The Heavenly Knights (Azazel, Cyrus, Everest, Layla and Freya) are carried a heavy golden safe as they are heading to the Outcasts' HQ

Azazel knocking the door and the one who opens the door is Speed who suspiciously looks around to make sure no one.

"Is it finished?" Speed asked.

"Only the first part." Azazel said. "Rag-"

Thunder Queen immediately covers his mouth. "Don't say it, Azazel! We can't let anyone to know about it!"

[Insert your OCs’ arrival]

Dark Mark gasped. "OC! What are you doing here?! You're not supposed to be-"

"Guys, calm down… they won't leave us alone until they read it." Cyrus said.

If your OC asked what he is talking about, Speed sighed. "Well, Ragnarok17 just finished the first half of the pilot episode of our story." He unlock the safe as he shows a google doc to your OC.

[Your OC's reaction]

"The pilot episode is not finished yet…. Only the first half." Speed clarified.

"Don't expect any reference to Equestria in the first half like King's Drake Six story." Layla said to them. "The pilot episode is mainly about Speed Demon Kid."

Dark Mark scoffed. "We were supposed to be main characters and yet, we don't appear in the pilot episode."

"To be fair," Freya started. "Weiss and Blake weren't in the first ever episode of RWBY if you don't count the trailer shorts." She point out. "So, be patient, DM."

"Also, I am not sure if the first half did good job of established Speed Demon Kid." Green Hawk admitted. "I worried if this is too short or too long for his introduction and his life before becoming Speed Demon Kid."

"And he was struggling with how Speed get his super powers since he's an average person in the pilot episode." Insect Girl with a shrug. "Someone have to start from the beginning."

"So, guys… can you look into the first half of the pilot episode?" Borgman asked. "Ragnarok want to know you guys' opinion and if you have any suggestions?"

I just finished the first half of my upcoming story known as "The Paradox Outcasts" where the Outcasts go on crazy adventures while making friends and enemies on their ways.

So, you could say this is my late Christmas gift to y’all.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10a_EoMnbnq9CbYWlKk-5GftZ_-EPqmv7iJzatkPgc6s/edit

I want your guys' input on this chapter and any suggestion since I still haven't finished writing the rest of the pilot episode.

My story will be multiple seasons show and I am writing the story as if I was writing for TV Show/cartoon shows.

This way will not only accommodate the ensemble cast that will expand from initial Outcasts characters but there are some episodes that will have characters doing wacky shits.

Oh, don't expect my story to be copy and paste story of My Little Pony show… it will stand on its own and you could says this story is alternate universe of My Little Pony… just give you a head up.

7919695

Azazel knocking the door and the one who opens the door is Speed who suspiciously looks around to make sure no one.

"Is it finished?" Speed asked.

"Only the first part." Azazel said. "Rag-"

Thunder Queen immediately covers his mouth. "Don't say it, Azazel! We can't let anyone to know about it!"

"Know about what?" a voice asked right behind her. The others gasped and spun to see Wing hanging like a mixture of a bat and Spiderman before them. Only instead of webbing, she was using her own tail, which was wrapped around a beam up above them.

"Hi," Star waved cheerily at them.

Dark Mark gasped. "Wing! What are you doing here?! You're not supposed to be-"

"Guys, calm down… they won't leave us alone until they read it." Cyrus said.

"Read what?" Wing asked, her big green eyes blinking happily.

Speed sighed. "Well, Ragnarok17 just finished the first half of the pilot episode of our story." He unlock the safe as he shows a google doc to Wing.

Wing's gasped, her eyes sparkling. "No way!" she said, snatching the document. "You guys are finally getting your own story too?!"

"The pilot episode is not finished yet…. Only the first half." Speed clarified.

"Don't expect any reference to Equestria in the first half like King's Drake Six story." Layla said to them. "The pilot episode is mainly about Speed Demon Kid."

