Normally I wouldn’t go without a fight, but this was a situation that was a little too delicate for me to instigate some sort of international crisis, since I needed the help of the ponies for now. I didn’t need to be told by Shining that I needed to present myself as non-violent around the gryphons, but in the end it didn’t matter. As I sat in a cell, waiting for my fate, I could only hope that Shining had proven his worth and was on his way to free me. Though, if it came down to it, I could always improvise.
Welcome to The Gryphon Empire Part 2
~~~~~
(Ten Minutes after Shining’s Meeting)
Perspective: Artyom
For what it was worth, I wasn’t overly surprised that this happened. Maybe it was a lack of confidence in Shining but if that was true then why would I be hoping for him to find a way to bail me out? No, I think it was due to how similar the Gryphon Empire sounded when compared to the Red Line, except adding a little bit of xenophobia to the mix. Either way, I just had to keep calm and have my nerves under control. If it truly came down to it, I could easily bust my way out, for these guards looked like they had hardly seen any true combat.
The cell they put me in greatly contrasted the one that the ponies put me in. That cell was rather well kept, a decent bed, and even had good room service. The cell that the Gryphons gave me was battered pretty badly, yet somehow it still looked sturdy enough, but I was not a demolitions expert so maybe I was wrong. Either way, the cell was a veritable hell hole that really could have used a cleaning; there was still blood splatter left over from whoever was in the cell last time.
My stomach growled lightly, begging for a little food seeing as I missed breakfast instead being dragged off the ship and straight to prison cell. Though I could easily hold the hunger back for a little longer, for I had gone through longer periods without food. Maybe my stomach was starting to get spoiled, what with all the normal meals I had been having over the past… week? Yeah, it had to be close to a week now.
One full week spent in this completely upside down, backwards, inverted, and all the other words that had similar meaning, world that was something straight out of a kids’ book; kind of. Yet, it only took a week for me to just start accepting things are routine. Was that a sign of me being adaptable, or was it a sign of me having gone completely off the deep end? It was such a tough question to answer, truly.
Speaking of which … there was something of importance that I was forgetting, something that had to do with questions. I thought deep and hard for a second before dismissing it, whatever it was, it was obviously not important enough for me to remember off the top of my head.
One thing that was important, was how the Gryphons somehow knew what a human was. They didn’t arrest me because I was some unknown species that they thought was a danger, no. There was something else going on; they had specifically called me a human. Perhaps there were actual humans living on this planet that Twilight didn’t know about? Something that the Gryphons wanted covered up for some reason? Would they even be sentient, or maybe they were something like that one western film about apes. So many questions, and yet so little time to ponder them.
There was that nagging feeling again, the feeling as though I was completely missing something obvious, but once again I dismissed it casually.
If I ever got out of this place, would I at least be given my gear back? Who knows what ridiculous laws this place had. Maybe they would claim them and try to reverse engineer them? Now that would be a nightmare for the entire world, especially considering how warlike these beings are. Not to mention the fact that they can fly! Jeeze, that would be one hell of a combination as long as they weren’t on the other side though. Of course, even with reverse engineering, it would still take a while to actually be able to perfectly manufacture a weapon up to the same precision as the ones I was carrying.
Though, I was kind of regretting carrying a Kalash 2012. I mean, it was a great gun and probably one of the best assault rifles in the Metro, but there was one gun that just suited me better. I could fight face to face, just as well, if not better than most people, but I preferred to keep it stealthy. The less people who see me, the less that can call for reinforcements. I had seen the VSV-94 used by a few Spartans but never thought much of it till I actually got my hands on one, from the body of a dead Red Line soldier. That was my perfect weapon, without a shadow of a doubt.
A weapon that was already silenced, not to mention there was attachments to add to it, as well as the sheer precision of each shot. It was as if the bullet flew in a perfect path each time I depressed the trigger. I was pretty sure a happy grin was growing on my face from just remembering how that weapon handled. If by some luck I ever got my hands on one again, I would never let it go, having already given one up right before D6. Of course that would entail me getting out of this strange world first, but how? That was the key question.
Gah, there was that word again and the nagging feeling it brought with it. Why did it keep bringing up the feeling of me forgetting something.
