WTEtG - Discarded Chapter 30 draft

In this post is a story path I had seriously considered pursuing for What They Expect to Give. If you haven't read chapter 30 yet, then do not read this until you do! I thought it would be amusing to share this for you guys to laugh or marvel at. Ultimately I decided this was waaaay overboard for the pace and tone of the story, and I changed course in favor of a... less crazy route?

So this is just part of what I was looking at doing. I've taken out a lot of the beginning, which comprised of Sunset waiting for Rainbow Dash and encountering Gold Fang and Capper. That portion I'll probably repurpose for a new chapter in What They Hope to Find. Below is just the part where Rainbow has learned about her mother. As I mentioned, I discarded this draft because I thought it was silly and over the top, but also because it was all from Sunset's perspective... which just didn't feel right.

Editing is around the degree of a second draft, so please keep that in mind and be kind.

I should add that this draft is incomplete. Eventually, the silliness of it hit me full force and I had to stop. But you can clearly see the madness I was heading towards just from this!

---

A short time later, and Rainbow emerged, visibly upset. Sunset stiffened at the sight of her friend holding her head, her body wracked with sobs. 

Sunset practically stumbled to get out of the car, just as the sky unleashed a massive downpour.

She tried to coax Rainbow out of the rain. Then Blaze came with his bombshell revelation...

Rainbow’s mother was still in the area.

Sunset was stunned. Rainbow Dash had revealed few things about her mother, but one sure fact that everyone had come to believe was that the woman was gone. Out of state. Perhaps even out of the country! To learn that she was so close…?

I can’t even imagine what Rainbow’s feeling right now!

Then again, Sunset Shimmer didn’t have to wonder long.

After the tomboy had recovered from her initial shock, she’d nearly turned around and marched straight back into the facility for another round with Blaze. Sunset had to all out body block the doors just to be able to reason with her.

“Think about it, Rainbow!” Sunset said in a rush as she stopped another attempt to get inside. “Why would your dad reveal this to you now? Like this?”

Rainbow tried to go around her. Sunset blocked her quickly with a wince, her hands held up. The tomboy snarled, “Sunset, move!”

“Seriously, think!” Sunset’s voice raised a little higher as she fought to be heard over another thunder crack. “Dashie, Blaze is messing with you! Going back in there is exactly what he wants! He’s trying to punish and manipulate you so that you feel hurt and insecure, then he can draw you back in again on his terms!”

Rainbow’s face contorted as she screamed, “You think I don’t see that?!” Her hands curled like claws. “I’m not stupid, Sun!” Lightning flashed overhead again, making Sunset look up nervously. “I know what he’s doing! I just wanna tell him he’s a bastard for doing it!”

“And what good will it do aside from causing a scene?” Sunset returned firmly. Or she hoped it sounded firm, anyway. She was actually starting to feel afraid. Something in the air… it wasn’t right.

“Rainbow, please. Let’s just go!” She looked at the sky again, her lips pressing thin. The clouds looked almost black.

The forecast had said a storm was rolling in, sure, but nothing this severe. It had all happened so fast.

A powerful wind picked up again. Sunset gasped, her hand catching on the door handle as her boots actually slid on the smooth wet concrete step beneath the overhang. The rain was coming at a vicious angle now, invading their small haven and leaving the pair sopping wet. Forget a towel--they’d need a whole new change of clothes after this!

Rainbow didn’t seem bothered by the gales. She stood steady, feet planted, and glared as Sunset straightened.

“Why does he get the last word?” the tomboy spat. “I’m tired of his games!”

“So stop playing them!” Sunset returned earnestly, her eyes wide. “You can talk to him later after you’ve both cooled down, if that’s what you really want!” She gestured wildly toward Rainbow’s car. “But the wisest thing we can do right now is just leave. There’s nothing left for us here but more drama!”

Sunset grabbed Rainbow by the shoulders. “Rainbow Dash, I mean it, we need to leave before the winds get any worse!” She wasn’t even sure they’d make it back to campus, but even stopping at a restaurant or gas station was preferable to waiting here for the storm to calm down. She’d seen places on the drive over they could hole up in.

Rainbow’s eyes bore into Sunset’s. She looked down at her sneakers, then gave a terse nod.

Relief flooded Sunset as she led her friend back to the car. Since she had volunteered to drive, she went to the driver’s side, keys already in her hand. Rainbow didn’t object, and they entered the car.

The windshield was covered in a steady sheet of flowing water. Sunset started the engine and turned the wipers on, full blast. She could see… barely.

“Let’s grab dessert or something over by that diner we passed,” Sunset said, peering at Rainbow. The other girl was glaring at the dashboard.

