Why are adorable sexual stories so rare? Sex is cuddling. And a cuddle, without any “dawww”, is nothing.

So why aren't there more adorable sexual stories? Why is just about every sex story designed to arouse the reader, instead of making the reader go “dawww”?

Edit: I brought this up because of the "Naughty" folder. The group home-page describes the folder like this:

Naughty (Mature/Sex): Not many stories successfully combine 'cute' with outright explicit bedroom shenanigans, but it can be done.

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People read sexual stories to be aroused and often times authors who write such stories write it to arouse themselves as well. That is why you don't see many adorable sex stories. To most of us, sex isn't adorable, it is raunchy and arousing. Adorable, for many of us, would be a filly Fluttershy finding and raising a kitten....not sex.

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Fluttershy snuggling with her kitten, that's adorable. Fluttershy snuggling with her husband, that's also adorable.

If your sex doesn't have any love, adorableness, or affection: You're doing it wrong!

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Or Fluttershy snuggling with her wife....that would be even better!

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More to the point: You said that you (and most people) don't see sex as adorable.

"After Hours" by Rinnaul might be the most adorable story I've ever read on this site. It's about a teenage Scootaloo and Rumble, losing their virginity to each-other. Read it, and then tell me it's not adorable. I dare you!

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I was with you until "you're doing it wrong".

Sex can be adorable. I LOVE writing adorable sex. I feel quite a lot of my sex scenes are adorable.

But it doesn't have to be adorable, there's place for sex scenes that aren't cute too.

Don't shame other people's tastes, especially since you're here asking people to not shame yours.

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I think you might be reading what I said too strongly. Obviously, some sex will be more erotic then adorable. But if you have sex without any affection, you're missing the point. Sex isn't just about taking care of physical needs (you can do that alone in your bed).

Sex is about, well, the same thing cuddling is about (because it is cuddling): It's about having a physical and emotional bond with someone. Even if you're having sex (or just cuddling) with someone you've just met, doing it should make you feel some emotional connection.

Blocking out that emotional connection, treating sex as simply a matter of fulfilling physical needs (like using the bathroom): That's just sad!

A good sex story shouldn't block out that emotional connection. Even if a story's meant primary to be erotic: It should have an element of affection and lovey-doveyness.

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If you're talking about real life sex, we could maybe have a discussion. But this is fiction. There are many reasons to have many kinds of sex in fiction, and there's nothing "wrong" with putting things other than healthy, close, loving, affectionate relationships in stories.

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I disagree. A sex story should have some element of affection, for the same reason actual sex should have some element of affection. Without that element, it's missing something.

You can say that there are exceptions. That there are some good sex stories that lack the element of affection (especially sexual comedy). That a sex story should have some element of affection: That might not even be a rule with exceptions, that might just be a lose guideline. But I think it's a good guideline!

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Your limited view on sex and sex stories is fine for you. The fact that others see it differently than you is why you don't see very many "adorable" sex stories.

When others tell you that sex looks different to them, they aren't telling you that you are wrong for your view. They're pointing out why you're seeing a rare occurrence. Because your view is similarly rare.

When you insist that sex/sex stories must contain some greater than zero amount of affection, you are demonstrating your blindness to the myriad forms of sex out there. Some are for power, self-confidence, affirmation, affection, gratification, shame, catharsis, and various other goals. Emotional connections of a negative sort or a positive sort fall in a wide spectrum of possible expressions, not merely "cuddly" ones. The mechanical aspect of the act of sex only sometimes resembles a cuddle.

Really, the rarity of cuddly sex stories you're seeing is in large part due to your blindness towards the variety of ways sex can be expressed. And a story about sex focuses on an aspect that tells the story it wants to tell, not just the emotions you have limited yourself to. It isn't about one or the other being better or "right" it is about a plethora of things merely existing and people wanting to tell stories about them.

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Fine. Have sex, or cuddle, because it feels gratifying. Or because it gives you more self-confidence. Or something. But that doesn't mean there shouldn't be an element of affection. Affection is not mutually exclusive with gratification, or that other stuff.

You're right that there are multiple elements to sex; that goes for cuddling too. Affection isn't the only element (they both feel good physically, for one thing). To only acknowledge one element, that would be blind!

But affection is an important element. To completely strip it out, that's (at least usually) not a good idea. Even if I were having sex/cuddling with a total stranger, how could I not feel affection while I was doing it?

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You seem really stuck on this notion that just because things work a certain way for you that they work that way for everyone.

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You mean because of this bit:

“Even if I were having sex/cuddling with a total stranger, how could I not feel affection while I was doing it?”

If I'm honest: I think that's because my mind, and my sexuality, isn't warped (at least not in that way).

There's a reason it's called “love-making”. To have sex (or cuddle) with someone, without actuality making love. Without feeling any affection for them, while you're having sex with them: I think that takes a warped mind!

And I think the featured box is providing a diet of sexual junk food. There are a ridiculous number of sex stories with little or no affection, compared to the ones that have affection. That's going to warp people's minds, and people's feelings on sex.

And that's really a problem: A lot of the readers of this site are in their teens and 20s. Young people are pretty venerable to getting their minds warped like that, and to getting the wrong ideas about sex and romance.

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Just fyi, I am very much not a teen. I last saw my teens in the Clinton era. (I am bad at time and math...)

There is nothing "warped" about other people not adhering to your particular standards for sex.

Honestly, you appear to be showing a high level of naivete and ignorance here. Just how old are you?

Certainly there's value in demonstrating good and realistic sex in fiction. I've devoted tens of thousands of words to attempting to do so in one of my own stories, and I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was worth doing. But that is not the only possible value, or the only way to tell a good story, or the only right thing to do.

Y'all, c'mon. OP makes a point. In fact, let's read from a book all teens should read: The Bible.