Dark Mark scoffed. "We were supposed to be main characters and yet, we don't appear in the pilot episode."

"To be fair," Freya started. "Weiss and Blake weren't in the first ever episode of RWBY if you don't count the trailer shorts." She point out. "So, be patient, DM."

"Also, I am not sure if the first half did good job of established Speed Demon Kid." Green Hawk admitted. "I worried if this is too short or too long for his introduction and his life before becoming Speed Demon Kid."

"And he was struggling with how Speed get his super powers since he's an average person in the pilot episode." Insect Girl with a shrug. "Someone have to start from the beginning."

"So... can you look into the first half of the pilot episode?" Borgman asked. "Ragnarok want to know you guys' opinion and if you have any suggestions?"

Wing hummed. "I'd love to, but..." She turned it around to show a big 'Access Denied' splattered across the document.

"I think you guys went a little too hard on the security."

Like Wing said, I'd love to read this, but when I tried, it said I need to request access. I've never seen Google Docs do that before.

I just sent a request for access. Hopefully, you'll receive it soon. Once you grant access, I'd love to see how you establish Speed and where the story goes from here.

Looking forward to reading it.

Until then, happy holidays, and thanks for sharing. 👋

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Wing hummed. "I'd love to, but..." She turned it around to show a big 'Access Denied' splattered across the document.

"I think you guys went a little too hard on the security."

Outcasts and Knights immediately face-palmed. "Goddamn it, Ragnarok!"

Everest's phone rang before he pick it. "Hello? Oh, thank, Ragnarok." He hang up. "He said he grant access…. You should read the doc, Wing."

[Wing's response]

Like Wing said, I'd love to read this, but when I tried, it said I need to request access. I've never seen Google Docs do that before.

I just sent a request for access. Hopefully, you'll receive it soon. Once you grant access, I'd love to see how you establish Speed and where the story goes from here.

Looking forward to reading it.

Don't worry, man… I didn't know how to share access before… but you should be able to read since I grant you access.

Until then, happy holidays, and thanks for sharing. 👋

Always happy to share and happy holiday to you!

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Outcasts and Knights immediately face-palmed. "Goddamn it, Ragnarok!"

Everest's phone rang before he pick it. "Hello? Oh, thank, Ragnarok." He hang up. "He said he grant access…. You should read the doc, Wing."

Indeed, the 'Access Denied' picture floated off the pages, and Wing eagerly opened it. "Thanks, guys," she said, beginning to read, and looking a lot like Twilight in the process:

you should be able to read since I grant you access.

Yep, just got the email saying I had access now. I'll share my thoughts on it once I've given it a read through. Will respond back with Wing on this post when I've completed it. 👍

7919761

And I'm back.

After a few minutes of reading, her eyes darting back and forth so fast they became a blur, Wing flipped right side up.

"Alright, cool read," she noted, tossing the book in the air, and spinning like Wonder Woman. Before the book could come down, she decked herself out like a writing professor, complete with glasses and a corny sweater.

Her outfit on, she then caught the book before it could fall and re-opened it to page one.

"So, great start," she said. "Excellent establishment of character." She pointed at Speed. "I instantly got what kind of guy you were, and you played it to perfection, buddy. Well done!" She smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

[Speed's response?]

"That being said," Wing said, summoning a red marker, "I have a couple suggestions." Instead of drawing on the book itself, she drew in the air, making small circles where quotes from the book popped out to be displayed to the group:

A young green-haired man in his early twenties who wears a green hoodie, blue jeans and red sneakers and his name is Rudolph Bohner.

Wing grimaced. "This is... a little confusing," she said. "You got the description down pat, but I feel like you can do something more with it. Add a little description to it; take a chance to give us an early look at Speed's personality. Something like..." She stopped and held her hands out like a reporter envisioning the headline for the next paper. "'A young green-haired man in his early twenties walked down the street. A green hoodie covered his face, his hands were stuck in his blue jeans, and his red sneakers squeaked slightly as they slid across the ground. His name is Rudolph Bohner.'"