Then it hit me, as if a light had been flicked on inside my head, or as if I had just been granted the answer to life. I let out a soft ‘oh’ out loud in realization of what I had been forgetting. It was so painfully obvious and yet I was oblivious to it entirely.
“Could you repeat question?” I asked, a smirk crossing my face.
“You know what the fucking question is!” roared the gryphon in front of me. His claw backhanded me in the face, attempting to persuade me via beating me senseless.
While I wish I could have said that he hit like a little girl, that gryphon could actually hit hard and unfortunately they had been smart enough to take off my body armour before. So, in the end, I was sitting in a blank, grey room that only contained a few items: a chair, a light bulb swaying from it’s cord, this unnamed gryphon, and me.
Now, normally I wouldn’t taunt my ‘torturers,’ but it was funny to watch him rage at me, and I had grown tough enough since that one ‘minor’ beating while being held captive under the Red Line, that his hits weren’t hurting too badly. Key emphasis being on ‘too badly.’ Besides, I wouldn’t have the answers to his questions anyways, and in the end he would just keep beating me until I was just a bloody pulp. Though his questions were giving me a nice insight into what was happening.
His first question had been ‘why was I on that ship?’ Of course I answered truthfully but it wasn’t the answer he was looking for, it would never be the correct answer. After that he tried to find out why I was in Equestria in the first place, throwing around the accusation that the, and I quote, ‘ponies were working with the motherfucking apes at the factory.’ Of course I had no clue what he was talking about, and my answer of why I had been there was not sufficient enough for him. From there he tried to get troop numbers, weapon specs, and intel that went straight over my head since he never gave me any context to work with.
The gryphon walked behind me for a second, fading out of my field of vision for a moment before he suddenly returned. The reason for his return to my field of view was because he yanked my hair back and down, forcing my head back until I was looking upside down at him.
“Answer. The. Fucking. Question,” he growled, punctuating each word. “What do you need the factory for, and how are the ponies involved?”
I tightened my face for a brief moment before spitting into his face, followed by a brief answer, “I don’t know what you speak of, курица.”
He looked at me for a brief second before letting my head snap back into a more normal position, though somewhat lolling around the front. I looked up just in time to see him pulling a fist back to strike me, but thankfully was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. His head turned backwards before lowering. He fully turned his back to me, looking over his shoulder at me one more time before proceeding to walk to the door.
If my hands and feet weren’t bound in rope as well as being cuffed together, I would have tried something; even if they were just bound in rope I could have tried something. Yet, unfortunately, I was completely immobile aside from my head and some small wiggling around that I could do.
The moment that the gryphon opened a door, I heard some faint whispering but nothing I could really make out, I think there might have been a little blood dripping into one of my ears. It felt a little painful and I knew the gryphon had used his claws to cut me a little on the side of my head earlier. The faint whispering ended swiftly with the gryphon, who had been beating me, walking out of the room and the door closing behind him.
So, I was left to me own devices until he came to try and beat me even further, which I figured wasn’t very long since the door opened up again, and rather swiftly might I add. Though this time, it wasn’t my interrogator that walked through. Instead it was two different guards, and they seemed to pay no direct attention to me. It took me completely by surprise that they were slowly undoing my ropes, and even unlocking the cuffs that were around my ankles. Though, while one did that, the other held a sword to my throat to ensure I didn’t try anything.
“Walk, human and don’t stall,” the one with the sword at my throat said before shifting to a position behind me, though the sword remained pressed up against my body. Being stabbed in the back was not something I wanted to experience, so I listened and began to follow the other guard out of the room.
The moment I got out of the room, a bag was thrown over my head, ensuring that I couldn’t see where we were going. Great. I got to stumble and walk awkwardly to the next place where I would be beaten. This country was just a bag of fun that was dropped into a pit of spikes. Now, the only thing that could make it worse would be having to walk blindly up a set… of… stairs. My train of thought slowly came to a halt as my foot bumped up against a ledge before the bag over my head was temporarily removed, revealing the only way my day could get worse.
“Я ненавижу этот мир,” I muttered before begrudgingly taking the first of many upward steps.
*****
Perspective: Emperor Galba
“Now, now, Maximus, you must keep yourself calm,” I said, my neutral face giving no indication to the small amount of glee I was feeling from seeing my brother all flustered from the human. “You mustn’t let him get to you like that.”
