Title says all. I feel like my writing is good enough, but the people who read it think otherwise. Someone please help me. I’m pretty confused.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/497936/escalation

If you enjoy the story, please give it a like. It would really help.

7522661
First impressions based on looking at the story's cover and description page:
1. HiE is contentious in general; lots of people don't want human stuff mixed with their ponies. Also, it's a done-to-death concept, so even among the crowd that does want it, you need a combination of strong execution and unique premise to find a winning entry these days.
2. "Gore, Violence, Death, Profanity" is not a very endearing set of tags, at least given the story's description. To judge a book by its cover (which most people will do, whether you're supposed to or not), it looks like a grim war story without a very clear literary purpose of needing to be grim to explore something more important than "I'll write about war because war is Cool™ and Edgy™".
3. "Celestia, Luna, OC, Cadance, Mane 6" as tags sounds like you either don't have clearly identified main characters, or you're just throwing in every character for the sake of having every character.

Sorry this isn't better news, but to be perhaps harshly honest I don't think this is the kind of story that ends up being the most well-received. The optics of the cover page don't set it up that way, and a quick glance at the story content itself doesn't seem to either.

7522672
Thanks for the criticism. Does the description and front page loom any better?

7522661
The concept alone will turn viewers off, so that’s one reason.

7522661

the world is finally thrusted into the long awaited WW3

Finally! We all waited so long for the war to come. What took it so long?

Anyway, this snippet alone has 2 grammatical mistakes. Firstly, thrust is an irregular verb. Secondly, long awaited is missing a hypen.

This clearly shows me that you haven't used all the tools before publishing the story:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213620/programmatical-editing
http://www.grammarcheck.me/
http://www.reverso.net/spell-checker/english-spelling-grammar
http://www.onlinecorrection.com
http://www.spellcheck.net/
http://www.slickwrite.com
http://www.paperrater.com/free_paper_grader
http://www.writersdiet.com/test.php
http://hemingwayapp.com
http://www.polishmywriting.com/
http://spellcheckplus.com/
https://app.grammarly.com/
http://www.expresso-app.org/
http://www.webpagefx.com/tools/read-able/
https://virtualwritingtutor.com/

Looking at the title page, you seem to use a lot of fun on sentences. Also, when you start a sentence with a number it is considered best practice to spell it out.

7522661
Your description is too long.
Basically, your description must answer the question, "What is the story about?" and try to play on the reader's curiosity.

Also don't put info in the description that's not in the story.

Also starting off with lots of exposition will make a lot of readers bail.

Readers might skip the description too.
The part about the story being inspired by Hearts of Iron is fine.

Here's my problem with the start of the story.
It's confusing, it needs more explanations without using exposition.
I think you might want to add a bit of info about who is Reagan and how they got there.
Show us Reagan and what's going on before you show other chars.

Yes, you can dribble the info in later, but I think the story should start with more info before we get to the ponies.

Maybe you can do a prologue that shows the destruction of Earth and the survivors fleeing?

Also you might be better off adding more description.
It can be more than just showing people what things look like.
It could be used for foreshadowing and contrast.

If you've seen The wizard of Oz or even Oz, you'll notice that Kansas looks different from Oz.
Sepia toned Kansas makes Oz look extra bright and colorful.
This could help folks feel that Equestria/Equus is different that Earth.

Also some readers love to sense things in a story.
You'll be giving them a treat.

7523098
Very great advice. Thank you!