She said the above sentence dramatically, like she was reciting a line for a play, before she grinned at the others.

"Bit more colorful, right?"

[Responses?]

After their responses, Wing pulled another quote:

Before he could get depressed more

"Again," she said. "Good, but give it some polish, and it'll be great. Something like..." She adopted that actress pose again. "Before he could drown in the depths of his depression." She grinned, offering her hand to them in a non-verbal, "You like it?"

[Their response?]

After their response, she pulled another quote:

He walks through the entrance as he admires the beautiful garden before seeing a feminine-looking dragon statue covered in diamonds. Rudolph stared at it before chuckling. “A diamond-covered dragon? I wish I could see a dragon like that.”

Wing giggled.

If they asked if there was something wrong with it, she said, "Nope. I just like this. And you'll see why in three... two..."

Instantly, Diamondback popped up, her eyes wide and happy at the sight of the quote.

"Well, tell me, Mr. Speed," she declared, making a grand pose.

"Is your wish everything you hoped it'd be?"

[Speed's response?]

After his response, Wing hummed and pulled another quote:

He sighed. “It’s Rudolph, Miss Queen.”

Wing raised an eyebrow at Thunder Queen. "Any relation?" she asked.

[Thunder Queen's response?]

"Wait-wait-wait!" Diamondback said, looking at the script. "Is that my alias 'Jane Queen' I spy?" She gave Speed a very flattered look. "Mr. Speed, my-my! I didn't know you were a fan?"

"Stop it, DB," Wing said, shoving her away, though both she and DB were giggling.

[Speed's response?]

After their responses, Wing got DB to go away by swatting at her with the book, and then read on. Soon, she pulled another quote:

He pulls out his phone as he plays this song.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9RfVp-GhKfs

"Love the song choice," Wing said. "Really does sell the emotion of the scene, but... I'm not sure if you're going to post this on Fimfiction or try to sell it as a novel. If you're going for novel... let me tell you from King's personal experience, it doesn't help readers or editors to have links to websites." She paused. "Now, if you were going to post this on like Fimfic or something, never mind. But if you want to go for something that can sell, try describing this song. Something like..."

She adopted the actress pose again: "He pulled out his phone and tapped through its musical contents. Soon, the low, depressed tones of Radiohead's 'Creep' filled his room, his eardrums pulsating with sounds that matched the empty hole in his heart." She grinned at them. "What d'you think?"

[Responses?]

Wing hummed as she looked through the last part before shutting the book. "And, that's all I got for critiques and suggestions," she said, handing the book back. "You've got something really good going, Speed. And with that last line: "I wish I was special"?" She paused. "Kinda wanted a shooting star to go past like in Chicken Little, but that might be a bit too corny." She shook off that thought. "It still does its job in getting me interested in what's going to happen to him; especially when you have Kyan at the beginning assuring us that you're going to save everyone."

She pat Speed on the back. "You've got a great start to this, Speed," she encouraged him, before looking up. "And you've got a great first impression going, Ragnarok. Keep it up; I'll certainly be looking forward to seeing how this progresses." 👍

7919769
Her outfit on, she then caught the book before it could fall and re-opened it to page one.

"So, great start," she said. "Excellent establishment of character." She pointed at Speed. "I instantly got what kind of guy you were, and you played it to perfection, buddy. Well done!" She smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

Speed blushed. "Thank you, Star... I'm glad Ragnarok17 did my introduction well."

"That being said," Wing said, summoning a red marker, "I have a couple suggestions." Instead of drawing on the book itself, she drew in the air, making small circles where quotes from the book popped out to be displayed to the group:

A young green-haired man in his early twenties who wears a green hoodie, blue jeans and red sneakers and his name is Rudolph Bohner.