“That’s easy for you to say, Galba! You weren’t trying to get answers out of him! Let’s see you try to open a safe that won’t crack!” Only in private company, guards were fine as well, I would allow my brother to speak to me without the honorific in front of my name. He was my brother after all, despite how often we were at each other's throats.
“Perhaps you are using the wrong tool, younger brother,” I said, as I looked through the enchanted glass, watching the guards sit ‘Artyom’ down on his seat, facing the mirror and the table in front of him. The guards then proceeded to put another chair down in front of the empty spot on the table, adjacent from Artyom. After the eventful meeting with Prince Armour, I figured that it was high time to see how correct he was in the events that transpired prior to their arrival. Of course, a human corroborating a story to save their own necks was expected.
Maybe, the right approach was to see what he knew of the other humans first, before moving onto his own story. I was no interrogator, never trained in an art that was lost among the Legion, but that didn’t mean I didn’t pick up on methods that could be used to get prisoners to talk. Maximus used the most crude method, but, in the end, it would get results. There was something about this human though, something that indicated that he wouldn’t let a little beating break his spirit.
He didn’t fight back when the guards attached shackles, that were connected to the table, onto his wrists instead of the cuffs he had been previously using. There was no worry of him going anywhere, the table was built into the floor of the room and the shackles were made of pure steel; I was told that for a typical prisoner they were quite heavy.
“Take a rest, Maximus, you are looking awfully tired. The bags under your eyes are starting to show. Maybe you should catch up on you sleep,” I suggested to him, without even glancing his way. I knew my brother was still at my side, it was his tendency to get close to me, whether it be from his job or because of some ulterior reason, I didn’t put much thought into it.
“I’m not leaving you to deal with human by yourself, brother,” he said with almost as sneer as if he was upset at me for taking away his prisoner. “I’ll come in an-”
“It wasn’t a suggestion, Maximus,” I said, still keeping my eyes off of him. he and I both knew that my word was final in the end. With a sharp salute he walked off, most likely muttering curses under his breath. I did eventually give a glance to my brother before he fully disappeared from the hallway. It was once said that he and I were basically twins, except I showed an age which he had yet to acquire. If I was to fall before my rightful time, he would be able to sit himself on the throne without much backlash, and it would be easier on the populace for he looked so much like me … of course those were also reasons to keep him closer than any enemy or friend.
I continued to stare at the human, who seemed to be staring right back at me, for a few moments before letting off a small laugh. I turned and slowly walked to the door before giving a small tilt of my head to the guard. He simply saluted before opening the door and moving out of the way.
I strolled in without a care, not even bothering to look at the human, before taking my place on the chair across from him. I continued to avoid eye contact of any sort, instead shuffling myself a little in order to get myself comfy.
“It probably hasn’t been said yet, but welcome to the Gryphon Empire, human. I can’t say that I am sorry for how you were brought in, it is how we deal with enemies of the Empire, after all,” I said, finally looking up at him though with a cocky grin spread across my beak.
“Much like Red Line, ” he replied. I didn’t show it visibly but I felt a nice wave of euphoria pass over me at his mention of these ‘Red Line’ humans. One of the humans, from the group who were currently occupying Usaaly, had said those two lines as well. Perhaps Shining was right, and if he was then one of my many plans was going to go off without a single hitch.
“Red Line, you say? Now, why does that sound oh so familiar … .” I pretended to think about that statement for a few seconds, taping my beak with a single talon. “Ah, yes, I remember now. There was a human, different from you, lankier by all means and missing and eye, that had said that line but he spoke our common language much more fluently. Of course his words were nothing more than daggers coated in honey. Can you tell me, Artyom, do you know this man I speak of?”
He simply looked at me in shock for a few moments, which admittedly set me back a little. I liked to believe that only two beings could read faces better than me, and both of those were near god-like. The face that Artyom was showing displayed true shock that could only come from a being that had been given a revelation that would rearrange their entire outlook on something.
Of course, at the same time, it helped answer my question of whether or not Artyom had any connection to these other humans. I could, almost without a doubt, rule out that Artyom knew about these other humans being here, let alone had any dealings with them since their arrival and takeover. The fact he knew of them meant something else entirely. While it didn’t fully take away the option of scapegoating him for the masses, it made another option that much more appealing.
