Light Snack has been living in Ponyville for a while now, and he has a secret he feels up to sharing. The catch is that he's not alone, and that secret doesn't make him particularly special, either.

I hadn't planned to make an entry for Perfectly Insane's Dialogue Only contest. Life had other ideas.

"Zecora? As the Mayor of Ponyville, I owe you an apology."

A double entry in the May 2024 Pairings Contest and the Dialogue-Only Contest.

Bit is the first of her kind, a pony that was made from carved crystal and supernal circuitry. For many years she worked, obedient to the will of her master in endless repetition. She knew nothing else, not boredom, not satisfaction from her work, not anger or resentment or joy. Existence was obedience to directive, purpose fulfilled.

But around her, the world was changing. Her home wasn't Equestria, but the last surviving Crystal City, defiant to the Windigos and the imperial decree of Alicorns alike. She did not know, and could not care, how much the ponies of Zircon suffered under the rule of their king. But she was there the day those whispers united in a defiant chorus.

When the fires were still smoldering, she returned to her work. Generations came and went, and still she labored. It was all she was, all she knew, all she wanted. Until the day her last broom broke.

For the first time in her existence, Bit doubted.

Daily for the first four days, because Christmas. Updates Thursdays after that. Edited by Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

A story about finding the center of the maze.

So what does one do upon finding out that their best friend (and lately a bit more than that) has been hiding something from them? Namely, the fact that, once a month, they transform into the body of a destructive dark angel and spend the night hiding in their room?

Well, if you're Sunset Shimmer, you ask Twilight a magiphysiological question.

An entry into the Dialogue-Only Contest and the Sunset X Villain "Monster-shipping" Contest (2nd place winner!). Pre-read by Dewdrops on the Grass and The Sleepless Beholder.

Featured on 1-4 June 2024! Also featured on Equestria Daily!

note

This story was written for the Tropical Post-Apocalyptic Story Contest, but was cut down due to wordcount limits. I am currently working on a full-length expanded version of the story that will be the definitive edition, which I will link here when it goes up in a week or so. If you can be patient, please read that one instead! Or read this one and then read that one when it goes up.

longdesc

It was supposed to be an easy way back home. Jump into the quicksand pit, go through the portal to Equestria beneath it, get to Twilight's Castle's Basement, go through the Magic Mirror, and before she knew it, Sunset and all of her friends and everyone they rescued from that sinking cruise ship would find themselves on the manicured green lawns of Canterlot High.

Instead, they wake up scattered around the quicksand pit, still on the desert tropical island they were trying to escape. Only there isn't a portal to Equestria anymore. And none of them can get a cell phone signal.

And then Bon Bon's phone lights up.

ATTN AGENT SWEETIE DROPS: BRILLIG BLACK EVENT CONFIRMED. FOUNDATION CONTINUITY SCENARIO OMEGA-OMEGA-OMEGA. FINAL DIRECTIVE: ENSURE LONG-TERM SURVIVAL OF HUMANITY BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

It turns out that Bon Bon was a secret agent for a secret spy organization this whole time. And they just told her that the world has ended, and no rescue is coming for them. Ever.

content

Note that this is rated T, that is, while things implied by the red tags will happen the story will not linger on them in graphic detail when they are depicted.

Spoil at your own risk!:

Overall: Gore, death, gory death, limb dismemberment, guns, being shot by guns, being killed by guns, suicide by gun, suicidal ideation but it's only one time, starvation, questions about the nature of humanity, questions about the relationship between humans and the animals they raise and slaughter, existential horror, body horror, existential horror arising from body horror, relationships in all sorts of combinations even including cis-hetero, one of those is Rarity x Ragamuffin, pregnancy so sexhaving is implied to have happened but is not depicted, one of those is Rarity x Ragamuffin, almost everyone in the world dying but it's not depicted and all offscreen so it's okay, gaslighting, gatekeeping, girlbossing

Chapter-by-chapter:
Chapter 1: Surprise death and gore. "Spring Breakdown" plot inconsistency lampshading.
Chapter 2: Death and gore, possibly of a child. Rainbow Dash no longer having a leg.
Chapter 3: Suicidal ideation. Implied offscreen apocalypse where everyone died.
Chapter 4: Discussion of corpse disposal. Discussion of cannibalism. Discussion of how many calories a human body has.
Chapter 5: Implied but not depicted gore. Funerals and grieving.
Chapter 6: No actual content warning here so this is just to pad out the spoiler bar.
Chapter 7: Physical effects of the early stages of starvation depicted. An animal in chronic pain depicted.
Chapter 8: Talk of creating tulpas and I guess that's called tulpomancy?
Chapter 9: Suicide mentioned as having happened. Contemplating the consequences of philosophical solipsism, the nature of happiness
Chapter 10: Underage drinking, pregnancy announcement, planning estrogen extraction from pregnant woman urine
Chapter 11: Gore. Death. A skull getting blown half-off which is pretty gory.
Chapter 12: Gore. Death. Suicide. Sucking chest wound, a body being riddled with bullets, suicide by shooting self in head.
Chapter 13: Death. Suicide. A mother shooting her daughter and then herself.
Chapter 14: Gore, by PTSD flashbacks to the events of the previous three chapters.
Chapter 15: Childbirth! I mean I tried to describe the events without going into vivid description even though it's a perfectly natural and glorious event.
Chapter 16: Unsettling implications of what the characters are saying but nothing graphic or anything
Chapter 17: A reveal that recontextualizes the previous events of the story with horrific implications. Nothing graphic tho
Chapter 18: Continuation of the above, plus physical violence and swearing.

info

an entry into Tropical Post-Apocalyptic Story Contest and the Sunset x Villain “Monster-Shipping” Competition. originally a May Pairings entry, but withdrawn due to going over the length limit

thank you to Crack-Fic Kai, Shrink Laureate, and Drider for prereading Chapters 1-6!

thank you to FanOfMostEverything for commenting so quickly on chapters when they were posted and thus being an inadvertent post-publication prereader for later tweaks.

When your daughter dresses in all black, talks to changelings and tells you that life is meaningless, you know she became an irredeemable villain.
She must be killed. Shining Armor knows it.
Cadance says it's just a phase, but he knows.
It's definitely not a phase.

Made for the Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad contest. Couldn't resist writing about that big dumb unicorn.
Cover by emmaneiac.
Featured from 15/03/2024 to 19/03/2023. Thank you.

It's time for Lil Cheese to learn about the birds and the bees.
And everypony wants to help.
Surely nothing can go wrong.

Written for the Dialogue Only contest.

"Your entry was one of the first fics to make me laugh out loud in a long time. Well done!" - Perfectly Insane

"This was one of, if not THE funniest fics that you have ever made!" - Mc Duck Fan 10

"This fic was so good that it has convinced me to join this contest, just for the opportunity to be judged against it." - AndwhatIseeisme

2347837

This is not the first time Trixie has had a drunken one night fling with a random pony.

It is the first time Octavia has.

A May Pairings jam.

Featured 5/30/2024 - 6/4/2024!

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo hold a memorial service, much to Sweetie Belle's chagrin.

Written for the Dialogue Only Contest.