"I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."
Octavia has one month to finish writing a music piece commemorating the grand opening of the new amphitheater in Canterlot and she has high hopes that the performance of the ensemble would lead to bigger and better things for everyone. However, after experiencing a dream involving the princess of the night, Octavia has become distracted, stressed, and even worse a bit love sick. Can Octavia continue to put her heart into her music, now that it seems to have found something (or somepony) else to attach itself to?
Chapters (5)
If there's one thing I see wrong with the dialogue, it's that there's no contractions, and it doesn't sound real. Octavia I suppose I could understand, but not Vinyl.
Vinyl was the main reason I kept scrapping the chapter and starting over, every time her dialogue felt unnatural and rushed. In fact, I was very close to not using this scene at all. But stubborn pride and the fact that I had put in so much time redoing it caused me to continue on.
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What she says isn't the problem. Anytime a character uses “by Celestia's beard”, it's a good day. I can tell she has a playful attitude, but can be serious if she needs to be.
But reading this line (and hearing it in my head):
sounds a little bit stilted. I half expected her to deliver this line with an accent. I might have written something like this:
Now it has contractions, a bit of slang, and shows she's more laid back and too cool to speak correctly (because in real life, no one does, really). It adds character without sounding wrong.
But that's just, like, my opinion.
Even with two chapters, I am quite eager to read more of this. I look forward to the next chapter being released.
Oh thank god I thought you'd disappeared. I was so excited to first read this story and now it's back. Excellent.
Glad you're back. I got concerned when you disappeared. Love this story!