The colorful world of Equestrea is spliced with its dark apocalyptic counterpart. The elements of harmony must work with the defenders of safe-haven in order to keep the peace in these troubling times. New foes will be faced, new friends will be made, new alliances will be forged, and love will be in the air.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, an interesting story I guess, but there was a plethora of spelling errors that could impede on the reading pace (at least it did for me), I counted 17 instances where spelling was off. Don't worry too much about that, if you just look over your chapters before publishing, then that should not be too much of a problem. Another minor error appears in paragraph formatting. It's on-and-off as to whether it's indented, and that alone can distract readers from reading the story.
Now, for the story itself, I'll try my best to give feedback:
Perhaps I'm biased when I say I've never believed in Lunar Republic/Solar Empire stuffs, but as informative as the prologue was, it felt somewhat rushed to me. I understand it's not a main point in the story, but if it is to play a role, it shouldn't feel thrown away; felt kinda like *there was an epic pony war in the distant past* *the war formally ended but continued among civilians* *there's a town bent on protecting its citizens from future danger* (if I'm trivializing it too far, let me know)
"Chapter One", however grammar-riddled it had been, did have a fair storyline. I was skeptical of why one of them had been named Five, but as a 'robotic' pony, it works.
I feel the one faulty point, however, is adding the ending part with Twilight's magic. I feel this might be explained in detail in later chapters, but from what I saw, it seemed unnecessary. It would have been a decent cliffhanger to have the group to say it was starting up, something went wrong, and then they see Twilight (without added-in scene). I understand the tags indicate who will be in the story in later chapters, but one of fimfiction's disadvantages is that there is no way to order the tags. While OCs may be the main point of the story, they might be deceived by the Mane 6 and CMC tags. Granted that's my own theory, but I feel that happens too often, while one of my stories focused on OCs, the tags led with Cherilee and Ditzy Doo, each of which had a brief scene in the overall story.
tl;dr - The story has its faults, but also has a potential that I would like to see be realized. Not gonna quite favorite the story yet, but I will follow you so I can tell when you post the next chapter.