accomplish that feat in The Little Mermaid.
Mal responds by turning into a dragon (when did she learn how to do that?) and the final battle begins.
After this goes on for a bit, Ben roars and, sadly, instead of turning into a Beast, just jumps into the water. He then gives a lame “Can’t we all just get along?” speech which defuses the tension, though Uma just… leaves.
And now we’re at the wrap-up, folks. Mal and Ben make up, Ben agrees to bring more kids over to Auradon starting with Dizzy, Mal gives her spellbook to Fairy Godmother - even though she really didn’t need to - and we get a dance party ending with another admittedly nice song.
But of course, it’s never over, is it? We get Uma giving the same, “You didn’t think this was the end of the story, did you?” sequel hook that the last movie had.
So, Descendants 2… honestly, it’s better in some ways and worse in others than the first. The songs are better, the acting is still good and I can tell some of the actors are having fun and Dizzy and Evie are still the best characters in this series and Uma is a pretty decent antagonist.
But on the other hand, the worldbuilding is just as poorly thought out as ever. Despite trying to address how messed up the Isle of the Lost system is, it doesn’t seem to go all the way with it. Mal is a designated villain, Ben is a complete moron, Jay and Carlos are non-entities, I get that Chad is meant to be a hate sink but they make him far too unlikeable in this film compared to the first, Lonnie’s “girl power” subplot falls flat and ruins a good idea, and Dude is completely pointless and annoying.
And once again, wasted potential all around.
Well, one more movie till the end, folks. I guess I’m obligated to look at it now since I’ve done the first two. It’ll probably be a while but i’ll do it someday.
Until that day comes, catch you next time.
Wow, you put a lot of thought into this. And strangely enough, it makes a lot of sense.
Anyway, you should really get your own Youtube channel. I would pay money to see you put reviews on terrible movies like these. Granted, everybody's torn into The Last Airbender, but those are always good for some laughs.