Applejack awakens after a terrible injury and finds that her parents have never died. Was her orphaned life just a fevered dream? As AJ tries to cope with her new reality, old memories begin to haunt her nightmares. These shadows begin to follow her and AJ’s family begins to worry about her sanity. Determined to find the truth, AJ retraces the events prior to her injury and uncovers a secret that her parents hid years ago. She embarks on a quest to right a wrong left unfinished and her journey puts the relationships with her siblings to the test. Can this second chance truly bring a happy ending, or is it just another shot to set things right?
Chapters (8)
I've been looking forward to this story You've really been making it hard to not read it, with all your descriptions of it
Very good so far.
Prelude
"She had a hoof leaned on Zecora's backside ..." sounds better, I think.
Capitalize Bloom
Chapter 1
I think scratching "Applejack" sounds better
No apostrophe after that.
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Thanks! I hope to make it turn out as good as I planned.
I am speechless...this is incredible!
Um, sorry but how should we read the accompanying story.
As in should we read this then read the other (Consecutive Updates, In Sync updates)
Or, should we read this to the end then read the accompanying?
Added this to my read later :o The concept is pretty interesting :D
One quick question though. Is "Ponies in the Attic" a reference to the old book, "Flowers In The Attic"? Asking out of the curiosity more then anything.
I like this story so far! And I love how you made Applejack's father a 'old fashion' it fits the story perfectly, This story is gonna be awesome.
Oh, yeah, this definitely works. A thumb and favorite.
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This story is a standalone, so there are no other stories you need to read beforehand (beforehoof?). It may read strangely at first since events are out of order, but as Applejack and the reader continue on, things will fall into place.
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This has no connection to Flowers in the Attic (I've never read the story, but heard of it). The title was derived from an episode of an old anime where the central characters were being haunted by some mysterious thing within their home. My script changed a lot since the original idea I had based on the anime.
2800055 Oh I see, mmm I was curious is all cause of the similarities in the name. Kind of what drew me to your story.
Flowers in the Attic is very dark and disturbing. But when I have time I will check out your story cause the it does sounds interesting.
I see this story you've been talking about has finally started to become a reality on FIMFiction!
Err, rather,
Oh,
GodCelestia, was that a Super Mario Bros. reference, Pinkie Pie?That aside, I have to say I'm loving this story so far!
... what? How am I first?
Seriously, though, this story has me intrigued! Then again, I'm sure you got that impression from our assorted e-mails back and forth when I get around to responding to them.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/133389807542.gif
I am quite fond of this story, It throws you through more loops then a box of fruit loops(Pun). With all silliness aside, I enjoy this this story and the more I think about it, it's kind of like 'Inception' or 'looper' where the main character(s) are thrown through a series of events that often repeat itself as the plot unfolds.
It's abit confusing, I can not wait for more.
I like where this story is going
I like where this story is going
It's getteing very interesting. There are so many little things in this story that I bet are clues, but it's hard to put them all together and speculate what's really going on, which is how it should be in a mystery like this, so great job on that.
Ideally, when the reader reaches the end, they should say "Of course! Why didn't I see that from the start, it was so obvious" not "Oh ... well, sure, but there was no way I could have foreseen that!" I get the impression you're doing that right
That wish AJ inadvertently made, that she wished their parents weren't dead? That's gotta have something to do with what's going on, I bet
You keep forgetting to capitalize the last part of their names.
There should be an 'a' in there at least
I think that should be either "a bated" or "bated breaths". While I suppose abated and bated have similar meanings, I've never heard abated used in this way.
A lot of AJ's here, you could definitely drop the second one and just write "She walked ..." You do this in more than one place, using their names where a simple he/she would do. Also be sparing with things like "the orange pony", it's usually much more easy on the reader to just say AJ or "she" unless it's actually important to bring up the description.
That reminds me, something I didn't quote, but when Cheerilee first shows up you give a description of her before saying it's Cheerilee. It might be better to just say "She saw Cheerilee coming towards them" (or something to that effect). There's not really much point in describing a pony like Cheerilee, because we all know her.
