Hearth's Warming Disaster
"Sunset...Sunset!" Sunset's eyes opened too see Shining Armor standing over her, smiling. She sat up, and he handed her a brightly wrapped present. She carefully undid the bow, then removed the wrapping paper. It was a small box, decorated with images of her Cutie Mark. Sunset lifted the lid, and inside was a ticket to the Hearth's Warming Eve play.
"I love it, Shining!" Sunset threw her arms around his neck.
"Happy Hearth's Warming, Sunset."
"Thank you so much!!" Sunset released him, then hopped off the bed and ran into her bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out. Round, pink-framed glasses were perched on her nose, and her curled mane was done up in a high ponytail. A vanilla scarf was wrapped around her neck. "I've got a gift for you, but it'll have to wait for the play." Sunset tapped him on the nose, her eyes halfway closed. With a sashay of her hips, she sauntered out the door. Shining blushed, then walked out after her.
................
Shining and Sunset took their seats. The play was about to begin. The curtains opened. Spike stepped out, then began. "Long ago, before the peaceful rule of Celestia..."
.................
"Woo hoo!! Bravo!" Sunset cheered from her seat, clapping. Shining clapped along. Twilight stepped up, her Colver The Clever hood and cloak making her look like a peasant.
"Thank you, everypony!! I would like to give a very special thanks to the director and producer of this play: Princess Cadance!!" Twilight motioned to the pink Alicorn who was walking onstage. She came up to the mic, then began her speech.
"Thank you, Twilight. Ponies of Canterlot, this production would have never been possible without your generosity. Thank you to all the prop ponies, the actors and actresses, the makeup and costume designers, and my co-producers for a job well done!!" Cadance waved as the crowd went wild. Flowers were thrown onstage, and the applause was endless. The bells hanging in either side of the stage started to chime as the ponies sang together.
"The fire of friendship lives in our hearts, and as long as it burns, we cannot drift apart..." After the carol, the cast trotted off the stage. Cadance was surrounded by ponies applauding her on another play well done. Sunset pulled on Shining's leg, but he stood in place.
"Sunset, what're you doing?"
"C'mon, let's go congratulate Cadance! That play was amazing!!" Sunset strained herself as her attempts to move the stallion failed. Shining looked over at Cadance and her adoring fans with concern.
"I don't think tha-"
"Shining!" It was too late. He'd been spotted. Cadance trotted over and gave him a kiss.
"Um, hi, sweetie!" Shining smiled nervously.
"I'm so glad to see you! Did you like the play? I- Shining, who's she?" Cadance pointed to Sunset.
"I'm Sunset Shimmer. I absolutely loved your play!!" Sunset quickly shook Cadance's hoof, then turned to Shining Armor. "Thank you so, so much for taking me, Shining!! By the way, here's your gift!!" Sunset gave Shining an affectionate kiss, then turned back to Cadance. The pink Alicorn looked like she was gonna explode at any moment.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!?" Cadance screamed. The ponies surrounding her quickly backed off.
"It was his Hearth's Warming gift. Why do you care?" Retorted Sunset.
"Oh, shit." Shining tool a very cautious step back. These mares were radioactive.
"Because, he's MY HUSBAND!!" Sunset shrunk back a bit, shocked.
"Oh my god. There are no words to describe how sorry I am!! I didn't know, he never told me!! If there's any way I can make it up to you-"
"There is one thing you can do. You can start by getting the fuck away from me, and my husband!!" Cadance roared. Sunset nodded, then turned and galloped down the red carpet of the auditorium.
"SLUT!!" Called Cadance, as the doors closed behind Sunset. With her gone, Cadance had to deal with Shining. "You and me. My room. NOW." Cadance strolled out of the auditorium, Shining Armor in tow.
................
Sunset galloped blindly down the streets of Canterlot, tears gushing out of her eyes. Snow fell all around, preventing her from seeing. She crashed into a pony in her blind sprint, knocking them both over.
"Oh, hi Sunset!! I didn't know you were back in Equestria!" Sunset heard a voice. That voice belonged to Twilight Sparkle. Twilight held out a hoof, and Sunset gladly took it.
"Yeah, I watched the play. You were pretty good." Sunset sniffled.
"Thank you. Hey Sunset, are you alright? You look pretty upset."
"I am."
"I know a little café on Blair Avenue. We can talk over some tea. Sound good?" Sunset nodded. Twilight draped a wing over Sunset. The pair then began to walk to Blair Avenue.
...............
"You wanna tell me exactly why you were dating Sunset Shimmer!? And why I'm still here!? Why we're not over!?"