“Red Line is here?” he asked, sounding almost out of breath.
“From what they claim, it must be true. Though … it sounds like you know of them. Please do go on, explain to me how you know of the humans that have attacked my people,” I said, my voice growing colder, which was nothing more than an act.
One thing Maximus had been right on, was that this human was rather tough to crack, but beating and threatening death were two entirely different things. So when he refused to tell me, instead choosing silence, I knew that I could bring out something to put a little shock into him.
“Of course, you could always be silent and instead rot in here for months before we finally decide to remove you head for crimes that you may, or may not, have committed. You see, Artyom, I am the one who makes the rules around here, the one who has the power over your life right now,” I said with an extremely cocky but also sadistic grin. I slowly rose from my seat, leaning over the table slightly before speaking again, “Wherever you are from, you might be free to do as you wish, to pretend to fly freely like a little hatchling, but here … here you are my bitch. At this moment, and until you leave the Gryphon Empire, whether it be on foot or through your soul, you will be at my mercy. So you can either decide to enlighten me on your little activities with these other shit eating humans, or you can continue to be my bitch until death takes you.”
The human looked thoughtful for a second, his eyes never leaving me, and the glare that he had picked up halfway through my little speech, didn’t fade either. For a brief moment, I was ready to remove myself from the chair and walk out of the room, leaving him to waste away in there. That chance was quickly removed as he finally decided to speak.
“Knew before I come here … before Equ-Equestria,” he said, stumbling over that word. “Not from here, here as in planet. From different planet, far unlike this … far darker. They try to conquer place I live in, try but fail. Others and I fought them, killed them … killed ‘selves to protect.”
“Killed yourself? Now how is that possible if you are right here, talking to me in the very room?”
He simply shrugged his shoulders, keeping his own emotions in check. He rolled his hand a few times, as if trying to find something, before deciding to speak, “Unsure, pulled lever to blow up D6, saw life before eyes, felt nothing. Woke up in forest in Equestria … not much more to say.”
I stroke my claw across my chin a few times, taking in the information that Artyom had told me. There wasn’t much to be said about his arrival, but it was almost eerily similar to what that Red Line soldier told us. Of course that specific soldier didn’t give us anymore information after that; his head was too attached to a pike overlooking Usaaly. If this was indeed all that Artyom knew, and if his hate for the Red Line was strong enough, he could be a formidable asset. A light went off in my head, a plan forming as I continued to look at Artyom, oh yes, he would be useful.
“Now, Artyom, your compatriot, Prince Armor, hasn’t deemed to tell us why you are even in my lands. Perhaps you can enlighten me?”
“Not until free,” he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. A daring move on his part, but I couldn’t help but commend his skills at negotiating. Most of the others that sat in his position would be forthcoming with the info, which would negate their usefulness shortly afterwards.
No, this human would be an invaluable asset to me in reclaiming Usaaly. His knowledge of the faction there, let alone his own armaments would be just a fraction of his use. The other parts would be something he couldn’t understand, something he didn’t need to know, though maybe a small hint of it couldn’t hurt. In fact, that was what I intended to do, and it would play out perfectly in my favour.
“I can see that you are much more well-read than the others that have been in your position, Artyom. Because of this, I am going to be a little more straightforward with you,” I said to which he simply nodded in response. “You dislike this Red Line as much, if not more, than I do, and I think that we can help each other out.”
“How so?” he simply asked, his left eyebrow perked up in interest.
“If you perform a small task for me, than you shall be allowed to go about your business in the Empire, as long as my subjects are not at risk of being brought to harm, which I assume they will not be. Am I correct in this assumption?”
He simply nodded at me before moving as to speak, but paused shortly after as if he was reorganizing his thoughts. “Once I see Shining, we will tell reason.”
I gave a small smirk at that. “I’ll hold you to that. Now, we will discuss the specific details in depth once we meet once again with Prince Armor, but for now, I think after the treatment you have received from my brother you deserve to know a little bit of the plan. You see, Artyom, I need someone who can infiltrate into the city and provide a little bit of intel for our forces.”
He frowned visibly at that. “How could I do better than gryphons?”
