Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCX · 9:40pm Sep 15th, 2022
The next couple weeks are going to be a reading/writing struggle. I’ll spend the next three days visiting my parents – one for a painting class with my mom, one for a birthday party for my niece that got postponed due to Covid, and one in-between because what’s the point of going home just to turn around the next day? Next week is a four-day fishing trip with my parents that’s been on the books for three or four months now. The good news is that next week is a Break Week (oh, right, no reviews next week!) and the week after is a Vacation Week where I’m technically not supposed to read anything, but this time it’ll probably be used to catch up on whatever I’m behind on.
In other news, I’m finally making some good progress on some of my projects. My “short” side-project is coming along nicely and I’m hoping to have it done next month. I must guiltily confess I’ve been focusing on it at the expense of my “more important” ones, but I’m okay with that if it means finally releasing something.
But the most important topic today is that I’ve started something else. Not a writing job, but an editing one. See, I want to give my sister’s family my printed fanfiction as a Christmas gift. My sister’s the reason I got into MLP:FiM in the first place but she’s never seen any of my works because she was never what you might call a “pegasister”. I’d like to at least let her see what I’ve done, even if she may not actually read the things. To this end, I’ve decided to go over my printed versions for editing runs and correct any issues (I know for a fact that the printed version of Audience of One has a chapter that got repeated).
Alongside all of this, I’ve decided to print a fourth fanfic on Lulu. Which one? Nuh-uh, not telling yet. I’ll announce that when it’s up and ready to go. Editing it is not going to take very long, but I’ll have to get some new cover art as the original isn’t sized properly for a book cover (and I just want a new one).
That’s all I got for this week. I know I said no review blog next week, but there may not be a blog at all. Depends on whether my parents decide to hit the ground running on the fishing thing and whether I feel like making one early or not. Now then…
Who wants reviews?
EDIT: Whoops! I neglected to publish this blog before heading to Louisiana, and now I'm stuck at my parents' place without my usual tools. I could get the tools on this laptop fairly easily, but that takes time and I've got a schedule to keep. So for today accept my apologies and these embedded stories as a substitute.
Stories for This Week:
737 by themoontonite
Wings of Friendship by DemonBrightSpirit
Rainfall's Shroud by Flammenwerfer
One Head of Cattle by Trick Question
Unity by TheEveryDaySparkle
Total Word Count: 97,176
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Rarity has many lovers, but none have touched her so deeply as the moon itself.
This was a strange one. Set in a world where Rarity got together with all of the rest of the Mane 6 simultaneously, it follows along as she begins to court the one and only Princess Luna. It largely involves her relationship with said moon princess over the course of her life, from initial tentative pursuits to Rarity’s final days. But this isn’t your typical love and life story, because Rarity is dating the moon. Not some pony closely linked to the moon; the moon itself. In time Luna will have to go back to being what she is. Rarity is both ignorant of this reality and woefully unprepared to face it.
The end result is something vividly bittersweet, decorated with prose that has great descriptive flourish without ever growing purple. It’s a moody piece, to be certain, laced with a touch of mystery and loaded with atmosphere. You will certainly leave this with questions, not least of which being why it’s called 737.
I enjoyed it a lot, but I question how wide an audience it can reach. Those who enjoy more complex stories, stories that expect you to reach in and delve into its purpose and style and meaning, will likely find it a treat. Those seeking something simple or easy to comprehend and process may not get as much out of it. For my part, however, this was a delight, and I look forward to the next story by this author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Ribbons — Pretty Good
87,175 Words
By DemonBrightSpirit
Rainbow Dash is sure to win this latest flying competition sponsored by the Wonderbolts. Even her closest opponent, Lightning Dust, doesn’t seem to stand a chance. But Rainbow underestimates just how desperate Lightning is to win. What follows is a path of pain and misery, but Rainbow should never question her friends’ devotion.
It’s not uncommon to get stories about Rainbow losing her ability to fly, which means that the author has to bring their A-game if they want the story to stand out above the rest. Luckily, DemonBrightSpirit was up to the challenge. The story centers on how Rainbow loses a wing after being attacked midair by Lightning Dust and, perhaps most importantly, the work her five friends put in to get her back in the air.
That’s the best thing about this story: the author didn’t limit it to just Rainbow and her misery. Make no mistake, Rainbow is miserable and that was made abundantly clear. But a large chunk of the story focuses on the rest of the Mane Six and their personal challenges during this ordeal. Twilight’s trying to use magic to create an artificial wing. Rarity is in charge of its design. She, Applejack, and Pinkie work together to get the proper build materials. Fluttershy tries to be a gracious host as Rainbow stays with her. On top of all that is Spitfire’s pursuit of exactly what happened to Rainbow and Fluttershy’s inner conflict regarding how Lightning should be dealt with. Simply put, there’s a lot more going on than just “Rainbow lost a wing and is miserable”, and that plays greatly in the story’s favor. Combined with solid characterization all around, plenty of character growth, and a smidgeon of adventure and you’ve got a pretty good story all around.