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I'm hitting my shift key too softly I think. Might be why I keep missing my capitalization. Thanks for finding some of those grammar mistakes too. When my spellchecker finds the word is correctly spelled, it might not notice the grammar. In turn, I don't notice.
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I'm glad you're enjoying it. It is a twisty little story that continues to be adventurous all the way. At least, I'm trying to keep the energy strong on it.
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I don't know why you're first. Maybe time dilation failed you?
The spacing, still needs slight amounts of work. Whether or not any errors in spelling or grammar are apparent. I very much so like how you have plotted out the storyline, not to mention. It's original.
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning." - Louis L'Amour
Thankfully, I'm getting e-mails again about updates to my favorites here on FIMFiction. This is a good thing, because otherwise I might not have caught this addition until much, much later!
I am excited too see what comes up next, So Apple Jack in this story wakes up to heart filled loving parents, And then the next day there dead.
Why does this story remind me so much of the movie 'Coraline' where a daughter ,of two very depressed parents, walks through a door way into another reality. Where her parents are full of joy and pride.
I'm just excited to see where this story is going.
Nice drop-in and then pull back. This ought to be interesting ... and creepily fun.
Oh noes! This ain't a Pony story, it's an Adventure Time cross-over!
I can't believe I didn't think of Coraline by Neil Gaiman (the book, didn't know there was a movie) before Windchester mentioned it. Definitely some similarities.
Keep it up
These two are sort of drifting into Trixie-esque third-person territory. It sounds a bit like she's thinking of herself as "AJ" not as "me", if you get my drift.
That last bit is a bit awkward. You could leave it at the description, or you could have "a timberwolf!" be something that somepony shouts out in warning. As part of the narration itself it's much too blunt.
"ran into a frenzied mob" sounds a little off.
That's how I'd word it, anyway.
2813780
Thanks for the feed back! I'll certainly revisit the spacing and work on improving it.
2817736
I've never seen Coraline, so I don't know how the comparison looks, but maybe I'll try a Netflix rental after I finish this story and find out.
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Thanks for spotting some of those errors! Coraline is going on my "Need to Watch" list.
This is great. keep it coming!!!!
Wait, I'm first?! WHO IS DRIVING? BEAR IS DRIVING! HOW CAN THIS BE?!
Seriously, though, that was all sorts of awesome! Seriously, though, you had Zecora utter the phrase "what is this, I don't even?!"? No wonder you write up all the bestest adventures for tabletop role-playing!
Brilliant!
Love every second of it! Plus zecora is my favorite. You really have out done yourself in this chapter! I can't wait until more.:)
Stupid question, but why didn't A.J. seek Twilight's help in the first place? You know, the Element of Magic?
Zemubrai Jack! Suddenly I was reminded of Samurai Jack. Probably completely random and unrelated. Nevermind me and my silly brain
Excellent chapter, and it's always good to see some AJ-Zecora action.
Didn't find a whole lot this time
Sounds a little better, IMO
Not sure if this is wrong, or if the letter is addressed to some princess perhaps, who is married to Prince Horos.
Otherwise it should probably be "you, Prince Horos."
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Thanks, I'm glad you all approve! I certainly will keep up the energy through the end.
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I'm sure it isn't grammatically good Swahili since I'm using a couple translators online, but just having the other language added something to her statements. The show should sprinkle a bit more into it too (What they did use wasn't even a real language).
2857536
In an earlier chapter, AJ did think to ask Twilight, but decided that Twi might get obsessed over the details on why the strange events are happening and over-complicate a solution. So she decided to just wait until later to ask. AJ hoped Zecora would be able to help without being complicated.
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The letter was supposed to be addressed to someone married to the prince, not the prince himself. They only have part of the letter so that I can stretch out the mystery just a tiny bit longer.
Now do you think Twilight's just talking through her hat about magical stuff, AJ?
Here's hoping you can actually talk to her and convince her something's up.
Very original, and well written.
Welcome to This Old and Weird House!
IF Temple Fugate shows up, I'm going to thrash Sparks for no reason at all.