Wing grimaced. "This is... a little confusing," she said. "You got the description down pat, but I feel like you can do something more with it. Add a little description to it; take a chance to give us an early look at Speed's personality. Something like..." She stopped and held her hands out like a reporter envisioning the headline for the next paper. "'A young green-haired man in his early twenties walked down the street. A green hoodie covered his face, his hands were stuck in his blue jeans, and his red sneakers squeaked slightly as they slid across the ground. His name is Rudolph Bohner.'"

She said the above sentence dramatically, like she was reciting a line for a play, before she grinned at the others.

"Bit more colorful, right?"

They nodded in agreement. "That's work for us." Speed said.

"Ragnarok told us that he's not good with description part." Thunder Queen said. "Though, I think King should helps him with description part in order to set up each character's personalities."

After their responses, Wing pulled another quote:

Before he could get depressed more

"Again," she said. "Good, but give it some polish, and it'll be great. Something like..." She adopted that actress pose again. "Before he could drown in the depths of his depression." She grinned, offering her hand to them in a non-verbal, "You like it?"

"Way better." Cyrus bluntly said with a thumb up.

Everest accept Star's hand by shaking it. "That was great, Star."

After their response, she pulled another quote:

He walks through the entrance as he admires the beautiful garden before seeing a feminine-looking dragon statue covered in diamonds. Rudolph stared at it before chuckling. “A diamond-covered dragon? I wish I could see a dragon like that.”

Wing giggled.

"What's so funny, Star?" Layla asked in confusion. "Is there's something wrong with this?"

"Nope. I just like this. And you'll see why in three... two..."

Instantly, Diamondback popped up, her eyes wide and happy at the sight of the quote.

"Well, tell me, Mr. Speed," she declared, making a grand pose.

"Is your wish everything you hoped it'd be?"

Speed blushed redder. "Uh... yeah... uh... it..." he stammered before mumbling as he didn't expect DB to react to this section.

After his response, Wing hummed and pulled another quote:

He sighed. “It’s Rudolph, Miss Queen.”

Wing raised an eyebrow at Thunder Queen. "Any relation?" she asked.

"No." Thunder Queen instantly said. "Thunder Queen is my alias, remember?"

"Wait-wait-wait!" Diamondback said, looking at the script. "Is that my alias 'Jane Queen' I spy?" She gave Speed a very flattered look. "Mr. Speed, my-my! I didn't know you were a fan?"

"Stop it, DB," Wing said, shoving her away, though both she and DB were giggling.

Speed groaned. "Oh, Ragnarok! Why are you doing this to me?!"

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "Because I loved your reaction when girls get attracted to you."

"You are so funny, Rag." Speed said.

After their responses, Wing got DB to go away by swatting at her with the book, and then read on. Soon, she pulled another quote:

He pulls out his phone as he plays this song.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9RfVp-GhKfs

"Love the song choice," Wing said. "Really does sell the emotion of the scene, but... I'm not sure if you're going to post this on Fimfiction or try to sell it as a novel. If you're going for novel... let me tell you from King's personal experience, it doesn't help readers or editors to have links to websites."

Outcasts and Knights raised their eyebrows at her. "Uh... Star... Rag is just posting this story on Fimfiction... not novels." Green Hawk clarify it to her.

"But if you want to go for something that can sell, try describing this song. Something like..."

She adopted the actress pose again: "He pulled out his phone and tapped through its musical contents. Soon, the low, depressed tones of Radiohead's 'Creep' filled his room, his eardrums pulsating with sounds that matched the empty hole in his heart." She grinned at them. "What d'you think?"

They nodded. "That would really help the reader to get the idea of how Speed feeling empty." Freya said.

Wing hummed as she looked through the last part before shutting the book. "And, that's all I got for critiques and suggestions," she said, handing the book back. "You've got something really good going, Speed. And with that last line: "I wish I was special"?" She paused. "Kinda wanted a shooting star to go past like in Chicken Little, but that might be a bit too corny." She shook off that thought. "It still does its job in getting me interested in what's going to happen to him; especially when you have Kyan at the beginning assuring us that you're going to save everyone."

