EI wander

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror
• Thriller

Beneath the City, where the sunlight never touches, I wander. Will you wander with me?

• Alt. Universe
• Other

Silent Whisper · 2.2k words  ·  86  1 · 1.1k views

I wander is the representation of the thought process of a pony cast into the darkness that was reborn into it. What happens here is that we have a narrator that changes from present to past quite often, we can tell that it is like that because of the change of style but later on we have a confirmation given to us by the narrator himself. We are under the City a place filled with darkness and dotted with light, where the hour of the day matters none and where those who don’t have a place to go or fall down end up. 

The undercity is akin to the abyss, there are many ponies down there that lurk around in the dark and many gives the advice of keeping under the light, the light of the lanterns gives you safety and courage to face the future, for you can’t see what’s in the dark. 

The narrator comes around and tells us how he encountered many different kind of ponies, a pegasus who’s ambition was to fly to the stars and found it impossible in the city, and so he descended he went down to the abyss where the stars can be reached and touched, this gives him happiness. We never see him again, as to why the narrator helpfully tells us that maybe he changed, he says that many changes so much they are unrecognizable and they also change name until they change no more and remain nameless. 

He then tells us how a filly fell down there, he helped her find food, but something is suspicious he tells us that she has hope in her eyes and he doesn’t want to answer question to not let that being snuffed out, he carries her to a pylon with a yellow light inside, he tells her the rules and then disappear, he didn’t look back. Someone else will tell her the bad news.

We are then again told about a peculiar encounter, a worker from the city coming down to light up the lantern, a conversation quickly follow, he asks her why she lights those up, her answer is that they are useful to find those who need food. Then he asks a new question, why not light up the entire underground then, the answer is chilling.

“For the same reason we leave food down here, within reach and access for those that actually eat it.”...”Because it’s easier to let you live as you are than it is to find another place for you. You take care, now.” 

As I said, chilling. Now we are at the climax, what is the code of the underground? Simple,

“We don’t take the workers, the foals, or those who aren’t lost.”

But the new pony the narrator is talking to seems quite lost, the light is a trap, they tell you to go there to be a target. The lanterns means safety, the light means hope and certainty.

“I’m certain the little fishies think that, too, before the angler-fish catches them.”

So, what is there to say? This fic is a pleasant discovery in the “E” section, it stays in the rating but gives out the chills as well as a sense of dread that comes only after you are already engaged with it, it is so subtle and well drafted that it tricks you in the goodiest way possible. The dread is real and the fact that in this world darkness is the safe place really put the reader up for a ride. The story, starting with a seemingly helpful and good natured pony really gives us a false feeling of security, only when we arrive at the end we find out the real motive. What managed to make a pony a predator of the dark? We don’t know, but whatever it was it wasn’t pretty. The other present character is there, mostly for the ride and mostly silent. He talks, but talks only for the narrator and never for us, we know what he asks it is what we would ask. And thus we receive the same answer.

There is nothing more to say except go and read it. SCORES!

Scores:

Core Idea: 10/10 I’ve never encountered something similar to this, the narration and the setting are both impressive and wonderfully exploited the originality in this is glaring and shows that a lot of thought went into it.

Pacing: 9/10: The pacing is almost flawless, the change between past and future if done without the separation in a wonderfully blending way would have made it an absolute masterful work. Narration wise though it is on par with many famous writers that I studied in school. Bravo to you.

Grammar: 10/10: Perfectly executed with no error and repetitions, the details are masterfully put around to give us the barest minimum to understand what a life in a dark world feels really like.

Total score: 9.7/10: Masterful work I enjoyed every second of reading this story which gave me the absolute chills and for that I applaud you. 

For the Author: You are good, very very good I hope to see more of your works into my folder continue your work and be always awesome like this. :D And of course a shout out to the helpful helpers that helped you (What a mouthful ey?) The Legendary Bill Cipher(Why hello me), Zontan, Lofty, Red Parade(Hi red!), Moonshot (Hi moonie), and Stynger Skies
You were all awesome!

This review may look a bit short, sure it is. But I know that it doesn't need to be full of words to say that this is a wonderful story that I absolutely recommend

Oh my stars! Thank you so much for the in-depth and kind review! I'm touched that you enjoyed the story so much!

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No problem :D