I wonder when AJ will realise that she has Twilight, the Elements of Harmony, and two magic princesses at her disposal to fight all this....
So much going on, My mind can't even comprehend.
I am enjoying everything about this story, Word by word. But I get all sad inside knowing that all good stories must come to a end.
I think I'll try a rhyme of my own, to reflect how welcome this was to me today:
*ahem*
Oh, author Digo, with clear affection for AJ,
Getting to read this chapter has certainly made my day!
(Zecora I'm not.)
I really liked the feel of that room in the clock and the skeleton on the bed. And who would ever have expected a bedsheet monster
There are a lot of creative ideas in this story.
AJ snarled angrily sounds better to me.
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Thanks! I sat down to watch parts of Pan's Labyrinth for inspiration on making unusual rooms and monsters. I can't easily watch the whole movie though, it just tugs the heart strings so hard at the end.
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Heh, trust me, I generally take a whole day writing down words for Zecora's rhyming scheme. Then I have to say them aloud imitating her voice to hear if it sounds like her. I mean, in the general rhyming sense.
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I'm glad you really dig it!
Yeah, I'm getting near the end and I'm starting to wish I could squeeze a bit more in, but... I don't want to ruin the pace.
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She's probably like me and forgets such obvious points. Then again, it probably be over too fast if someone else solves it, right?
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I have no idea who Temple Fugate is. So... I guess Sparks is safe.
2870388
Thanks! Happy to hear it!
2892181
Sigh.
Yeah, he's safe...
2892181
Whew... glad I'm not the only one having trouble keeping up with Zecora's rhyming scheme, then!
Yes, of course, let the most powerful unicorn in the land get a good night's rest instead....
2897763
Applejack does feel like she's on a time crunch though. Err, pun not intended.
Daring Do couldn't have been more proud
Didn't find a lot of mistakes in this chapter. Maybe it's because I'm trying to practice reading faster
Or "picking out bits of hammer *from* your mane"
I think "there ain't nothing" sounds more like Granny, perhaps.
Very well done, and good to see the ending.
Why didn't A.J. just destroy the clock the moment she stepped into the house?
The story wasn't what I had expected. I'm not sure I can explain exactly what it is, but it felt a little more adventurish than the kind of dark and mysterious I expected it would be. I was totally expecting her parents to be evil fairies, for example. I was surprised to find that they were not. I guess the best way to put it is that I expected more evil fairy shenanigans and dark magic mystery than timey-wimey adventure and Daring Do action.
Maybe I was thinking too much of that comic thingy I linked you to in ponythread a while ago, "his face all red" I think its name was. Also, your cover art is awesome and does have that sort of dark and mysterious feel to it.
But it was good, with a nice and warm ending, just different from my expectations
I would say that giving some more solid reason why Twilight wasn't involved might be a good idea. Since she's not important to the story at all, she could simply be on vacation or in Canterlot for some important matter from the princess.
Woah! This story is EPIC! Its really sad to see it end so fast!
But I TOTALLY love how you managed to plot out the whole story without getting confused about time reversing and forwarding! I would certainly want to know how you plot out the story because I have the same problem with mine.
Anyway, great work! This fiction certainly, 1000% sure it deserves an adventure tag! Although I don't feel much tragedy from a lost one, you tried your best and that's what counts most in making your story even more breathtaking. Applejack will always be my best pony!
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Thanks! Glad you liked it.
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I reckon she wanted to be sure Zecora was safe.
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I guess "adventure" is my strong suit for writing. There are a few dark elements here with shadows and strange creatures, but yeah, it does feel more like an adventure with dark elements than a dark fic with adventurous elements.
2950681
Thanks! In order to write this story, I had to draw a timeline so I could work out the time-traveling aspects. I have arrows pointing toward the flow of where AJ goes from time to time. It looks almost like a flowchart. Even then I had to make some edits when I forgot a few details here and there. Worth the effort I think.
And finally to catch up on this story!
You bastard! You know four is my lucky number!
Seriously, though, it was a wonderful story with a wonderful ending. So now I'm just waiting for the conclusion of Outlaw Mares. Don't worry, though; there's no rush or anything!