There are a few caveats. The first is that DemonBrightSpirit was really gunning for that “show-like” feel, which leads to some silly antics. There was nothing wrong with these in general, but sometimes the silliness clashed awkwardly with the serious bits. It’s a tough balance to pull off, for sure, and the author generally did well, but every now and then that balance wasn’t quite there. I still applaud DemonBrightSpirit for doing a better job than most attempts I’ve seen.
The second issue is how certain plot elements just sort of… don’t mesh with the rest. Lightning Dust, for example, is almost completely ignored for most of the story. Oh, yes, Fluttershy does some investigating to remind us that Lightning’s situation is a thing, but there’s only two times in the entire story that we actually get Lightning’s perspective, and those are at the start and conclusion. I really would have liked to have seen Lightning’s situation more directly and get a proper feel for her mental state, because without that the conclusion just felt sort of tacked on.
Scootaloo’s lack of flying ability is another one. For the longest time everyone’s focused on “let’s get Rainbow back in the air” and, abruptly, we get this scene where Scootaloo is asking about getting her own artificial wings. Is this a great topic to bring up? Absolutely. But it also came out of nowhere. I feel the impact of Scootaloo’s request and the discussion of Rainbow’s relationship with her would have been improved significantly had we known this was something Scoots was thinking about from the start.
Then there’s Spitfire’s doubt. There was nothing really wrong with Spitfire being adamantly convinced that Rainbow will never fly again. What I am annoyed by is that after all that effort, all that hope and confidence in the face of her doubt, we didn’t get to see her reaction at the end. What a wasted opportunity.
Also, you honestly expect me to believe that a dryad doesn’t understand how plants work? I mean, seriously? While I absolutely enjoyed the dryad side-quest that Rarity and Applejack went on, the way DemonBrightSpirit painted the dryad as completely ignorant to the very thing she should be an expert at was offputting in the extreme.
Those issues aside, Wings of Friendship is a great addition to DemonBrightSpirit’s library, especially considering it was their first. It’s a pity this author abandoned the site in 2020, I’ve really come to think they would have produced some more gems over time. This one had pitch-perfect characterization and a plot that did a lot more than its common premise might suggest. As far as “Rainbow Dash can’t fly” stories go, this is easily one of the better ones.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cold Streets of Baltimare — WHYRTY?
Diamond Ring — Pretty Good
Inferno — Worth It
Schrödinger's Pony — Worth It
The End of Immortality — Worth It
2,716 Words
By Flammenwerfer
Kaisirin Regenfall the IV of Alemaneia visits the soldiers who died for her just war.
Set in the universe of The Flower Mare, this story is the first – and to my knowledge, only – one from the franchise to exclusively feature its most intriguing character: the queen of Alemaneia. I’m not counting Regenfall, as Flammenwerfer appears to have abandoned that project (i.e. the one thing I wanted to read (damn you, Flammenwerfer! (but I understand wanting to focus on other things))). This focuses on Regenfall confronting her inner turmoil over the ongoing war and the 200,000 Alemaneian lives it has cost so far, along with her struggling determination that the war can’t end until Alemania’s primary foe has been vanquished.
For those of you unaware, The Flower Mare series involved an Alemaneian veteran of what is essentially the pony version of World War I, with Alemaneia itself apparently being the pony version of Germany. So what we have here is the Kaiser of horse Germany mourning the inevitable results of war.
Flammenwerfer has a decent concept of how to translate mood and atmosphere, and I’m sure it’ll work for a lot of people. I found myself scowling at the use of all-caps to indicate Regenfall screaming, as that is not a practice I support or condone, but I acknowledge most readers won’t care (the barbarians). No, my only real issue is that this feels like a small piece of a much bigger story. Really, this probably should have been a chapter/scene in Regenfall rather than standalone. I suppose that, for those of us who just wanted to see more of Alemaneia’s mysterious and fascinating ruler, it’ll do. But darn it, all I really want to know is what happened to her after the war!
Oh, well. This is probably the last we’ll see of Kaisirin Regenfall the IV, so take what you can get. It’s not a bad story by any means, just… underwhelming. I guess now I’ve no choice but to look into Flammenwerfer’s other projects.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Flower Mare — Pretty Good
The Flower Mare: Seele — Pretty Good
The Flower Mare: Unbroken — Pretty Good
1,173 Words
By Trick Question
Requested by Trick Question
Mootilda is a cannulated cow, which makes her a rumen donor for research and medical procedures. The very idea fascinates Twilight, who decides to interview the cow to get her insights on the subject. What she’ll learn will be both disturbing and enlightening.
This marks the twentieth story I’ve read by Trick Question, which is a milestone only she can claim. It’s also the second time I’ve read it, the first being when it was submitted for a Writeoff several years ago (pretty sure I wrote a changeling story for that one).
Anyway, the story reveals that cattle have a very different view of the world compared to ponies. It appears to be some sort of socialist system? Maybe? Mootilda doesn’t go into detail, leaving the specifics up to our imaginations and the presumed implications of her words. TQ makes no attempt to attack or defend this worldview either, only pointing out that it exists.