Ahem.

Ezekiel 23:20 -

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Amen, everyone.

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I'm not saying that pure affectionless smut is absolutely bad. What I'm saying is: It's junk food. Eating some junk food isn't such a bad thing. But if you eat nothing but junk food, you're going to have a bad time!

So I think the featured box should have a healthier diet of sex stories. Instead of the junk food diet it's been giving.

You (SPark) and Cryosite seem to be saying that this stuff is either absolutely okay, or absolutely bad. You think it's absolutely okay, and you're painting me as thinking it's "absolutely bad". But it's not that simple, it's not that black and white.

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You are the one using black and white language.

If your sex doesn't have any love, adorableness, or affection: You're doing it wrong!

But if you have sex without any affection, you're missing the point.

Blocking out that emotional connection, treating sex as simply a matter of fulfilling physical needs (like using the bathroom): That's just sad!

I disagree. A sex story should have some element of affection,

You're stating flat "is" assertions, with no exceptions, no "sometimes" or "I prefer", you're acting as if what you like is objectively the only way.

You're also the one saying that

I think that's because my mind, and my sexuality, isn't warped

which is basically saying that you're better than us sickos. So... forgive me if I'm not really charitable towards your position here.

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I suppose I am contradicting myself a bit. It's hard not to, when talking about fussy concepts. Plus I'm rather tired, so that's not helping.

But most rules have exceptions. It's not my job to use a qualifier whenever some rule has some exception, that's just not piratical! Take this rule:

“If your sex doesn't have any love, adorableness, or affection: You're doing it wrong!”

Is that true 100% of the time? No. As I said, most rules have exceptions. But it's pretty rare that healthy sex would be totally and completely lacking in the affection department. Even if (especially if) it's some BSDM power/humiliation thing: There really needs to be an element of affection.

And I did say that it's a mental sickness, for sex to be divorced from affection in someone's mind. I stand by that. But guess what else is a mental sickness: Depression. Along with chronic anxiety, and a thousand other things.

Am I “saying I'm better then sickos”, by acknowledging depression as a mental sickness? I don't think so. Saying that something's a mental sickness isn't some hostile act of putting people down, unless you're actuality being hostile and putting people down.

So, I'm not trying to be mean, or put you guys down. But Cryosite said:

“You seem really stuck on this notion that just because things work a certain way for you that they work that way for everyone.”

I didn't have much choice, but to honestly explain why I disagreed with him there. Not to be mean, not to say “I'm better then you”. But because this conversation isn't going to work, if we're not honest with each-other. Actuality, that's why I put an “Honestly:” there; I hoped would keep it from sounding like an “I'm better then you”. But the Internet doesn't have tone-of-voice, and I suppose it's easy to read what I said in a hostile tone. But I didn't mean it that way!

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by acknowledging depression as a mental sickness?

Depression?

You think DEPRESSION is equivalent to why people write porn? You are LITERALLY calling people's sexual urges a mental illness, and being really fucking dismissive of depression in the same breath. I am so done here.

You can just fuck off.

If everyone can calm down in this thread, I'd really prefer not to have to lock the first thread posted in this group in half a year...

--Sweetie Belle

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I'm sorry you feel that way. But yes, I do believe that sexual urges can be disordered. That sexual urges, once warped, can be mental illnesses.

An extreme example would be pedophilia: Sexual urges directed towards children. Those urges are very very disordered! And yet the featured box promotes that stuff. Half the time, it has pedophilia stuff (aka "foalcon"). I think reading too many "foalcon" stories, and getting into them, can warp someone's sexuality. I think it can alter someone's sexual urges, and make them more directed towards children.

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Your original question:

So why aren't there more adorable sexual stories? Why is just about every sex story designed to arouse the reader, instead of making the reader go “dawww”?

Answer: because there are a variety of things people get out of sex, and most of the things people get out of sex are not adorable things.

You keep attempting to insist that your particular view is somehow more correct, more important, or more meaningful than the view of many, many people. Many many people form the majority, and you are asking why that majority doesn't conform to you.

It really doesn't matter how "normal" it seems to you. It doesn't matter what kinds of rules (and what counts as an exception) you attempt to describe, you are only describing your view. Until you can actually dislodge from this narrow thinking, it seems you won't be able to understand the answer.

There are other people in the world. A lot of them. You are on person in a world of approximately half a dozen billion people. Some of them write stories on this site. Many don't. They all have different upbringings than you. Different values. Maybe you are objectively right about sex/cuddling requiring affection or something. But the answer to your question is that the majority of them do not see it that way, and do not express their stories the way you think they ought to.

Repeatedly asserting your view doesn't change that.

That's going to warp people's minds, and people's feelings on sex.

You're one of those. Suffice it to say, this theory has been proven false in many contexts. People expressing themselves with art are not slowly corrupted into acting out that art. People consuming that art are not corrupted into acting out that art either. Indeed, the creation of art or the consumption of art that includes taboos usually helps satiate the desire for the taboo, rendering the individual less likely to act out on it. The folks who do act out on it were already mentally ill and would have acted out on something. The fact that they chose a particular taboo and/or art to act out is arbitrary. The fault is in them, not the art.

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Honestly Cryosite, you're being rather rude. If you disagree with my view, because you see it as too narrow: That's fine. We can have different views.

And I do think that what a person experiences sexually can effect his sexuality. Including the porn and erotic stories he experiences.

If you think it's not that simple, or something: That's okay. We can have a difference of opinion. It doesn't mean I'm one of “those people” (whatever that means).

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This is going in circles, so I'm just going to the end the argument here in that special way an admin can.

Please make sure to pay the cuteness tax and post cute things here. (And don't bring the argument over there.)

--Sweetie Belle