Like a stallion terrified of having children, they pulled me out of retirement. I was the best Special Agent they had, which was saying a lot, because I'm about as effective at my job as a mime having a stroke, and only half as hilarious. But I've been called upon to serve my nation again, and like the gift of surprise fellatio, I am bound to serve my nation well, and hopefully without any of the implied sexual humiliation. So I gotta buckle up and prepare for survivor's guilt, just like the time I had to go up against those racially-biased SAT questions involving graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
When you're in a noir situation like mine, you could only think in metaphors and similes.
Chapters (1)
...I wonder, Same universe as Jericho?
Pinke Pie approves
Wat
2947118
Not even in the slightest way related to that universe! This is an entirely different beast.
2947162
Don't worry, that reaction is only normal.
2947225
Yeah, I sorta can't write anything without this type of narrator. This was my affectionate parody to the noir genre, which is an awesome genre. Glad you liked it!
2947280
A very good and personal friend of mine did it. He doesn't want to be named because he hates Exie due to what she's associated with, but he likes me enough to draw this. He may or may not be the guy who does all of my covers, really.
2947301
I'll be sure to pass this message on to him, mate!
2947394
I sort of had a vague idea for a plot, then I filled it up with every random thought that came into my head as I wrote. The narrator of this story is basically the only character I can write in 1st-person stories (See Jericho for more of this type of thing).
And Doctor Adorable needed her to be in something, even if just to be punched in the face
I'm glad you enjoyed The Lady Wore Red—I had lots of fun writing it.
I couldn't stop rolling.
2947454
Well, we'll see if you can get through the 170k and on-going thing that is Jericho, eh?
And it's like like so [ spoiler ][ /spoiler ], but without the spaces.
Obvious work was put into this. Must win.
2947464
Your floor likes it when you roll upon it.
I myself find it funny you liked that line so—I just randomly wrote it down because I had no idea what to write at that exact moment!
2947482
Dude that line is gold.
I myself wish I could write comedy, but alas I have a better chance at writing "K Is For" (my up coming project along with Melomancy and A common find) and making it more popular than any Comedy I could write.
2947500
Comedy comes fairly easy to me because it flows with my natural "voice", as it were. My style of writing mimics how I think and perceive the world: that is, really freakin' weird. You should've seen that one time years ago when I tried to narrate my life aloud, and it was so... strange that no one ever forget. I described one (cute) girl as "Having a collarbone you could eat cereal out of." That's just how I think. It's how I now write anything I write
The downside to this voice is that I literally am incapable of making someone feel sad. But, yet, laughter is better, ja?
2947470
> Implying I'd ever do anything but put work into something I write.
> I know how you are, Herr Doktor Crowl
> Victory shall be mine.
> Glad you liked this.
2947523
I think everyone writes in how they perceive the world in their eyes or how they have seen the world.
My luck with Sad and Romance genre is because I see the world as a place of cruelty, love, and strong bonds. I stay away from all three of these.
I'm very good at corruption in someone's mind hence my own insanity. I love to read grimdarks why? Because I find them to be exactly like what I imagine. The only thing I have every so much as looked at and gagged while looking at it was Foalcon.
Nasty crap right there.
2947545
Yech, that kinda stuff is nasty—estoy en acuerdo.
In my other, my main fic, it'd be deadbaby depressing if not for the fact that the narrator is a snarky sociopath who's generally pretty happy with life, especially killing evil people. So, yeah, I too love dark, but I enjoy expressing it though strange viewpoints that manage to sort of cancel out the dark by being like The Narrator in The Lady Wore Red.
2947564
A constantly drunk stallion.
And talking of that Sociopath it reminds me of how I will be righting Pinkie in "L Is For"
Ah I bout to be bust aren't I four at least 50,000 words a peice story yep.
Lines like that sprinkled through the story make it 80% funnier.
Also. Sequel, sequel, sequel!
Ha! This was too funny! Liked faved watched!
Congrats on the contest!... even though there wasn't really much competition.
Like I said in the Exie group, you know just how to create a funny, delirious character who has a seemingly-unending repertoire of random narrative mental notes for everything he experiences. In fact, it gives me inspiration for a similar detective character type so I'll be thinking of you when I begin working on it in 2132. He no doubt makes the story, which in itself makes it good in it's own right, but as far as the contest was concerned, I think you missed the mark a little.