Sunset sighed and put the car into reverse. When they left the parking lot, she turned the radio back on at low volume.

They drove in silence for a short time. Then--

“She never visited,” Rainbow murmured.

Sunset glanced at her and was pained to see her friend’s face had crumpled under a fresh assault of tears. “Oh, Rainbow Dash…”

“She was so close, and she never visited, never called, never even sent me a stupid letter!” Rainbow ground out through her teeth. She clenched her fists, defiant against her own grief. “She didn’t care! And she was so close! How could she not care?!”

“You don’t know that she didn’t care,” Sunset said. She reached over and touched Rainbow’s shoulder. She winced at how taut it was. “Rainbow, we don’t know how long she’s even been in the area!” 

“So what? How does any of that matter?”

Sunset’s mouth pressed thin. “Well, knowing your father, I doubt he made it easy for your mother to get in touch with you!”

Rainbow punched her dashboard, making Sunset jump. 

“FUCK that!” Rainbow screamed. She looked at Sunset, and the former Equestrian was shocked to see her friend's normally rose pink eyes had turned a deep dark crimson. 

“If that bitch cared enough, then nothing should have kept her away! I was her only daughter! I was family. That should have been enough! That should have been--NGHH!” The tomboy arched back into her seat dramatically, her face contorting in pain.

Sunset yelled with alarm and stepped hard on the brake without thinking. The car started to glide over the road, hydroplaning as the rear of the vehicle drifted to the side. Feeling fear bolt through her, she tried to keep them from going into a full spin by decelerating and gently easing the car straight again.

When she felt like she had control of the car again, she looked wildly at her friend. “Rainbow, what--??”

“Pull over!” Rainbow grunted, clearly pained. She was slumped forward now, toward the dashboard, her body shivering. “Damn, it hurts!”

“Okay, okay! Just gimme a sec!”

They were driving past a small wooded park near a residential neighborhood. When Sunset pulled over, Rainbow practically clawed her way out of the car and ran into the park, leaving the passenger door wide open.

Sunset hurried to follow her, her heart beating hard in her throat. “Rainbow?!” She ran after her friend, but when her foot landed on the sidewalk, the wind blasted her into the open passenger door, knocking her down and slamming it shut in the process.

Sunset winced. Her elbow hurt from taking the brunt of the fall. Still, she forced herself to her feet, her legs planted wide to keep her steady against the buffeting winds.

“Rainbow Dash!” she screamed through the din of the storm.

She could hardly see. The water kept getting into her eyes.

Sunset fought her way to an oak tree, where she hugged the trunk and wiped the rain from her vision. Under the tree’s cover, she could see a little better. She scanned the park frantically, trying to catch sight of Rainbow’s vivid hair.

There!

Out by the playground at the center of the park, Rainbow was on her hands and knees, facing the other way.

Sunset carefully made her way forward, using the nearby trees to keep her steady. At the nearest tree, she halted, her eyes going wide with shock.

Something was moving under Rainbow’s t-shirt, right at the shoulder blades…

Rainbow Dash screamed, her back hunching as something tore through the wet fabric--first on the right, then on the left. The wind picked up again, and it was clear from the way Rainbow’s hair rose up, to how the leaves and playbox sand swirled about her, that it was circling around the tomboy.

Sunset Shimmer watched, horrified as dark purple mutant wing limbs emerged from Rainbow’s back in a wrenching, agonized way. They didn’t even come in evenly. The right winglimb outpaced the left by a large margin, twitching up and out with audible crunching noises as the bones asserted themselves under the hastily grown flesh. 

Dark navy feathers erupted from the right limb just as the left limb reached trembling and naked toward the sky. Rainbow reared back and screamed again… but the sound was angry. Wrathful.

Sunset looked up, and she could see the clouds swirling overhead.

The storm… it’s responding to her emotions! Idiot, why didn’t I see that before?

Practically diving to Rainbow’s side, Sunset scrambled to get in front of her friend, then grabbed her face.

All of this magic is changing her into something awful… just like I went through! Just like Twilight went through! I have to get her calm down!

“Rainbow Dash, listen to me! Listen to my voice!” Sunset yelled frantically. “Focus on me!”

Rainbow grabbed Sunset’s wrists painfully, her crimson gaze fixing on her. Her hair was darkening to a dimmer shade, but with bright, almost electric looking streaks of light running between the colors. Her teeth were bared. The veins at her temples were darkening from her awakening dark magic.

“She abandoned me, Sunset,” Rainbow growled. Her left winglimb’s feathers finished growing in. She spread her completed wings, revealing a strange starry quality in the dark navy feathers. “She left! And now my dad’s abandoned me too! What does loyalty matter when people just use it to hurt me?”

