So this man give up his humanity…but he respect innocent life's and has a sense of honor? No to mention that rape, bulling and torture, make him mad? Its kind of contradictory.
And for the looks of things he is in the only place where he can actually find himself at peace? Well, I kind of curious on what that will turn up. He basically become the new Nightmare, and by default royal. And its tag sex and mature, so I wonder what pony will fall for him. Uy maybe he will have something like nana magbe where when he transform and start to find more and more peace his scars will go away and his fangs and claws will become more and more normal.
Yes, it is kind of contradictory, but that's to show that even a monster in human form can have morals. As for romance, I'm still deciding on that. And yes, he does have face scars, but you'll find out in later chapters.
2684929 I see, as for romance, maybe you can put him, asking which one of the main six are his favorite, or the princess for HIM…for them, I have 2 options that I think could be one funny other kind of obvious, One Fluttershy, the other Queen Chrysalis
Well, as you can see, he doesn't really like the show, but becuase his sister loved it and it hints at a possible place of peace, he doesn't really hate it, I guess you can say he's in the middle.
So he doesn't have a fav. in the mane 6, but he does have a fav. Who that is, will be reveiled in the next chapter or after. As far as Chrysalis goes, she will be in the story, the damn system just wouldn't let me add the tag with the others, and she will has a big role later in the story.
As far as the Nightmare Moon refrence goes, that will be explained in the next chapter.
And before I forget, there will be more transforming for him, and I think you'll like what I have instore. Muhahahahahah!!!
2685006 Oh good, so he will no longer will look like a reject from Silent Hill, yeah, and good thing, because I bet Fluttershy would have faint if she saw him like THAT
2687409 I know, but this is from the top of my head and I use microsoft for spell check, sadly some words don't get any spelling rights and are just labled as wrong. Also I don't have a proofreader, so this is all me, and I'll be the first to admit that I have little to no skill for story telling, but that's not stopping me from trying!
He's a human but he abandoned his humanity, so I can see where you're coming from. I'm making him like the predators, but he doesn't hunt for honor. I guess you can say he's mainly doing it for revenge, for what you'll find out in the next chapter!
Basicaly, say a cop caught a mugger in the act, he'd take him to jail, right? Not this beast, the mugger would look like he went through a wood cipper. The OC has zero mercy for any who would even threaten an innocent, their form of death getting more horrid as the offense gets worse.
So you see, where a human would offer mercy, my boy doesn't even blink.
Well, you said to say what problems I have, you use too many pictures, just using them to show what you are trying to show them when you are having trouble finding the words is okay, but doing it like this just ruins the flow of the story, I still enjoy it, you have a great story idea, it's just that and also the fact of you using colors on his voice, you should only do that if his voice changesdrasticly, and usually that should just be making it bold and italisized usually works better, the red would work better if he started to breathe fire or something, and you should just italisize the thoughts of the main character/ the character currently using the PoV, it is otherwise an amazing story, and I can't wait for the next chapter
So this man give up his humanity…but he respect innocent life's and has a sense of honor? No to mention that rape, bulling and torture, make him mad? Its kind of contradictory.
And for the looks of things he is in the only place where he can actually find himself at peace? Well, I kind of curious on what that will turn up. He basically become the new Nightmare, and by default royal. And its tag sex and mature, so I wonder what pony will fall for him. Uy maybe he will have something like nana magbe where when he transform and start to find more and more peace his scars will go away and his fangs and claws will become more and more normal.
P.S: Did he has scars on his face?
2684898
Yes, it is kind of contradictory, but that's to show that even a monster in human form can have morals. As for romance, I'm still deciding on that. And yes, he does have face scars, but you'll find out in later chapters.
2684929
I see, as for romance, maybe you can put him, asking which one of the main six are his favorite, or the princess for HIM…for them, I have 2 options that I think could be one funny other kind of obvious, One Fluttershy, the other Queen Chrysalis
Hmm, not bad.
But one chapter will not make me decide wether to like it or not.
So i will tell you when the next chapter arrives.
2684944
Well, as you can see, he doesn't really like the show, but becuase his sister loved it and it hints at a possible place of peace, he doesn't really hate it, I guess you can say he's in the middle.
So he doesn't have a fav. in the mane 6, but he does have a fav. Who that is, will be reveiled in the next chapter or after. As far as Chrysalis goes, she will be in the story, the damn system just wouldn't let me add the tag with the others, and she will has a big role later in the story.
As far as the Nightmare Moon refrence goes, that will be explained in the next chapter.
And before I forget, there will be more transforming for him, and I think you'll like what I have instore. Muhahahahahah!!!
2684980
Thanks, and don't worry about that, the next one will be out soon.
2685006
Oh good, so he will no longer will look like a reject from Silent Hill, yeah, and good thing, because I bet Fluttershy would have faint if she saw him like THAT
this is cool for a first story dude cant wait for next chapter
2685694
Thanks, working on the next one, so hang in there.
... Nice, I like the style but your spelling could use some work.
2687409
I know, but this is from the top of my head and I use microsoft for spell check, sadly some words don't get any spelling rights and are just labled as wrong. Also I don't have a proofreader, so this is all me, and I'll be the first to admit that I have little to no skill for story telling, but that's not stopping me from trying!
The majority of people get angry if you misspell a few words, but I do not. This story seems interesting and I will be following it.
2692039
I know what you mean. Thanks for the follow.
Not bad.
I will follow.
Seems very intriguing, not sure if he's a human or werewolf or what, but chalk me down as interested. Looking forward to next chapter.
2702319
He's a human but he abandoned his humanity, so I can see where you're coming from. I'm making him like the predators, but he doesn't hunt for honor. I guess you can say he's mainly doing it for revenge, for what you'll find out in the next chapter!
Just trying to wrap my head around what "abandoning his humanity" actually seems to entail.
Besides becoming awesome.
2702468
Basicaly, say a cop caught a mugger in the act, he'd take him to jail, right? Not this beast, the mugger would look like he went through a wood cipper. The OC has zero mercy for any who would even threaten an innocent, their form of death getting more horrid as the offense gets worse.
So you see, where a human would offer mercy, my boy doesn't even blink.
2702580
I wonder how fluttershy will act towards his demeanor and mindset. tensions will rise and tears wil occur(99.8%of that will be fluttershy)
2704917
Let's just say you'll be pleasantly surprised.
2706932
flow needs work but I shall see were this goes
I LOVE IT
Well, you said to say what problems I have, you use too many pictures, just using them to show what you are trying to show them when you are having trouble finding the words is okay, but doing it like this just ruins the flow of the story, I still enjoy it, you have a great story idea, it's just that and also the fact of you using colors on his voice, you should only do that if his voice changesdrasticly, and usually that should just be making it bold and italisized usually works better, the red would work better if he started to breathe fire or something, and you should just italisize the thoughts of the main character/ the character currently using the PoV, it is otherwise an amazing story, and I can't wait for the next chapter
Oh man im hooked on this I have never seen so much badasseriy in one place.
All childish snickering aside, I believe that's supposed to say 'We both charged like two lions ready to kill each other.'
The video and pictures links don't work
While the MC is 2edgy4me, in both forms, I suppose I'll give it a bit longer...
4854732 "Ah, London is burning... Und so are my loins..."
-the Major, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged
i cant read the light blue
WHY IS THE FONT SO BIG?
oh god red and black OC...