Rainbow Dash catches Applejack with her feathers and demands an explanation. Applejack refuses, making Rainbow Dash mad, which makes Applejack upset, and fluff follows.
Chapters (1)
cherryjjv
Joined 27th Apr, 2013 ·
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interesting
The story went a little to fast for me..., but it was still a good one.
ive read 5 lines and im not sure if its rated everyone
This story needs some work... I'm no expert, believe me, but I know a story in need of work when I see one. You need to to lead up to the point when AJ's privacy is being invaded by RD, not just shoot it at us. Also, Try to slow it down a bit, use more details.
you dont know what "sleep with me" means, do you?
I'm no critique, but I'll give you my thoughts if you're interested.
Overall good for me, two things I'd like to mention:
- The story does feel a bit rushed, or more like we were slammed in the middle of things with little to no background.
- Rainbow's confession feels a bit... stiff? Forced? Just strange, but this could be blamed on the lack of background aswell.
Other then that, good.
I would say that Applejack is the same size as Rainbow, although her muscles would probably weigh more from physical exertion. Ending is a little weak. Pretty cute story though.
too fast, you could have spread out over a longer story or maybe multiple stories. i like this a lot, just needs a little polishing. i know that i am not one to talk cuz my stories need work too, bu there you have it
2659562Oh,You and your naughty thoughts.
Yeah you could make this like a longer story.
like AJ and RD were listening or something.
but hey it don't need ta change.
it's awesome!
2663921
Love love LOVED this!!! So many feels in this awesome piece of grade A appledash. Continue the great work!
continue please awesome story
Where's Pinkie Pie?
Pinkie Pie missing was kinda weird, and the story was a bit too fast paced. a
Id advice for you to double check on grammar and extra words, and stuff like that. The story needs some working on, but I see future in it, if fixed