I’m not sure what to think about this one. Like all of TQ’s stories, it is well written and does exactly what it needs to do. I have nothing against it in any way. I only question what the point really is. Is it purely to identify that cattle have a unique worldview? Are we meant to glean something deeper out of it, maybe take some moral from Mootilda’s sacrifice? Perhaps TQ is using this as a means of reminding us that other worldviews exist at all. I’m just not sure.
An interesting story, to be sure, though one I question the purpose of.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Clarity of Darkness — WHYRTY?
Winter Heat — WHYRTY?
The Element of Surprise — Pretty Good
Dead and Loving It — Pretty Good
The Phoenix Festival — Pretty Good
2,738 Words
By TheEveryDaySparkle
Sequel to Redder Than Apples
Twilight Sparkle receives a summons from the Goddess of All Creation. Yeap, it’s Faust.
This went exactly how I expected. Well, almost. There are a number of issues, issues that may highlight why TheEverydaySparkle struggles to write more… let’s call them ‘normal’ stories.
Take, for example, when Spike first belches up the scroll. He immediately tells Twilight that the scroll is urgent. Why is it urgent? No reason. Oh, well, yeah, the seal on the scroll is one they’ve never seen before, but does that qualify it as “urgent”? Obviously not. Yet Twilight and Spike start freaking out because, Oh My Celestia, it’s a scroll from someone they don’t know!
Here’s your sign.
Let’s have Twilight outright fail to notice the postscript, as if anyone who ever read a letter somehow failed to notice the postscript. Let’s just assume that when we get a random letter from a pony claiming to be Faust, the creator of literally everything that exists, they’re being honest and act all excited. Let’s have Twilight read the letter out loud and then have Spike, who is literally right in front of her, ask “what does she want?” as if he didn’t just hear the answer to the question. Unless she didn’t read it out loud, in which case how did he know the pony sending the letter was a “she” or that it was Faust? We haven’t even gotten past the introduction and there’s already so many issues!
I’m sorry to say it never gets any better. Twilight ends up going to Elysium using the spell Faust provides in her letter. The narrative yammers for an inordinate amount of time on how Faust is the epitome of ‘perfection’. Also, apparently Twilight can tell that a horn is, quote, “gloriously powerful” at a glance, because apparently there’s some kind of visual means of determining this the author can’t be arsed to explain to us. And somehow all of Twilight’s friends are already there, without explanation (insert mysterious voices talking to the main character as if we’re somehow not supposed to know who they are even though it’s painfully obvious and no author this isn’t dramatic or mysterious in any way). Then have Faust make the Mane 6 admit their “secrets” to one another. You know, the secrets this entire series is set around and which they inexplicably shared with random strangers but not their best friends.
…Wait. There was a Chrysalis “story”. Where is she? If we went through all that trouble to give her some big secret background, shouldn’t she be in on this “grand finale” too? I mean, even if she’s a villain, surely She Who Created All can keep her in check. Heck, Faust could have even created a task out of this for the Mane 6 in the form of Chrysalis’s reformation. Then this story would have had some sort of purpose!
Because it doesn’t really have one as it is. Okay, so Faust exists. So the Mane 6 are finally sharing their secrets. So what? What does any of it mean for any of them? For Faust herself? For Equestria as a whole? It’s just “Here’s Faust, now share your secrets, the end”. Throughout this entire series, there hasn’t been anything in the way of a conflict or purpose other than “here are some ideas”.
Eh, it may work for some people. Given the voting ratio on these things, it’s clear that those… shall we call them “less technical” readers? They found the story and series to be good. Which is fine, I suppose. But anyone who cares about the fine art of storytelling and how a story is written will likely dismiss this, and I wouldn’t blame them. The entire franchise is nothing more than repeats of “this is a fact” and nothing else, and the conclusion doesn’t even have that.
All in all, the series ended up as a big miss for me. Still, I might be willing to read something much more recent by this author. After all, it’s been four years; perhaps they have improved.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Hidden Goddess — Worth It
Royalty Forgotten — Worth It
Chaos;Pink — Worth It
Crystal — Worth It
The Order of The Rainbow — Needs Work
Stories for Next Week:
Taken for Granite by Cloudy Skies
Pink Eye by Daemon of Decay
Sometimes They Call Me Super by KorenCZ11
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Thank you!!!
I agree with everything you said. I will say, it was written in a 'short' way because... I hadn't conceived really or decided on doing a full story for her (which was also the pitfall the first Flower Mare story fell into--it was supposed to be a one and done, until I decided it wasn't. Ergo, I feel the first one is the weakest of the series. I digress). As for her main story, it's not abandoned, though since the last chapter update, I don't blame you for thinking this lol. No, it's still kicking, and I've added more to the yet-to-be-released chapters... and it's staring at me angrily because yes, I want to finish it, but other projects (and real life) right now are monopolizing my time.
But this may go some way into helping me reinvigorate that story, because I said I would finish it.
Nevertheless, thanks so much!! I always enjoy your reviews
I haven't heard anyone reference "Here's your sign" in ages. XD
I appreciate the "here's your sign" reference.
5686622
5686624
I'm surprised it got any attention at all. Wasn't even thinking about it, you know what I mean?
5686614
Well then, I may just have to start watching that sucker. It'd be cool to read when/if it's ever finished.