She pat Speed on the back. "You've got a great start to this, Speed," she encouraged him, before looking up. "And you've got a great first impression going, Ragnarok. Keep it up; I'll certainly be looking forward to seeing how this progresses." 👍

Thank you, Star and I am grateful for your input... I will let you and King knows when I finish the other half of the pilot episode.

7919939

"Ragnarok told us that he's not good with description part." Thunder Queen said. "Though, I think King should helps him with description part in order to set up each character's personalities."

Star nodded. "I think we can do that. King does edits for a few other writers as well, so he'd be happy to help you out as well." She giggled. "Though I really hope he lets me voice his suggestions and critiques. This is fun!"

Speed blushed redder. "Uh... yeah... uh... it..." he stammered before mumbling as he didn't expect DB to react to this section.

Speed groaned. "Oh, Ragnarok! Why are you doing this to me?!"

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "Because I loved your reaction when girls get attracted to you."

Almost makes me wonder if DB should join in on those harem DMs.

"Only as long as I'm not compared to that horrible woman that I refuse to name," Diamondback said firmly. "I know in Edward Scissorhands it was different, but I'm far different from that counterpart!"

Outcasts and Knights raised their eyebrows at her. "Uh... Star... Rag is just posting this story on Fimfiction... not novels." Green Hawk clarify it to her.

"Oh, right," Wing chuckled sheepishly before making a funny face. "Alright then, the link should be fine, then. Though, one thing I was concerned about if that was the case; I'm not sure if Fimfic lets us post anything that doesn't have ponies in it. After all, it's called Fimfic, as in fiction focused on Friendship is Magic." She hummed. "I may be wrong, but it probably wouldn't be out of place to include at least some mention of ponies in your first episode. It doesn't need to be much: Kyan could be telling his story to Celestia or Luna for example, or there could be some ponies that Speed walks by, with it being mentioned that he lives in Manehatten. Just a small mention of them will give you some insurance so that the admins don't come after you."

[Response?]

Thank you, Star and I am grateful for your input... I will let you and King knows when I finish the other half of the pilot episode.

Sounds good.

"We look forward to it," Wing said with a bright grin.

7919977

Almost makes me wonder if DB should join in on those harem DMs.

"Only as long as I'm not compared to that horrible woman that I refuse to name," Diamondback said firmly. "I know in Edward Scissorhands it was different, but I'm far different from that counterpart!"

Alright, Diamondback... what dere do you want to be? Here's the all 6 girls who are part of Speed's harem and their dere type. As a friendly reminder, here's the wiki you show to me months ago.

wiki on Dere types

Frost Bite- Tsundere

Myst- Dandere/Yandere (Her Yandere side only comes out if someone threatened Speed)

Red- Kuudere

Wing- Deredere

Antenna- Himedere

Blaze- Byoukidere/Dorodere

"Oh, right," Wing chuckled sheepishly before making a funny face. "Alright then, the link should be fine, then. Though, one thing I was concerned about if that was the case; I'm not sure if Fimfic lets us post anything that doesn't have ponies in it. After all, it's called Fimfic, as in fiction focused on Friendship is Magic." She hummed. "I may be wrong, but it probably wouldn't be out of place to include at least some mention of ponies in your first episode. It doesn't need to be much: Kyan could be telling his story to Celestia or Luna for example, or there could be some ponies that Speed walks by, with it being mentioned that he lives in Manehatten. Just a small mention of them will give you some insurance so that the admins don't come after you."

"Well, Ragnarok knew he need to incorporate MLP elements in our story." Freya said. "He just need to figure out how to set up ponies in his story organically... don't worry, Star... he promised the ponies would either get mention or even appears in the pilot episode."