Exie, who I'm pretty sure was supposed to be the main character, takes a back seat to allow your detective character to flaunt his personality. She is actually more or less there just to give him things to bounce off of, which definitely worked, but even in a comedic story where she is mostly secondary, I still think she deserves to be seriously explored as a character. This is in the context of why she was included in the story to begin with.
Other than those critiques, this is fantastic! I didn't even know you were in the contest, then bam. I may check out your other story for detective-y inspirations.
This is where I lost it and laughter induced tears escaped my dry, cynical eyes.
im not sure what in the utter hell i just read.....
but i like it
2947960
Boi u stoopih
2948000
You can't tell me what to do!
By the way... you're lucky to have talented people do things like this for you. This story was really something. You should be grateful.
2947523
0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/a/image/1339/98/1339982721065.gif
Be careful what you assume... Should I be afraid you know 'how' I am, or even want to know 'how' I am?
2948734
You implying I'd be a bad writer but for my psychotic style of narration?
Glad you liked this strange little experiment.
It's weird that this isn't featured yet.
2949714
Crusade for the feature box hath failed.
Retreat and prepare for the Second Wave!
(Eh, I'll probably get this up on the EQD sometime this week, though,but by then the window for being featured here will've passed, I'm sure.)
2949725
It isn't too late...
Filled to the brim with insanity? Check!
Somewhat strage plot? Check!
Completely insane narrator? Check!
Punching Fluttershy? Check!
Most awesome Sauerkraut I've ever read? Check!
It is well written, as always. Thou hast talent in the area of creating enjoyable sociopaths. I simply loved the part where Doctor Adorable was knocked out. Am I a bad person when I enjoy Fluttershy getting struck?
Although the puns and punchlines were a bit too much on some parts. It was like you were halting the story on some rare parts (two or so) just to clop out one more joke. You manage that better in Jericho, but it was still an enjoyable read. I guess that depends on the reader...
DAT Sauerkraut
Wait...
i.imgur.com/dg7KF37.png
...I'm not sure what to believe anymore.
Hm... this seems to be possibly rather amusing and interesting of a fic. Though, I do have to ask before: Content wise, what does this contain? It's very "one sided" per say, or does it do things in both directions? (as, noticed hints of "cock jokes" in the resume, but no seeming mention of "cunt jokes" for example. So mainly: the sexual parts of this, does it cater to both ways, or just one? And if so, are they bland, or is it anything innovative? (imo, anything non-generic is innovative enough xD) And lastly: If canon chars are used, and if non-alternate universe: Are they kept somewhat IC?
2951146
Well, I ain't me too sure what all those questions mean, but I'll do my best to answer then:
This story is an affectionate parody of noir genre of the.
The jokes go "both ways", if I'm understanding you well. The narrator is a hetero stallion, so that will color his POV. He is a bit sexist, and does not approve of the sexual revolution. Says he once:
I have no idea what the question regarding "bland or innovative " even means.
The story follows and unnamed, undescribed OC narrator whose is super snarky, super surreal in his smartass-style of narration. The only main player is Exie, a mare looking for something stolen from her.
Fluttershy is used. But... it's her in the "Doctor Adorable" form: it's the Fluttershy we know, but trying and failing to be evil, because she's Fluttershy.
2951115
The allusion is revealed—kudos!
A... Fucking... Dead pool... Reference... I like it!!
and now there's redbull all over my screen...damn
...so worth it though
2951246 Well, I'm not the best when it comes to explaining things xD
But lets see here. I think I got what it's about. And it could be interesting.
And alright, that's good. Not overly sure what world you go with though if they are sexist, as then you either apply our social norms and stereotypes to ponies, or are one of the incredibly few that give a "Equestria" reason for a stallion be have a logical explanation of why they'd be sexist. And technically, if he now is, that could give a valid excuse to a possible complete lack of cunt jokes. But yeah, for a "both ways" kind of thing, it would more or less if he'd ex: (for example) call both stallions and mares that sleep around "sluts". (or for other example: if males would talk about their junk, females would be doing the same thing, but about their junk. You know, sorta logical things going with to all we know, Equestria doesn't have gender segregation or oppression/suppression.)