I proceeded to rise from my seat, moving to the door as if I hadn’t heard his question. I looked back over my shoulder as I prepared to exit the room. “That, Artyom, is for you to figure out. Now, the guards outside here will show you to Prince Armor’s chamber once they unlock your restraints.”
As I exited the door, I nodded to the guards who gave a look of reluctance before moving back into the room. They had heard some of the stories that came back from the numerous probes into the Red Line , and were most likely hesitant to even let a human walk without being chained. In a way it was a little bit commendable, but if they went against my orders, they would find the punishment to be worse than letting Artyom walk around.
I laughed silently to myself, it was amazing when a plan could form together so seamlessly. It would be oh so easy for me to sit back and watch as everything played out, and best of all, it would kill two birds with one stone no matter what happened. If the human and Prince Shining die, than I get Equestria’s backing to wipe out the Red Line. If they succeed and the Red Line is wiped out in the end, they are out of my feathers and I will soon be more powerful among the senate than ever before.
I held my knowing smirk during my entire walk back to my chambers, I had to get ready for the Senate meeting in a few hours. Actually … so did Shining and Artyom, they would learn about the exact details with Usaaly one way or another, and this way I wouldn’t have to brief them myself! I made myself a mental note to write down instructions for them once I got back to my chambers. Shining had attended a senate meeting before, but the sight of Artyom would spark a lot of hate and unneeded misdirection. No, there were better ways to involve him, and I knew of one that would work the best, including testing a new enchantment!
Oh this was becoming such a great week!
Two words, and the plot of this arc turns around completely. And so much more effective than a beatdown too.
Artyom, Artyom, Arty, Arty... how the fuck do you think you can infiltrate the Red Line better than the griffons? Maybe BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN LIKE THE RED LINERS, you numbnuts?
As for Galba, yeah, he's a slimy sort as expected of this AU pony world. But less disgustingly so than any elder alicorn, whom I gotta say I still want beaten black and purple and losing all the country's trust and backing once their filthy schemes come up to the surface.
5145405
Oh Jack, you are too harsh! Sure they have had many underhanded schemes but it's in the name of the country! Surely that holds a little bit of respect?
Also that first line has me wondering if you dislike said arc... hmm.
5145424 No it doesn't. Not when it involves a human that I appreciate far more than any non-canon pony.
And not really, I don't dislike the arc per se. I was getting tired of the pussyfooting around without revealing any details that allows the reader to put the pieces together, but not to the point of hating it.
What I meant is that with that little chat, Artyom's take on events got turned upside down completely, including a possibility of cooperation. And all it took was two little words: 'Red Line'.
5145448
Ahhh, well that 'pussyfooting' is me adding in more climate to the arc! I wanted people to see more than just Artyom especially in this arc, since it has many sweeping undertones.
5145447
I'm sorry if I came off as being a native Russian speaker but I actually have no clue what you are saying
Hm, Evil Ruskies are fine too, expected Nazies, well, hope we see some Russian armor from dat factory
5145499
I prefer "Ambiguously grey Ruskies"
Is everything suppose to be centered?
5145813
Apparently there was a single line of [centre][/centre] that affected the entire story... huh. Good catch!
5145827
Thanks, much more readable now. And I've got a double space for you too:
Waiting for Artyom to take Shining and do whatever the plot was.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/there-be-a-shit-storm-a-brewin.jpg
The red line just wants to dance.
I'm sorry about you having to be sorry.
CANADIANS UNITE!
Apologetically of course.
5152574
I'm sorry we have to unite in our campaign to be sorry.
I do apologize for responding back to you, especially if it is at your inconvenience...
Sorry.
5152847
Sincerest apologies for forcing this allegiance. If you don't mind, I could buy you some maple syrup as a peace offering... if you don't think that's enough, maybe some Canadian bacon?
Polar bear express may take awhile, but at least it would still be frozen. Hope that's enough.
5152847 wwwwwaaaaiit just a min there dude....
If the Red army is there that means........ HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Thats means that his brotehr in arms are there some where in the world and can fight along side him and find a way back home!!!!! THIS IS EPIC IF TRUE!!!
i.hizliresim.com/R6Pb0o.gif
That was acceptable.
I've been rereading this story over the past few days and I have some stuff I feel I should say before you release the next batch of chapters.