Actually... I was thinking about the idea of a pony that actually spied on Rudolph and been watching him doing his usual life... the pony would be Rainbow Dash... I realizes that the first pony that Rudolph encounters need to be someone important and not a random pony and I feel having him encounters Rainbow would make sense.

Like as he said that he wished he was special, we cut to a shadowy figure watching him sleeping... through, she wouldn't announce her presence until Speed saw her and start chasing her.

[Star's response]

7920247

Alright, Diamondback... what dere do you want to be? Here's the all 6 girls who are part of Speed's harem and their dere type.

Diamondback gaped. "Oh, dear, the Himedere is right up my alleyway!"

"Oh, don't worry, DB," Antenna said. "I can find another one. Give me a moment." She searched through the wiki for a moment before gasping.

"Here," she said. "Erodere; these characters will act very erotic and perverted at first to hide their feelings, but will become extremely embarassed after experiencing true affection."

"That sounds like Antenna," Wing noted. "She's so used to lust and sex being the main forms of attraction that when she realizes someone actually cares for her, it's an entirely new experience for her."

"Then it's settled," Antenna said. "I'm an Erodere, while Diamondback is a Himedere."

"Well, Ragnarok knew he need to incorporate MLP elements in our story." Freya said. "He just need to figure out how to set up ponies in his story organically... don't worry, Star... he promised the ponies would either get mention or even appears in the pilot episode."

"Perfect," Wing said. "Then we should be in the clear."

Actually... I was thinking about the idea of a pony that actually spied on Rudolph and been watching him doing his usual life... the pony would be Rainbow Dash... I realizes that the first pony that Rudolph encounters need to be someone important and not a random pony and I feel having him encounters Rainbow would make sense.

Considering she becomes his love interest, most definitely.

The only question is why she would be spying on him, and that ties into exactly how the ponies factor into this world.

Do humans and ponies live side by side, and she's just watching him because she feels bad for him?

Or is there more going on?

Like as he said that he wished he was special, we cut to a shadowy figure watching him sleeping... through, she wouldn't announce her presence until Speed saw her and start chasing her.

Star gasped. "And chasing her results in him getting his powers, right?"

[Response?]

7920337

Considering she becomes his love interest, most definitely.

The only question is why she would be spying on him, and that ties into exactly how the ponies factor into this world.

Do humans and ponies live side by side, and she's just watching him because she feels bad for him?

Or is there more going on?

Speed is in the more average world (magical creatures like ponies and dragons doesn't exists in his world as it was more of our world) and the whole point of this pilot episode was for him to enter something more extraordinary.

As for why Rainbow spying on him, you watched Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse where Gwen go to Miles' world? Sorta similar to the movie except Rainbow was send to his world to see why Speed deserves to be somebody.

I do planned to do a flashback chapter of Kyan's first time visiting on Equestria and his first meeting with Twilight as a way to explain how Equestria folks like Celestia, Luna and Mane Six get involved with Kyan and Heavenly Knights in the first place.

Star gasped. "And chasing her results in him getting his powers, right?"

That would works…. Her sonic rainboom did causes Mane Six to get their cutie mark… I was actually struggling with figuring out how did he get his speed powers cause he's still average guy with no powers in this chapter but this would make sense.

I will DM you once I finished up the other half.

7920535

Rainbow was send to his world to see why Speed deserves to be somebody.

Very interesting. So, the ponies know that Speed is destined for greatness somehow.

I feel that having Kyan talking to Celestia in the beginning paragraphs would really help sell that and even foreshadow Rainbow Dash showing up to see what the big deal was about Speed.

I was actually struggling with figuring out how did he get his speed powers cause he's still average guy with no powers in this chapter but this would make sense.

Yeah, like he chases her back into whatever she used to get to his world, and it gives him super speed on top of maybe bringing him to Equestria.

I could see that working out very well.

I will DM you once I finished up the other half.

Sounds good. I look forward to the finished draft.