As for bland/innovative, it's basically if the story would be overall generic (you know, follow a very basic formulate you can predict everything a mile away. Like, the difference between a Fifa/sports game and Bioware game. Or between a popcorn movie or like, lord of the rings-esque. There's a middle ground ofc, but there's still notable difference. Like if going with porn: Difference between the bland "I got a ... package here for miss x..." and "Pirates" xD Trailing off here haha.
But yeah, sounds like it could be good. Assuming it's not overly one sided or generic as said, which it sounds like it can avoid.
And Dr Adorable is fine, as it's a sorta defined alternate universe character. That part is mainly if someone doesn't really define a "universe", and got characters acting retardedly OOC and/or illogically for no reason whatsoever other than "plot convenience". Or has a world that makes no sense, and doesn't explain anything about it.
2947960
whoops, my connection derped and did that
2956393
Well, give it a whirl yourself. I'm biased, really. I'd like to think it's not predictable, but most of the story is about how it's narrated.
2956763 Plan to. Going to take your word for it not being one sided xP And really hope it's not like last time I took someone's word for it and it turned out to be a bland, generic one sided piece of antrho crap, containing barely anything it said it would, retarded proportions, content and no IC whatsoever. Along with having dared to claim it was a "serious" fic, then went "Oh, it's just a silly clopfic!" once it had been read and pointed out nothing they said were true... erh, sorry, trailed off
But *ahem* got really bad experiences with some fics.
But yeah... just safe checking again: It's not one sided (ex: clop wise, as if I recall, it had sex in it?) nor overly ex: illogically sexist. Since it if really sticks out in some way, I'd rather be told about it. (since as a whole I can tolerate the content, but not if it's made out as something else. As said, the overall premise of this seems interesting :3 And again, my bad for trailing off heh.
I have never read so many hilarious metaphors in one sitting. This was awesome!
Hilarious. Genius even. It reminds me of another fic I've been reading called Jericho....
Wait. Hold on one damned second...
2954181 Wait "a" deadpool reference? I think they were ALL deadpool references!
2974397 Oh yeah! The seatbelt thing slapping that one mare what were the others, I watched Pewdiepie play this a week ago,
Doctor Adorable and Gaylord Steambath.
...........I'm Batmane.
My sides...
I can't even...
You, sir, are my new favorite author!
Who drew your cover-art?
Allright, gave this a read. Quite a bit faster than expected heh. Going from the start, it seems quite well written, and possibly like it'll be rather amusing. Technically a tad bit too "one sided" jokes at times... and technically "giving head" is a working term against females, so it would actually work when used to refer to Celestia... unless she said that as a term of "how'd you expect me to get to do that?"... trailing off aside, will keep reading. (plus, like you said, it did have some mentions both ways) Can say so far it's been quite amusing in the "wat?" sense :P Reminds me of my own derp writings. Though, do have to say I found it a bit odd he thought of clown penises instead of clown vulva, especially considering the mention of the blue MARE group xP
And not overly sure where he gets all the stuff from... then again, there are indicated pauses, but even then, it seems to follow the same scene. And hum...despite the silliness, it got a quite decent story. Just hope the random killing sticks to a quite blanaced amount and content. So far, have to say while it is "uneven" in referencing and whatnot, it does work well. Going with the main character's obsessions. Could be a bit more opposite mentions though :P But yeah, really hope it got a balance of corpses and methods, however odd that might sound. x3 Found the first spelling check in this "he face went blank". Also, spreading their legs won't do much for a mare... getting their erection will however xD And ah, see you go with somewhat un-equestrian and stereotypical norms when it comes to views on sex... then again, you sorta have to to have the main character. And I guess they might have deflowering as a term in equestria. If not, it's just another thing you tossed in from our world :P
Find most of the random blurbs amusing, a few number of them a bit "meh" though. Was about to question Dr Adorable, but then it fixed itself heh. And hum... even more stuff that wouldn't fit into Equestira, but like said, guess you just throw them in for shits and giggles. And welp, it entirely lacked a "counterpart murder", but eh... didn't drag it down too much imo, and it was amusing as a whole. End was decent too. All and all, a quite neat fic imo.
slowclap.Gif
well done sir well done.
Never have i read a story that made le laugh so hard
This single paragraph made me laugh till I was in tears