"Cadance, just hear me out, please!"
"Fine. I'm listening." Cadance crossed her arms, a disappointed scowl on her face.
"Sunset just came back to Equestria. Princess Celestia wanted me to introduce myself. I bumped into her in the courtyard, and before I knew it, we were ice skating. After that we took a walk, we went and got muffins at a bakery. After that we came back to the Palace. This morning I gave her a box I made for her as a present, along with a play ticket. So we went to watch the play, and here I am."
"Humph. Why did you go out with her?"
"Why? Because she's smart, bubbly, and adorkable, just like Twilight! She's fun, and...and she makes me happy. And if you can't deal with that, then I don't know why I wasted my time with you."
"Wasted your time? Shining, what're you talking about?"
"And you know what?"
"What."
"All you do is order me around, ever since King Sombra's return! Sunset, unlike you, actually gives a crap about me!!" Shining removed his wedding ring, then threw it at Cadance. "We're done."
................
"Here you are. Happy Hearth's Warming, ladies." A mug of piping hot tea was presented to both Twilight and Sunset, along with a flagon of cream and a small jar of honey, as well as two teaspoons.
"Happy Hearth's Warming to you too, Mocha!" Twilight then focused on Sunset. "How do you like your tea, Sunset?" Asked Twilight, levitating her mug over.
"A splash of cream, and not too much honey." Replied Sunset, her voice flat. Twilight returned her mug, then prepared her own. Sunset just stared down at the tea, watching the cream mix in with the tea itself.
"Tell me what happened."
"Well, it started when a stallion bumped into me in the castle courtyard yesterday." Sunset took a sip of her tea.
"Ooh, a stallion!" Twilight leaned towards Sunset, her head resting on her front hooves. "And his name was..."
"Shining Armor." Twilight almost spat out her tea onto Sunset's face in shock, but managed to swallow it, eyes wide.
"Please, continue."
"He introduced himself, then we went ice skating. After that, we walked in the snow. I told him about myself, then we stopped bu a bakery to get some muffins. It was getting dark, so we headed back to the Palace. This morning he have me a beautiful box as a present. It had a ticket for the play in it. Then we went to the play, and watched it. I wanted to meet the director, Cadance. She came over to us and said hi to Shining, then asked who I was. I introduced myself, and then congratulated her on a fantastic play. I needed to thank Shining for taking me, so I gave him a kiss." A small bit of tea splurged out of Twilight's mouth and fell on the table. She fanned herself with her wings, her cheeks a rosy pink.
"It turned out Cadance was his wife. He never told me, and I just- why do I even bother? Whatever I do just fails. I'll never find love." Sunset banged her head against the table, spilling a bit of her tea in her red and yellow mane. Just then, the café door flew open, almost knocking the bell off its hook. In came Shining Armor.
"Twily!" Shining gave his sister a loving hug.
"Hey there, B.B.B.F.F. I think she needs a hug too." Twilight pointed at Sunset. Shining walked over to her, then shook her. She slowly lifted her head, then pushed her sopping mane out of her eyes. As she gazed up at the stallion before her, she wiped off her glasses to be sure this was real.
"Oh, um, I'm sorry. I didn't know she was your wife, and I-"
"Hey, it's all good. She's not my wife anymore. Now, where were we?" Shining held out a hoof. Sunset gladly took it, then continued where she left off: a passionate kiss.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Revanius · 2.8k words · 152 1 · 3.8k views
- SerenaTheMoonPony · 2.1k words · 38 2 · 2.7k views
- Godzillawolf · 6.3k words · 135 5 · 5.4k views
- LordBrony2040 · 396k words · 2,616 195 · 41k views
- Lets Do This · 8.3k words · 231 3 · 3.8k views
- TGM · 4.1k words · 1,070 68 · 14k views
- Flutterpriest · 41k words · 1,611 182 · 31k views
- kudzuhaiku · 26k words · 259 19 · 3.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.88 seconds
Total duration
1,059 users online
2,571,361 hits today, 2,970,782 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
well it all seems a bit rushed, and well i can't really picture Shining Armour leaving Cadance like that, or Cadance saying explicit words like that.
That story art is pretty damn sweet. It has the same style as Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt.
3274430 I actually think it was pretty good besides a few spelling errors but, hey, thats your opinion and we all have different ones.
What. Just. Happened. "Oh hey, I divorced my understandably upset wife on the spot, then used my Spider Sense to find Sunset in two seconds flat, so we could make out in front of my sister..." Isn't unsupported infatuation great? The Ice Skating scene was completely pointless, weren't they just worrying about Celestia? Why did Sunset go "I'm her student.", when she knew she wasn't anymore? No. No. No. No.
