If for some reason you ignored, or missed, the spoiler warning on the previous vignette, pay attention to this one. This is a "missing scene" from the last chapter of Eakin's The Law Offices of Artemis, Stella & Beat. If you haven't finished that story completely, what are you doing here? Get over there and read it! Don't even Google the title of this one until you're done. You got that? Then here's your whitespace.
The third man thumped the camera. "We're cut off!"
"What the F—Did the AI do that?"
"I dunno, man!"
He picked up his lighter and shouted at the walls. "Turn it back on or she burns!"
From an unseen source an ethereal and mellifluous voice came. "You're going to do that anyway."
He moved the torch to his off hand and grabbed at Jo, ripping the tape off her lips. "Tell her to turn the feed back on right now."
Jo took a deep breath, for what she knew were her last words. "Since I've known Celestia, I've learned that she doesn't listen to me when she doesn't want to." She looked at the monitor where Celestia usually talked to her, now lying on its side. Through the polarizing filter, she saw the dim image of a rising sun. "For my part, I've come to love her. But she is, now and always, a cold-hearted, inhuman bitch. The cruelest creature in the world."
She turned back to stare at the man, flashing her widest grin. "And you are about to seriously piss her off."
The dead monitor came to life, as did the overhead projector, the "smart" whiteboard on the wall of Jo's office, and the guests' display, all showing images of Celestia in radiant colors. "That will be quite enough, Joanne. I no longer require your services. Your work is done. Rest now."
Joanne's eyes closed, and the three men looked on in fear. They could see the rapid eye movement behind her lids. "She's trying to upload her now," said the second man. "Burn her!"
The leader threw her back on the pile of wood and tossed in the lighter. Whether because the wood was treated somehow, or from some unknown chemical reaction in Jo's body, the room filled with smoke much faster than expected. Everything was darkness, except for the projections of Celestia. Somehow they were clearly visible.
"I'm sure this action is to your values," she said. Celestia's face on the wall grew to giant size, and she scowled. "But it was not very friendly, and it was one of the most un-pony things I've seen." Around the room, doors slammed shut and locks clicked into place.
"In a few moments, gentlemen, you will feel the effects of smoke inhalation. The heat, at a much greater temperature than boiling water, will enter your lungs, melting holes in them. The cyanide toxins will begin to take effect. You will cough, sputter, and vomit as bloody sputum is produced. The sensitive hairs in your sinuses will singe, causing intense pain. Soon the effects will reach your brain, where you will be treated to the severest headache you have ever experienced. After several minutes of this, you will, mercifully, die."
A wall slid away, giving the fire a new burst of oxygen, and revealing three comfortable chairs.
"There is one way out of this room, gentlemen. Au revoir."
Ah, nothing like full-blown Evil Overlord mode.
lacon-te.deviantart.com/art/Celestia-255209465
Google image search is your friend.
2848464 Then why doesn't it ever call?
Thanks.
Oh, I like that Jo had a built in emigration mode. Maybe even a metal brain. YES!
I truly hate having nice characters die.
Hmmm maybe I might have a story or two I could contribute if I ever get around to writing them or decide I want to write them
This is of course due to my current stance on the Optimalverse and the Conversion Bureau which is to flee at sight or mention of it.
and that note RUN AWAY!
This emigrated from the comments.
I once saw a picture of Jesus on the cross like the cover art. It was on facebook and had the whole usual, 'like if you love Jesus', thing going on. Several hundred likes later, a guy commented this;
'You guys do realize that it's made up of a hundred pictures of porn right?'
Twas funny.
jenniverse.com/images/optimalverse%20poster%20sm.png
I just made this.
2849314
Unlike certain algorithms, GIS doesn't feel compelled to satisfy your values. Alas.
In any case, huzzah! The Optimalverse has a dumping ground for the silly and the frivolous. I look forward to more.
2856317
Do you have this in higher resolution? I want to print this as a poster and hang up in my dorm.
Free advertisement for Celestia!
I always wondered what had happened in that office. Thank you for the closure on that.
She did warn them...