Sunset bared her teeth as Rainbow’s grip tightened. Rainbow leaned in, and hissed, “What’s stopping me from flying back and trashing my dad’s facility? From showing my so-called mom what she turned her daughter into!”

“The good inside you, that’s what!” Sunset answered firmly. “Rainbow Dash, you aren’t thinking clearly! I’m sorry I didn’t realize things sooner, but this isn’t you!”

“How do you know that?!” Rainbow screamed, her wings flapping once, powerfully. “I’m my father’s daughter, aren’t I?!” 

Sunset shook her head desperately. “No! Just because Blaze is your dad doesn’t mean you have to be just like him! What’s happening right now--Rainbow, your powers have spiked! It’s affecting your mind because you weren’t prepared for it!”

Sunset looked around them--at the trees being ripped apart by the high speed winds, to the thick sheets of rain that were threatening to flood the streets. “This storm… it’s responding to you! What you’re feeling! And now that you’re upset, the magic in you is curdling. Don’t let it change you, Rainbow Dash! Don’t make the same mistake I made! The same mistake Twilight made!”

“Fuck you!” Rainbow spat. “This isn’t the same! Neither of you went through what I’ve been through! You don’t know how much this hurts!” Rainbow roughly shoved Sunset onto her rear before standing. She glared down at her friend. “I’ll see you later, Sun. I need to have a chat with my parents.” 

Rainbow’s ears had grown long and pointed, and were purpling at the tips. Her teeth had been replaced by fangs, every one. She leapt into the air, her wings flapping. One hand, with black nails like claws, ripped away her t-shirt, leaving her bare chested save for her sports bra. 

Sunset fought to stand, her fists clenched. Her chin trembled. “Rainbow, please! I don’t want to fight you, but I will if I have to!”

Rainbow sneered. “Do what you gotta do, Sunset.”

Then a pink blur knocked her out of the sky.

Sunset blinked as she watched Rainbow crash back onto the ground, Pinkie Pie on top of her.

“Looks like somebody needs a huuuug!” the party planner sang loudly. She had already ponied up, from the looks of it.

“Pinkie, what are you doing here??” Sunset asked as she rushed forward.

Pinkie turned her head and winked at her. “I was delivering food for Sugarcube Corner when my Pinkie Sense went nuts.” She regarded Rainbow with a pout. “Someone’s been naughty! Tsk, tsk--woah!”

“Raaagh!” Rainbow Dash bucked Pinkie off with the added leverage of her dark wings beneath her.

As the party planner crashed onto the grass next to her, Sunset leapt back and called forth the Equestrian magic inside of her. The change came swift, the magic hastened by concern for her friend. Her hair lengthened, reaching her ankles. Pony ears sat pert over her wet hair.

Rainbow Dash hissed at them--actually hissed at them. Her skin was darkening. Her eyes were slitted. Whatever change she was going through was nearing completion.

Pinkie did a rising handspring, her long pink hair lifting with the wind. Her normally curly, voluminous locks were weighed down by the rain. Her pink pony ears wiggled atop her head as she looked at Sunset with wide eyes.

“Sunset!” the name held a desperate question. What do we do?

“Grab her!” Sunset yelled. “Don’t let her fly away! I need to lay down sight wards!” Even through the noise of the storm, she feared that someone from the nearby houses may have heard all their screaming. The trees in the park helped to break line of sight, but she wanted one extra layer of protection. With Pinkie here, she could afford to try now.

Just a few! she thought as she crouched down and frantically scratched a sight ward into the grass and dirt. These were the same kind of wards they used at the Equestrian portals, and would create an illusion that would conceal their struggles. The last thing we need is for a cop to interrupt us!

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie leapt forward, just as Rainbow tried to take flight again. She grabbed her friend around the torso, squeezing tight. “Sorry Dashie, no head in the clouds for you!”

“Let go!” Rainbow screeched. Her voice was twisting, becoming something new and terrible.

Her wings beat powerfully, and somehow, she started to rise, defying the winds. Pinkie’s lips thinned and turned down as her feet left the ground. “Uh oh! S-Sunset, could use with some help!”

“I know, I know!” Sunset had stumbled to their other side to make another ward. “Just one more after this!”

Pinkie Pie grabbed one of Rainbow’s wings, making them dip out of the sky for a moment. “Dashie, you really gotta stay grounded!” She grunted through her teeth. Though she lacked the power Applejack had, her magic was still derived from earth pony origins, making her easily the second strongest member of the group in terms of raw strength.

---

Aren't you glad I didn't do this?

Comments

[Astorius]

It certainly has it's charm

[Nines]

5263419
I'm glad you think so! At the very least, it's good for a laugh.