I'll get the criticism out of the way first.
The biggest problem with this story is bad sentence structure. Run on sentences are the most common issue. I think you're trying for a stream of consciousness feel, but the way you glue phrase after phrase together with commas makes it a clunky mess to read. Extra words, and occasionally flat out wrong words, in places they aren't needed also contribute to the clunk problems. It doesn't feel like you're writing naturally flowing prose so much as constructing paragraphs out of phrases. In the authors notes you say that you're Canadian (I am too ) so I feel weird asking this, but is English your first language? Most of the grammar problems I see here are the same ones I see when non-native speakers try to duplicate how spoken English sounds in text.
The second biggest problem is the lack of meaningful interaction between Artyom and Shiny. I can tell that you're going to have them become bros via adventure, but you aren't showing us that relationship developing. Shiny has basically been nothing but an exposition fountain and Artyom almost never speaks. They had a few good bits on the boat, but there needs to be more.
That's about it for criticisms, so now I'll move onto the stuff I like. The mysterious and sordid backstory stuff you've been building is interesting, and I look forward to seeing it develop. In particular I'm interested in seeing how Celestia and Luna play into it. They've been acting strange... Your Pinkie Pie is also pretty good. Most authors don't know what to do with her, so they default to bad fourth wall jokes and lolsorandom garbage. Anomalously wise Pinkie is best Pinkie. Tying into that is your absolute dead on portrayal of Khan the Magic Tunnel Man. I can't think of anything to say about him other than it feels like he walked right out of the Metro and into your story.
Thems my two cents. If you need editing help or advice shoot me a message and I'd be glad to help out.
P.S. Is the armour Artyom wears the heavy suit from the first game, or the big dumb scrap metal fatsuit from the second?
5171852
No offence by what this next line is about to say. You just happen to bring up the point hat is frustrating me the most.
I obviously have no fucking clue how to use commas. First I didn't have enough so I added more in what i thought was appropriate places, then it became too much so I tried to remove them, and it keeps on freaking switching. At this point I'm just going to go ahead and write, for it is giving me a headache.
If you are referring to the dialogue with regards to the bad English, that is intended. If not then I have no clue at all.
Shining is basically a exposition item for Artyom right now. If you didn't pick it up then Artyom dislikes Shining. He is getting better but still doesn't trust the pony and the same goes in reverse. Not all relationships need meaningful dialogue to develop and in this case, what with Artyom not being much of a talker in the first place. Also, I don't think I mentioned it in awhile but this story is like 1/3 done if at that. Shining and Artyom have been travelling together for maybe a week give or take a few days. I wouldn't expect a lot of meaningful dialogue to happen in that time.
I have a very deep and dark plot with regards to everything. Celestia and Luna serve a purpose but Pinkie is tied in deep.
I like writing Khan, simple as that.
If you watch the "bad" ending then the armour he is wearing there is the armour he is currently wearing.
5174323
He's wearing the Hazard Suit then. Good. This thing is atrocious.
These should help with your comma and run-on troubles. There's even some quizzes near the bottom to practice with.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
I know it's high school level stuff, but a refresher never hurts.
Artyom's clumsy spoken English is fine. The issue is with the wording of the narration. I'll use this line from Chapter 10 as an example.
There are too many unnecessary words in this sentence, making it feel clunky and padded. Unless you're describing the details of something important, you should keep the narration lean.
This gets the same point across with fewer words and it reads easier. I find that reading my work out loud helps find things that need to be revised. If a sentence it doesn't sound natural, rework it 'til it does. Also, never start a sentence with, "Now," only boring university lecturers are allowed to do that.
5374053
The reason Khan knows about Equestria and has the knowledge to help Artyom is something of a major plot point that only becomes apartment at the end. I understand where you are coming from in that he seems to know to much.
Of course this is how I felt he was portrayed when he often led Artyom through parts of the Metro so I guess he came off different to us.
That Royal hen has to be skewered and burned alive
VSV-94? Do you mean the VSK-94 of which uses 9mm bullets of suppressed death
8216510
Indeed but in the Metro universe it is labled as a VSV. If it wasn't known explicitly as that in the aeries I would have called it a VSK.
But it is indeed the same gun (to the best of my knowledge).