I had to skip most of this story because the plotting was unbearable, just to find out that no; it wasn't going to pull out of the nose dive and be SunsetxTwilight.
Plot contrivance away!
This was incredibly rushed. Literally in one day, Shining Armor finds Sunset Shimmer and falls in love with her while kicking his wife to the curb. Uhmmmmmm, what? How does that work? In the real world we call that infatuation and it usually doesn't last very long so within a couple of weeks we can expect Shining Armor to go crawling back to Cadance begging her to take him back because he's realized what a terrible mistake he just made.
What could have saved this was background information. Let us catch a glimpse of Shining Armor's home life. Have us see that Cadance treats him badly. Maybe she's manipulative or even emotionally abusive towards him in private but she's the perfect example of the loving, attentive wife when in public. Have him come home after spending a carefree day with Sunset Shimmer and she grills him over where he's been, she's harsh and menacing but then turns it around with fake sincerity and says that she's only this way because she loves him and to prove it they make love. But in his mind, Shining Armor is picturing Sunset Shimmer and not Cadance. He has a powerful finish, Cadance smiles thinking that he's all hers once again while Shining Armor just feels disgust with himself for this act.
The final act where we have the confrontation could have been played out a little better and have Cadance act all vulnerable in public but turn into a harpy when they're alone. Then you can have her swear up a storm and her true face is shown. Shining Armor finally grows a backbone and leaves her and his subsequent reuniting with Sunset Shimmer could have been a little sweeter.
You had the basis for a story here but you rushed it.
3274982 Yes. Did you notice the grammar improved from chapter one to three? Although with a net total of 3k-some words, chapters didn't seem necessary.
Know what? For completing a quick piece for the last day of the month, I admire your desire to participate in events. This story was indeed random in focus, with a romantic overtone. Mission accomplished.
Thanks everyone, for your opinions. I also think I rushed it, and it could have been so much better. But I only had three days to write this, and am planning on editing it today. I hate how I write. I'm terrible.
Not too shabby. Needs some work on timing, but hey, things get better. The plot is interesting.
3276414 i think it was cute
story feels a bit rushed on the romance if you were implying anything. neat though.
The possibilities were there with this concept, but I'm sorry to say the delivery was...
I won't go into intense detail, but I have two primary bits of advice for you:
First, slow down. This story used 3600 words when it should have been more along the lines 10,000, considering the goal. Your characters are making huge, life-changing decisions on the spur of the moment, and it doesn't come out well.
Second, and related, is that you need to pay more attention to your characters. Few of them behaved even remotely like themselves, and even if they did, the emotion comes out as forced because there's no time taken to really get the reader into the moment.
This had the potential to be a gem. You could rework it and make it so. As always, I encourage you to keep writing! It's the best way to improve.
3297051
I know...I only had 4 days to write this and the submission deadline is already passed....I may rewrite it.
Let me clue you into a little secret, we're all terrible writers. No one ever gets it right the first time, we make mistakes so we can learn from them. I would defiantly recommend going back and taking the time to rewrite this story. Eventually we'll review it in the group, and you'll want at its best. I'll offer a more in-depth critique after I finish the review I am currently engaged in. And thank you for participating in our contest!
O____O well this is...........I don't know what this is.It's good but......well......not my cup of tea.
It's cool, but it's not the kind of story that I fancy, espicially the divorse thing" but never-the-less is it good
No...just...just no -_-
"*to see"
"*Clover the Clever"
Well, "Random" is right! I don't think I've seen a better use of a Random tag anywhere on this site, if we're taking the definition as literally as possible. That said, it was quite rushed, but the plot itself is very original! I certainly didn't see it coming, myself. Stop bashing on yourself! Instead of knocking yourself down for being "sooo terrible," you should examine what you don't absolutely love about your work and try to fix it. If that's everything, then rewrite everything! Only you can take what you're envisioning and make it happen.
3297051 I couldn't have said it better than this comment right here. Heed that advice in the future, and you'll only become happier with your work.
6751088
Ah, you remind me that I read this once long ago, in an age before I was writing reviews. I now have no choice but to add it to my re-read queue so as to guarantee it gets a proper review sometime in the future.
I'll try to be gentle, all things considered.
6751245 Ha! Sorry for tagging you for a comment from over two years ago. I just really agree with what you had to say way back then. Although, if by happy accident I've led you to reread something long forgotten, which is a good thing, then you're welcome I suppose!
...Shining cheated on Cadence with Sunset? This is too fast, e'en for me.